Rusl,
I'm writing you this letter because I'm unable to tell you these things in person. I'm likely dead and gone, having faced something that I couldn't defeat. I apologize to you and to Uli, and Colin too. I'm sorry for letting you down. You have been my family since I came to Ordon, and I love all three of you dearly. I would never want to hurt you, so I'm sorry if the news of my death brought you pain. It is my wish that you do some things for me. I can't takeIlia or the children back to Ordon, so if you have not done so already, please do that for me. If possible, find and return the Master Sword to the ruins of the Temple of Time, where it belongs. Shad will know where that is. I'm certain that since I respect you so much, the sword will not harm you if you carry it. I don't know what the state of the world is for you now, but I hope that you and your family are safe.
I don't know if you realized it, but Bo had asked me to succeed him as the mayor of our little village. He also asked that I consider marrying Ilia, knowing of my love for her long before I realized it myself. Please tell him that I had every intention to do as he asked. And please, whether she was able to remember me or not, take care of Ilia. She is everything to me, and it is my desire that she lives a safe and happy life, even if I can't be there with her. I hope to meet you again in the next life, my friend, my mentor, my father.
With my eternal thanks,
Link Lon
He looked over the gloomy letter, wishing he hadn't felt the need to write it. Writing about one's own death is never a pleasant thing to do, but at the same time he knew that he had to make his final wishes known to Rusl, just in case he failed to defeat Ganondorf. It was a prospect he was still uncomfortable with, and he knew that it was feeding the feelings of anxiety and fear about the future of Hyrule, not to mention his own failures. Yet he knew he would have to come to terms with it one day, and as of now he still had no idea how he could overcome that anxiety.
The Master Sword hadn't said much on the subject. It had been quiet since the Arbiter's Grounds, much of its energy spent. The sword had been stealing magical energy from his body and from Courage when it could, but it was a slow process, and he didn't know how long it would take to recharge it. Perhaps once Zant was dead, he could try talking to the Light Spirits to see if they could share some of their power with the sword. Faron had already been willing to put some of its power in his body when he was cursed; perhaps it would do so again so he could channel it into the mystical sword.
Midna noticed the pause in his writing, and moved to hover above his right shoulder as he sat at the small writing desk in his room within the Eld Inn. He glanced over at her, letter still in his hands. "It's rude to read over somebody's shoulder." While he said that, he didn't truly mean it. He wasn't trying to hide anything from her, and he didn't move the letter until after the Twili was finished reading his small, careful handwriting.
"How cheerful." was her assessment. She put a hand on his right shoulder. "Do you think I'm going to let you die?"
"I'm just being prepared." he said, dusting the letter to help dry the ink. He hadn't told her about what he spoke to Ilia about yesterday, or how the young woman had a panic attack. The only person he told was Renado.
"Link." she said plaintively, moving to float next to his face so she could look him in the eye. "Don't deflect like that. This letter has me worried about you."
He shook the paper, sending little puffs of white dust into the air, whorls of it swirling in the shaft of morning sunlight that beamed through the window. The cloud made Midna sneeze, which was a very delicate and girlish sound. He hadn't heard her sneeze before, and he expected her to do so loudly to match her personality. It was yet another small thing that reminded him of how feminine his friend was, even though she was trapped in a monster's body.
"I'm going to protect you." she said, rubbing her nose. "I already told you that. Got your back, remember? Especially after the Lanmola. I'd never forgive myself if anything like that happened to you again."
He smiled at her fondly, and then carefully set the letter to the side. "I know, and I trust you. I'm only doing this as a last resort. I don't intend for Rusl to read this letter, but I need to make sure a few things are taken care of in case the worst happens." Link reached for another sheaf of paper and picked up the pen again.
"How many of these are you planning on writing?" Midna asked curiously. "Ashei's probably ready to go."
"I need to write one for Ilia." he said, dipping the pen in the inkwell. "I'm sure you understand why."
