Title: Death of a Straw Hat
Author: Diabolikal Rapture / Britt
Summary: Grissom stumbles upon a gruesome crime scene and has to interpret the evidence to uncover the murderer of the beloved victim.
Disclaimer: Don't own CSI, or GSR, or Grissom's "wicked cool" hat. But I do own the right to murder said hat over and over and over and over and over and I think you get my point.
A/N: Haven't had time at all lately. Lost all the stuff I've been trying to work on, so most of my ideas are either gone or barely there in my mind. Watching some earlier season 6, had some creative bursts as well as some crazyness, and thought up this idea. It's not supposed to be anything serious, as you can tell by the title and summary, just a little fun, hopefully it's humorous in some way and not completely lame. Excuse any uncharacter-like behavior, esp. Griss. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks I can get some more fics going. One day I'll learn how to write a proper summary. Anyhoo, as always let me know what y'all think. / Britt
Death of a Straw Hat
Part One : The Usual Suspects
Grissom stared down at the documents he gripped in his hands as he made his way through the corridors with ease. He didn't even need to look up to know his way around the maze of the Las Vegas lab. He turned into his office and headed straight to his desk where an inevitable pile of even more paperwork would be there awaiting his attention. He leant back in his chair as he set the documents down and turned his chair to face the work before him.
He reached for the folder on top of the pile, but something to the left of the pile caught his eye. He frowned as he moved his chair closer, and closer once more. He adjusted his glasses, and peered down at the sight before him. He breathed in quickly, the shock of what he saw hit him hard. A lump formed in his throat, it became a little harder or him to breathe.
There, on top of the small cabinet beside his desk it lay…limp. He suddenly realized that his office was no longer just an office, but a crime scene. Someone had been in there, someone may have stood in this very spot, and committed this…He couldn't bring himself to think of it. Anger welled in him as he grabbed a pair of tweezers from his desk and gently lifted his beloved straw hat. The very same straw hat that had been to countless crime scenes, had protected him from the harsh Nevada sun, and had been the object of ridicule for the past few months.
He almost growled as he made another realization. The same people who ridiculed this poor straw hat could be that pitiful person who committed this crime, this murder. He gently laid the hat back down in its original position. He was careful, creating the most minimal disturbance as he laid it to rest. He stared at it for a while, not entirely sure of why he couldn't bare to look away. He needed to find out who did this. He needed to know, and he at least owed it to his loyal hat. Under its protection he was never sun burnt. It had performed its job, now it was his turn to perform his.
He gripped the wheel of crime scene tape as he sealed the entrance to the crime scene. Lab workers cast him quizzical glances as they passed, but he ignored them. Before he processed the scene he needed to search for a confession. If the offender didn't come clean straight away, things would only get a lot worse for them with every minute that ticked by. He angrily stormed down the corridor. No one messed with Grissom, and no one messed with his straw hat.
---------------------------
"You're wondering why I'm standing here, and why you haven't been issues assignments yet. A heinous crime has been committed, right under the roof of this lab. What we all thought could never happen, has happened, and it might cause us all to re-think how safe we all are."
The CSI's were concerned. They hadn't seen any taped off areas, any signs of anything other than normal, every day work. They waited for him to continue. He glanced at them all, each seemed equally concerned. Either all of them were, and so cleared themselves as being the culprit, or one of them was as good an actor as an investigator. He gathered his thoughts and continued.
"Sometime in the past 8-10 hours, someone entered by office in this very lab. This same person, whoever they are, committed the worst kind of crime...they killed." Before they could ask him any questions he continued on, "the victim was known by all of us, but was held dearest to me. My straw hat, the very hat I often wear to crime scenes outdoors, was viciously attacked, and as a result, sadly, my hat didn't make it."
They all stared at him, their mouths open, all shocked and a little confused by what he had just said.
"I'm sorry - what?" She asked, her face wrinkling as she ran his sentence through her mind once more. She wasn't sure she'd just heard what she thought she had.
"Somebody, someone in this lab, maybe even in this very room right now..." he said as he quickly scanned the room, making eye contact with each of his co-workers, each struggling to maintain their composure,"...committed a crime which involved the destruction of my straw hat!"
"Your straw hat..."Sara said, trying to clarify the situation. Her concern quickly melted away. She desperately held back her trademark grin. This was just too much to bear.
"Yes, my straw hat." Grissom repeated, his features held stern, he was completely serious.
Nick covered his mouth and coughed, his first lame attempt at keeping himself from bursting into laughter. He glanced over at Warrick who had decided to stare across the room. Looking at any of his co-workers would lead to the kind of laughter that made you double over in pain. Greg sat beside him, picturing the 'heinous crime' play out within Grissom's office.
A dark silhouette carefully opened Grissom's office door, closing it gently behind them as they stayed within the shadows. They slowly moved along the walls, making their way towards the desk, the natural home of the straw hat victim. Greg imagined the theme from Jaws, the music heard as the shark approached its victims...slowly the music gained momentum as the silhouette snuck up on the unsuspecting victim. Suddenly a large butcher's knife appeared from beneath the intruder's trench coat, the blade shining in the moonlight which cascaded in from the inexistent windows...the music climaxed as the blade was withdrawn high into the air and then plunged into the straw hat. Blood spattered across the documents on Grissom's desk as the victim let out a deafening scream before falling silent. All that remained was the bloodied corpse, the blood-stained yellow, cold, lifeless...dead.
