"You bring a dog to a fistfight?" Iori asked, staring at the german shepherd puppy in the crook of the ninja's arms.
"They're like human babies, asshole," Eiji muttered. "You can't leave them alone by themselves and I couldn't find a sitter."
The puppy whined slightly and wagged its tail. Mai immediately went nuts over it and was essentially out of an actual commission for the next few minutes while she fawned over it.
"Listen, jag-off," Eiji said, quietly, staring at Iori. "I'm only here because Kyo agreed to be here. And- ... is that Saisyu Kusanagi?"
"Yeah, it is," Iori said. "He's my new janitor. Okay, listen, pal - if Kyo and I (who are destined to fight a war between each other for all eternity, if you recall) can interact politely, I think you and I can make up."
"Billy doesn't think so."
"Billy's an idiot. You, though, you're an assassin-class ninja. Certainly you, with all that fancy schmancy training, can- Is that Athena Asamiya?"
Eiji looked back at the purple-haired girl having a conversation with King. "Yeah, I gave her a drive."
"What'd you do that for?"
"Because I hate your guts, if you'll recall."
Eiji slugged him in the gut and marched off to the bar, Mai following and cooing to the puppy. Iori doubled over in pain, then tried to scramble away as Athena walked briskly towards him.
"Kusanagi, take over the front desk, will you?" he said, trying to get to the elevator.
"Don't you dare walk away from me, Iori!" Athena snapped, bouncing across the lobby and grabbing his arm. "We need to talk."
"Nothing doing. I don't talk with crazy ladies."
The elevator doors opened, he slid in and stabbed the Door Close button. Too late; she slipped in with him.
"Jesus, Athena," he said, staring at her. "You'd think an ex-Psycho Soldier would know when to quit."
"Other way round - we're actually trained to not know when to quit."
"Piss off, Asamiya."
"Iori, we have to talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about."
"There's everything to talk about! I'm in love with you."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am. Ever since the last tournament-"
"When my boot impacted with your mouth."
"Impact isn't a verb."
"Grammar's the least of my worries right now, girl."
The elevator doors opened and Iori slid out, walking down the second floor, trying to escape her.
"Just kiss me, Iori," she said, following. "Kiss me once and then the magic moment will happen and you'll realize that you've loved me all along!"
"I'm not into women, Athena. You know that."
"Then why am I pregnant with your child? Huh? Why is that?"
"I'm not - I haven't even had sex with you."
"Well then have sex with me, so I can get pregnant with your child!"
"Oh come on, Athena - certainly you can think of more original ways to trap me into a relationship?"
Athena grabbed his shoulder and spun him about, staring into his eyes. "Why are you denying our love together, Iori? We could be so happy together!"
"A homosexual and a psychotic? No, don't think so. Listen, Athena, this whole I'm-in-love-with-you-thing is just a-"
She grabbed his face and stuck her tongue into his mouth.
He grabbed her face and shoved it into the wall with a bang. "Coming on just a BIT too strong there, Athena," he said.
She eyed him sexily and said, "I heard men love it when women make the first move."
"Ooh, utilizing sexist advice. That's REAL smart. Piss off, Ayamiya."
I'm going to kill Eiji, he thought.
He managed to make it back to the elevator. He stabbed the Close Door button and kicked Athena in the stomach as she tried to get in. She flew back into the second floor and the doors closed, blocking the sight of her.
Iori sighed and slumped against the wall. The day was just getting worse and worse. The elevator slid down the shaft and came to a stop at the first floor. It opened and Iori found himself face to face with-
"A party!" he exclaimed, walking out into the lobby.
Somewhere overhead, bouncy reggae music was playing and Mai was passing out drinks to a group of people in colourful clothes.
Iori slid by and grabbed Mai by the arm. "What the hell is going on, Mai?" he asked.
"Not my fault, Yagami, honest," she said. "Mary showed up with a ton of our and her friends."
"Iori!" Blue Mary said, pushing through the crowd, a few streamers and balloons flying past her. "Listen, I'd like to thank you for coming up with this party idea. Terry's been under a lot of stress and I think this'll be good for him."
Iori blinked. It was strange; he knew all the words she was saying individually, yet strung all together he didn't have a clue what she was talking about. "What the hell are you talking about, Mary?" he asked.
"Eiji called me up and said that you were inviting people over to your hotel to surprise Terry."
"Oh," Iori cried, a little too loudly. "Did he now? What a nice guy!"
He looked over at Eiji, who walked up holding a screwdriver. "Wow, Eiji! You're such a nice guy!"
"That I am, aren't I?" Eiji said.
He leaned in. "I'll see you in hell, Yagami," he said, quietly.
"Apparently," Iori replied. "Mai, all these people are paying for their drinks, right?"
"For about five minutes, until Mary stood up and announced that it was an open bar. There're too many people here to argue with."
"Oh! And where would Mary get such an idea?"
Mary blinked. "Eiji said-"
"Yes, yes," Iori said. "Eiji said. Man, you ninjas don't let go of grudges, do you?"
"No, not really," Eiji replied.
Someone turned the music up really loud, and Iori could feel himself being pushed back into the party by the seething crowd. He felt kind've faint, especially when Athena came up behind him and wrapped her arms around him.
"Shit," he said.
"What, lover?" Athena asked.
"King, throw Asamiya out please," Iori said.
The blond women wrenched Athena off him and dragged her towards the door.
Iori went off to take advantage of his open bar.
"You know," Mai said, leaning on the bar, and handing him a whiskey and coke. "No one ever talks about how big Mary's breasts are. They're pretty gigantic."
"So's a sperm whale, but the two blues swimming around it really do dwarf them."
"That's true," she said. "Mine really are more fabulous, aren't they? Even if she does wear a bra more often."
"Yours are scientifically impossible, but very lovely," Iori agreed. "Who else has large breasts...?"
"Hm..."
"Mature could've given you and Mary a run for your money..."
"Who?"
"No one. Someone I beat up and left for dead."
"Quite a bit of those, aren't they? In fact, I think good advice is not to call up someone you beat up and left for dead and invite him over to your hotel."
"Who, Eiji? I distinctly remember patching up our differences one time. I bought him a drink."
"Ooh, a drink."
"Get me another one, please."
"What's the plan, boss?"
"Well... I'm going to get real drunk and then I'll think of one."
"Sounds good."