She watched him as he tapped the nib on the lip of the ink bottle, and then moved away to sit on the bed. "Yeah. I have no intention of reading this one, okay? Say what you need to say, and don't worry about me."
"Thank you." He began to write, and for a while there was no sound in the room except for the scratch of his pen on the paper, and the slight clink of his chain mail as he moved. He paused to read what he had so far, knowing that he could put nothing but his whole heart into what he was writing.
"Does that mean you're telling her how you feel in that letter?" She was asking the obvious, and should have known before she opened her mouth.
"I have to. It can't go unsaid, even if she never remembers me." He considered his next words, wondering how he could phrase things without sounding like a sappy fool. It didn't matter, did it? After yesterday, she didn't seem to think anything he said was foolish.
"I understand." Midna said quietly. "I would do the same."
The two of them were silent again as he continued to write, and at one point he paused to sniff and wipe at his eyes with his fingers. He knew that he was being emotional in front of Midna, but it didn't matter. His entire soul had been bared to her so many times that there was no point in keeping anything from her anymore...or almost anything. There was one thing he would tell no one except perhaps Ilia, if she could remember him.
"Hang in there." she said from where she sat on the bed. "I know you're saying the right things."
There was no way he could say the wrong things, if they came from the heart. He had been close to talking to Ilia about them yesterday, and then Shad had to show up. After that he was angry at his friend, even though the man was only searching for them at Telma's request. Perhaps once he returned from the Snow Peaks, he could talk to Ilia some more. Or steal more tarts to eat in the apple orchard.
He finished writing his letter and looked it over, finding it honest and true; all the words that he had been unable to say, that he may yet not be able to tell her if he had to run all over Hyrule to retrieve pieces of the Mirror of Twilight. His journey was important, but the fact that it kept taking him away from Ilia nearly killed him as much as the Lanmola venom did.
Finding that what he wrote was satisfactory and didn't need a second draft, he dusted it and set it aside to dry. Then he went about folding up Rusl's letter and sealing it with wax. He wondered if his family had an official seal for such a thing, and if it was even around somewhere. It was an idle thought as he folded and sealed the second letter, and wrote the names of the recipients on the backs of them. He then stood and turned to look at his gear. It was time to get ready.
Ashei was in her green-enameled half plate again, seated at the table near Shelly. Shad, Ilia, Renado and the children were there as well, eating scrambled eggs and biscuits. The fact that Luda was there made him smile. The girl had not been at dinner last night, Renado claiming that while her fever had broke, she was still tired. He went along with the lie as did Ilia, who offered to fix something for Luda to eat at home.
He stopped smiling when he thought about the two letters that he held in his hand, and settled his eyes on Renado with a serious expression. The shaman looked at him curiously, so Link walked over to where the man was and leaned down to quietly speak next to his ear. "Can I talk to you in the kitchen?"
Not saying anything, Renado nodded and rose to follow the young Hylian into the next room. Thankfully, Barnes was not currently there. Once they were in the room, the tall man stood close to him so he could keep his voice low. "What is this about? You looked quite serious just now."
He held up the two letters he held in his hand. "I wrote these a last resort, so don't think I'm falling into a deep depression or anything, okay? You don't need to remind me that I'm going to be fine. Midna's been doing that a lot already. These are letters I wrote for Rusl and Ilia in case I never come back."
Renado's expression changed to one of concern. "Link…"
"No, listen. These are only supposed to go to them if I never come back. You have to admit that I'm doing dangerous things now, things that are far more dangerous than before…" He frowned, trying to think of how he could explain that as frightened as he was of Ganondorf, he was going to continue to the end. No, it was better not to say anything at all. Renado would worry no matter what he said.
"And you have some things you do not want left unsaid." Renado finished the sentence for him, and held out his hand. "I understand. I will take them."
