Footloose and Fancy Free
Author: WickedGame
Category: Humor
Rating: NC-17 or M
Archive: FFnet, Mediaminerorg, My LJ, "No Rest For the Wicked" http/wickedgame. anyone else just ask.
Warnings: Shoujo ai, Shounen ai, Yaoi, Yuri, topless GW females, gratuitous use of Ice Cube's "You Can Do It", sexual situations, drunken debauchery, stupidity.
Notes: 8th fic in my Drunken Debauchery Series.
Disclaimers: I do not own the following songs: "You Can Do It" by Ice Cube, "You Shook Me (All Night Long)" by AC/DC, "Cell Block Tango" from 'Chicago: The Musical'. I also do not own Gundam Wing, at all.
"So, Wufei wouldn't come with us, eh?" Duo asked Quatre as the blond climbed back into the black limousine.
"He swore at me and then reminded me that he is still recovering from tattoo removal surgery," Quatre sighed, "I guess maybe the unicorn was a bit much."
"Hell no! Let me remind you of the call girls. Wufei had it coming," Duo countered.
"He only had himself to blame," Heero interjected. The others looked at him weirdly and he shrugged, "Watched 'Chicago' the other night."
Recognition dawned on the other's faces, and then they fell silent. After a few minutes Duo spoke up again.
"So, we are picking up the girls?"
Quatre nodded, "Relena, Dorothy, and Noin."
"What is Noin doing here?" Heero asked.
"Something about wanting to spend time with her sister-in-law was all," Quatre replied.
The limo pulled up to the gate and then into the long driveway of the Peacecraft Estate. Three women immediately stumbled out the front door.
"Holy shit!" Duo exclaimed.
"More than two sheets to the wind," Trowa commented.
"What the hell are they wearing?" Heero asked.
Indeed, the three drunk women that were now trying to keep from falling down as they walked were dressed...well...different. Different for them that is.
All three had found it necessary to wear black leather miniskirts. Indecently mini, so that they barely covered the rumps they rested over. All three had decided to wear fishnets. All three were wearing, rather curiously, black ballet slippers. Their tops differed, however. Dorothy's was spaghetti-strapped and sapphire blue; Relena's was sleeveless and a bright shade of ruby; Noin's was a lavender halter top.
Relena had her hair up although it was obvious she had tried to do her hair while drunk, seeing as it resembled a rat's nest on top of her head. Her makeup looked like she had tried to do this smoky thing with her eyes but had only succeeded in making herself look like she had black eyes. Noin's hair was neat, but the lipstick she had tried to put on made her look like a clown in a circus. It was Dorothy though that drew the most attention.
"Look! I'm Duo!" Dorothy swung her braided hair around. She stumbled up to Heero and wrapped her arms around him, "Gives us a kiss!"
"Hey!" Duo shouted. He pried kissy-face Dorothy off of the former pilot and pushed her towards Relena, "You have your owned damned lover, don't glomp mine!"
Relena laughed so hard she fell down again.
"Relena, maybe we should stay here," Quatre suggested tentatively.
"No! She's my shister," Relena giggled and pointed at Noin, "and I's gonna shows her good time! We go club now."
As the drunken girls piled into the limo the men sighed.
"I'm going to need something stiff to get through the night," Duo moaned.
Heero wrapped his arms around Duo from behind, "I can give you something stiff before we even get home."
"Stop it!" Trowa insisted. They all piled into the limo and popped the champagne.
"Nice limo, Quatre Raberba Winner," Relena complimented.
"Even if it is not pink?" Quatre teased.
"Fucker," Relena cursed.
"No baby, fuckhim," Dorothy reminded her. That remark brought gales of laughter to the limo's occupants.
"Whatever possessed you to come see this pair of troublemakers?" Duo asked Noin.
"Zechs said 'Lena needed company. He's prolly watchin' porn and playin' poker," Noin slurred and took another drink of champagne.
"Where are we headed?" Quatre asked Relena.
"The Player's Club!" Dorothy shouted before standing while bent over inside the limo and shaking her ass, "You can do it, put your back into it!"
"You're such a slut," Relena giggled. Dorothy poured herself into Relena's lap and kissed her soundly.
"But I'm your slut baby!"
Noin rolled her eyes and looked at Trowa, "They's been like this all even."
The two girls were now making out, heedless of their audience. The audience was starting to wonder just how far the two of them would take their activities while they were all sitting here. All of a sudden Relena pulled away and cocked an ear towards the limo speakers.
"Ack!" she shouted while reaching for the radio volume, "I love this song!"
The next button to be hit was the one to move the large sunroof. Before anyone could stop them, all the women were standing up out of the sunroof for all passing motorists and pedestrians to see.
"Relena, I don't think-" Heero started to object before an elbow hit him in the nose. Duo laughed loudly at his stunned expression.
"You whopped him a good one!"
The music played loudly as the girls danced:
She was a fast machine
She kept her motor clean
She was the best damn woman I had ever seen ...that I, ever seen
She had the sightless eyes
Telling me no lies telling me my own line
Knockin' me out with those American thighs
Taking more than her share
Had me fighting for air
She told me to come but I was already there
'Cause the walls start shaking
The earth was quaking
My mind was aching
And we were making it and you -
Their bodies kept moving despite the continued advice to move back inside. Quatre leaned forward and told the driver to just keep moving. The girls would pass out eventually, after all.
It was when another rock song came on that things started to get even crazier. Before anyone could stop them the three girls had removed their tops and had tossed them into the wind. The driver had driven into the countryside so that less people saw the spectacle the girls were making of themselves.
Now these important women were naked from the waist up and were dancing like banshees while laughing like hyenas.
Noin finally came back down into the limo and curled up in a ball, "I tired. Nap now," she said softly.
Relena and Dorothy were making out in plain view. All of a sudden the driver lowered the privacy window and shouted, "Look out!"
With a sickening thud Relena and Dorothy both dropped back down to the limo floor.
"Shit!" Duo exclaimed.
"Someone should have told them to watch out for that tree!" Trowa cackled.
Ten stitches combined and a shared headache later, Relena and Dorothy were lying in two hospital beds, glaring at the boys.
"You could quit laughing," growled one.
"No, I don't think so," Quatre chuckled.
"What's so funny about it anyway?" the other asked.
"Oh, it's just... the three of you never even realized that Duo even had a camera on him," Heero said casually.
The two women started shouting at Duo, and he shrugged as if it were a lost cause.
"Don't worry girls! The scrapbook and t-shirts are on the way!"
Heero hoped that those girls did not catch Duo anytime soon. He wanted Duo all in one piece.