"Someone looks happy this morning." Brooke stated cheerfully as she walked into the kitchen that morning.
Haley smiled and looked at her tea. "I actually genuinely don't know if I'm ecstatic or devastated."
Brooke's eyebrow quirked up, and her curiosity was ignited. "Don't tell me, Nathan had something to do with this."
Haley chuckled. He really was the centre of her universe, wasn't he? "Yes."
"Don't 'yes' me, what happened?" she nudged Haley impatiently.
"He helped me out last night," tutor wife started, "And then he came over here for the night." At the pleased look on her friend's face, Haley quickly continued, "We didn't do anything, of course. He just… he held me all night long. And Nathan, he told me that he's always loved me."
"Where's the sad here?" Brooke softly prodded.
"He said that it was a one time thing. That nothing's changed. He said he doesn't trust me anymore…" she murmured to the counter top. "He said he didn't want to string me along."
"Oh Haley." Brooke sighed sympathetically. She wrapped an arm around her shoulder comfortingly. "He said he still loves you, and if he cares about you, I'm sure things will work out. With time, he'll learn to trust you again."
"Brooke?" Haley quietly said after a moment of silence.
"…Haley?" the brunette raised an eyebrow.
"If you were Nathan, would you forgive me?" she couldn't help herself.
"If my husband ran off with some hot singer after I specifically said I didn't want him to, and then after I called them a billion times they call me back to say they'll be on TV-which ends up being a very couple-y thing with the previously mentioned hot singer… And on top of that, they dismiss me after I drive all the way up there to try to work out the problems. And then, further more, they don't even come back when I was just in an almost fatal accident. A while later, they come crawling back on my doorstep with no warning, begging for things to be back to the way they were…" Brooke rambled. On the increasingly devastated look growing on Haley's face, she finished with, "Um, sure I'd forgive you. Who wouldn't?"
Haley took a savage bite of her toast. "I know I royally screwed up."
"If it's true love, it'll work out. Call me a naïve romantic bit I say if you're both in love, then nothing on this earth can get between you." Brooke smiled.
"Thanks for the pep talk." She snorted. "But speaking of true love prevailing, how much longer will you be taunting Luke?"
"Until I know he won't hurt me again." She answered.
"Being a naïve romantic myself, I'd like to cite the ever-cheesy quote: 'love is giving a person the ability to break your heart but trusting them not to.' Or something to that effect. So, if you do love him, shouldn't you let the past go and embrace the new and improved guy who's devoted to you?" Haley pointed out.
"I tried that route and he did break my heart. I'm trying to believe that it will never happen again but-" Brooke started.
"The once a cheater, always a cheater mindset?" Haley nodded. "I say we stop moping about guys."
"You're actually declaring this for once?" she said, clearly happily taken aback.
"I'm in Luke's position I suppose. I've made my point, now there's nothing to do but wait until the object of my affection finally takes me back. Or moves on." She shrugged. "But I feel that there is serious moving on from my part that needs to happen. I can't base my life on Nathan. Or else what will happen to me if he says no for sure?"
"You're being freakishly mature about this." Brooke said suspiciously.
Haley smiled. "I hurt him. I've got to accept that there are serious consequences. And I've gotten what I wanted, I suppose. He didn't take me back, but I do know for sure that he hasn't fallen out of love with me. I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with that for now."
"Mm. What's say we have a girl's day? We shouldn't be sitting here moaning about guys. Let's call Peyton." Brooke suggested.
"And then we can form a moping trio." Haley smiled wryly. "Peyton isn't exactly known for bringing in the sunshine to a room."
"That's it. We're going to the mall." Brooke grabbed her friend's arm and pulled her up. The two marched off to the door, and they both had to admit, if they had little hope in their love life, they had plenty to party over with their friendships.
Once in the car, Brooke called Peyton's cell to find that it wasn't on. She frowned. "I keep telling her to leave that thing on, but will she ever listen?"
Haley shook her head and grinned. "Oh well. There's shopping to be done, right?" She knew she was going to be exhausted in about one hour. Brooke and the mall equated to an Olympic event that required several years of training to be able to get through in one piece. Trying to keep up with the bubbly brunette would be enough to hopefully keep her mind off Nate. Haley smiled to herself. Sure, Hales, sure.
