Chapter 2 – A Business Proposition

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Alex's plan for a graceful retreat were somewhat hindered when he pulled into his driveway because there, parked right outside his house, was Bobby's van.

For a moment Alex stood there, shocked by this progression. He hadn't actually expected any kind of response. With the way he'd been acting, they'd likely all seen this as inevitable.

In order to minimize the fallout of whatever was going to happen, Alex crossed to the van after he parked, heart pounding in his chest when he saw Bobby climb out of the front seat. Alex waited, hands shaking at the prospect of having to face all of them, but thankfully Luke and Reggie didn't make an appearance, leaving Alex alone with strong, silent warrior of Sunset Curve.

"I sent them home with Julie," Bobby explained, answering the unvoiced question.

Alex wondered if that was before or after Bobby had gotten his text. The rhythm guitarist's expression wasn't giving that much away.

"You're not quitting the band," Bobby continued, and then he was marching forward.

Alex shook his head, if only to have an excuse not to look at him. "You don't get to decide that."

"I do when I'm the reason you backed out," Bobby countered, and while Alex expected him to stop a few feet away like he normally did, like Alex normally made him because he couldn't just be normal, the rhythm guitarist kept pushing forward until he had his hands braced against Alex's shoulders. "Carrie told us she confronted you. I don't know exactly what she said, but you need to know that I didn't send her here. If you need time to process things, we're happy to give it to you. Take as long as you need, but don't- don't think we want to turn you away, because we don't. We want you in the band. We want- we want you as our friend."

Alex shuddered, blinking hard in an effort to keep tears from his eyes. He felt somewhat defeated, wanting to flinch at being labeled a friend, but Bobby- he'd come. He'd come for Alex, and he didn't have to. He could have just let the drummer go, he was supposed to let the drummer go, because Alex was too much trouble. This was him trying to bow out with grace.

He swallowed hard. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his throat feeling tight. "Why didn't- everyone else knew but I didn't-"

He cut himself off when he felt that humiliating warmth blur his vision, knew tears were falling as badly as he didn't want them to. He tried to duck his head, to brush them away, but Bobby simply tugged him forward. It was a small movement, one Alex could discount if he wanted, an invitation he'd gotten before, but unlike all those other times he really, really couldn't ignore this. He'd missed his friends too much. His heart hurt.

Alex melted into the hug with a broken cry, burying his face against Bobby's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," Bobby murmured, rubbing a comforting hand down his back while Alex cried his heart out. "We were so afraid of upsetting you that we didn't realize how much waiting to bring you in would hurt you. We never meant to do that, and you're not dumb for not picking up on things. We were actively working to hide it from you, of course you didn't notice."

"Bobby," Alex whispered, his throat feeling painfully tight. "Why-" Why didn't they want him. What was he missing? What could he do to fix it? All of those questions danced on the tip of his tongue, but in the end, they were ultimately irrelevant, and would only make Bobby feel more awkward. "I'm sorry," Alex settled on, squeezing his eyes shut, helpless against new tears. "I'm sorry I'm so- so annoying and touchy and-"

"Hey, hey, whoa – who said any of that stuff?" Bobby asked, shifting one of his hands so he could cup Alex's cheek, making the blond tilt his head back so he actually had to meet Bobby's gaze. "You're not annoying."

"Yes I- this is annoying," Alex croaked. "All the crying and overreacting and dumb- dumb shit. It's dumb, and I'm sorry, I'll try to do better-"

"Alex, no, you did not overreact," Bobby soothed, thumbing away his tears. "The three of us were shitheads, okay? We hid something pretty major from you for months, there's- you definitely didn't overreact. Did someone say you did? Did Carrie say that?"

"No, but she- she was right about- I mean, I am self-absorbed and I should have- I should have been more immediately supportive- I am happy for you guys-"

"You're not self-absorbed," Bobby interrupted, his expression stern. "I can't fucking believe her."

"She was right, though."

