Disclaimer: How many of you here watch Inu-Yasha? Please say all of you, 'cause other this will be confusing. Now that we've got that cleared up, how many of you remember those funny credit things? You know, the things that "Give Credit" to the people who actually helped with the creation of Inu-Yasha? And it tell you based off the manga by Rumiko Takahashi (Turns out the YGO creator actually has the same last name)? Believe it or not, I'm not in the credits. Because I didn't create Inu-Yasha, and even more shockingly, don't own it. If I did, Sesshomaru would be in it so much more, because clearly he's the best character… Oh, and I don't own Twister, Trivial Pursuit, or Star Wars…or Operation.
"How do you document real life when real life's getting more like fiction each day?" Tetsaiga sang.
"What is fiction/" Tensaiga asked philosophically.
"What isn't real," Tetsaiga answered dryly.
"But what is real? What if we aren't real? What if we're really characters in a horrible story being strung along by an utterly insane author!" Tensaiga shouted, getting hysterical.
Again.
"Well there's not much we can do about it if we are," Tetsaiga reasoned.
"What if we're thinking thoughts against our will? WHAT'S HAPPENING TO US!"
"Okay, I want you to answer me very clearly: when you opened the bottle of pills, what was the name on the front?"
"I AM NOT HIGH! HOW CAN YOU EVEN SUGGEST THAT!"
"I should tell, I should tell you…you're insane," Tetsaiga sang quietly.
"I AM NOT!" Tensaiga barked.
"Of course you're not," Tetsaiga said soothingly. "It's the person controlling you who is."
"See, even you cannot deny the truth any longer!" Tensaiga yelled, pointing wildly.
"True, and that is why we ill now call a psychiatrist to come and examine you."
"You can't call anyone. We have no phone."
"See, there now you've even got memory problems. You used the phone. Not to call for help, mind you, no, you called for pizza. Why am I calling a shrink? I'm calling the fire department, the police, the FBI and whoever else I can think of!"
"There is no phone," Tensaiga said solemnly. "The author took it."
"For the last time, there is no author!"
"You've never said that before, so why would that be the last time you say that? You have to say something more than once before you can use that phrase."
"You're lucky I love you, because otherwise I would have to kill you."
"Never knew I could feel like this," Tensaiga hummed, ignoring the last statement.
"Like I should take a screwdriver, shove it up my nose and poke my brain repeatedly," Tetsaiga moaned.
"But as long as your heart goes on, everything's all right."
"Like Trunks and Goten."
"And unlike the fan base of Crash," Tensaiga added.
"What is that?"
"Not a clue. I just heard it mentioned somewhere."
"I'm going to go play solitaire."
"And yet you'll still lose."
"Oh shut up!"
"Dum dum dum dum da dum dum da dum," Tensaiga whistled.
"I feel as though we got off track somewhere," Tetsaiga remarked as he tried to find a deck of cards.
"I think you're losing it," Tensaiga informed him. "Clearly we've been talking about the wonder that is My Fellow Americans, one of the funniest movies of all time."
"Are you kidding?" Tetsaiga exclaimed, disgusted. "That is one the most boring movies ever created!"
"No, that would be Napoleon Dynamite."
"Are you- no, wait, I know you're insane. That explains your taste in movies."
"Says the man who thought The Ring was one of the best movies known on Earth."
"You just don't like it because it scared the shit out of you."
"…no it didn't."
"I rest my case."
"You had no case!" Tensaiga accused.
"Of course I did, backed up with infallible witnesses, unquestionable evidence, an entirely partial jury and a judge receiving a bit of money under the table."
"Ha. Ha."
"Found 'um!" Tetsaiga said, raising the deck up in victory.
"Whatever," Tensaiga said dismissively. "It seems like we forgot something."
"If you say so."
"I do! And since I am always correct, you will proceed to tell the next chapter of the story while I try and think of it."
"…you sure that wasn't what we forgot?"
"What?"
"The story?"
"Huh?" Tensaiga blinked in confusion.
"Oh never mind."
"ARE YOU MOCKING ME!"
"Only if I'm suicidal, too."
"Well get on with it!"
"With what?"
"THE STORY!"
"Right," Tetsaiga said.
He blinked.
"Wait. It's your turn."
"No it isn- oh, yeah, it is."
"Ha, ha."
"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing," Tetsaiga fibbed quickly.
"That's what I thought."
Chapter 17: But Things Just Can't Get Said
Inuyasha often criticized me for my lack of "warm and fuzzy" feelings toward mortals. But surely by now he would understand. Not only where they pathetically weak and consumed by irrational emotions, they were infuriatingly annoying!
I almost found myself longing for the old days where one could simply kill a human and not worry about how your brother would reject you, forever leaving your life, possibly attempting to kill you on his way out the door.
