What's Left Behind – Chapter 5
Thalan felt better once he was in scrubs and lying down. But his head was still pounding and he felt sick. He knew he could blame it on Sheppard. He could feel the other man fighting for control. Pushing at him. And he was surprisingly strong. It was wearing Thalan down, but he would not allow it to continue. Still, pushing back weakened him.
He was so focused on keeping Sheppard at bay that it startled him when something pricked the back of his hand. If strong fingers hand been locked over his wrist and forearm, the skin on the back of his hand would have been torn from Beckett's attempts to insert an IV line.
"I don't need that!" Thalan growled, trying to pull his hand away. And in his head Sheppard was screaming 'My hand, you sonofabitch!' Thalan tried to tune him out.
"I'm the doctor here!" Beckett shot back. He swabbed another spot then slid the needle home, smoothing a piece of tape over it to keep it in place.
Thalan had been distracted enough by his efforts at muffling Sheppard, to let it happen. The pain meds worked fast and he almost sighed in relief. Only to realize Beckett was still fussing over him, shoving that thermometer thing in his ear then clucking when it beeped and he studied it.
"Your temp is up again, Colonel," Beckett stated. "I'm going to pump you full of antibiotics again and catch things before they get worse. Hopefully. Your blood pressure is up as well, which I'm not too happy about."
Thalan wasn't happy about it either. He couldn't afford to be sick and weak again. He needed to get out of this place. He was about to ask Beckett how long before he was better again when a warm lethargy washed over him and Thalan realized he had been drugged. He wanted to scream in protest, but darkness claimed him.
OoO
Elizabeth waited a couple of hours before making her way to the infirmary. She kept reliving the moment when John had forced himself into her personal space. Nearly forcing himself on her. His eyes had been so cold then, so different from what she was used to. She kept telling herself that he was sick still, but a part of her was afraid it had been something else. Never before had Elizabeth felt afraid while in John Sheppard's presence, but today he had made her afraid.
Still, she made herself enter Carson's office and she was relieved to find him hunched over his desk. "Got a minute?" Elizabeth asked softly.
He looked up and seemed surprised to see her. "Doctor Weir, of course. Come sit." He gestured to the empty chair. "I imagine you've come to ask about Colonel Sheppard?"
"Yes." Elizabeth had to force her expression to remain composed and neutral. "How is he?"
"He's been better," Carson allowed. "His fever is up again, his BP as well. I've got him pumped full of fluids and antibiotics and he's sleeping right now. The rest will do him good."
Elizabeth felt a flutter of relief. He really was sick, at least physically. Now came the hard part. "Could his...illness...make him disoriented?" she blurted out.
Carson looked uncertain. "What do you mean?" he countered.
"He tried to hit on me in my office and he was rather...forceful...about it." Elizabeth didn't make eye contact as she spoke, but she could feel Beckett's gaze upon her. She could feel his shock.
"Are you all right?" Carson queried, after a long moment of horrified silence.
Elizabeth was quick to reassure him. "I'm fine. But it was...strange." She was replaying the memory in her head now and it didn't make sense in more ways than one. Not the least of which being that it was such an Un-Sheppard thing for him to do.
Carson touched her arm to get her attention back. "Strange how?" he prompted.
"Thinking back on it, when I was looking in his eyes, it was like it wasn't him," Elizabeth replied. "It was like looking into the eyes of a stranger." Reflexively, she shuddered and wrapped her arms around herself.
"I'm going to run some more tests then," Carson stated. "We'll figure this out."
Elizabeth nodded, wanting to believe him.
OoO
John slid out of darkness and into the light. So to speak. It was more like back into awareness. He remembered Beckett giving him a shot. Or rather them a shot. He had welcomed the relief from the pain. But now he felt the pain filtering back in and John knew the moment Thalan woke up. He wanted to scream in frustration. He had hoped for a chance to try and contact someone. He was worried about Elizabeth, worried about everyone.
He could feel Thalan laughing at him and John felt a wave of fury that seemed to startle the other man. Being. Whatever the hell he was. John wanted him out and he wanted him out now.
"Not going to happen, Sheppard," Thalan whispered.
John wanted to scream at him but he felt nothing but pain, white-hot and burning, distracting him from his focus as he faded back to black.
Thalan felt relief wash over him once Sheppard was taken care of. But it bothered him that the man had been conscious before he was.
"Colonel? How are you feeling?"
It was Beckett and Thalan was surprised to realize the man was fussing over him and he hadn't even noticed. He plastered a smile on his face and lied. "Much better. I'm a little fuzzy on why I'm here though." He could see Beckett was surprised by his words.
After checking the IV line, Carson said, "You've fallen ill again, although you do appear better now. Your temperature is back to normal, as is your BP. But I'm going to be keeping you under observation for another 24 hours. Just to be on the safe side."
That was the last thing Thalan wanted to here and he had to school his expression, Sheppard's expression, not to let his anger show. So he offered what he hoped was a tired smile and said mildly, "Guess I am a bit tired." He would rest while he had no choice, then he would make his way off of Atlantis. Thalan felt Beckett watching him so he let his eyes close and was surprised to find himself drifting off to sleep.