While Brooke was working hard to cure Haley's blahs, Nathan was lying in his bed at his parent's house, alone. He had lost the one guy who could possibly care enough to bring him out of his dark cloud of misery, Lucas. It was ironic, really. The reason behind his sadness was the reason his brother wasn't here to take away the sadness. Nathan was glad that Haley had a support system, he was grateful for the knowledge that she would be taken care of. But sometimes, just sometimes, he wanted to be taken care of himself.
"Where were you last night?" The smooth, oily, and altogether malicious voice of Nathan's father questioned him. Nathan didn't move his gaze from the ceiling. "Nathan. You know she can only hurt you. You need to let that Britney Spears wannabe go. She will bring you down."
Nathan chose not to respond, and managed to restrain himself from telling his dad to do something to himself.
"Get the annulment, son."
"Get the divorce, dad." Nathan answered impassively.
"She doesn't care about you."
"She cares about me more than mom ever did about you in all your years of marriage." Nathan finally met Dan's eyes.
"Still holding onto hope that she'll stay with you, are you? Women are fickle. The moment it suits her, she'll leave you again. Accept it, Nathan, Haley loves music more than she loves you."
His pleasant tone made Nathan want to rip out the man's eyes. Instead, he merely stood up. "Don't you have something better to do than obsess over the love lives of two teenagers?"
"I do when it could determine the basketball future of my son!" Dan's voice had lost the calmness and was developing a rather heavy edge. Nathan chuckled hollowly and left his father standing alone in the doorway. He walked out the door and got into his car. Anywhere would be better than being in the same building as his father.
What did Nathan want, above all? When it came down to it, didn't he want Haley again? What, then, was keeping him from her? He always found an answer for his doubts, but sometimes Nathan wondered if it was only his own childishness that was preventing him from having that which would make him happiest. He was not going to be the lovesick sap he had once become. If there was one thing he was certain about, it was that there were things more important than love.
Wasting time thinking about such ridiculous things would not help him, so once again he found himself at the gym. Some part of his brain must have known that this obsessive need to work out was probably quite unhealthy, but the rest of him was too focussed on blocking out emotions and thoughts to worry about anything.
Nathan was seriously kicking himself for giving in and spending the night with Haley, even if they hadn't done anything. He had been trying to keep up the mask of not caring anymore, and in one night he had just ruined months of meticulous coldness. He didn't doubt that Haley would look at him differently now. He knew that she would respect his wishes and wouldn't cling onto him, but he also knew that she had a tendency to wear her heart on her sleeve, and odds were that even a glance from her would cripple him with her emotion. But damn, it had felt so amazingly good…he hadn't felt so complete, so utterly comforted, in so, so long.
He couldn't do this. He couldn't just pretend that he didn't want to be with her. His fear of being hurt again was hurting him so much that he was beginning to wonder if he really was just torturing himself and Haley by not opening his arms to her again.
Vulnerability was not something Nathan wore well. Neither were indecision or hesitation. With another heavy sigh, he tried again to block out the conflicting emotions and lowered himself to do crunches.
"Doesn't this just make everything feel better?" Brooke beamed, walking out of what seemed like the hundredth store they had been in that day. Haley all but staggered out behind her, clutching onto four bags, three of them belonging to Brooke, seeing as though her own hands were busy with her other six bags.
"How are you going to find the time to wear everything you buy? You've got to have enough clothes to warm a nation by now." Haley joked.
"I don't wear them all myself, Tutor wife." Brooke pointed out, giving her friend an incredulous look. "I usually let most of my friends borrow clothes, I'd say a quarter of my closet is always divided up among several other people."
"Don't you worry that they won't give them back?"
"Please. Like they would steal from Brooke Davis." She shook her head. "Besides, they always end up back in my possession eventually, or I just let them have it if they really are taken with it and I'm bored with it."
"You're something else, Brooke." Haley laughed. Brooke grinned. Her grin widened when she spotted a familiar blonde.
"Peyton! There you are! You turned your cell off, again." Brooke exclaimed. She jogged up to her friend and thrust two bags at her. "Here, help me with these, will you?"
Peyton blinked in surprise, not even having time to say something before she found herself grabbing hold of the bags before she toppled over.
"Hey Peyton." Haley smiled. Curiously, she added, "Since when do you hang out by yourself in the mall?"
"We were just having a girl's day, to get our minds off the male population and all the crap they bring with them. Come, join us, we can hit a few more stores." Brooke was thrilled.
