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What's Left Behind – Chapter 6

Sounds began to filter in, urging Thalan toward consciousness. He tried to lift his hand to his aching head, only to have it abruptly stop, sending waves of pain through his wrist. His eyes jerked open as he moaned and pulled up with both arms. Anger and pain swelled within as he saw the restraints holding his wrists to the bed. He pulled on his legs, only to discover that his ankles were also restrained.

"John, settle down. You're going to hurt yourself." Elizabeth appeared on his right and grabbed his forearm, pushing it down against his side.

Thalan relaxed back into the pillows. "Elizabeth?" He looked at the restraints, struggling to remember why he was in them. Had they figured it out? "What happened?"

Elizabeth's features were strained. Thalan wasn't sure if she was angry or worried. She turned to a nurse who was walking by the bed. "Could you tell Dr. Beckett that Colonel Sheppard is awake?" When the nurse nodded, Elizabeth turned back to Thalan.

"John, you tried to kill yourself on the jumper. You cut your wrist, very deeply. By the time Rodney got you back, you'd already lost a lot of blood." She sighed and looked away for a moment, as if trying to compose her thoughts. "I just want to know why? If things were so bad you thought you needed to kill yourself, why couldn't you come to one of us?"

"No, it wasn't me. You know me, I'd never do that." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew how ridiculous it sounded. It was all coming back in a jumble, his plan to take the jumper, the battle for control with Sheppard.

"John, you and Rodney were the only ones in the jumper. Rodney was frantic by the time he got you back. He was afraid you were going to die on the way. What are you telling me, that he really did it, because if that's what you're saying, then you're even more messed up than I thought."

Thalan just stared at her. "That wasn't what I meant." How could he explain this? Hey, I'm Thalan and it was Sheppard slashing his wrist to keep me from killing McKay. Somehow he didn't think that was going to help.

Beckett picked that moment to make an appearance, walking up to stand on the other side of the bed from Elizabeth.

"Colonel? How are you feeling?"

Thalan looked up into Beckett's face, noticing how tightly drawn his features were. Beckett was not a happy man, which meant Thalan probably wasn't going to be either.

"I've been better. Can we take these off?" He pulled up against the restraints, the anger beginning to rise again.

Beckett shook his head. "No, not until we sort through what happened. You almost killed yourself and I'm not taking any more chances with your life. You're having problems, Colonel. You're behavior has been odd, to say the least, the last few days."

Thalan was trying to think. His head was throbbing, his arm hurt, and he was weak. He had come so close. If he could think of a way to kill Sheppard without killing himself, he would make that his main purpose in life.

"Colonel? Are you listening?"

Thalan looked back up at Beckett. "I don't know what's happening, but I don't want to kill myself. It's a mistake. I've been sick . . . it's made me feel . . . weird. I have no idea why this happened. I just want to get back to normal." Thalan hoped he was convincing. It was hard to tell, the way they were looking at him.

Beckett glanced at Elizabeth and, when she nodded, turned back to Sheppard. "Colonel, we want to talk to you about something. We've had a talk with Kate Heightmeyer about your situation and she'll be coming by to talk to you tomorrow. You've been through a lot since we first arrived in Atlantis, a lot more than you were prepared for. We think maybe everything has piled up to be too much for you to handle."

Thalan forgot for a moment they were talking to Sheppard and he frowned. "What are you trying to say?"

Beckett took a deep breath. "We suspect Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome."

Thalan felt Sheppard bristle at the accusation and, for once, he was in agreement. He knew instantly what they were talking about, which meant it was something Sheppard was very familiar with. "No, you don't know what you're talking about. Look, I'm fine now. Maybe I was still disoriented from the fever, but I'm not crazy and I don't need to talk to Kate."

Beckett grabbed Sheppard's forearms and stilled them. Thalan watched in fascination, having been totally unaware he was pulling against the restraints. Crap. "I am so screwed," he whispered.

Elizabeth put a hand on his shoulder and Thalan looked up at her. "John, we're only trying to help. We're concerned about you and we want to help you get better."

Thalan closed his eyes and laughed bitterly. "Then let me out of these. I can't stand to be tied up like this." He looked up first at Elizabeth and then at Beckett. "Look, I'll talk to Kate, I'll stay in bed, I'll be good. Just please . . . take these off."

Beckett just shook his head sadly. "I can't Colonel. Try to get some rest. You're still weak and you're temperature is starting to creep up again. I can give you something to help you relax if you like."

Thalan lifted one corner of his mouth in a bitter half smile. "I guess that would make it easy on everyone, wouldn't it? Drugged up and tied up. I'll pass if it's all the same to you."

"John – " Elizabeth began.

