Jokes, Whims, & Coincidences

Chapter Six, With Feeling

Orihara Izaya: Smaller Implements of Information


If you were to keep things focused on the girl Sosa had found on our previous excursion, there wouldn't be much to talk about. I hadn't been lying when I said I knew nothing about her, which almost went to unsettle me in its own way. While it was impossible for me to know every little thing in the universe, I prided myself on knowing anything I could. But apparently my appearance had prevented Sosa from finding anything else out either, not even a name. So we were mutually clueless in the end.

Not that it really mattered to me. Sosa showed far more interest in the girl than I did, so it would bother her much more. Was that my competitiveness again? I had Shizu-chan to blame for that one. It was all the years in high school with him around that gave birth to that sort of behavior.

If the subject of Shizu-chan was your transition, that gave you a slightly wider range of things to discuss. While she withheld her curiosity as I continued showing her certain establishments, Sosa chose the next day she had work to question me. She walked into the penthouse before I had even gotten settled at my desk, took the chair that I had supplied for her own purposes (though not nearly an expensive as model as she had hinted that she wanted), and placed it opposite of where I usually sat.

Her body language screamed determination, from the serious expression to the arms folded across her chest. Sosa waited the good five minutes it took me to finish cleaning up after my breakfast without twitching a muscle. She just sat there, and I wondered what was so important that these particular methods were being used.

"My, my, you're sure looking serious this morning," I lightly commented as I settled down. I wondered exactly what part of the universe she was trying to relate to with that look, and chuckled at the concept. "I'm assuming there's something you want, yes?"

The seriousness on her face didn't suit her at all. Now don't get me wrong, Sosa had a certain level of sex appeal to make her almost some form of attractive, no matter what emotion was going on. But I had already adjusted to the much more natural carefree expression, so this didn't necessarily appeal to me. Not that I really had a type, nor was there any specific form of attraction. I did love all humans after all, supposed charm and other points aside. Playing favorites just wouldn't have been fair.

"Tell me the names of the primary figures of interest that reside in Ikebukuro," Sosa requested, though it was a fraction off from being considered a command. "The names of any other people you may think are relevant to this topic would be nice as well." Her expression didn't waver, not once. I admired that willpower.

"Oh, so you want information!" I happily stated, leaning back in the process. My left elbow came to place on its proper armrest, and I smiled at my employee. "I should have expected as much, considering recent events. Shizu-chan made you curious, huh? By the way, I can't just give out information for free." My words produced no physical change, and I could only imagine what was happening inside Sosa's head. "You've obviously decided to approach me as a customer, so I'm going to treat you like one. But depending on later situations, I may just tell you things if you ask nicely. Do you accept that?"

"As long as I get an employee discount, feel free to just subtract the amount from my pay," she replied calmly. "Do you treat all your clients with this same lack of efficiency? For shame." I ignored the comment in favor of consideration. I decided to see if my theories about her motivations were correct.

"You want to know this because you're going to view them as toys." Sosa's expression slid into a smile, but you couldn't classify it as your normal brand of happy. This was a bearer of sick intentions, and the amusement was only the under-bearing layer. I had held that same type of expression plenty of times before.

"Is it not natural for one to know all their options?" she asked. One hand went to the air beside her, palm facing upwards. "You have a set of options and then you pick the best one. And then the smart ones don't bother going through the lesser options, just find the best and choose from the best." She paused as if something new had just occurred to her. "Of course, that could be viewed as its own brand of stupidity, since the lesser options may have potential, but that's beside the point. So yes, I would like to select from the elite brand of fascination this city so obviously contains."

Her explanations were almost as lengthy as mine, and close in complexity as well. She delivered them with an ease that showed just how accustomed to her own state of mind she was. Most people when asked their motives gave some ridiculous answer without realizing the impulses beneath it. I bet even if I questioned such an action, she would probably break it down to "just an impulse, nothing more. That's something that happens to everyone," or something along those lines.

If she broke it down like that with effortlessness, that meant Sosa held an opinion on her mentality, or at least would have been able to construct one. The last speech implied having some sort of affection for humans, the very beings she had declared to hate. Naturally, I wanted to see how she could explain that.

