Disclaimer: How many of you here watch Inu-Yasha? Please say all of you, 'cause other this will be confusing. Now that we've got that cleared up, how many of you remember those funny credit things? You know, the things that "Give Credit" to the people who actually helped with the creation of Inu-Yasha? And it tell you based off the manga by Rumiko Takahashi (Turns out the YGO creator actually has the same last name)? Believe it or not, I'm not in the credits. Because I didn't create Inu-Yasha, and even more shockingly, don't own it. If I did, Sesshomaru would be in it so much more, because clearly he's the best character… Oh, and I don't own Twister, Trivial Pursuit, or Star Wars…or Operation.

"Ba dum, ba dum, ba dum ba dum ba dum ba dum ba duuuuuuuum," Tensaiga hummed, flinging his arms out dramatically, possibly smacking Tetsaiga across the face, but he didn't really notice.

"I am going to kill that panther," Tetsaiga muttered, rubbing his face gingerly.

"No! You can't kill my idol, who will I create massive shrines to and pray to with the dawn of every day if you kill the panther!" Tensaiga screamed in agony.

"Ignoring the fact that I don't think we will ever see the dawn of another day again, try to remember that I can't actually kill the panther since the panther is in fact, a jewel," Tetsaiga said dryly.

"...I knew that."

"Sure ya did."

"Now which button was it-" CLICK. Funeral march begins to play. "Ah, that one."

"I was serious!" Tetsaiga tried to fib.

"So now you think I'm gullible too!"

"No, I know you're gullible," Tetsaiga said very, very quietly.

"I AM NOT GULLIBLE!" Tensaiga roared.

Apparently it hadn't been quiet enough.

"I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me!" Tetsaiga squeaked.

"You are about to experience the awe and mysterious of...er...dammit."

"The awe and mystery and space?"

"No."

"The awe and mysterious of pain, suffering, and death?"

"No."

"The awe and mystery of evil dancing trees?"

"NO, DAMMIT, NO!"

"Never mind then," Tetsaiga sulked.

"I want candy," Tensaiga sang.

"My ears!" Tetsaiga moaned. "They burn, they burn! Oh what a world, they're melting, melting!"

"All right, no more Wizard of Oz for you."

"But it's a brilliant movie!"

"Instead, we will watch Wag the Dog."

"Why?"

"Cause I like it...'What time is it?' '3:03' 'Good idea.' We should all aspire to be like the character in that movie."

"All right, no more movies for you," Tetsaiga advised.

"Pixie sticks!" Tensaiga exclaimed, clapping his hands together.

"Not while I am within a thousand mile radius of you. Certainly not while I'm alone with you!" Tetsaiga yelped.

"The sugar fairy is coming! The sugar fairy is coming!"

"I thought I killed her!"

"The sugar fairy cannot be stopped by a mere demon!" Tensaiga scolded. "Her powers are unimaginable!"

"Let me out of here!" Tetsaiga shouted, banging his hands on the door.

"There is only one way for me to turn down the sugar fairy," Tensaiga said solemnly.

"WHAT? WHAT!"

"You must do the chicken dance naked. And continue the story."

"I hate you."

Chapter 16: And Keeping in Mind Levels of Insanity

Some people might find the prospect of dealing not only with the brother who was either lusting after you or out for your blood but also with the girl you had run away from in the first place, resulting in the captivity imposed by previously mentioned brother, a little daunting.

I was definitely one of those people.

Not that either of them actually scared me, mind you. No, it wasn't that. It was…no, it was that, actually.

Damn. What had that bastard done to me!

"Inuyasha!" Kagome screeched again. I was amazed that blood hadn't begun leaking out of my ears. It had always seemed to me that one day her voice would pierce my eardrums.

Apparently, that day wasn't today.

That sucked, because being deaf would be an excellent excuse to not have to deal with them. And imposing a little bit of guilt on Kagome would just be an added bonus.

"Might I suggest moving?" Tensaiga asked pleasantly. Oh you could just tell that he was dying to find the perfect opportunity to say how much better he was than me. The way he looked at me in that condescending way…

I'll move when and where I want! I will certainly not follow the orders of a conceited, psychopathic sword, who was most likely taking orders from Sesshomaru. I don't care if they said that they were turned into demons by my father, that one was doing what Sesshomaru wanted.

