Getting Over Martin Brewer

By: Moonchild9288

Chapter One: Confrontation

Hey there loyal 7th Heaven fans! I really hope you like this fic. It's the first one I've ever posted but not the first one I've written. Traditionally I write for Sailor Moon. But I was just sitting at work, listening to music with nothing to do when this thought kind of just popped into my head. This last weeks episode was talking about what happened after Roses Bridal Shower so I thought I would write about the actual bridal shower and before it. I think I'm going to change the title though. I like "trying to make the pain go away". I don't know. Let me no what you think.

"I don't know Annie. I think it would be kind of in-sensitive to have it here. I mean Sandy is my best friend and she has to come and I don't know if Ruthie can handle seeing her and baby Aaron. Besides, if Sandy and Aaron come then Martin will probably come and drop them off and hang around town. I'm not sure what I should do." Rose said to Annie. "I know that she's not completely over it."

"You know Rose, that is very sweet of you to consider but I think the one to ask is Ruthie. I'm not sure how she feels on the subject any more." Annie suggested.

Annie was trying to convince Rose to have the Bridal Shower at the house that way she would have more room than her apartment. And it would be closer for her and Lucy. They had been going over the guest list when Rose realized the conflict between Sandy, her best friend, and Ruthie, her soon to be sister-in-law. She had done a total one eighty as of lateand was considering other people feelings instead of her own. Now she was worried about Ruthie. She new the heart break she'd gone through with the whole Martin thing and didn't want to cause anymore and give the young girl another reason to hate her.

"I don't know Annie. Isn't it just as in-sensitive to walk up to her and be like, Hey would it bug you if the guy you were in love with and his girlfriend and infant son came to my bridal shower at your house." Rose sighed.

Annie giggled. "Well yes that would be rude but Martin wouldn't even be here. It's just girls. So it's just Sandy and possibly the baby. If you see it bothers her that much than offer to let her out of it. Besides I know you won't be that blunt about it" Annie told her.

They both agreed, though Rose was still a little apprehensive to bring up old scars with Ruthie. She didn't know the girl very well and she knew that Simon absolutely adored her. During one of there many conversations, he admitted that while growing up he had spent most of childhood with Ruthie. He was closest to her than any of his other siblings.

Just then Ruthie came through the door, home from school. She looked to be in an ok mood. Rose decided it was now or never.

"Hi mom, Rose" Ruthie greeted.

"Hey Ruthie, would it be ok if I talked to you for a second? I wanted to ask you some stuff about the Bridal Shower" Rose asked.

"Uh yeah, sure" Ruthie said about to take a seat at the kitchen table.

"Actually I was hoping I could have a word with you alone, maybe in your room." Rose quickly covered. Rose didn't think Ruthie would be comfortable having this conversation with an audience, even if it was her mom. Actually, Rose didn't think that Ruthie was going to be comfortable having this conversation at all, especially with her. But she wanted to try to make it as easy as possible.

"Sure that would be fine. I need to check my e-mail anyway. Peter was supposed to send me an e-mail about the trip to Scotland. His parents might let him go anyway. He's trying really hard to get his grades up." Ruthie stated excitedly. There was hope after all, Rose thought.

"Well, you lead the way. Kind of think of it, I've never been to room." Rose said nervously. Ruthie just shrugged and started up the stairs. Rose followed behind but not before shooting Annie a "wish-me-luck" type look.

Ruthie bonded up the stairs, backpack and all, then rounded a corner and started up another set of stairs. Rose didn't know how the girl did it everyday. No wonder she was in such good shape. Ruthie then pulled out a key at the top of the stairs. She put the key in the lock and unlocked it. As she did so she started to talk to Rose.

"Mom and Dad let me buy a lock to my door when the twins turned five. They were getting into my room and breaking things and staining my clothes with chocolate covered hands and such. After about three different times, they let me go out and buy a lock to my door with my own allowance money. The only stipulations are I keep it open and unlocked when I'm in my room and if I bring any friends up and that they each have a copy of the key. But they are sure to keep them away from Sam and David though."

Ruthie opened the door and let Rose in.

"Dad has his on his set of keys and Mom hides hers in her vanity. Growing up we all knew better than to go into Moms vanity." Ruthie supplied in a whisper so the boys wouldn't hear. She had closed the door though and was able to speak normal.

"Wow Ruthie. This is a very neat room. It's huge." Rose admired.

"Well all of us have lived in it at one time. First it was Matt's. Mom had fixed it up so he wouldn't go away to college. But he did anyway. Then it was Mary and Lucy's. I think they always shared a room, now that I think about it. That's why theirs two beds. Then Lucy and I shared it when Mary went away. Then I had it to myself. The only one who never had it was Simon. He didn't like to move around too much. He stayed in the room me and him shared and then moved into Matt's room when Matt moved up here." Ruthie supplied.

Rose thought she was really talkative today. That was a lot of odd information she supplied for no reason. It was neat to think of all the times the Camden kids had moved around when they were kids. It was even neater for Rose to think of Simon as a young enough boy to share a room with his baby sister. That had to of been years ago.

"That's really neat. Can you hang on checking your e-mail? I really wanted to talk to you about something a little touchy." Rose sat down on Lucy's old bed and Ruthie sat on hers.

"I'm not really sure how to talk to you about this subject Ruthie. I don't even think I have a right to talk to you about it but unfortunately I sort of have to." Rose started.