"I'll cut you a deal," I stated, causing Sosa to tilt her head in curiosity. "If you tell me how you can supposedly hold both hatred for humans and yet hold such an interest in them, you can have the answer to your request for free."

"It's because they're toys!" Sosa lightly exclaimed without hesitation. Her former somber air had dissipated into an obvious excitement. I assumed that this was a topic of interest. "For example, let's say you have a male child who receives a doll as a present. You could alternatively place a female child with an action figure, or whatever. Seemingly sexist approaches aside, let's just say a child comes into possession of a toy they dislike, or even despise.

"However, this toy just so happens to be the only one they have. So they put up with it. They play with it because they have no other choice, and thus have an attachment to it. If people can find something to do with what they have, even if they hate it, they can be interested in it.

"And when you get into my case, I hate humans because they can be truly disgusting. I won't deny what makes them repulsive to me also interests me." Sosa laughed, enthusiasm abound. "Nothing else in this world fascinates me as much as the workings of the mind, predictable as they can be. Nothing gives me more pleasure than bending fragile emotions to my will, my advantage. Well, save for finding someone that's a challenge. And because nothing else can give me that, I will be play with these toys, hate them as I might."

Her head tilted as she continued to smile at me, though this one did come from happiness. As if telling me that was something she had wanted to do for a while, even though we had known each other for a few weeks. "Does that satisfy you, or do you want to hear more? I can keep going, though I topic will probably diverge after a while."

I shook my head, signaling the negative option. While I did want to hear more, I now knew what I had requested in the first place. There would be plenty of other opportunities in the future for that. Right now Sosa wanted information, and she had earned it.

So I told her.

I told her about anyone that may have fallen into that category. I restated both Shizu-chan and Celty, since they most certainly were "primary characters of interest," as she had so eloquently put it. Then there were both Simon and Dennis, the proprietors of Russia Sushi. The list was simple from there, and I went across the board, naming everyone I could think of from Kishitani Shinra to Kadota Kyohei. I kept details sparse for the sake of time, but Sosa didn't complain. She had only asked for names, anyway.

And clearly satisfied, Sosa smiled at me before picking up her chair and returning it to its rightful spot. She didn't sit down, however, instead choosing to walk back to the front of my desk. Her palms were placed on the surface, and Sosa leaned down, but remained at a level that was slightly higher than me. "Can I ask you something as an employee, then, Izaya-kun?" She paused. "As in, also free of charge?"

I chuckled at the extra addition, simply because it wasn't from mistrust. It was a form of precaution, because she probably would have extorted that loophole herself in a heartbeat. "Have at it," I stated my permission, making a small sweeping gesture with one hand as I did so.

"Are there any other particular things of interest you haven't told me about yet?" she asked, putting up a finger to indicate she wasn't done as I went to respond. "I don't mean in terms of nitpicky details. Sometimes things are more fun without those, as long as the lack of knowledge doesn't hinder your overall performance and execution. I mean like sources of information, places to watch for reliable updates of interesting things. I don't particularly care about your professional sources, either. But you have something like the Dollars, though, so it's safe to guess you have something else hidden up your sleeve, yes?"

"That description doesn't exactly scream 'reliable,' you know. Anywhere I send you with those requirements can be easily influenced by personal opinion and rumor."

Sosa grinned at me. "Personal opinion and rumor are still based in fact, plus gives you a better look at the psychological and sociological standings of the people giving the information. In my opinion, that is. Reality's just subjective, you should know that." She let out a slight giggle. "Besides, the Dollars is a lot like that right? And you're avoiding my question, too. But I'm not paying you, so I guess I can't complain much."

I considered it, but not what she had just said. I was considering the pros and cons of introducing her to a particular chatroom I frequented. It was a small group, only four including myself, but we did talk about interesting enough topics. So in essence, it fulfilled what she was seeking. Plus having someone else around would change things up a little bit.

"You can bring your chair over here, if you'd like. There is something I'd like to show you, now that you bring it up," I told her, and Sosa sighed dramatically. I ignored her and turned towards the dual computer set-up, pulling up the necessary link on both systems.

"This'd be a lot easier if you got me a new chair…" Sosa muttered, dragging the wheel-less seat back across the carpet.


