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What's Left Behind - Chapter 9

He was suddenly and acutely aware of voices, several voices talking loudly at once. They were near and yet they were far, but they were loud and caustic enough to make the screaming pain in his head almost unbearable. He wanted to yell at them to stop, to just shut up, but he couldn't seem to get anything to work beyond his hearing. He began trying to piece together what was happening.

" . . . no excuse for using that kind of force. He almost took his head off."

"He was only protecting Teyla. He thought Colonel Sheppard was trying to hurt her."

"We were merely sparring, as we had done for several minutes. He did not become upset when I threw the Colonel to the mat."

"I don't know who that was, but you will not let him near Colonel Sheppard again, is that clear? I will have Major Lorne assign the guards from the Atlantis staff from now on."

"No offense, Dr. Weir, but that is a clear conflict of interest."

"Well at least they won't be trying to kill him and humiliate him every five minutes. Anything has to be better than what you're putting him through."

"I don't understand why you can't just admit it's Sheppard. Thalan is obviously gone."

Sheppard couldn't stand it any longer. He'd finally managed to get his eyes open, but he couldn't see anyone near his bed and he couldn't seem to turn his neck. He tried to call to them as he lifted his head a couple of inches. Bad idea. Hot pain exploded in his head and neck, causing him to drop his head back to the bed and groan loudly. Muscles in the side of his neck went into a spasm and he gripped the bedrail tightly as he automatically tensed his shoulders and chest against waves of cramps. For a few moments he knew nothing but the pain and a roaring in his ears. As the spasms slowly subsided and he was able to breathe again, he opened his eyes to see Carson hovering over him, worry in his eyes. His mouth was moving and he realized the doctor was speaking to him.

" . . . easy, Colonel. Don't try to move, son, you're banged up pretty badly."

Beckett's face swam in and out of focus, making Sheppard dizzy and nauseous. The thought of the extreme jerking involved in throwing up terrified him. He swallowed hard, willing his stomach to settle. "Wha . . . happened?"

Beckett moved a little to one side to allow Teyla to come into view. "I am very sorry, Colonel. Your guard thought you were going to hurt me and he hit you with the butt of his gun." She frowned deeply as she continued. "He used a great deal more force than was necessary and injured you. I am sorry I did not have time to warn you."

"So'kay. Told ya . . . no sense o' humor."

"I would have to agree. Perhaps not much sense at all."

Sheppard was shocked at her comment. It wasn't very often Teyla made disparaging remarks about anyone, but he had to admit, this guy deserved it.

Teyla then smiled as she patted his arm. "By the way, that was a very good move. You did well."

Sheppard gave a small smile, about all he had the energy to do. Teyla's face moved away and Beckett came back. "How much damage?"

Beckett sighed. "You have a severe concussion and I had to put sixteen stitches in the side of your head. I'm afraid you're haircut will be seriously off for a while. The good news is that there is no fracture."

"Neck?" Sheppard still couldn't figure out why he couldn't move his neck. His thoughts were clouded and he was having a hard time concentrating. He wasn't sure if it was the concussion or drugs.

"I'm afraid you've strained some of the muscles in your neck. I'm not sure if it happened when he hit you or when you fell, but I've put a neck brace on to keep you from moving your head around, so try to lay still."

Sheppard started to nod, but the instant he began to move his neck, he was reminded in a very painful way not to. "How long?"

"You'll be in the neck brace for a day or two, just to give your muscles a chance to start healing. I've already started you on an anti-inflammatory. I'm afraid you'll be my guest for a couple of days."

"Is 'Liz-buth here?" His headache was thumping even louder than before, he was dizzy, and the side of neck felt tingly from his jaw to his shoulder. He was aware that he was beginning to have trouble getting his mouth to work properly and that his eyelids kept pulling shut on him. He wasn't going to last much longer.

Elizabeth's face came into view, if not fully into focus. Her voice was serious, even if he couldn't quite determine her expression.

"I'm here John."

"Keep . . . guy away . . . me." He hoped he was making sense because consciousness was becoming a real struggle.