"Just go away." Thalan closed his eyes, hoping they would get the message, which they did. He heard movement, followed by silence. When he dared to open his eyes, he was alone. He had to think of a plan because this obviously wasn't working. He would have to escape and steal a jumper, but that would have to wait until he was stronger or he'd never make it. Sheppard had been strangely quiet since he woke up, making him wonder what the man was up to.

oOo

Thalan woke up to a darkened infirmary and realized it was very late. There was only one other patient and they were at the other end of the row of beds. He wasn't sure if they were trying to give him privacy or protect the other patient from him. He was rather surprised to discover that his headache was gone and found he had to concentrate to find Sheppard. He was still there, but so still and quiet. Could it be that he was finally dying, going away to leave Thalan with this body? Thalan smiled, certain that he was about to win. He looked up to see a nurse approach his bed.

"Colonel, you're awake? You should be sleeping. Can I get you something?"

"Actually, if you could let me go to the bathroom, I'd be really grateful."

The nurse looked down at her feet. "I'm sorry, sir. I can't let you out of the restraints."

Thalan fought the anger that threatened to erupt. "So, I just have to lie here needing to pee the rest of the night? Is this a new torture technique you guys are perfecting?"

"Uh, no sir, uh . . . I can help you with the bedpan."

Thalan pasted on his best smile. "I have an idea. Why don't you get the guard to accompany me? There is a guard posted, right?"

"Yes, sir, there is a guard. I guess that would be okay." She turned and hurried off to get the guard.

The nurse returned a few minutes later with the guard in tow. She loosened the restraints so that Thalan could get up. The nurse steadied him when he stood, and although he had almost pushed her away, in the end he was glad he didn't. He was a little surprised at how dizzy he was at first. He started to walk towards the bathroom when the nurse pushed the IV pole in front of him.

"You'll have to roll this along with you, Colonel. Dr. Beckett says you still need the IV."

Thalan looked annoyed, but grabbed the pole and pushed it along in front of him all the way to the bathroom. When they reached the door, he turned to the guard. "Do you want to come in and watch?"

The guard widened his eyes. "Oh, no, sir. I'll just wait out here."

Thalan slipped into the bathroom, smiling at the young soldier's discomfort at guarding his commanding officer, not to mention escorting him to the bathroom to pee. He was surprised at how good he was beginning to feel, now that he was on his feet and seemed to be rid of Sheppard. He was still weak, but he was definitely starting feel better. As he washed his hands, he realized that he would probably never have another opportunity like this. He figured they were about to find him out and the way things were going, he would be stuck in the infirmary until it was too late. He had to escape.

"Sir, are you okay?"

Thalan looked back towards the door. "Uh, yeah. I'll be right out." He stepped toward the door as he formulated a plan. Before going out, he removed the IV needle from the back of his hand and held it in such a way that the guard would not be able to see. He then opened the door and walked out.

As he passed in front of the marine, he stopped and began swaying as if he was about to pass out. The guard reached out to steady him, and Thalan swung the IV pole around, hitting the soldier forcefully across the chest. With a grunt, the marine slammed into the wall behind him and then slid down into the floor. Thalan leaned over and grabbed his gun and then ran for the door to the infirmary. Peering out and seeing no one, he slipped into the hall as he heard the nurse frantically trying to rouse the unconscious guard. That was entirely too easy. These people had too much compassion, too much trust.

Reaching the end of the hall, he turned left and headed toward the jumper bay. His best bet was to grab a jumper as quickly as possible and get out. Clothes could be gathered later. He continued to hurry down the dark, quiet halls, carefully edging around corners. Easing himself into the jumper bay and seeing no one, he bolted for the ship that held the promise of freedom. He was halfway there when he felt the cold sting of a stunner and felt himself falling.

oOo

Elizabeth raced into the infirmary and almost ran into two marine guards standing at the door. They backed away from her, eyes wide in surprise.

"Sorry, Ma'am," stammered one of the young men.

"No, it's me who's sorry. I should have been paying more attention."

The guard nodded and smiled. "Dr. Beckett is over there with Colonel Sheppard." He pointed to a bed at the far end of the infirmary.

"Thank you," said Elizabeth, heading for the bed where the young man had pointed. She recognized Sheppard's form as she got closer and saw that he was unconscious and back in restraints. Carson stood on one side of the bed, while a nurse stood on the other.

"Carson, what happened?" she asked when she was to the foot of the bed.

Beckett sighed and shook his head. "He got Katie, the new girl, to release him to go to the bathroom with the guard watching. When he came out, he knocked the guard out and ran for it. When we called it in on the radio, the guard in the jumper bay saw him and hit him with a stunner. We were lucky, Elizabeth. He was moments away from being gone in a jumper."

Elizabeth was stunned. "A jumper? Where was he going?"

Carson shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea. He hasn't regained consciousness yet."

Elizabeth frowned as she looked down at Sheppard, his face still pale from the blood loss when he slit his wrist. What was happening, why was he doing this? She wanted so badly to reach out and help him, but she had no idea what to do. She was getting frightened. What if they had to send him back to earth? What if they couldn't help him here in Atlantis?

A moan caught her attention. She noticed Carson and the nurse both focus in on John and she moved closer to the bed. She could see his eyelids starting to flutter. Please let us help you, she thought.