OoO
Elizabeth couldn't stay away from the infirmary. In spite of her uncertainties, she was worried about John. So she made another pit stop in Carson's office, only to discover he was checking on Sheppard. Elizabeth made her way over to the bed, taking note of how young and at peace John looked while asleep. At the same time she was glad she didn't have to face him just yet. She still felt confused about what had happened and she hoped Carson had an explanation for Sheppard's behavior.
Catching sight of her, Carson whispered, "Let's talk in my office." He led the way then closed the door, gesturing for her to take a seat.
"I'll stand," Elizabeth replied, as she leaned a hip against his desk. "How is John?"
"Better," Carson replied. "But I know what you're really asking. I finished the scans and I've checked the results of them and the other tests I ran. There's nothing. Although it is odd how he keeps having these Episodes so to speak. His recovery time from them is remarkable."
Elizabeth wasn't sure how she felt about the news. "Has he said anything about what happened?"
Carson shook his head. "Only that the events of the past day are blurry to him. I have to say I believe him. He is worn out and what he did was so out of character that I'm leaning towards the incident happening because of his condition. He could easily have been disoriented and not aware of what he was doing."
"It certainly wasn't normal for him," Elizabeth allowed. She felt a bit better about it now. "I'm going to go sit with him for a while. She realized she needed to talk to him, to make sure of him again. So she nodded at Carson then headed back to John's bed. Dropping down into a nearby chair, Elizabeth set herself to wait for him to wake up.
Thalan dozed on and off, eventually becoming aware of a presence. He opened his eyes to find Elizabeth staring at him. She looked skittish and he remembered her fear in her office. He had come so close to blowing everything. Sheppard's fault. The man had deep feelings for her but had, obviously, never acted on them. Although Thalan realized he might have read them wrong. During his life it had been all about seizing the opportunity whenever it was presented to him. But what was past was past and Thalan knew he had to fix things in the present. Offering a smile he said, "Hey." Yeah, a standard Sheppard greeting.
Elizabeth stiffened in her seat then smiled back. "How are you feeling, John?"
"Better, but confused," Thalan replied. "I have a feeling I did something wrong, didn't I?" His words seemed to infuriate Sheppard who managed to scream at him again. And again and again. Thalan winced, bringing up a hand to scrub fingers hard across his forehead. It didn't help, so he lashed out at Sheppard, forcing him back into the recesses of his mind. Or, rather, Sheppard's own mind.
"John, are you all right?" Elizabeth was by his side, concern etched on her face.
He realized he could play this up. "I'm good, just a bit of a headache. Um, did I hurt you or something?
Elizabeth was shaking her head. "No, you just surprised me."
"Oh...I'm sorry." Thalan made it as sincere as he could.
"It's okay. You're going through a rough time right now." Elizabeth was relaxing, enough so to reach out and pat him on the arm. "Get some rest, John."
Thalan nodded. "I can do that." He watched her go then closed his eyes against the renewed ache in his head. He would have to find some way to silence Sheppard before the other man ruined everything.
OoO
Thalan managed to keep Sheppard tamped down. The effort left him with a lingering headache, but he was able to convince Beckett he was fine and he was released after the 24 hour observation period was up. First thing he did was head back to Sheppard's room for a shower. He then dressed in Sheppard's uniform, minus any weapons. He didn't need them just yet. Then Thalan headed for Weir's office.
He was glad to find her alone. "Got a minute?" he asked, with a grin.
"Sure." Elizabeth waved him in but she was staring at the open doorway.
Thalan made a point to leave the door open as he dropped down into the chair across from her desk. It was obvious she still didn't trust him, but it would be a moot point soon enough. "I'm going stir crazy," Thalan drawled, trying to affect Sheppard's ease. "I'd like to take a joy ride in one of the jumpers. Get some fresh air."
Elizabeth looked surprised, then she shook her head. "I don't think that's a good idea, John. You're still recovering."
"Beckett cleared me." Thalan felt anger rising in him and he had to bite back a sharp retort. He was saved from losing it with her by McKay's timely arrival.
"There you are," Rodney said, poking his head in the door. He was staring at Sheppard. "Beckett said you're cleared."
Thalan nodded. "For light duty." Whatever the hell that meant.
Rodney grinned. "Having overheard your request to Elizabeth, I can safely say that flying me to the mainland would be considered light duty." He turned his attention to Weir, obviously ready to do battle to get his way.
Which Thalan was all for. If McKay could get him off of Atlantis and in a Jumper, he would go along with the plan.
Elizabeth wasn't going to make it easy though. "Rodney, I think it's best if Colonel Sheppard remain on Atlantis for the time being. Give him a chance to recover."
"I'm fine," Thalan interjected, then he stared pointedly at McKay.
Who got the hint. "I just need him to fly me to the mainland. He can do that sleeping, more or less." Rodney looked discomforted by the thought for a moment, then he focused again and rambled away. "Look, we'll be close by if something should happen. And I can always fly us back if necessary." He winced as he said that.