Not that I knew what Sesshomaru wanted.

Not that it bothered me that I didn't know what he wanted.

"Why?" Tetsaiga asked. He was the slower one out the two. Didn't he know that the reason we were supposed to move was some big conspiracy that had been cooked up by Sesshomaru long before the earth itself had been created? Possibly with the help of our father- I bet that they were working together to ruin my life! I knew that Sesshomaru was the favorite, no matter how much he whined.

Not that I was jealous.

"I think this is a perfectly nice hallway in which-"

Now I've never really cared about how a place looked, or tried to understand how things were designed, but it occurred to be that it was very wrong when a large hole suddenly appeared in a wall.

Sesshomaru couldn't be happy about this.

Of course, I didn't care if he was suffering horribly. It served him right that his damn castle had holes in it.

"In which to throw large boomerang type weapons into the wall in an attempt to break in," Tetsaiga finished. I bet he thought he was being very smooth, finishing his sentence like that. He wasn't so different from that one.

I bet he was working for Sesshomaru too!

Was everyone working against me!

"Inuyasha!" Miroku shouted, jumping through the wall's newly acquired gaping hole.

I was beginning to wonder if they were having a hard time remembering my name and kept yelling it just so they wouldn't forget it.

Or maybe they just liked the sound of it.

"Yes, we all know my name now," I said under my breath.

Well, everyone who had been in the castle prior to the hole making. Those who had taken to jumping into it might still be in the process of learning it.

Huh. I wonder if that's why they would shout my name at every possible opportunity before this too.

"Inuyasha! You're all right!" Kagome shrieked.

Now I know she's from a different time, but surely even in the future people must respect personal space.

All right, that was quite enough of the touching and squeezing Inuyasha now. If we could move onto the next event in the show-

Kagome, it would seem, felt quite content to drag out this particular segment.

It would be wrong to tear her off me, I thought. It could cause her permanent damage, scarring her for life.

Would someone please remind me why I had a problem with that?

"Feeling jealous, are we?" Tetsaiga asked, sounding more than prepared to start mocking relentlessly.

Who was he talking to?

Turning my head slightly I saw Tetsaiga looking at Sesshomaru.

Woah. Tetsaiga was even more insane than I thought. Sesshomaru wouldn't be jealous of Kagome. I mean, after all, it's not like he loved me or anything. We had certainly never done anything-

It was just one kiss.

I was not suddenly overcome with a wave of guilt, becoming uncomfortably aware of Sesshomaru watching Kagome squeeze me to death, the moment of our kiss playing over and over in my head.

"Let go of me," I hissed at her.

Not because I felt like I was cheating on Sesshomaru. That would be ridiculous. Because there was nothing between him and me.

And I certainly felt nothing but immense dislike for him.

"Hey! That's not way to treat Kagome! She was really worried about you!" Shippo squeaked.

Why was it he never had anything good to say? I didn't want to hear about Kagome's long, self-centered, faked sobs about me. I couldn't have cared less what she pretended to feel.

"Shaddup," I snapped, tapping him lightly over the head. After all, I didn't want to hurt him, just get the point across that the next time he said something I would kill him.

Er, gently reprimand him in a most kind and lovely fashion.

"Inuyasha, sit!"

I was most intimately acquainted with many floors. I would really have to thank Kagome for that someday.

And for anyone who was worried, it would only be a very small cliff. She might not even die.

"Die," Sesshomaru suddenly hissed.

Unless, of course, he got to her first.

That was just plain unfair, trying to kill someone that I had already claimed as a victim. That's cheating, brother dearest, that's cheating!

Oh, wait. I suppose I couldn't let him kill her. And not just because I wanted to do it, but because it was expected of me. I had to save Kagome. After all, that's what I did, wasn't it? I'd hate to break my streak now.

"Sesshomaru!" I yelled half-heartedly. "Don't you dare hurt her!"

Not that I cared much if he did.

"She needs to die, Inuyasha," he told me. He had that strange look in his eyes again. "Surely you can see that."

I could. But that wasn't the point.

Er, what I meant was that was a horrible sentiment with which I could never agree.

He had really managed to screw with my head. I should not be agreeing with him!