"So if you're going to use that as your handle, does that mean I can call you 'Kakkoii-chan' without being glared at now?" I asked, watching as Sosa filled out her minimal registration for the chat room. I thought it was an innocent enough question, but it only earned me a light punch in the arm. "That's no way to treat your boss, Sosa-chan."

"You can call me that in text only," she stated seriously. "I really don't want that name being associated with me otherwise. I like having people call me 'manipulation' with no other choice." Then she laughed. "I suppose I'm a bit sadistic in that aspect. Not that it's all too surprising, considering the things I've done to people over the years."

I had wondered about her past, and I even looked a bit into her background not long after learning her name (which still surprised me that it was real). Both her parents seemed like stable enough individuals, taking away my half-hearted theory that only some less than sane individuals would name their kid that. As she had told me herself, they were both doctors, giving her a pretty decent lifestyle. But records of her early years weren't particularly fascinating, and there wasn't much on her in recent times either, considering her excursion to America. What really intrigued me was that, while she had clearly gone to high school, according to their records, aside from the fact that she had enrolled and graduated there, she didn't exist. Granted, the three year period she should have been there was poorly documented, but still.

"And Izaya-kun's definitely a sadist, too, right?" Sosa stated with no remorse. "I mean he has to be since he's a lot like me." She said it as if I wasn't sitting right next to her. "He plays with people 'cause they're fun, especially when he can put them in sorrow. He likes making it so their lives are miserable. Which is kinda odd for a guy who claims he loves them, right? But still, he's really bad about it. Just sits there and watches with enjoyment as his own loyal, loyal, loyal employee suffers with this piece of crap chair…"

"Enough about the chair already."


Kanra has joined the room.
Kakkoii_chan has joined the room.

Kanra: Hello~~!
Kakkoii_chan: Hey.
Kanra: Ah, no one else is here yet!
Kanra: Not fair, Kakkoii-chan, I want you to meet everyone!
Kakkoii_chan: Why's your avatar a girl?
Kakkoii_chan: You really are a creeper huh?
Kanra: That's just mean!
Kanra: Am I not allowed to be a girl?
Kakkoii_chan: It's just creepy, okay!
Kakkoii_chan: What are you gonna do, act like a girl and use that to your advantage?
Kakkoii_chan: It's probably easier to drag people in when acting like a girl as opposed to a boy, huh?
Kanra: Must you assume everything I do involves kidnapping people?
Kanra: Besides, who's gonna think it's me in here if I'm a girl?
Kakkoii_chan: I guess…
Kakkoii_chan: Still creepy, tho.
Kakkoii_chan: Ugh, where are these people?
Kanra: Well, I did log you in with me a bit early than usual.
Kanra: I wanted to make sure you were used to the system, you know?
Kakkoii_chan: I know how to use a chatroom.
Kakkoii_chan: Hey, does this mean I'm supposed to call you "Kanra-chan?"
Kanra: Only in text.
Kakkoii_chan: Hilarious.
Kakkoii_chan: Seriously, people should show up, tho.
Kanra: You're a bit impatient, aren't you?
Kakkoii_chan: You can't tell me you aren't.
Kakkoii_chan: Besides, it's a bit lame to be talking to each other on the net when we're sitting right beside each other.
Kanra: It won't always be like this.
Kanra: You can get on when you're at home, you know.
Kanra: Then you won't feel as lame.
Kakkoii_chan: Hey, this was your idea.
Kakkoii_chan: That makes you even lamer by default.

Tanaka Taro has joined the room.

Kakkoii_chan: Ah, ah, someone's here!
Tanaka Taro: Hey there.
Tanaka Taro: Oh, has someone new joined?
Kanra: Hello, Taro-kun~!
Kanra: Ne, ne, this is Kakkoii-chan!
Kakkoii_chan: Heyo~.
Kakkoii_chan: It's nice to meet you~.
Tanaka Taro: It's nice to meet you, too, Kakkoii-san.
Kakkoii_chan: "San," he says…
Kanra: It's just an honorific, don't let it get to you.
Kakkoii_chan: Oh, fine…
Tanaka Taro: Has Setton-san not gotten on yet?
Kanra: Not that I know of…
Kanra: Usagi-chan's nowhere to be seen either…
Tanaka Taro: They'll probably just get on later then.
Kakkoii_chan: Man, I just wanna meet new people…
Kanra: Can't you be glad that you just met Taro-kun?
Kakkoii_chan: Ah, you're right, that's probably a bit rude, huh?
Kakkoii_chan: Sorry, Taro-chan, I wasn't thinking.
Tanaka Taro: No, no, it's fine.