"Don't worry, he won't be coming anywhere near you again. Caldwell wants his crew to be your guards because he thinks the Atlantis staff will be too lenient. You'll have two guards from now on, one of Caldwell's men to guard you and one of our guys to watch out for your interests so that, hopefully, nothing like this will happen again. I'm sorry, John, this should never have happened."

Sheppard's eyes were staying closed longer than they were open. He gave up trying to open them, but managed one last question before he allowed the darkness back in. "Do . . . you think . . . I'm me?" He was asleep before she could answer.

oOo

Elizabeth followed Carson into his office and sat down across the desk from him. She watched as Carson sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Bloody heck," he mumbled.

She peered out his office door as the last of the crowd dispersed and left the infirmary. "What a mess that was," she said.

Carson just snorted. "Mess, indeed. That man is crazy. Is he ever going to leave and stop harassing the Colonel?"

Elizabeth closed her eyes and leaned forward, placing her head in her hands. "Not soon enough, that's for sure. I knew he didn't care for John, but this is just harassment. He can't think that Thalan is still there, that John is still a danger. The only danger is that one of his goons will kill John and claim self-defense."

"I'm glad to hear you're going to have one of our guys with him from now on. Maybe we can keep them from shooting him or worse."

Elizabeth looked up at Beckett. "He doesn't look good, Carson. Are you sure he's going to be okay?" She thought about how pale he'd been and about the way his features had been drawn in obvious pain. Why couldn't they just have left him alone?

"Aye, he'll be okay. I hate it, but we'll have to wake him up every couple of hours because of the concussion. I'd rather let him sleep with his neck messed up like it is. He's not going to have any fun the next day or so, that's for sure. He's been through a lot the last few weeks, both mentally and physically. As soon as we get one thing cleared, something else happens. He's just worn out in every sense of the word. That's why I wish Caldwell would leave and let him heal. I'm not sure how much more of this he can take. I don't think I would have lasted this long."

"If only there was some kind of conclusive test you could run and then give the results to Caldwell. He'd have to leave then."

Beckett sighed. "Unfortunately, there is no such test. We'll just have to ride it out and try to protect the Colonel as best we can. He'll be safe for the next two days, of that I can assure you. They better not try anything with me here or I'll make them live to regret it."

Elizabeth smiled, grateful for her CMO's protective nature when it came to his patients. "Well, that gives me two days to come up with something."

"If you need me to sedate Caldwell or any of his thugs, just let me know."

Elizabeth stifled a chuckle. "Uh, well, I don't think that will be necessary, but thanks for the offer. I'll keep it in mind."

oOo

"Wake up, Colonel. I need you to open your eyes and talk to me for a minute."

Sheppard groaned. "No-o-o-o, slee-e-e-ping."

Beckett smiled at the nurse changing the IV bag. "I know you're sleeping, but you have to wake up for a minute."

"Why?"

"You know why, Colonel, I have to make sure you're okay. You have a concussion, remember?"

Sheppard opened his eyes a slit. "Shhht . . . dizzy." Sheppard instinctively threw his arm out as the room spun violently and tilted to one side, making him feel like he was falling. "Sick."

Beckett and the nurse reacted in unison to roll Sheppard over on his side, Beckett supporting the brace and Sheppard's neck. They barely had him up on his side when he began to heave. With no time or hands to grab a basin, the vomit splattered on the floor beneath. When the spasms were finished, they gently rolled Sheppard back over on his back. The nurse quickly left and returned a few seconds later with a damp cloth and proceeded to wipe Sheppard's face with it.

Sheppard lay as still as he could, breathing shallowly and clutching the sheet in his fist, the pain in his neck making the bile begin to rise in his throat once again. "Oh no," he whispered. He got his eyes open a crack and saw Beckett empty something into his IV port. Man, he hoped that was something to settle his stomach because he wasn't sure he could go through that again. He was still seeing flashing lights from the last time.

"Just hang on a minute, Colonel, and you should feel better."

Sheppard closed his eyes tightly. He wasn't sure what was worse, the pain in his head, the pain in his neck, or the extreme dizziness. "Sucks," he whispered.