Not, mind you, that Inuyasha could actually leave. He certainly didn't have my permission. It occurred to me – a little late, perhaps, but useful for later circumstances- that I should also concentrate my attention on keeping people out of my castle, not just locking them in.
"See what?" I asked coolly. That demon slayer had better rethink what she says; lest she find herself in the same doomed position that damn priestess was currently resting in.
"Do I get clothes any time soon? Just a question," the annoying one decided to insert. Images of Rin, bubble gum, a chainsaw, and horde of rabid chipmunks filled my mind.
I blinked. She needed a friend. For myself and for the rest of the world, I did not condone such an attachment; they were a vulnerability and a waste of time that I did not fully comprehend. But it was beginning to seem that the little mortal girl had become more maniacal than even Naraku. An elderly human would tell me she was lonely.
Said human might be right. She had actually done something involving said bubble gum, chain saw, and chipmunks to Jaken.
But before I got her something resembling help, she was going to have a little alone time with the annoying one.
"He's naked," the wretched priestess said faintly. I snorted. And her point was? Were most mortal women like that? She almost seemed to be upset by that fact.
Then she screamed.
I stand corrected. She did have a problem.
Inuyasha stood, clutching his ears. If I was a mortal, I would have rolled my eyes. As it was, I had a better idea.
"Come on," I said, taking Inuyasha hand and yanking him out of the almost comatose position his was in.
He looked down at my hand as if repulsed.
Half-breeds apparently carried a bit more of that human stupidity than I had previously realized.
Try to remember, dear brother, you only cut off one arm. And this is only one of the many things hands can do.
Now stop staring like that or I will claw your eyes out.
"You too," I ordered the annoying one. It put on a highly affronted face. I shot it one look, and whatever comment it had been about to say was swallowed. I had had more than enough of its gibbering. It would speak when spoken to, and sometimes not even then.
"Hey, where are you taking Inuyasha?" the priestess squeaked.
"No where that is any concern of yours," I informed her chillingly. One more word and Inuyasha's pleas would be long forgotten.
I would prefer him to come to me willingly, as it would make everything easier, but one way ore another he would be mine.
And if killing this particular mortal girl made claiming him a tad bit harder, it was more than worth it. If I was able to feel such petty emotions, I would hate her.
"So where are we going?" the annoying one asked cheerily. For someone who had lost his only friend, you would think he could be a little more depressed, or demanding to form a rescue mission.
Apparently he had short term memory.
Well, there were other ways to make imbeciles learn a lesson.
I brought them down several hallways, and surprisingly the mortals had enough common sense not to follow.
I would kill them quickly then.
I stopped. This was it.
"Wait," Inuyasha breathed. "I remember this."
That was…interesting. I hadn't expected that.
"Do you?" I found I had to inquire.
"This is…your bedroom," Inuyasha said, wonder coloring his tone. "But…"
I slid open the door.
And shoved Inuyasha inside. Judging by the look on his face as he was sent sprawling onto the floor, he hadn't been expecting that.
"I've said it before; you really need to work on your senses. You should have been able to dodge that."
Ah well, there was time to work on that later.
"Don't let him out," I warned the annoying. "Or you won't be around to see your friend come back. Assuming, of course, that he will."
"Oh don't worry, he will. But I got it, chief. No letting the love prospect out the tower. No letting him throw his hair down to be rescued by some other handsome prince, no-"
"Don't let him out. And do not, under any circumstances, talk," I growled.
I turned and cursed myself. I had to work on keeping my temper under control.
"Got it boss!" the annoying one called after me.
I couldn't kill him now.
Right now there were mortals to deal with…
For all that they had come bursting into my castle, hell bent on "saving" Inuyasha; they hadn't moved an inch since I had dragged Inuyasha off. They were terribly brave…whenever my brother was around to save them.
"What did you do with him?" the little priestess shrieked, pulling an arrow out, attempting to look threatening as she pointed at me with her quaint little bow.
"Have you now resorted to keeping prisoners? Is this your new ploy to get a sword that won't even let you touch it?" the monk demanded. His hands were shaking –in anger, I suppose. That wind tunnel of his could be a problem.
If he wasn't so slow, that is. As it stood, the most dangerous one was probably the demon slayer.
"You, demon slayer, never answered my question," I said calmly. Without the annoying one or my Inuyasha around, I felt almost…normal.
She would answer me.
"Tell us where you took him!" the wench screeched.
If I killed her, I would really be doing Inuyasha a favor. Surely even he was able to hear her high pitched wailing.
Someone should really have given her a better goal in life. Trying to break the sound barrier with your voice doesn't really endear you to people.
"Kagome, stop. He hasn't hurt Inuyasha," the demon slayer said soothingly.
How could she be so certain I had not left him in a pool of his own blood?
I should have ripped out the annoying one's heart and said it was his. If this continues, soon every pathetic life form will be breaking into my castle.