John opened his eyes to see Elizabeth standing beside his bed, looking down at him with an expression somewhere between hurt and sympathy. Suddenly his heart began pumping violently in his chest as he realized that he was in control and could warn them.

"Elizabeth, Thalan's not . . . " Agonizing pain shot through his head as Thalan once again began to fight him. No, he wouldn't give up. He'd been saving his energy for this moment, for a time to break free and tell the others what was happening. He couldn't lose this chance. He gasped for air, feeling like someone had punched him in the gut.

"John, take it easy. Carson, what's wrong with him?" Elizabeth watched as John struggled to tell her something while trying to catch his breath. His eyes were squinted in obvious pain and his hand gripped the blanket, trying to find the strength to continue.

"Thalan's not . . . gone . . . still here . . . Trying to . . . fight him." John gasped for air until Beckett finally placed an oxygen mask over his face. He breathed deeply, trying to draw in enough oxygen. If felt like Thalan was somehow strangling him, but that was ridiculous, since that would kill Thalan too.

He felt Elizabeth take his hand and he opened his eyes, until then unaware he had let them close. She looked down into his eyes as if searching, as if trying to see if was really him. He needed her to know that it was him and that he wasn't crazy. "Help me," he whispered from under the mask.

Elizabeth squeezed his hand, trying to reassure John. He looked almost panicked and she wanted him to know that she understood, that she would help him. She wasn't sure she really knew what was going on, but she knew that he needed to feel safe if he was going to get through this. And his eyes. She couldn't help but think that those were the eyes of John Sheppard and it was the first time she'd been sure of that in several days.

The pain in John's head suddenly exploded as the battle between him and Thalan began and John was pretty sure this match was winner take all. He wasn't aware that he grunted in pain as his eyes rolled back in his head and body stiffened.

It only took a second for Beckett to realize what was happening. "He's having a seizure – remove the restraints," he called to the nurse. They fought to get the restraints loosened as John's body jerked in uncontrolled spasms. When the convulsions finally seemed to slow, he suddenly launched himself to the side. The nurse tried to catch him, but the movement was so sudden and forceful that it knocked her over and she landed hard on the floor with John lying across her.

Beckett called to the two marines standing beside the door to help. They stood there a second with their mouth gaping open, before hurrying over to help the doctor pick John up and get him back on the bed. The spasms had stopped completely and he was still and quiet, except for the slow rise and fall of his chest showing that he was still breathing.

Beckett helped the stunned nurse to her feet. "Are you all right?"

"Uh, yes, doctor, I'm fine. Just hurt my pride a bit, if you know what I mean."

Beckett nodded and smiled briefly at her. "Okay, lass, if you're sure you're okay. Let's start checking the Colonel's condition."

As the nurse began fussing over John, Carson turned to Elizabeth. "I'll need to ask you to leave until we get him settled. You can wait in my office if you like."

Elizabeth nodded, too shocked to speak. She took one last look at John and then slowly made her way to Carson's office. She dropped into the chair closest to the door to wait.

John said that Thalan was still there. The thought had crossed her mind more than once the past few days, but she had dismissed it. Phoebus was gone from her and so she had known that Thalan must be gone from John. How could he still be there? And yet, it would explain so many things. It would explain why his eyes looked like those of a stranger. It would explain the odd behavior, the things that were so out of character for John Sheppard. But if Thalan was still there, how could they get rid of him? How could they get John back? And if they did get John back, how would they know it was John? She rubbed her hand across her forehead. This was entirely too complicated.

She was still sitting, lost in thought, when Beckett finally walked into his office and almost fell into his chair. He rubbed his face with his hands and sighed deeply.

"Carson?"

He finally let his arms drop and looked at Elizabeth. "He's in a coma, completely unresponsive. His vitals have dropped down extremely low and his temperature is back up. I have no idea what's going on or what to do about it, except just wait it out."

"He said Thalan was still there. Is that possible?"

Beckett shrugged. "I don't know. I guess that is one possibility. It's also possible that if he has had some kind of breakdown, that he just thinks Thalan is still there."

Elizabeth nodded, reluctantly admitting the possibility that John was just in the middle of a mental breakdown. "What do you think it is?"

Carson sat thinking for a minute before replying. "I would tend to lean toward the breakdown theory if wasn't for the physical illness. His yo-yoing fever and other symptoms would seem to point more toward a problem with Thalan's possession. Although I have seen mental illness manifest itself in physical symptoms before, it's highly unusual for it to occur to this degree."

"But why would Phoebus leave me at the appointed time and Thalan not leave John? I thought it was automatic, that they had no control over it."

"They don't have control." He sat thinking for a minute before snapping his finger. "The fever. Colonel Sheppard had that infection in his arm that produced a fever and made him sick. Maybe that somehow interfered with the process."

Elizabeth nodded. "Well, since I don't understand how any of this works, that makes as much sense to me as anything. But if all of this is true and Thalan is still in John, then how do we get John back?"

Beckett looked at her blankly. "I have no idea."

The end . . . of part 6.