"No, she wasn't," Bobby snapped, but his anger wasn't aimed at Alex, but the world at large. "And the fact that she made you feel that way- we're going to be having some words, but none of that- that's not on you, and none of that is true." He hugged Alex close again, letting the blond rest his head against Bobby's shoulder. "I'm so sorry she said that to you. She's overprotective, but that doesn't give her the right to go off on you. You're literally the nicest person in our band."

Alex shook his head, because that was far from true. "I'm a sarcastic dick."

"We like your sarcasm," Bobby said, and was he nuzzling Alex's hair? It felt like he was, and Alex- he really liked it. Probably liked it too much, damnit. "And you're not a dick. A dick wouldn't constantly buy too much food because he knows Reggie wants some, and he wouldn't always keep a fanny pack on hand for the express purpose of making sure we always had a first aid kit in case someone got hurt, or Luke's favorite candies if he was feeling low, or constantly make plans and backup plans with me because you want to make sure nothing ever falls through for us. You're not a dick, Alex. You've never been a dick, because if you were, we wouldn't want to keep you around. But we do, we desperately need you, and this past week has been awful but we acknowledge that we entirely brought it upon ourselves."

Alex felt frozen, his mind reeling. He hadn't realized that Bobby had kept track of all the stuff he did. Alex had always tried to downplay it all, or incorporate it as a symptom of his anxiety. Bobby wasn't supposed to know he did it because he loved them so much, but he did, even if it wasn't in the right way.

"Please come back to the studio with me," Bobby said, running a hand through Alex's hair. It was something they'd never done before and it made Alex's heart twinge almost painfully, a nervous fluttering overtaking his stomach. "We'll put your drums back and then we can go see the guys, and they can tell you how sorry they are."

"I don't-" Alex shook his head, shivering against the easy affection Bobby gave him. "We don't need to do that. We don't need to make it a big deal-"

"Alex," Bobby said, and then he was cupping his jaw again, making Alex's breath catch in his chest. "I think that's exactly what we need to do. I think that's what we need to do for everything going forward." He tugged Alex close, as though there had been any space between them before, Alex's heart making a determined effort to pound out of his chest. "You don't actually want to be alone, you just thought you had to. You were just trying to be nice."

Alex closed his eyes, another shudder running through him. Bobby had always been good at reading people, Alex had only managed to escape the fate of his attention by making himself a smaller target. Here and now, he'd given too much of himself away, but he couldn't regret it.

"No more," Bobby murmured, his voice dark. "Your presence is not a burden. It's not unpleasant, and now that I know you don't actually want that distance, you're not going to get it."

"Bobby," Alex gasped, feeling weak. "Don't-"

"Going to," Bobby hummed, tucking Alex's head against his shoulder. "You're in for cuddlebug central, Alex. There's no going back now. So let's just- let's get the van loaded."

Alex tensed, then gave up, leaning forward. "Just- just a few more seconds?" he asked, his voice tight and trying so very hard not to be needy.

Bobby paused, then started rubbing new patterns against his back. "Yeah bud, it can wait."

It felt so nice, and Alex didn't want to break the moment. He knew at some point he would have to, that his friends weren't going to let him go without a fight, so eventually he'd need to find his way back to normal, but for now – he'd take his Bobby hug.

He'd earned it.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Alex's anxiety was rocketing back up to a million by the time they pulled up to the Molina house. The past hour passed in a sort of daze – loading his drums back into Bobby's van, returning them to the studio and setting them up just as they'd left them. They didn't talk much, but Bobby made a determined effort to keep touching Alex – dragging a hand across his shoulder or pulling him into a side hug or ruffling his hair, squeezing his hand. It was enough to leave Alex terribly flustered, but Bobby never backed down.

"I didn't tell them about your text," Bobby explained when they got back in his car. "But they know something's up."

They couldn't really miss Alex removing himself from their group chat, and if they'd tried to text him… Alex should unblock them, but he was scared. It felt like he didn't know where the ground was anymore. It didn't really help that Bobby held his hand all the way towards the Molina garage. Alex had tried to shirk away once, but Bobby had just stopped and given him a pointed look that made Alex flush down to his toes.

"If you really want space, you'll get it," Bobby said, his voice soothing, the way it would be for Reggie on his rougher days. "But if you just think you should have it-"

"I'm not your boyfriend," Alex hissed, and somehow he managed to get it out without his voice cracking, without tears threatening to pool in his eyes.