The rest of the chat was filled with nonsensical things like that, but Sosa seemed happy enough about it. I had apparently satisfied her request (in excess, even, considering she had only asked if there were such places), if the smile on her face was any indication. After logging off, she closed the lid of my white laptop and pushed it away from her. This was apparently so she would have enough room to lie down on the table, head resting on her folded arms.

I considered asking her if she had some sort of dispute, which wouldn't have surprised me with her mood issues. But she turned her head to the side to look up at me, expectant light dancing in her eyes. "So, you know who they are, I suppose," she said. "Or at least have some guesses. May I hear them?"

I leaned back in my own chair, exiting out of the chatroom and pulling up my email interface in its wake. I scanned through my messages, and finding the one I was looking for, clicked on it. I typed out a response before finally returning focus to my employee. "As odd as it may seem, Setton is Celty," I started. Sosa's eyebrow rose slightly, and I chuckled. "I know, a mythical creature spending time in something as mundane as a human chatroom. I am unaware of Tanaka Taro-kun's real name, but he clearly doesn't live in Ikebukuro. He is a Dollars member, though, since his handle is often on the boards.

"Usagi-chan's the only one that escapes me, but she's a relatively new addition, just like you. I haven't had too much time to look into her, considering recent events, but I do know she isn't a Dollars member." I paused when a new alert showed on my screen, grinning. "At least she isn't a Dollars member under that handle. Well, that is if she's a she. You know how inaccurate these things can be."

"I still say you're a creeper for that, you know," Sosa remarked, standing up and stretching her arms up. "Eh, whatever, that's not the point. I'm sure this whole thing will be loads of fun. I can feel it. Man, nothing's even happened, but this is the most excited I've felt in a long time!" She turned back to me, a smile radiating eagerness. "I just can't wait for whatever you've got hidden up your sleeve to fall out and start rolling!"

"Well, you're in luck, Sosa-chan," I stated, and she cocked her head. Then she seemed to have a realization, because she moved as to look at my computer screen. Her choice of positioning, however, was nowhere near what I expected, since she had leaned over and put her arms around my shoulders as means of support. I let it slide, since there really was nothing wrong with it, as long as you ignored the fact that we were boss and worker. Of course, I really didn't care about things like that, either.

"Oh, man, this is awesome…" Sosa giggled. "I didn't know I could get any more excited, but man this sure does it. You sure are somethin' if you can do that without barely saying a thing, I hope you know that Izaya-kun."

I took the compliment in stride, smirking at the text on the screen. "Looks like our little 'Mazenda-san' is finally ready to be played with, don't you think?"


And we're finally getting close to interacting with canon. Huzzah.

Thank you to Alwaysblu, AnnaTheDevil97, DaniBoo, NekuSakuraba 101, PhoenixBreaker90, CloeGryffindor, playstep3, GeniusPineapple, Co0kies, The-Blind-Otaku, scottie994, Ndeshiko291210, Rwisher, Sellmer, and DrAnime203 for your respective reviews, favorites and follows! I really appreciate all of the support!

Lots and lots of talking from these two again. Man, do these guys ever shut up?

Also I took my crack at writing the chat system. Is this a good way to format things? If you think there's a better way so that it's easier to read just let me know and I'll be willing to make adjustments!

Aaaand there's a bunny hopping around on the message boards. Mysterious rabbit, indeed.

If you're curious about progress on updates and when the next chapters of this will come out, feel free to check out my attempt of a blog thing where I attempt to write about fanfiction stuff. You can expect an update within the next few weeks I think.

So next time Sosa wonders around, makes some new friends, talks to people online, and sees the art of kidnapping from a different angle! Please look forward to it!

[POST] 012214

[EDIT] 012314