"Oh please," I said, trying to quickly trying to say a brilliant comeback. "Because she's a mortal, right? Get over your better than thou attitude, you're not better than her. Hell, you're less than her. If anyone needs to die, it's you!"

Yeah, I'd be winning awards for that one. Extra points on originality.

I didn't think I could live with myself if I left it there. I bet he was laughing at my in his head right now, thinking how lame I was. I could just hear it now!

Not that I cared what he thought.

"Sesshomaru, don't you dare touch her," I feebly tried to recover my dignity with. That was it. I had to commit suicide, forever shamed. I would never recover from trying to pull of lousy hero type comments.

"Inuyasha, what does this mortal girl mean to you?"

Excuse me?

"What kind of question is that?" I snarled. Now was really not the time for me to admit my deep loathing of her, since there was a demon slayer, a monk with a wind tunnel, and two unpredictable ex-swords in the room who could say something stupid at any moment in the hallway.

"A simple enough one," Sesshomaru responded calmly. "And one I suggest you answer if you wish this girl to remain unharmed."

This was all part of his plot. Get me to admit that I hated Kagome and then sic the insane ex-swords on me.

Not that I was worried that they could do anything to me. Frankly, Sango and Miroku worried me more.

Not that I didn't think I couldn't beat them.

"None of your damn business!"

I refused to loose this war to him, the bastard. Just because he clearly had the upper hand didn't mean I couldn't win.

"Anything that concerns you is my business."

I didn't feel like fainting, honestly. And I definitely wasn't disturbingly pleased by that statement!

"Can you feel the love tonight?" Tetsaiga sang quietly. I was debating nick-naming him the annoying one, since it seemed to fit him so well.

"Sesshomaru, how do you feel about Inuyasha?" Sango asked suddenly.

How dare she ask that of my Sesshomaru! That was entirely private information!

I certainly didn't want to know that answer. Also, the option of banging my head against the remaining wall was not tempting in the least.

And what the hell was Kagome doing standing behind me now?

"How about we go somewhere and we all discuss what's been going on since last night calmly, without violence, and without firing questions like that without a little bit of exposition. Like, how about you all go, hey, how've you been? We missed you last night? So what have you been up?" Tensaiga suggested. Tetsaiga smacked him.

I almost felt like cheering him on.

"No, I like how things are going!" Tetsaiga argued. "Come on, let them fight it out. That way, the ones who are still alive then get to argue it out who is allowed to fall in love with who."

"If we let them fight it out, only Sesshomaru and Inuyasha will be alive!" Tensaiga pointed out.

"Exactly, so we'll be back where we started to, and while they continue to do that stupid avoidance thing they were doing, we can do what we are supposed to do!"

Listening to them, a person's brain just kind of shut off.

"I feel my brain cells dying," I murmured, not entirely in an intentional manner. I couldn't believe that I had carried around something so annoying for so long.

"Wait," Kagome asked, still standing behind me. She really had to move. "What are you two talking about? And who are you two anyway? Some of Sesshomaru's flunkies? Are you the two he had kidnap Inuyasha?"

Especially if she didn't want to die a horrible, gruesome death. How dare she insinuate such a thing against my Sesshomaru!

"Flunkies?" the Tetsaiga asked, a vein pulsing in his forehead.

"Kidnap?" I repeated, still seething in outrage. "Sesshomaru didn't kidnap me!"

Wait, why was I feeling protective of him?

I wasn't feeling protective of him!

"And I'll be taking this one for further…studying."

Maybe Sesshomaru had been right all along when he said my senses were finely honed enough.

"Naraku!" everyone else shouted with me. How the hell did he manage to get in here without me noticing? I should have smelled him or something! He wasn't exactly hiding himself.

Such a drama queen…what was it with villains and overdoing every little thing?

"Since you all seemed to be so wrapped up in your little personal problems, I'm sure you won't mind if I take this."

He wasn't wrong; no one moved as he grabbed Tensaiga.

"Keep him," Sesshomaru said, almost shrugging.

Then Naraku was gone.

"Fuck," I said, fully sick with myself. I didn't see him coming!

And come to think of it, he had come and we hadn't even tried to fight him. Weren't we supposed to be getting the sacred jewel shards back from him?

Oh well, that little distraction paled in comparison to the crisis that was my life right now.

"How could we not notice him?" Kagome cried.