Link nodded, grateful that the shaman knew why he had written the letters, and handed them over. "Only give them these if you hear of my death, or if I don't return to Kakariko at all by autumn." Which was in nearly three months, plenty of time to do what he needed to do and come back.
"I promise they will be delivered if the unthinkable happens." Renado said, putting the two letters up inside the voluminous sleeve of his robe. "But I have faith that I will never need to." The dark-haired man turned and walked back out into the common room to finish his meal, nothing more to say on the subject.
Link blew out a breath, feeling a bit gloomy. He hoped that his stubbornness would win out over his fears, and turned that thought over in his head as he went back to sit down between Ashei and Shelly. He would have sat next to Ilia, but Colin and Luda were too close to the young woman for him to do so.
"What was that about?" Ashei asked, fork full of eggs halfway to her mouth.
"Just some stuff about Rusl." he said in a half-truth, shoveling eggs onto his plate. "Don't worry about it, I'll tell you later." He turned to Shelly. "How are you feeling today? I didn't see much of you yesterday."
"Now that I've rested, my headache is better." The woman looked down at her plate, knowing what he really meant. Her voice was far less timid when she spoke, but it still had a soft and mousy quality to it. "I'm all right. I plan on taking things one day at a time. This baby deserves to have a good life, so I need to recover and learn to be a mother." Shelly paused and then looked him in the eye, something she hadn't done much of so far. "I'm sorry for my behavior the other night. Thank you for being kind and taking care of me."
He smiled at her. "You don't need to apologize. I'm just happy that you're doing better."
That made her smile in return, the first time she had done so. It completely lit up her face, and she was an incredibly beautiful woman when she smiled, more so than his first impression of her. The fact that she was able to smile warmed his heart, and gave him hope for the young woman.
It wasn't too much later that he stood outside the Eld Inn with Ashei, their two horses saddled and ready to go. The town was still busy, but by now had fallen into something of a routine, and the work people were doing in Kakariko was more like that of anyone in any town and less like a group of refugees scrambling to recover. The cafe next door had a line spilling out into the street from the open front doors, many people waiting for their first meal of the day. At this point the people were not completely self-sufficient, and wouldn't be until the food situation in town was more stable and reliable, and so they still relied on the Gorons and soldiers. Even so, he felt that the Hylians were in good hands with Kip, Darbus and Laron in charge. Darbus' vow to protect Kakariko hadn't changed, and even more armored Gorons patrolled near the gates.
The children, Renado and Ilia stood on the front porch of the inn so they could say goodbye to the two warriors and see them off. The last time it had only been Ilia, but this time he knew that there were enough people in Kakariko that the children wouldn't be as sad about his leaving this time.
"All right, all of you be good. Don't cause any trouble for your new neighbors." he said to the children.
"I promise. We're always good." Colin told him truthfully. At least that statement applied to the boy who said it, who still had his arm in a sling, but was able to use it sometimes now. He was healing well.
"Well, most of us." Beth said, shooting a look at Talo.
"I'm good now. This isn't Ordon, you know." The boy scowled at her, and as comical as his expression was, Link knew not to laugh.
He moved on to Ilia and wished that it was just the two of them, as it had been when he left for the desert. "I'm afraid I can't bring back some snow to give you, so that joke only worked once." His tone was light, but his heart was heavy. Even after explaining to Auren how important the things he was doing were, he himself wanted nothing more than to stay and be with Ilia.
"That's all right. You'll just have to think of something else funny to do when you get back." She smiled, but he could see in her eyes that she was unhappy too. They had gotten back to dancing around each other as they had right before Ordon was attacked, only now he couldn't do much about it. There was no time for the two of them. "At least I have a little piece of the desert."
"Listen." he said, lowering his voice a bit, even though he knew that Colin was standing close enough to hear him, and Midna was hiding in his shadows as always. "Even if you don't remember anything, it's okay. I'm still going to hope that you do, but what will be, will be."