"You're my friend," Bobby countered easily. "And friends are allowed easy, platonic connections. Don't buy into any of that toxic masculinity bullshit."

"I'm not," Alex said, because the last thing anyone would accuse him of was being masculine. He was usually made fun of for the latter, though he blocked that out. "Just-"

"Do you want space?" Bobby asked, his voice genuine, concerned.

If Alex said yes, he'd let go in an instant.

"No," Alex admitted, a humiliated warmth flooding his stomach.

"Then you won't get it," Bobby hummed before dragging him along once more.

Things seemed to come to a standstill when Bobby pushed their way into the garage, making Alex grateful that he'd washed his face back at the studio. Flynn seemed to be making a valiant effort to distract Reggie over by the couches, the two of them reviewing homework that Reggie definitely wasn't paying attention to. Luke didn't even put up the pretense of being productive, too busy pacing a path up and down the side of the garage that he brought to a jerked halt, his eyes going wide when he caught sight of Alex and Bobby together.

Bobby cleared his throat, then motioned them over with his free hand. "Get over here."

It was enough to push them into action.

Reggie got to Alex first, all but throwing himself at the blond with a weak cry.

"I'm sorry," he gushed, his face buried against Alex's chest, the blond stumbling back under the force of his enthusiasm. "I'm so sorry, Alex. We should have done better-"

"Guys," Alex said, his voice pinched, and that was before Luke hurled himself at the two of them, wrapping around them like a stubborn koala, his eyes shining under the weak lights of the garage.

"No, he's totally right, we were dicks," Luke babbled, his hands digging into the fabric of Alex's hoody. "I'm sorry."

"Just-" Alex found himself crying again, squeezed his eyes shut and hid his face against Luke's shoulder, conscious of Julie and Flynn's presence. They were probably surprised, because even though Alex cried a lot, he rarely did it in the presence of anyone outside the band. Luke had talked about it, but no one believed him, Julie always rolling her eyes, and Alex himself had never confirmed anything. He let Luke and Reggie think it was his own personal joke, but mostly, it was because he was embarrassed. "I'm happy for you," he managed, voice shaking. "I'm really happy for you, I just-"

He shuddered, something that worsened when Luke started carding his fingers through Alex's hair.

"Alex," Luke said, sounding lost. "Alex."

Alex didn't really have words for him, didn't know what to say. He could only hope that Bobby would pass on the better parts of their conversation later and ignore all the needy, dumbass bullshit. He could offer Alex that kindness, he was that kind of guy, but then Bobby was clearing his throat.

"Alex wants cuddles," he informed Luke, as though Alex wasn't embarrassed enough. "You two are in charge of that while I go kill my cousin."

"Bobs, she was just trying to help," Alex sniffed, trying to keep his head turned so Julie and Flynn couldn't see him.

"She doesn't get points for trying when she did the exact fucking opposite," Bobby snapped, his gaze hard. "Not when she made you feel so bad. I mean…" He trailed off, a thoughtful look crossing his face. "She's what made you feel bad, right?" There was a moment of hesitation where Alex considered taking the out for what it was, but that was enough to make Bobby's expression crumble. "Alex."

"Just- w-why else wouldn't you- you know, tell me?" Alex said, knowing how unreasonable it was. "I don't know, it made sense."

"What made sense?" Luke asked, his voice pained. "Felt bad how?"

"I'll tell you later," Bobby was kind enough to say, kind enough to keep it from Julie and Flynn, knowing Alex was likely overwhelmed as it was. "But for now, aside from those things not being true, you absolutely weren't the reason for us keeping stuff from you. And Luke and Reggie are going to prove it with cuddles, so-" He motioned towards the couch. "Get to work, I need to yell at Carrie."

"Give her what for," Luke ordered, dragging Alex and Reggie over towards the couch. They shoved Alex down first, Reggie more or less climbing into his lap while Luke tried to curl around both of them, constantly running his hand through Alex's hair.

"Please," Reggie added, melting against Alex's shoulder. "Love you, 'Lex. I'm sorry we messed up."