I didn't necessarily have to kill her. I could always just rip out her tongue.

Not that I was feeling violent or anything.

"Because," Miroku tried to reason. "Because…I don't know."

Tetsaiga began to snicker. I knew he was insane, but to laugh when his counterpart had been stolen…he was even more off balance than I had realized.

Surely he realized that no one else was going to engage in such mindless babble with him.

"Poor Naraku, doesn't know what he getting himself into," Tetsaiga said through his laughter.

I knew the feeling.

"What is going on?" Kagome exclaimed.

Who knew? Who cared? I found myself beginning to hope this was all a dream.

"Good question," I said. At the same time as Sesshomaru.

I didn't glare at him, because I was above such childish things.

"Oh I see," Sango said.

See what! See what! You can't just say you see something and then not say what you see!

Try saying that ten times fast.

"See what?" Sesshomaru asked coolly. Exactly, you demand to know what she sees, oh brother of mine.

I did not just think that.

"Do I get clothes any time soon? Just a question," Tetsaiga randomly asked. We were about to be given some enormous revelation and he cared about being naked! He was so shallow!

Didn't he know that the only thing that was important was me?

"He's naked," Kagome said faintly.

Then she screamed.

While I didn't throw my hands up to my ears to check for blood, I did, for a moment, see what appeared to be the corpse of Jaken being chased around by a few dozen Rin clones all holding what appeared to be blowtorches, welding irons, and cans of whipped cream.

The poor Jaken corpse never stood a chance.

"Come on," Sesshomaru said, grabbing my hand suddenly. Another one who didn't understand the beauty of personal space. Stay out of my bubble!

"You to," he shot at Tetsaiga, who appeared to be more than happy to follow.

"Hey, where are you taking Inuyasha?" Kagome demanded.

"No where that is any concern of yours," Sesshomaru said chillingly.

That shut her up.

But it didn't worry me, or send tremors of fear through me. Because he wasn't taking me anywhere to kill me…

He couldn't be.

"So where are we going?" Tetsaiga asked cheerily. Sesshomaru ignored him. For someone who had lost his only friend, you would think he could be a little more depressed, or demanding to form a rescue mission.

I could mention a rescue mission. Of course, I didn't really want to get Tensaiga back…

I could always just keep quiet.

Sesshomaru stopped.

"Wait," I breathed. "I remember this."

Author Notes: Thank you all for the reviews! I will now take this moment to pause in utter sadness: I missed Inuyasha this week. For some reason my stupid DVR felt that it didn't want to take it. Someone please tell me that it wasn't on or it was a re-run or something. –chokes up- it looked like it was going to be a really good Miroku episode…-sigh- ah well, I suppose it could have been worse. I could have missed the second half of The Woman Who Loved Sesshomaru…now that I enjoyed. Excessive amounts of Sesshomaru should make anyone and everyone happy. Although, this chapter might not make many people happy. I'm not sure if people will feel it's up to my normal Inuyasha standar…and Tensaiga and Tetsaiga's part in the beginning was just pathetic. –sigh- ah well. Next week's chapter should be better. If not, we should all look forward to either two or three weeks from now when the entire chapter is from Tensaig'a point of view. Ah yes, the torment of Naraku will be revealed in full color diagrams with insane lines, odd movments and gestures, and possibly a chorus of turnips performing the chicken dance. We shall simply have to wait and see…and now, since you are all filled with anticipation you all desperately want to review. Really, you do, because after all, (generally) more reviews happier authors funnier chapters. This week was just a fluke. Honestly.

InuSessyYaoiGirl: Yeah, the poor villain has no idea what he's getting himself into…let's just say this story will have a very unique way in which Naraku is defeated. No, I cried my eyes out when Sara died –that was dripping sarcasm by the way. What I actually did was something more akin to rounding up a group of innocent people and having them perform a cheer. I honestly didn't know about the Jaken plushies. I'm so out of it! You have one…lucky. Hehe, a Rin and Jaken plushie…oh the fun I could have…

Kelly: Thanks…but you honestly find Sesshomaru funnier than Inuyasha? –in shock- now that I haven't heard. Thanks!

How fast was little bunny foo foo actually hopping through the forest if he kept stopping to pop innocent field mice on the head? If placed in the race between the tortoise and the hair, would he be able to hold his own? The world should investigate…