Now that they were speaking more quietly, she didn't hide the sadness in her voice. "I know. I'll be sure to tell you if anything changes as soon as you're back. How long will you be gone?"
He shook his head. "I don't know. I've never been to the mountains before, and I haven't read much about them. It took me a little over a week for the desert, so maybe somewhere around there."
"All right. I'll be waiting here until you get back." Her green eyes looked hurt, and if they were alone he would have hugged her goodbye. Last time, he had been able to do so in the tailor's shop. "I'll miss you."
Even though she had said the same thing last time, this time it felt like it meant more. There was so much that he could have said back to that, but Colin was looking at the two of them curiously, and he knew that some people had gathered to watch the hero as he left town. "I'll miss you too." he said simply.
There wasn't much else to be said, so he turned and walked to Epona. Ashei mounted her horse now that he was ready to go, and her eyes were thoughtful as she watched him do the same. The two of them gave one final wave and the children and Ilia returned it, as did some of the Hylians gathered nearby. He didn't turn around to take one last glance at her this time, not with all the people with their eyes on him. No reason to make things seem more obvious and cause gossip about the hero and his love interest. As he rode north through the guarded gates of Kakariko, he thought of the letter he had written for Ilia. The letter that he wanted her to read if he never returned, and the words that revealed his heart:
Ilia,
If you are reading this, I am already gone. I can picture you in tears, and it nearly brings me to tears myself. I don't want to hurt you, Ilia, not you. I don't know if you've remembered who I am at this point or not, but you're very important to me. You've been my best friend for years, a sweet girl who welcomed a frightened boy from Kasuto and made him feel like he belonged. You were kind when I lost my mother, and stayed with me through all these years. For that, I will forever be grateful.
However, I must tell you of my feelings. You told me of a memory that you knew involved the two of us, but you couldn't remember what I had said. Back after Marnie passed away, you were so young and angry, just like I was after my mother died. My anger turned into a terrible hurt that I couldn't shake, and I didn't want you to become like me. That's why I came and said I'd take care of you no matter what, and I'd always be there for you. That boy of thirteen realized that day that he had feelings for you, and kept them hidden for five years. I feel that we were headed in a mutual direction towards something beyond friendship, but all of that changed once we were attacked at the spring. So I must tell you now.
I love you, Ilia. I love you with all of my heart. I only accepted it after I had begun my travels, after you had forgotten me, and it tore my heart to shreds to keep it from you. I don't think I'm an eloquent man, so I don't have the words to express how much you mean to me. All I've ever wanted and needed was to have you in my life, by my side. Please know that as I draw my dying breath, my last thoughts will be of you. And please know that I will continue to love you from the other side, and will watch over you always.
With love forever,
Link
He hoped that she never had to read it, and he would be able to tell her himself. Until either situation came about, he was the hero and had a job to do. Link from Ordon had left Kakariko, and become the Hero of Hyrule again. He turned to Ashei, who rode next to him at a walk, having been silent so far. There was no jeering or jesting on her part today.
"Let's go." he told her, and then kicked Epona into a canter.
The two of them rode through the sunny and hot Eldin morning, and if there wasn't a breeze from their running horses, the two of them would have been sweating in their armor. He knew where they were headed after asking Ashei for details; the Snow Peaks were west of Zora's Domain and the water source known as Zora's Fountain, which filled with snow melt from the mountains and supplied all of the water that went down Zora's River. In order to get to their destination, they'd have to go through Zora lands. The road through would bring them to the small town that Ashei was from, where they would leave their horses and hike the rest of the way.
Their horses ate up the miles at an easy canter, the two of them bred for speed, strength and endurance. It was no coincidence that Epona had managed to get through everything that he had asked of her, and Spirit seemed to have the same stamina, even though he most likely wasn't bred by Gwyn. They were war horses, made to be hardy.