She was really nervous, especially since Ruthie had been talking to her so freely just a moment before. She was starting to think she was making progress with her and she new that the step forward she might have just taken was going to be shattered with this conversation, sending her two steps back. But it would be even more fatal to not say anything and just have Sandy and possibly Martin show up without warning her. That could end up hurting Ruthie and sending her into an even worse depression than she was before.

Ruthie, herself was a little confused. She didn't like were this was going. She had this growing knot in her stomach. It always started just by looking at Rose. Maybe that's what made it so hard to like her. When ever she looked at her she thought of Sandy and when ever she thought of Sandy, she thought of Martin and that still hurt to think of Martin at all. It used to cause her a lot of pain to think of Martin in anyway. It had dulled and settled, though, to just being that little knot in her stomach that was the same as when she saw Rose. It was funny, the only times now when she thought of Martin was when she saw Rose. It was like her presence was a huge slap in the face. Maybe because it was all she had had to deal with so far. She didn't have to handle running into him at school or at different places like the promenade or church. She didn't know how she would feel when she saw him again. She wasn't really anxious to find out. But as it is with every young girl after the first fall (falling in love, that is), she did want to see him again, wanted to see his face and his eyes. To smell his cologne, Curve. She remembered. She had bought him some for Christmas. She wondered if he thought of her when he used it. She was sure he still used it. It had been a huge bottle that was going to last at least six months. She also wanted to be held in his arms again. The strong powerful arms that he had from all the years of pitching and hitting in baseball. Those arms had always kept her warm. She suddenly felt cold at the thought of being out of those arms. There is no warmth like it. But most of all, she wanted to hear his voice call her name, to say he was sorry for all the hurt. She had gotten past the dream that he would come back to her. She new that would never happen. But she still wanted some kind of comfort and acknowledgement that he knew that he had hurt her. She needed to get it all out. She still hadn't. She was afraid if she did she would drown in it all without an anchor to hold onto. And the only anchor she wanted was Martin. The knot had gotten bigger. She hadn't allowed herself to go "there" in a while. It was tighter. It hurt. She was suddenly brought back to reality by the sound of Roses voice.

"I wanted to talk to you about someone I want to be at the bridal shower. I'm not really sure how you feel about it. It's Sandy."

That knot just went up a notch in intensity. It was getting hard to breathe. But she wouldn't let it show. She never did. She always just sat in her own self loathing and torture.

"She's my best friend you know" Rose continued "And I really want her to be there, and maybe Baby Aaron."

That knot is getting tighter and it was starting to feel like it was wrapping itself around her heart or lungs. She couldn't decide which one. It hurt her heart but she was finding it difficult to breathe. Like someone was choking her from the inside. Maybe it was both, she decided.

"But that means……. Martin might be dropping her off here. If it's too uncomfortable for you than I can have the shower at my apartment. But it is kind of small and I know your mom and Luz can't drive all the way out there easily with the boys and Savannah. That's why your mom wants to have it here."

That was it. Hearing someone else say his name. The knot exploded and was burning her from the inside out. The pain was unbearable. She wanted this conversation to end. She was not going to cry in front of Rose. No way. She didn't want to see them all together, as a family. She couldn't handle that. It made her weak just thinking about it. She wasn't mad at Rose though. She was actually thankful that she knew in advance so she could run and hide. That was exactly what she was going to do. Run and hide, so she wouldn't explode at Sandy for taking Martin away. She had held that one in for the four months that Sandy had been shoved in her face nonstop, especially at Christmas. She had been dying to take some of the aggression out on her. She had heard about her reputation at school. She knew exactly what she was doing. Stop it Ruthie! She yelled at herself. She couldn't go there until she got Rose out of room. Thank God that Rose had wanted to talk in private.

"No, you can have it here." She managed to choke out without even a sign of emotion. She had had tons of practice over the last seven months. "But, your right I don't think my being there would be good. You don't need all that drama on your day. Would it be ok if I just went to a movie while it was going on? My mom could call me when it was over. I'm really sorry Rose. I'll still give you your present though."

She was trying to sound normal and she was doing a hell of a job of it. Rose knew she must have been going through hell inside. She could when an academy award for this performance, she thought to herself. She was also touched that Ruthie had gotten them a gift. She thought what ever Annie and Eric got them would just be from the whole younger family and probably Mary.

"No that would be fine Ruthie. I don't want you to be uncomfortable in your own home. But I am going to be really sad that you won't be there, but I understand. But I hope you'll be okay by the time of the wedding. You know both of them are going to be there. In fact I think Simon asked Martin to be one of the ushers. I just thought I would warn you.

"Yah ok" Ruthie then turned away. That was it. The Dam broke and heart was officially in pieces again. She had just been stabbed in the chest and didn't think she could take much more. She could barely breathe. She was about to have a panic attack and she knew it.

"That's fine and all but I really have to get to my homework." That was her cue to leave and Rose knew it. The girl was about to loose and didn't want to loose her dignity and do it in front of a girl she didn't even like. Rose got up and started for the door. She took one last look at Ruthie's back and then went through the doorway, having enough decency to close the door on her way out.

It all came out. She screamed into a pillow. She had really thought that she was almost over it. But this just proved she wasn't. She didn't know what hurt worse. The pain she still had over loosing Martin or the fact that she wasn't strong enough to get over it.

She heard the noise from her computer that she had a new e-mail but she didn't get up to check. She didn't have the strength to get up let alone try and talk to Peter about the trip to Scotland. But what she didn't know was that it wasn't from Peter. It was form the man that was making her cry.