"It's okay," Alex whispered, his voice tight as he tentatively allowed himself to reciprocate their hold. "I know you didn't mean it."

"No you didn't," Luke huffed. "Because your anxiety was being dumb, and then we were being dumb, but we're not going to do that anymore."

"About this," Reggie clarified, which was enough to startle a laugh from Alex.

He'd missed these guys. He wasn't sure how he thought he could ever stay away from them, because he was almost certain now he could never turn away.

-:-:-:-:-:-

The thing was. The thing was. The thing was.

Once the guys were given the all clear that Alex actually craved physical affection but didn't have the confidence to like, ask for it, or feel like he was deserving of it, they gave it to him all the time.

Alex had gotten by with little before – hair ruffles, high fives, fist bumps, the occasional hug. Squeezing together on the couch or sharing the bed was the closest he really ever got to them physically, and as much as he enjoyed those indulgences, he had to keep them rare, lest he do something impulsive and terribly, terribly stupid.

But now that was all gone. Now instead of getting a hug every once and a while, he was treated to multiple hugs every day from each of them. He was treated to arms slung around his waist and Luke being a nuisance by draping himself all over Alex's back. He was treated to kisses on the cheek and forehead (and the nose, from Reggie once, but that had almost sent Alex spiraling because he was so close to Alex's lips that Bobby must have told him not to do it again), to hand holding and shoulder rubs. If he sat down, it was almost guaranteed that either Reggie or Luke would find themselves in his lap, or else he'd end up in Bobby's lap, and it was all so very amazing but also superbly torturous.

Because he didn't want to push things too far. He wasn't actually dating them, they didn't see him in a romantic light. It was just friend stuff, and there was a reason he'd kept a wall between them, but it was easy to forget when Reggie curled up in his lap like he owned it, and Alex just wanted to wrap his arms around the bassist's waist and nuzzle his shoulder and run his hands through that dark hair and kiss up his neck-

The last one was absolutely a no-go, but the rest of it felt tantalizingly feasible but also really, really wasn't.

And of course it was Luke that called him out on his shit, Luke that huffed and poked at Alex's shoulder one day. "Why are you all tense?" he asked, getting straight to the point.

Alex tried not to flinch. "I just- I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"What makes you think I'd be uncomfortable?" Luke pressed. "In case you haven't noticed, I like cuddles and kisses and stuff."

An almost unbearable heat swelled in Alex's cheeks. "From the others, I know, but I-"

"I like it from you too," Luke said, and he cupped Alex's face between his hands when he said it, forced the blond to look at him so he wouldn't misunderstand.

You're not dating me, Alex wanted to shout, wanted to scream. Why aren't you dating me?

Alex was pretty sure he didn't pass that well for a straight guy. At this point, if they were ignoring his oddities, they simply didn't want to make things awkward. They were all tactile so they liked cuddles, and maybe they liked the physical stuff – it was just personality-wise, Alex didn't line up with their romantic needs or whatever. It was predictably discouraging, but Luke was also staring him down and it was either agree with him and move on or kiss him and ruin their friendship forever so Alex chose the former option, even if the latter would probably be better for the band in the long run.

"Okay," Alex sighed, giving in before he wrapped his arms around Luke's waist, burying his face against the curve of his neck and savoring the feel of him, because Alex may as well enjoy what he could while he could get it.

"Atta boy," Luke chirped, sounding entirely pleased with himself as he reached up to card a hand through Alex's hair.

There was a chance that Alex had similar interactions with both Reggie and Bobby, ending with Alex getting an all clear from each of them. He could seek affection from them any time he wanted. They encouraged it. They'd let him know if they weren't feeling up for things ("But I'm just about always up for things," Reggie had whispered, like it was a secret) so he didn't need to worry about it.

And maybe that was nice.

He didn't do it at school, Alex wasn't stupid. He couldn't afford that shit, there were too many kids who went to his church, whose parents knew his parents. They'd say something and there'd be trouble, and Alex had enough of that as it was. Fortunately, the guys seemed to understand that one boundary, but as soon as they were off school property they were all over him, and he slowly but surely started to return the favor.