They spent most of the morning crossing the Eldin plains, not able to speak to one another but neither one minding. Even though he had left Kakariko in a gloomy mood, a ride across the grassy plains was enjoyable; even more so since some of his stitches were gone. The skin on his hip still felt a bit tight when he moved certain ways, but riding was far more comfortable now. They rode over the Bridge of Eldin without slowing, crossing Upper Zora's River before turning northwest through the extinct volcanic peaks that were in the northern part of Upper Eldin.
Link recalled reading a book about the red craggy mountains and how the original Death Mountain was one of these peaks, although he couldn't say which one. The Gorons used to live there and even had a section of the city for Biggorons, although it had been quite a while since any Goron had grown to giant size. The author of the book wasn't sure if they left when the volcano went cold, or if they left since they mined out the supplies of iron and food, but ultimately it didn't matter in the end; the flow of magma moved, a shorter peak to the south erupted, and a new Goron City was made there.
At one point they reached a fork in the road in the volcanic mountains. The road curving west was wider and well-traveled, while the southern road was narrow and overgrown. Perhaps that was the way to the old Goron City, or perhaps there used to be settlements out this way. There currently wasn't much of anything other than the occasional herd of sheep in the distance, brought into the mountains for the summer by roving shepherds.
They stopped for a midday meal in a field dotted with volcanic boulders, the bubbled rust-colored stone contrasting the the bright green grass and yellow wildflowers. The two horses were left to graze, leaving the two humans to sit and eat lunch themselves. He decided it was best they use the Gerudo rations, since they traveled well, and they had other supplies they could use for dinner to make a hot meal. Midna stretched out on the grass nearby, hands folded behind her large head as she stared at the azure sky above while softly humming to herself.
Now that they had a chance to talk, Ashei turned to him. The faint freckles on her cheeks stood out more in the bright sunshine. "Now that we're not surrounded by kids, can you tell me what was so important you needed to talk to Renado alone? You looked pretty serious."
He glanced over at her while chewing a dried fig, and should have realized that she would have questions and would have gotten around to asking them eventually. After taking a drink of water, he answered her. "I wrote two letters to give to Rusl and Ilia in case anything happened to me."
She let out a short sigh and looked at him sadly with her pretty brown eyes. "You're not still afraid you're going to die, are you?"
He looked away and at the rolling hills in the distance. "I'm trying to get over that, but I'm having trouble."
"I keep telling him that I'll protect him and won't let anything happen, but he's still all gloom and doom." Midna said, tilting her head in their direction.
"I don't doubt you, Midna. I doubt myself." He reached over his shoulder to put his hand on the green-trimmed purple hilt there. "I used so much of the Master Sword's energy in the Arbiter's Grounds, not realizing that I'd need it so soon, and to fight Ganondorf no less." He hated saying the name, the name of his enemy and the cause of everything that had happened to him so far.
"Can it recharge?" Ashei asked. The young warrior looked like she was enjoying the Gerudo rations a lot more than she had the potatoes and pumpkin from before.
"It can, and it told me of a couple of ways to do that. The first relies on two specific Sages that aren't around or available, and the second relies on sticking it back in its pedestal and waiting for years. While that second option could work if we had time, that's the one thing we don't have a lot of. I don't know what Ganondorf's plans are now that he's taken Castle Town." He turned his head towards the Twili, who still lay face-up on the grass. "We'll have to rely on Midna and her magic far more than me and my sword."
"I have no problems with that." Midna said. "I originally wanted to only kill Zant, but after finding out that he was nothing more than a lackey for somebody else, I want to take out his boss too." She narrowed her eyes. "He'll pay for what he did to my people." She looked so vehement, so fierce, that he felt that she would do exactly what she said she would. The Twili had suffered just as much as the Hylians, and Midna needed to take care of her people just as much as he needed to care for Hyrule. She shook her head, dismissing her anger, and fixed her red eye on him again. "You'd better finish eating if we're going to make it to Lanayru before dark."