Greg let out a short burst of laughter which faded into a giggle, and then silence as he received a glare from Grissom.
"Do you find something about this funny Greg? This isn't a laughing matter. I'd appreciate it if you'd take this as seriously as I am." Grissom said. Greg's outburst put him at the top of Grissom's suspect list.
Catherine smirked at the scene that was playing out, unable to hide her amusement with the situation. Finally someone had put that crime of fashion where it belonged. She mused. Grissom didn't see that hat as a crime of fashion; he didn't have a single thread of fashion sense in his scientific body. The only thing he saw was the 'crime' committed against that stupid straw hat. She shook her head. This was ridiculous. She had a previous case to work on.
"If you're finished, Grissom, I'm going to get back to work, the kind of work that involves real victims, not pieces of woven straw." With that, she spun on the balls of her heels and hightailed her way out of the break room. Her colleagues could deal with Grissom's latest oddity; she had better things to do.
"Ooooooh," Warrick murmured as he watched her leave. He wished he had the balls to do the same, but he didn't want to draw Grissom's attention. The sooner this crap was dealt with, the better. He began to wonder if this would all end with Grissom being wheeled away into the back of a van, tightly wrapped in a straitjacket and strapped to a chair. He felt the urge to bet Nick that that would happen, but he'd wait until after this meeting had finished before any bets were suggested.
Grissom silently added Catherine to the top of his suspect list below Greg.
Nick really had no clue what was going on. Grissom had cracked. He'd often heard that the best way to deal with a situation such as this was to play along, and that's exactly what he was going to do. He cleared his throat before he spoke.
"Umm, so do you need a hand processing the scene? Bagging evidence, dusting for prints..." He trailed off.
Grissom began to open his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Sara.
"Yeah, and while you're doing that, Warrick and I can collect the hat's DNA and run a background check, try to find any other kind of hat, maybe a sombrero, that could've held a grudge against your straw hat." She couldn't help but grin now. She was certain this was all some kind of joke.
Grissom didn't look impressed. Another suspect was added to the mental list. Warrick let out a laugh.
"Grissom, you're playing with us aren't you? There's no way you're being serious…How can your hat be murdered? It was never alive in the first place!" He let out, he was still in disbelief that his boss, a man that he greatly respected, had stooped down to this level.
Grissom frowned. Yet another suspect added to his list.
---------------------------
Grissom cleared a workspace for himself at Greg's desk and began to write down everything, every little negative comment ever made about his straw hat that he could remember, in the hopes of trying to slim down the suspects list. He pictured each of his workers, each of them threatening the straw hat with a different weapon in a different situation...
The darkness within the office lifted, revealing Greg and the straw hat. He held the hat away from his body, gripping it by the rim as he dangled it carelessly above a cigarette lighter. He chuckled as he lit the hat on fire and the orange glow flickered against the surroundings.
Grissom frowned. That wasn't it. That wasn't the method anyway. He thought of the next suspect he had lined up.
Catherine snuck into the office and switched on the light, cornering the straw hat as she raised the gun she gripped in her hands. She fired. Three bullets met the hat, leaving three round smoking circles in its exterior, the echo of the shots and Catherine's murderous laughter sounded around the lab...
No, that wasn't right either. He thought of the next suspect, the second last to enter his list before the meeting had ended.
Sara kicked open the door, her hands full as she held onto two beakers full of strong acid. She quickly crossed the room, closing the space between her and her victim in seconds. She grinned as she began to tip the beakers, pouring acid down onto straw hat. First it smoked, and then it burned. Tiny holes became larger as the acid ate away at the poor hats exterior, leaving nothing but a hat which resembled Swiss cheese.
He scowled at himself.
Warrick stretched out a piece of packing tape as he entered the office, finding the straw hat asleep at Grissom's desk. He caught it by surprise, covering its mouth with the first piece of tape before taping the hat to the desk chair. He smiled a sinister smile as he rolled the hat into the corridors and towards the fire exit. The door opened, the straw hat struggled, but it couldn't escape. He pushed the chair down the staircase, the chair rolling its way down the first few stairs before toppling and bouncing down to the bottom...
And then Nick….well he escaped his suspicions for now. He was the only one who wanted to help, and that had to count for something. Grissom sighed as he felt a migraine develop at his temples. He wasn't good with hypothetical situations. He could only rule out the methods used, not the suspects. What he needed was evidence, and that would point him in the direction of the killer. Once he knew how it was done, he could narrow down who it was done by, and why it had been done at all. That's what was troubling him most of all. He headed back to the scene for processing. With him on the case this murder would be solved in no time at all.
Who did it? Who murdered Grissom's poor, defenseless, and equally tasteless straw hat?
So, it's probably me who should be wheeled away in a straitjacket and taking to the crazy house. It's pretty whacked, I know it is, y'all can tell me that it is, I don't mind. Excuse typo's, comp's doing that thing where it gets rid of spaces in between words, also, I'm half asleep, so please forgive grammatical errors. It ended up longer than I intended for it to be. If there is any kind of interest this will probably go for another two shorter parts, so please review.