Just- his anxiety got to be too much sometimes, and all he wanted was to cuddle. When he saw Bobby splayed out on his couch, the lights dim, watching some show Alex couldn't give two shits about, he found himself splaying out on the rhythm guitarist's front, his head pillowed on Bobby's chest, taking in the comforting sound of his heartbeat. It was something he'd seen Luke and Reggie do hundreds of times before, that Alex had always wanted to do but never did, but this time, he gave into the urge.

Bobby only froze for a second before he wrapped an arm around Alex's waist, keeping him close. "Rough day?"

"Yeah," Alex mumbled, letting himself drift off to sleep.

It was all too easy. Too easy to reward Luke's good ideas with forehead kisses, to pick Reggie up in a spinning hug because it made him laugh. It was too easy to kiss their wounds better, to lean over the back of the couch and knead hard on Bobby's shoulders because he always forgot to look after himself in his efforts to keep them in line.

It was easy to slow dance with Reggie when one of his favorite country songs played on the radio when Bobby wasn't there, because Luke never indulged him in that. Easy to accidentally get roped into a game of footsy, to allow Bobby to spoon him during sleepovers, to kiss knuckles and hold hands and seek out the comfort he so desperately needed.

"So," Flynn spoke up after a couple of weeks of this, Alex and Carrie slowly navigating towards a strained neutrality. No one had been super happy about Alex blocking their numbers, but they'd been even less happy when they realized it was Carrie's overprotective tendencies that had sent him underground in the first place. "Did they ask you out?"

Somehow, Alex managed to quirk a brow at her, managed not to sputter or cry or do anything unseemly. "No, we're just friends."

Flynn sighed, making a show of rolling her eyes when she walked away. "Boys."

Yeah, Alex could relate.

It made him worry about how the rest of their friend group perceived their situation, but if they had opinions, none of them said anything.

Well, Willie did, because he was Willie, but he approached things in his own way. "Dude, I should have realized forever ago you had a soft and squishy center. Like, of course you do, everyone in that band does."

"Thanks, Wills," Alex sighed, trying not to slink deeper into his side of the diner booth. Suddenly the spontaneous decision to get chili cheese fries with his bro seemed a lot less appealing.

"Hey, don't get sarcastic on me," Willie continued, waving a fry at him. "That was why Carrie was all pissed in the first place. She didn't know that you're just-"

"What?" Alex interrupted. "Human?"

"Emotionally available," Willie countered, never one to take the bait. Especially if there was food on the line.

Alex sighed, then took another sip of his milkshake. He'd been craving peanut butter, but he knew Willie had told Luke about this impromptu outing just like he knew Luke had a severe case of FOMO that wouldn't allow him to ignore the call of friendship, so he'd ordered chocolate instead. It wasn't like Luke would be able to wait anyway, so he'd bum some of Alex's shake and the glasses here really were too big anyway and-

"Alex, Willie!" Luke cheered, sliding into Alex's side of the booth and throwing an arm around the drummer's neck. "How are some of my favorite humans doing?"

"We're okay," Alex said, pushing his milkshake in Luke's direction and passing him a new straw.

It was barely anything, but Luke lit up like the damn fourth of July anyway. "You're the best, Alex," he chirped, leaning over to plant an obnoxious kiss on his cheek before he dove into the milkshake. It took everything Alex had to keep from shamelessly filming the spectacle, to keep from staring just so he could memorize every second, the pleased crinkle by Luke's eye, the wild tousle of his hair, the overshirt he had definitely stolen from Bobby that was just a little too big so it hung on his shoulders weird.

Alex had to shove it all down because if he didn't, Willie would notice. He was too good at reading people, and Alex couldn't afford to give out more parts of himself.

"Yeah, yeah," Alex grumbled, reaching up to ruffle Luke's hair before he reached for another forkful of fries. "Tell me something I don't know."

Across the table, Willie pinned him with a considering look that Alex ignored.

There was nothing to see here.

-:-:-:-:-:-

It was a problem, Alex knew it was a problem, he just didn't know how he was supposed to handle it.