"How can you be so sure?" the wench shouted hysterically. "Don't you remember? This is Sesshomaru? Psychotic older brother whose only goals in life are to steal Tetsaiga and kill Inuyasha!"
I may have twitched a little.
How could a person be so utterly wrong? Surely someone must have told her once that you can't take a situation at face value.
Did she really think I could kill the one thing that was truly mine?
"But that's just it! He doesn't want to kill Inuyasha. In fact, I don't believe he ever has!" the demon slayer yelled in what was probably a futile attempt to reach out to the priestess.
That one, however, could be dangerous. She was able to think –rationally, even, which for a mortal was an impressive feat. And she seemed to understand. Even more than I did.
I narrowed my eyes. I did not appreciate a mortal having the advantage over me.
"Sango!" the priestess screamed. "How can you say that?"
I have never wanted to kill something so badly in my life.
"Kagome, please. I believe I know what dear Sango is getting at," the monk tried to comfort.
He was in on it too?
"Getting at what?" the wench yelled.
I hate agreeing with her.
I hate silences in which people keep secrets even more.
"I suggest you answer her," I said icily. "What exactly do you two believe you know?"
"Hey! His sword is gone!" the small fox demon suddenly yipped. I glared. Now was not the time for trivial matters like that.
"Come to think of it, where was Tetsaiga?" he continued, looking all around the room as if he expected to see it stashed in a corner.
If only it was that pleasant of a truth.
"You stole his sword?" the wench spat at me.
I would not grace such an idiotic comment with a reply.
"But he can't touch the sword, and his is missing as well," the monk reasoned aloud. "And then there were those two other demons that we saw-"
"You don't think…it couldn't be…" the demon slayer said, seemingly incapable of completely a sentence.
"What? What are you talking about?" the fox demanded.
The pitiful creatures would probably waste a great deal of time, trying to work through the denial and then come to the inevitable conclusion of what had happened…eventually. But I didn't have the time or patience to stand here and wait for that to happen.
There were more important things to discuss.
"The two demons you saw were belated gifts from father. Leave it at that," I informed them coolly. Now either it was time for them to explain themselves, or it was time to bring out the big guns.
I had a small, vicious girl and I was not above leaving them in a dark, damp pit with her.
"Now, I suggest that you two tell me exactly what it is you know, or not only will you never see my Inuyasha again, you will all be dead."
"My?" the priestess gasped.
I looked at her carefully. She didn't appear to be damaged in anyway. What was it that seemed to throw her off? He was mine.
Surely she had realized that already.
"Sesshomaru, have you ever heard of a blood bond?" the demon slayer asked.
We were now getting somewhere.
And even better, I now had an excuse to kill the annoying one.
He had failed.
Inuyasha was hiding himself badly, trying to listen to the conversation.
At least this way I wouldn't have to explain everything to him later.
Assuming that the demon slayer and monk actually had anything to say.
Author Notes: Thank you all so much for your reviews! And I admit, this chapter isn't as long as the last two, but the schedule was weird this week…moving on. I did manage to see Inuyasha this week. What was wonderful, awe-inspiring, magnificent…wait, no, it was boring. –sighs- Nothing against Shippo, but since the series is almost over, isn't it about time to cease with the filler episodes! We're actually getting somewhere in the story…please, don't act too surprised now, I do have feelings…the least the series could do is follow the trend! I'm hoping next chapter will be fairly long, so then the chapter after that will be the special Tensaiga torture Naraku relentlessly chapter, then we'll have Sesshomaru and Inuyasha spending a couple chapters coming to terms with what they hear next chapter, and then they should get together. At which point the story should end. –gasps- That's fairly soon. –sniffles- That's depressing…Anyway, I apologize for all the shameless references in the Tensaiga/Tetsaiga bit in the beginning, what with the Rent, Dragonball Z, Titanic, Star Wars, My Fellow American, Napoleon Dynamite, The Ring, and Crash blips (I admit, I did see most of the Academy Awards and have spent the better part of three weeks watching Rent. Over and over again.) But if we can look past that, there is a sudden urge to review. Yes, that's it, act upon your urge and review!
InuSessyYaoiGirl: Yes, he does think very highly of her, doesn't he? Ah well…I'm not really trying to get into Kagome bashing…honest…Ah, the jealousy, who knows, maybe next chapter (just because this is the sort of story this is turning out to be) Inuyasha will think he sees Sessy turning funny colors –shrugs- who knows? And, while they haven't kissed this chapter…there is a possibly of that happening next chapter. But shh…we don't want word getting out. And thanks for filling me in the episode (ah, I'm kinda sad I missed drunk Sango), I could follow what you said. Now when is it that Kagura dies? Soon? (one can only hope…I've never really liked her, or the vast majority of Naraku's incarnations...). Hope you enjoyed this chapter (and if you didn't, just lie and say you did…hehehe)!
Let's go ah-ooooooooout tonight. We are, after all, werewolves.