"I imagine it does," replied Beckett sympathetically. Beckett watched as Sheppard's grip on the sheets slowly relaxed and the pain lines in his face lessened. He was a little dismayed that they didn't go away completely, but at least they faded enough that Sheppard could get some sleep. He found himself wishing that a certain soldier would end up in his infirmary for a stay so he could make use of a rather large needle in his possession . . . and possibly a bedpan.

oOo

Beckett walked out of his office to find Teyla, Ronon, and McKay entering the infirmary. They eyed the two guards posted at the door as they entered.

"What are you three up to?"

McKay turned back to Beckett, pointing to the guards. "They do know Sheppard can't even get out of bed, right? I fail to see why he needs two guards."

Beckett sighed and shook his head. "This gets more ridiculous by the day. One is Caldwell's man and one is from Atlantis. Caldwell refused to let our people take care of security and Elizabeth doesn't trust Caldwell's men after what happened, so they are both assigning a guard."

"How is Colonel Sheppard?" asked Teyla.

"He's been in and out the last two days, mostly out until this afternoon. We actually carried on a conversation earlier in which he didn't drop off in the middle of it. We can take a look if you're here to visit him."

Beckett led the way over to Sheppard's bed. Sheppard's eyes were closed, but as they got closer to the bed, he opened them and smiled. Beckett went to the side and raised the head of the bed so that Sheppard could sit up without straining his neck. The brace was still in place and Sheppard held his hand against it as he shifted his position in bed, letting everyone know how sore he still was.

"Hey, guys." Sheppard winced as he continued to move around, seeking the elusive comfortable position.

McKay grimaced in sympathy. "I see Carson still has you strapped to that medieval torture device. I'd offer to rescue you, but I'm afraid I'd be shot, literally."

Sheppard grinned at McKay. "I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't think I can move very far right now, in spite of what they seem to think," he said, motioning toward the guards. "And I definitely wouldn't want you to get shot on my account. I'm trying to break that habit." Sheppard looked sheepishly at Ronon, who just ignored the comment as if he didn't get the connection. Sheppard hoped the lack of reaction reflected forgiveness and not resentment, and he was pretty sure it did.

"You are looking better, Colonel Sheppard. Are you feeling any better?" asked Teyla.

Sheppard appreciated the genuine look of concern on her face. Teyla had a way of making everyone feel loved and wanted and sometimes you really needed that. "Yes, I am feeling a little better. I seem to be able to stay conscious for longer than ten minutes at a time and I've stopped throwing up. That's got to be good, right?"

McKay made a face and waved his hand. "Too much information. I didn't want to know that."

"Sorry, McKay, I forgot about your delicate disposition."

Beckett snorted. "Delicate my –"

"Dr. Beckett," interrupted Teyla. "How long will Colonel Sheppard be in the infirmary?"

Beckett rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Well, his recovery is taking a little longer than I had expected. I can probably take the neck brace off tomorrow, and if everything checks out okay, he'll be released the day after that." Beckett turned to Sheppard. "When you are released, you'll have some very specific instructions. That neck of yours will take a while to heal and you'll have to take proper care not to injure it again. You may experience some residual headaches and dizziness from the concussion for a time as well. I'm afraid you'll be staying close to your quarters even after you're released."

Sheppard sighed. "Might as well. It's not like I'm allowed to do anything anyway. Maybe I can at least keep from getting shot or knocked into next week this time. I think I'll request some of my built up vacation time so I can go visit the Genii home planet, or maybe a hive ship, you know, somewhere that I'll feel safe and welcome."

"Now, let's not go talking like that," said Beckett. "That won't help your recovery. You need to remain positive."

Sheppard snorted. "Remain positive? In the last few days, I've had a marine threaten to shoot me, been followed everywhere but into the bathroom by an armed guard, and been knocked senseless for finally beating Teyla at sticks. I told you people already, Mr. Sunshine has left the building and he's not coming back."

"Mr. Sunshine isn't exactly a good soldier name anyway," said Ronon.

Sheppard started to nod, sending a hot flash of pain through his neck. "Crap," he mumbled as he grabbed the brace, closed his eyes, and grimaced. "I've gotta quit doing that."

"That's the reason for the medieval torture device, Colonel. It would be a lot worse without it." Beckett smiled as Sheppard slid his eye sideways toward the doctor.