There was an obvious solution – or not solution, necessarily, but an inevitability that they were slowly but surely hurtling towards. One day, Alex was going to crack, the lines were going to get blurred too much and he was going to overstep them, and then one of them – likely Bobby – would be forced to put Alex in his place. To explain that while he may cuddle and dote on and spoon, he could not ask for more, because they didn't want more from him. Eventually, Alex's resolve was going to shatter and the force of his love was going to unleash into a messy pile of dribble that they would be forced to endure before they said thanks but no thanks, and at that point, Alex was either going to have to accept them as just friends or quit the band.

He'd been weighing the far-reaching implications of both options when a third presented itself quite accidentally, cornering him at his car after school one day.

"Alex," the girl greeted, and it took the drummer a few moments to recognize that it was Kayla from Dirty Candy, the slighter teen harder to place without her familiar lilac wig. "I have a business proposition for you."

The statement made Alex pause, the blond looking Kayla over carefully. They didn't share many classes, and she didn't seem to be toting around one of those 'World's Greatest Chocolate Bar' cases that extracurriculars liked to use as fundraisers sometimes, but that didn't mean he was completely off the hook.

"What can I help you with?" Alex asked, keeping his tone neutral and trying not to fidget with the straps of his backpack. The others were riding with Bobby today because Alex needed to make a stop before rehearsal – picking something up from the pharmacy for his mom, and even though Reggie had offered to keep him company, Alex had waved them on under the guise of letting them have couple alone time. In practical terms though, Alex just needed some space to breathe.

Still, he missed them.

"It's more like what can we do to help each other," Kayla said, a small smirk pulling at her lips. "You're not dating anyone right now."

Alex tried not to tense, but knew from the quirk of her brow that he hadn't succeeded. "My focus is on the band and school; I don't really have time for a relationship."

"Relax, blondie, I feel the same way," Kayla said, which actually made the tension in Alex's shoulders ease somewhat. "I don't have time for a relationship," she explained. "At least, I don't have time for a real one, but I've determined that having the appearance of one would provide certain benefits that are particularly appealing."

"Such as…?" Alex prompted, curious as to what her game was.

"Such as stopping people from asking me out all the time," Kayla said. "Some of them really can't take a hint, and it'd be nice to have someone to take photos with at all the dances – stuff like that."

"That does sound… good," Alex settled on, musing over her logic. Despite his insistence that he was focused on his schoolwork, his parents still made noises about him getting a girlfriend. Sometimes he thought they prioritized that over his academic achievements, and as much as he wanted to tell himself that was likely his anxiety talking, he knew there was a good chance that wasn't the case at all.

"Cool," Kayla chirped, giving him a wide grin. "So, wanna be my for-appearances-only boyfriend? We don't have to go on dates or anything – both of us are too busy with our own respective bands, but we'll post the occasional selfie together and hang out at school, do enough to keep people off our backs."

On one hand, it was a sort of terrible idea, because Alex was very much gay, but on the other…

"Can you like, give me some ground rules?" Alex asked, making her pause. "Expectations, I mean. I don't- I don't want to be like, an obnoxious boyfriend or whatever."

"Aw, you're so sweet," she cooed. "Look, no one's going to expect us to kiss or anything since you're such a stickler for rules, but you can hold my hand or wrap an arm around my shoulders – stuff like that."

"Then… okay," Alex said, realizing that this was the miracle he'd been hoping for. Maybe it would make it less obvious that he was totally in love with his bandmates. "So um- what do we say when people ask how we started dating?"

"That I asked you out and you said yes," Kayla said with a grin. "We connected on a performer-to-performer level."

"Cool," Alex said, wondering if he could really do this. Well, he was kind of committed now. "Should we uh- take that first selfie?"

"Sure," Kayla said, and then she coaxed him to kiss her cheek while she took the shot, which Alex could only hope he was not entirely awkward for, even though he certainly felt that way.

Woohoo, look at him, breaking his no-dating streak. The guys would be thrilled, he was sure.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Endnotes:

I'm sure everyone and their mother will be surprised to learn that the guys are, in fact, not thrilled by this information, lol.

Until next time :)