"Guys, can I say something-?" Peyton finally interjected.
"What?" Brooke said impatiently.
"I can't come with you-"
"Why not?"
Her question was answered a moment later when another familiar blonde rounded the corner, two coffees and a take-out container in his hands.
"Luke!" Haley enthused and strode forward to greet her best friend.
"Hey," he smiled, though he was obviously puzzled by the sight of them.
"You were at the mall with Lucas?" Brooke narrowed her eyes.
Peyton looked somewhat guilty, but didn't look away. "Um, yeah, yes I am."
"…Here." Lucas muttered uncomfortably, handing Peyton her coffee.
"You didn't even tell me!" Brooke stated.
"What, do I have to tell you every time I do something?" Peyton asked, keeping her voice teasing, though with a very small hint of defensiveness.
"No, you don't, but it feels like you were hiding this from me."
"I don't make it a habit to bring up Luke, not when you pretty much either get depressed or angry every time the topic of his name comes up." Peyton pointed out. "And just because you're torturing him, doesn't mean I have to. He's my friend, Brooke."
"Brooke, if you have a problem with it-" Lucas gently said.
"I don't have a problem with anything." Brooke clenched her teeth.
"Stop with the mind games, would you?" he sighed in frustration.
"This was exactly why I wanted a girl's day." She muttered.
"Could you stop freaking out over nothing?" Luke said.
"Excuse me?" she raised her eyebrows. "You're really doing a good job of winning me over now, Scott."
"I'm sick of trying to win you over! If you don't want me for who I am, then I don't know what more I can do." He shut his eyes.
"I thought you'd be on my side." Brooke turned her attention back to Peyton.
"Brooke, not that I want to butt in on something that's none of my business, but, well, Peyton was kind of Lucas's friend before you were…" Haley tentatively defended Peyton. Peyton gave the girl a warm, thankful smile, but her eyes were telling her to shut up before Brooke turned on her too.
"Do you guys want to know something?" Brooke's voice had gone cold. "Haley, Nathan won't be with you. Peyton, Jake left you. Lucas, you broke my heart and I don't want anything serious from you anymore. We're all alone and screwed up, and through both of your-" she jabbed at her female friends "-heartaches, I've been there for you. What happened to Hoes over Bros?"
"I simply went to the mall with a friend." Peyton tiredly said.
"Maybe we should just go our separate ways?" Haley suggested.
"I think we should address the problem. We've been arguing and dancing around arguing for weeks. It's plain that we need to talk." Lucas sighed. "But I'm kind of talked out."
"Maybe I should just leave you three to it, after all, this really is none of my business." Haley shifted uncomfortably and began to sidestep the group.
"Are you sure? You don't have to leave, Hales." Lucas held out his hand and touched her arm as she walked by him.
"I actually would prefer to not get caught up in everyone's love lives when mine is already taking up all my effort and attention." Haley smiled wryly. "Uh…good luck? Call me later, okay, Luke?"
He nodded and whispered, "Way to leave me with a lion."
Haley laughed and patted his back. She looked at the other girls. Brooke was pouting and Peyton was examining her cell phone. "Bye…" The two gave Haley a wave and as she left them, she saw Brooke advance closer to Lucas, tightening their little triangle.
Haley shook her head and kept walking, altogether quite relieved to be out of the cross fires. With a twinge of regret, she remembered that she had rode in Brooke's car to get down to the mall in the first place. The distance from the mall to her apartment was too far to walk, and the only money she had was a debit card and three quarters. Haley silently cursed herself for getting a croissant at the mall, that one baked good had wiped her of possible bus fare. She thought for a moment, and decided to head over to Karen's Café, which was about half way between her apartment and the mall. If nothing else, she could hang out with Karen for a half hour, call Brooke to tell her where she was, and then maybe work there until Brooke was ready to pick her up.
Part way there, Haley was fighting the temptation to throw the shopping bags away. They were full, hard to carry, and consistently brushing against her legs as she walked, which happened to annoy her more than it should. She inwardly laughed. Her friendship with rich girl Brooke and her relationship with wealthy Nathan Scott had made her too used to the creature comfort of a car.