"Thanks doc," Sheppard said wryly. "Good to know."

oOo

Sheppard eased himself off the bed, trying not to jar his neck or head. When he was on his feet, the expected wave of dizziness hit and he held firmly onto the bed until it passed. Then he straightened and looked at Beckett. "Okay, so far so good."

Beckett looked doubtful. "I don't know about this any more, Colonel. I'm beginning to wish I'd kept you one more day."

"No, I'm already dressed and that was entirely too much work to have done for nothing. Believe me, Doc, I won't be doing much but lying in bed, the way I feel. At least this way I can do it without an audience."

"All right, lad, I guess you do deserve a little privacy. Remember, nothing more strenuous than going to the mess hall to eat. I'm sending you some anti-inflammatory pills and something for the pain. The directions are on the bottle and be sure you follow them, especially the part about taking them with food. I'll be by to check on you once or twice a day for a while."

"Okay, Doc, thanks."

Beckett watched as Sheppard walked out of the infirmary as gingerly as he'd ever seen anyone walk. He hoped the guards didn't attack him and throw him to the ground anytime soon or he'd never get a chance to heal. He shook his head as the two armed soldiers filed out behind Sheppard, watching his every move, as if anyone could fake pain like that.

Sheppard stayed close to the wall since he was still a little prone to unannounced dizzy spells. He figured falling at this stage of the game wasn't a good idea. He knew about his two shadows, he just didn't care. He paused at the junction between halls, making sure he didn't blunder out in front of anyone moving quickly down the other hall and cause a collision. One case of whiplash at a time, please.

He saw Lorne approaching and waited on him to pass, but he pulled up along side Sheppard instead.

"Hey sir, how's it going?"

Sheppard frowned deeply. "Just peachy, Major. I have two armed guards ready to shoot me if I move wrong, my head feels like it's going to fall off, I have sixteen stitches in my head and the bald spot to go with it, and I can't move my neck more than a couple of inches unless I want to end up screaming like a girl. How's your day going?"

Lorne winced. "Sorry I asked, sir,"

Sheppard sighed. "Yeah, me too. I'm sorry to be such a grouch, I'm just having a bad . . . month, you know?"

Lorne nodded. "I know. If it makes you feel any better, the Atlantis guard is actually there for your protection."

"I know, that's what Elizabeth said. I'm just in the mood to whine and generally feel sorry for myself right now. I'm tired of this crap and that's what I feel like right now, a big pile of crap. I just want a couple of pain pills and a bed and to be left alone for about eight to ten hours. I keep waiting on the part where I start to feel human again."

"I'm really sorry about all this, sir."

"Not your fault, Major. Just hold it together for me a little longer. This will either end soon or I'll lose my mind and they'll lock me away somewhere. I'm starting to think I don't care which. Hey, that clown wasn't one of our guys was he?"

"No, sir, he's one of the crew of the Daedalus. Colonel Caldwell thought we knew you too well to do a proper job of guarding you."

"Yeah, I thought that was what Elizabeth said. My mind is kind of fuzzy about some of the details. I just wanted to make sure because I can't see being objective and unbiased where he's concerned. I was going to suggest he change his mind about staying if that's what he was planning to do."

Lorne smiled. "I think we made it clear he'd be smart to stay on the Daedalus as long as he's in Atlantis. So far he's playing it smart."

"I would be all macho and say your advice saved his life, but I don't think I could pull the wings off a fly right now. Let's just say you made me feel a lot better about not having to run into him."

"No-o-o problem, sir."

Sheppard stopped in front of the door to his quarters. "Major . . . what do you think? Do you think I'm Sheppard or Thalan?"

"Sir, I think your team knows you better than anyone and they say you're definitely Sheppard. That's good enough for me."

Sheppard smiled at Lorne. "Thanks. Just let our guys know that so they'll be less likely to shoot me or beat me up."

"I'll do that. Can I get you anything? It's almost supper time. I could bring you a tray from the mess hall."

"I appreciate the offer but I think McKay has supper detail tonight."

"Okay, good night, sir. And I hope you feel human again soon."

"Me too," said Sheppard. "Me too."

The end . . . of part 9.