The Strange Encounters of Rodney McKay

by Soledad

Author's Note:

Again, this part takes place at the same time as the previous one – just with a different set of characters. What intrigued me in the situation given in "Duet" was the question how would someone as claustrophobic as Rodney react to be crammed together with someone else in his body? It must have been a nightmare for him – I think the episode treated that side of the problem as insignificant. As a fellow claustrophobic, I happen to disagree.

Spoilers: Duet. Obviously.

Chapter 10 – Cadman

Rodney McKay never hated anyone in his life. Sure, ninety-nine point five per cent of the people he met annoyed and irritated him, and he didn't have the warmest feelings for his own family, especially for his parents, but he didn't hate them. Not with the growing and obsessive intensity he'd come to hate Lieutenant Laura Cadman. Not even close.

It had been annoying enough that Cadman did everything in her might to set him up with Katie Brown before she got trapped in his body. She was the sort of woman who didn't accept no for an answer, which wasn't surprising. She was a Marine, after all. A jarhead. A pretty one, granted, but still a jarhead. She'd always irritated him, but he could ignore her easily enough.

But this… Having her consciousness inside his head, having her talking inside his head, having her make him do things while he was sleeping, things he'd never do on his own… this was unbearable. The suffocating closeness, the forced intimacy, the total lack of privacy… This was what Vulcan mind-meld had to be.

Or rape.

At least Vulcan mind-meld was a fictional thing – and usually consensual. He didn't know whether Cadman had access to his thoughts as well. So far, he hadn't found proof for that, and that was a relief. But it could happen at some point… unless the seizures killed the body they were sharing first.

The worst thing was, he couldn't even flee to Miko. He didn't want Cadman – or anyone else – know about them. Especially not Cadman, who was still delusional enough to play matchmaker between him and Katie.

Granted, he could have been more straightforward in rejecting Katie's advances. But he hadn't given the whole thing much thought, hoping that things would come to a natural end without him wasting attention on actually ending them.

Witch they would have, without Cadman's goddamn interference. Without her taking over in the most inappropriate moment and making him say things he'd never intended to say. Now it would be a lot harder to end things, and Katie would be hurt and angry, instead of giving up after a while.

No, he wasn't "grateful" for being given insight into the female psyche. He wasn't even interested in the female psyche to begin with. He didn't want to learn more about women, especially not from Cadman, who was as far from what he needed and wanted in a woman as humanly possible.

It wasn't that he disliked strong women – on the contrary. Few women could be stronger than Carter, whom he still respected and admired greatly. Or Teyla, who, in a sense, fascinated him. And since Miko had overcome her fear for him, she'd shown a quiet inner strength that could move mountains – and on which he'd become to depend greatly.

So no, he had no problems with strong women. But he had problems with aggressive smart-asses, male or female alike. He freely admitted that he was one of those himself, and that was the core of the problem. One body – or one mind – was simply too crowded a place for two such people.

He wanted her out, even if it meant the death of them both. Hell the seizures ought to kill him within the next few days anyway, so what was the difference? At least it would end the constant violation of his body and mind. By the second day, he was practically looking forward to that final solution.

It was probably the utter desperation that sparked the idea, which, through Radek's reliable brilliance, led to the solution, in the end. He wouldn't have been able to live through another day with her in his head. He was becoming increasingly claustrophobic, which probably sounded weird, but it was the truth. Now he knew what multiple personality disorder was like. And though a death wish wasn't usually part of his idiosyncrasies, in this particular case he would have preferred death.

That Cadman made him kiss Carson before they finally got separated didn't help things, of course. Despite his one-time fling with Jonas Quinn, he was straight in his heart, and didn't want rumours of the opposite being spread. Besides, Carson was his friends – one of the very few he still had, now that both Grodin and Petersen were gone. He didn't want to lose that friendship, just because Cadman had the hots for the good doctor.

He knew the next few days would be awkward, at best. He also knew that if Carson would choose to start dating Cadman, he'd have no other choice than avoid Carson, at least for a while. The three of them together, regardless of the nature of any given situation – that would be too much of a strain on his limited social graces.

Which was one more reason to hate Cadman.

"You'll get over it," Miko said reassuringly, "and so will Dr. Beckett. He knows it wasn't you. Things will return to normal, soon."

He hoped fervently that she was right. Because losing Carson's friendship wouldn't be something he could forgive Cadman for. Ever.

TBC