When one of her bags slipped out her hand for the umpteenth time, the girl released a sigh. One of the dark shirts inside fell out, and Haley hoped that Brooke wouldn't be mad at the slight dirt that was now tainting the front of the shirt. She put down the other three bags and kneeled in an attempt to clean up the shirt.
"Stupid bags. Stupid shirt. Stupid mall. Stupid Brooke with her stupid clothes!" Haley mumbled melancholy. She glared at the bags. You know what would make this absolutely perfect? If it suddenly started raining, right now. Come on, cliché. Of course, she instantly berated herself for thinking those thoughts when a crack of thunder resonated through the air. "UGH!" she exclaimed, shutting her eyes in exasperation as she felt the first drops of rain connect with her face. Maybe she could just hide out in a store of some sort until the rain abated?
"Haley?" Haley's head shot up in surprise. It was Nathan, slowing his car down to a stop beside the curb. She wanted to die. She was wet and kneeled on the ground like some pathetic…girl with no car stuck in the rain. "Uh, do you need a ride?"
Feeling embarrassed, she nodded minutely and got up. She managed to restrain herself from throwing the bags into the backseat; instead she gently placed them in the back before she slid into the passenger seat.
"Thank you." She said quietly.
"You aren't purposely getting yourself into these situations just so I have to save you, are you?" he quirked his eyebrow up. Haley glanced at him indignantly and realized he was joking. Not that his hard impassive voice gave that away. He wasn't even looking at her. But his eyes were soft, unlike the rest of him.
"I didn't ask for those guys to try and rob me, and right now? I blame Brooke for stranding me at the mall with no ride." Haley explained, suddenly finding her hands very interesting to look at. This time, she noticed the corner of his mouth lift up ever so slightly. "Could you stop it, Nathan?"
"What do you mean?" he frowned.
"You've got your front back up. The one you held up when I first knew you. And I know that you're purposely restraining yourself from smiling, and laughing, and showing any kind of emotion at all except for coldness. I get it. You and me? Not happening at the moment. So now that you've delivered your message, would you mind de-freezing and actually act like a human? I feel like I'm talking to a robot." She rambled. After a pause, she gave a nervous chuckle. "…Sorry. It's been a crappy day. I can't believe I just said all that. And I'm still talking. I'm going to close my mouth now. And please don't say anything, I think I'm embarrassed enough as it is."
To her surprise, an almost foreign sound entered her ears. Nathan was laughing! She looked at him and her jaw dropped.
He glanced at her and laughed harder upon seeing her expression. "Your wish is my command."
"…What?" Haley frowned.
"Haley, can't you see? You've been acting almost robotic around me too. You've been so caught up in showing me that you want me back that you've been stopping yourself from getting angry at me. Every time I said something rude, you'd take it. Do you know how much that surprised me? The woman I knew didn't take my crap. That's why I was with you to begin with, you were a total nerd and proud to proclaim it." Nathan smiled.
"My God, and you're still smiling. And you're talking civilly to me. What is this, the twilight zone?" Haley stared at him.
"Maybe I've finally fallen off the deep end." He stated cheerfully.
She continued staring at him. "Nathan?"
"Yeah?"
"What the hell is going on right now?" she gaped. "We're conversing. Without angst and tears. Are you high? Or drunk?"
He sharply turned to her. "You really think I'd risk driving a car with you in it if I were under the influence?"
"You're confusing me, Nathan." Haley finally sighed, "What is this? You act so cold towards me, and then you say you love me but you can't be with me, and now you're acting as if there's nothing horrible between us."
"You want the truth?" he said. "I'm sick of hurting. I need a release. And I'm so tired of pretending around you. I can't stand to pretend like I don't care when I make you cry. I can't act like I don't love you, I'm fucking sick of telling you that I don't want you, that I don't want to be with you, when inside I'm dying inside because you're not with me. My arms hurt from not holding you, and God, I don't know. I just snapped."
Haley impulsively leaned over and pulled on Nathan's letterman's jacket to bring his face closer to hers. Her eyes closed and her lips connected with his. It was really lucky that it had been during a red light that she had done this, especially considering she didn't just kiss him lightly. Nathan pulled back.
"I shouldn't have done that, should I?" Haley whispered.
"No." he exhaled.
"This is the part where you say, 'screw everything, Haley! It doesn't matter what we should or shouldn't do, let's have hot, sweaty make-up sex!'" Haley blurted out.
"You really are word vomiting a lot today, aren't you?" he raised his eyebrows.