Elizabeth was hesitant, her eyes moving from McKay to Sheppard. Thalan willed her to agree. It would make it so much easier for all of them this way. "All right," she said finally. "But only if Beckett agrees."
"So call him," McKay prompted.
Thalan practically held his breath as she tapped her radio and had a very short conversation with the doctor. Then she was giving her permission and Thalan felt himself smiling. He went so far as to jump out of the chair and move to clap McKay on the shoulder. "Meet you in the jumper bay in ten minutes," he stated, then he was heading for Sheppard's room. Once there Thalan felt like shouting with delight. He was finally going to be free.
But he realized he had to focus and he had to move fast. Thankfully, Sheppard seemed to be out of the mix for the moment, tamped away and harmless. Thalan's headache had even receded. So he set about getting ready. He strapped on Sheppard's belt, complete with knife and thigh holster. He checked the gun and felt himself smiling. He could taste his freedom. Of course having McKay along wasn't part of the plan but Thalan could take care of that problem easily. Once they were off Atlantis he would kill the scientist them dump his body in the water. By the time anyone realized something was wrong, Thalan would be long gone. He would be living his new life in Sheppard's body. And he hoped that once he was away from Atlantis and the people here, that Sheppard's claim on his own body would fade away.
Right on time Thalan stepped into the jumper. He sat down and let Sheppard's subconscious awareness take hold. He knew how to fly this thing and he couldn't wait. Then McKay showed up and Thalan put up with his complaints with a smile. He would shut the man up permanently in just a few minutes. So the moment McKay was settled in the co-pilot's seat, Thalan made contact with Elizabeth and she sent them on their way.
He remembered flying and it was amazing, to the point where Thalan almost lost track of his purpose. Until McKay started talking and talking until Thalan's headache was back. "Shut up!" he snapped.
"What?" Rodney looked stunned.
"I said shut up!" Thalan put the jumper on auto pilot then rose from his seat. He moved towards the middle section of the jumper, reaching for the knife at his back. It was going to be a pleasure slicing McKay's throat. Much more satisfying that a bullet in his brain. But even as Thalan turned and made to approach McKay, he felt Sheppard stirring.
Without warning, Sheppard was fighting Thalan for control. Lashing out at him, causing the pain in his head to spike so hard it made him dizzy. And in that moment Thalan felt a sharp blaze of pain over his left wrist, Sheppard's wrist. He looked down and saw Sheppard's hand resisting his commands. Fingers that Thalan should have been in control of were tight on the knife hilt, forcing him to slice open Sheppard's flesh. He stared at the well of blood in disbelief. He heard Rodney's gasp, then McKay's voice saying Beckett's name before everything faded to black.
OoO
Elizabeth felt drained as she stared at Beckett and McKay, both of whom were on the other side of the hospital bed. Six hours ago Rodney and Sheppard had left to go to the mainland. Twenty minutes after that Rodney had called, frantic, telling them that Sheppard had just tried to kill himself. Elizabeth could still see the blood that had soaked both Rodney and John as they'd exited the Jumper, Sheppard on a stretcher, still and pale as a ghost.
He was still pale and still and Elizabeth willed him to wake up. But he didn't respond. She let her gaze travel over his wrists, one wrapped heavily in white gauze, both in padded restraints. She looked back up to meet Carson's worried gaze. "What's wrong with him?" she asked, although it felt more like a demand. The John Sheppard Elizabeth knew never would have done this. Not suicide. Not Sheppard.
Rodney was the one who replied, his hands rubbing together as if he were still scrubbing the blood off them. Sheppard's blood. "It just happened so fast," he whispered. "One minute he's telling me to shut up, the next he's slicing into his wrist so deep I thought he was trying to cut his hand off." Rodney gulped, eyes locked on the bandage on Sheppard's left wrist, going pale himself now. Then he cleared his throat to say, "This is bad, isn't it?" Rodney was glaring at Beckett now. "Fix him will you!"
"I would if I could, Rodney," Carson replied, looking tired and sad. "I don't know what's wrong with him." He looked at Elizabeth. "I do think it's time to get Dr. Heightmeyer involved. I think this might go back to events since we came to Atlantis."
"Post Traumatic Stress syndrome?" Elizabeth guessed. And a part of her really wanted it to be that easy. Easy for her anyway. This was going to be hell for John no matter what.
Carson simply nodded.
Elizabeth sighed. "Talk to Kate," she ordered, then asked, "Can I sit with him for a while?"
"Of course," Carson replied. "But don't let him out of the restraints, no matter what. And call me the minute he wakes up." That said, he grabbed Rodney by the arm and hauled him away, muttering something about sedatives and such.
Moving to the chair by the bed, ELizabeth slumped into it, her eyes locked on John's face. Even pale and still he was beautiful and it broke her heart to see him like this. Carefully she reached for his good hand. "Please be all right, " Elizabeth whispered. "I need you to be all right."
The end of part 5