Title: I'm Never Alone
Author: TenshiSakuraTakai
Rating: T, for language
Warning: Language...Implied slash between Yzak and Dearka
A/N: This is the edited version of the first I'm Never Alone. I re-did it this afternoon and here it is. . I hope you enjoy!
Everyone always told me I had this stunningly great life. My mom was high in the goverment, and I was rich enough to buy pretty much any damn thing I ever wanted. I was close with my Mom and everyone thought that not havinga Dad standing besides me never really bothered me. Oh, if only they knew. Half of my life everyone kept secrets from me and till this day I still don't have any idea why. I wish I could have a Dad...everyone told me they were so bothersome, but I envied those who did. Those who didn't know what it was like to spend half of your life completly alone. I just wish I could explain it too you all...but it's so damn hard that I have no idea how too do just that. You all don't know half the crap I had to go through...
My Mom…
I always tried to do the best I can. I wanted to make her appreciate me…I wanted to show her thatI was a good son…I wasn't just a useless piece of crap, like my dad thought I was. I wanted to live up to her expectations….I said I'd be number one…I always did the best I could, but I don't think that did anygood either and that hurt so bad…I remeber those nights that she got off of work early so that she could spend dinner with me, it wasn't very often but I was estatic anyway,she would go on and on a boutpeople at work. What they did good...or who screwed up that day. She never really wanted to listen to anything I did...That hurt a lot. It felt like she was ignoring me...but I guess that's just how it was supposed to be.
Yet…
Whenever I really, really needed her she was always there for me. And that did more to make up for her loss of time with me then anything else. She would hold me in her arms (When I was younger of course...we were much to dignified too do that once I got to age eleven.) She would tell me she loved me, and that everything would be alright.
My mother. The one I always trusted more then life itself. The one that meant so much too me. Okay...I was, and still am a Mommy's boy. And in all honest truths I'm not really ashamed of that at all, I'm quite proud actually. Everything seemed alright when she was around me.
Dearka…
God, sometimes he's such a jack-ass. His stupid jokes, though some were quite funny, and his mindless pranks drove me up a wall. I found it quite pathetic that he couldn't be serious for even the slightest moment. Always getting on my nerves, and never leaving me alone. I always prayed too someone higher that one day he'd just let me go for a day...Wishful thinking, eh?
But…
Now he's gone. And I miss his cocky attitude and his goofy smile. I wish I could've done something to save him...but now he's Missing In Action and I don't even know if he's alive or not and I think that's what pains me the most. Staring at his picture in my bedroom wall brings tears to my eyes and I just loose it. He was always there for me too...and I found something in him that I never would've thought possiable. Love. He had seen right through my mask, he saw the real me and because of that I'm thankful. I loved...no love, him dearly.
Nicol
He's such a coward! He never spoke his mind, and he always let others walk all over him. I used to wonder why the hell he ever joined the military in the first place...and once I got the nerve too ask him a bout it he just smiled at me and said "Because this is what I have too do." I think I must've stayed up the whole night contemplating what he was talking a bout. After that, I became as hostile around him as ever. I'd shoot insults a bout his fighting skills, he was pretty good though, and anything else to get on his nerves. I really regret doing that...and I hope he knows that too.
Yet…
He's gone now as well. All his hardwork failed him...all because of that stupid STRIKE pilot...Kira Yamato I believe his name was. Noone, especially not Nicol, deserved to die like that. It was the cruelest death of all...His hopes and dreams of becoming a world-wide Pionist just shattered completly. (As a side note...he really was rather good, even though music was never my strong point.) Everyone had always said he was a coward, even I did (as I mentioned before)...
Well, that coward was the bravest of us all. And Nicol...Wherever you are, I hope you know that. While your looking down at me, I'd say from Heaven because that's where you deserve too be I hope you can forgive me for all I said and did too you.
Athrun….
Damn! I hate you so much! Your calm smile, how you always told us everything was all right. You were wrong, nothing was ever all right in this twisted world. You beat me in everything we did, and sometimes without trying at all, and I think thats what drove me into this sadistic hatred for you in the first place. That paired with the fact that you always made me look like a fool in my Mother's eyes. I couldn't stand you...I wanted to show the world that I was better the the infamous Athrun Zala, but I never once got that wish.
But Now….
Your gone too. You left for the Special Forces. And I don't even know if you're still alive. Though I hated you...a part of me envied you. You never once, in all my years spent with you over-reacted. You were always there with that stupid, but comforting calm smile. You held somesort of special place within me. And I wish I could've let you know that...I never really thought you'd actually go and leave so when you did I was angry...and sad, but I was happy too. I wish I hadn't been and I wish I could've told you how I felt when we shook goodbye. I hope you know that my hatred for you was mainly just an act of desperation. And if your alive...I hope we can start over when we meet again.
My Father
I hated you! I hate everything a bout you! You hurt my Mother...You destroyed her life and for that I can't forgive you for. You said I was worth nothing and that I was only born as some sort of experiment for you. And then you left. You told Mother that I wasn't good enough for you. You said that I'd never have a true meaning in my life and that all my dreams were going to be worthless. Well Father...I wish you could see me now. I'm not the person you'd thought I'd be. I've learned from my mistakes...I remeber something you told Mother so clearly. That I would always be alone. Well Father...
I was never alone.
-Fin-
A/N: Well, there we go. Rather short, but I really wasn't going for length. More emotion then anything. Reviewing makes Yzak happy so please do! Any advice or support is great! Flamers are alright as well Anything too help me!
Till next time,
Tenshi