"You just said that you're sick of not being with me, unless you're choosing to block out that statement." Haley pointed out. "So, what does that mean for us exactly? Because with you, I'm never sure."
"It means that I still love you but I need time to trust you again."
"Like hell! Time? Time will push us apart and dull our feelings if you don't let me in. To trust me again, you have to be willing to try again. It means that I want you. You want me. We want each other. But somehow, you'll still find a mediocre reason to push me away." Haley crossed her arms.
"How is it that you are mad at me?" Nathan blinked. "Ever since you've been back, it's been the other way around."
"That was before you told me that you do want to be with me, after all." Haley pouted.
"Since when do you pout?"
"Pull over."
"What?"
"Nathan Scott, pull the damn car over right now!" He did as he was told. Haley swung open the door and got out.
"Haley!" he yelled, getting out himself and running to catch up with her.
She whirled around. "You care enough to chase me, yes?"
"Of course."
"I don't know how much longer I can deal with your confusing mind games."
"You mean you're going to give up?"
"No, I mean you're going to drive me to insanity if you don't make up your mind and stick with it soon."
"Haley, just get back in the car. It's raining. I'm wet, it's cold, let me drive you back to your apartment-"
"And then we'll forget this ever happened? No way." Haley muttered, though it really was cold, and so she did stalk back to his car.
"I'm sorry if I'm confusing you." Nathan said slowly as the two sat in his car. "The reason I can't tell you what's going on, what I want, what's going to happen… I can't tell you because I'm confused, too. I have no freaking idea how to handle this, it's not like I've had much experience with all this before. I know I don't want to hurt you anymore."
"If you need time, can't we find a healthy medium between marriage and being separated?" Haley asked, looking into his very perplexed eyes.
"We can't go back to the way we were." Nathan said heavily.
"Fuck this." Haley groaned.
"Did Haley James just say the f word?" Nathan laughed. Haley pulling him to her again in a kiss cut him off mid laugh.
"I love you, Nathan."
"Well, I love you too, Hales." He said, somewhat uncertainly.
"No matter what you say, that really is all that matters." Haley whispered. "Do you know how much I miss you?"
"I'm sure you've heard the stories of how I took to your leaving. It's pretty redundant to say that I missed you too." He replied. She closed her eyes and re-opened them, and her hands found his smooth cheekbone.
She slipped her fingers through his hair and settled on his lap. In a moment, she had taken off his jacket and he wasn't making any attempt to stop her.
His shirt thrown off and his bare back pressed against the steering wheel, Nathan gasped out, "Haley, what are we doing?"
"Having hot sweaty make-up sex, Nate." She answered with a smile. That was enough for him. Nathan wrapped his arms around his wife and slid his fingers under her shirt. His lips grazed her neck and he soon lost himself in her.
An hour later, Haley was resting against Nathan's chest. "Oh my God. We just had sex in a car on the side of the road!"
Nathan looked at her. "I think I have to say that I like make-up sex. It brings out a whole different side to you."
"Stop smirking, what if we get arrested?"
"You're such a dork. Hales, this isn't illegal." He laughed and brushed his lips against her forehead.
"You realize that we still haven't solved any of our problems, right?" Haley shook her head.
"Sure we have. We've solved the serious withdrawal I was going through. Months without that was painful."
"You are such a guy."
"I am still your guy, though."
"What about the annulment?"
"That had always been Dan's idea. To hell with it."
"So we're still married?"
"Let's just see where it goes."
"And hope that today wasn't some result of two hormonal teenagers losing their heads?"
"Don't worry, Haley. I know I take back a lot of stuff, but I'm not going to regret this." Nathan gave her a squeeze on the shoulder and he wrapped his letterman's jacket around her. "Now let's get off this road before someone we recognize drives by. Do you want to go back to my beach house?" At her look, he expanded, "I don't want to be away from you yet."
Haley smiled and slid back into her seat. "Wherever you go, I'll follow."
A/N: I pretty much have no idea where all this came from. I started typing, and this is what came up. I haven't decided if I like this yet.I have the feeling it completely ruins the story, so I'll probably sleep on it, and if I hate it when I re-read it in a few days, I'll re-write and re-post it. I just felt like putting up more for this story, so never fear, if you think it's crap, I may re-do it. Reviewers, xoxoxo