They continued on, stopping briefly at a mountain stream to water their horses and splash water on their faces. Even though they were heading north and up in elevation, it was still quite hot. Link was uncomfortable in his cloak and chain mail, but he figured that Ashei was far worse off in her plate and thicker gambeson. The young woman didn't complain, well-trained and conditioned like a knight would be. In his mind, he had started to consider her as one, even though neither one of them retained their family's titles.
He wondered if it was possible for her to actually get knighted by Zelda in the future. Were there female knights? There must have been, since not all family lines had sons, and there had been stories of female warriors just like there were tales of male ones. He still wanted to talk to her about it and considered doing so once they had to leave their horses and continue on foot. They'd be spending a lot of time together, so there was plenty of time to talk. He was finding that he could relate to her much in the way he could relate to Midna.
After letting their horses drink, they mounted up and let them continue at a walk for a while. They rode in silence for a while, Ashei not feeling the need to say anything unless it was necessary, and he busy thinking of what Rauru had said about the three pieces of the Mirror of Twilight.
"So...can I ask what was in those letters?" Ashei asked after a bit, breaking the silence. She rode next to him, and every once in a while Spirit would take a few steps closer to Epona to walk near her before eventually moving away again. The stallion seemed to like her.
"Sure." he replied. "You can ask."
When he didn't say anything else, she frowned at him. "Well, come on. We have to talk about something to pass the time, yeah?"
"Do we?" He stared at the road ahead, but could feel her eyes still on him. Sighing, he relented. "It's a long story, and I need to run some things over in my head before I tell it. I'd like to wait until we stop for the night, if you don't mind."
She continued to press him. "Aren't you usually a chatty guy? Strange you want to keep things to yourself."
"I'll make you a deal." he said, deciding he had to say something to make her stop pestering him. "I'll tell you a bit about myself and why I wrote those letters, and you tell me what happened to Shad."
"What happened to Shad?" She didn't seem to understand, but then again he wasn't specific.
"I wasn't the only guy you found crying that night." Link replied. "And you never told me how your own mind was working when you went out into that field for the same reason. I spilled my guts to you that night, so it's only fair you do the same."
She raised her feathery eyebrows at him. "All right, fair enough. But still, it's a long trip to my home. I don't suppose I can convince you to sing another song to pass the time?"
"Oh, hell no. Hya!" He drove Epona into a canter, and he could hear Ashei's laughter behind him as she hurried to catch up on Spirit.
Once it was nearly dark, the two riders and their horses stopped just before the bridge over Zora's River, at the border of Eldin and Lanayru. They hadn't come across any Bulbin patrols, but did pass a few Hylians carrying their belongings; more refugees from Castle Town were making their way to wherever they could be safe, and could possibly heading to ask the Zoras for help.
Even though the sun had set they pushed on, relying on the lengthy twilight of midsummer to light their way. Even then they only found a suitable place to stop due to Midna's help, and the two of them would have continued on into Lanayru if she hadn't said something. What the Twili found was a small dip in the earth surrounded by a patch of woods north of the road, next to the Zora's River, which ran narrow and swift this far north.
After leading the two of them off the road to the location she had found, Midna ranged out to scout the area nearby, using her excellent dark vision to see just as well as she could in the daytime. Even though the three of them were more than capable of taking care of Bulbins, it was much harder for them to respond quickly to an attack while they were sleeping, even if Midna was there to watch over them. Once she had determined that they wouldn't be seen from the road, Ashei built a fire and Link saw to the horses.
As he brought the horses to drink at a sheltered patch of slower-moving water, he thought he heard a splash. While it could have been a turtle or otter, it gave him an idea. It didn't take too long for Ashei to come and see what he was doing, since he was expected to come back to the fire right away. The two horses stood loosely tethered nearby in their blankets while Link stood on the bank of the river, fishing pole in hand. He cast his line into the water, and glanced her way as she approached.
"You seem like you're prepared for anything." she said, putting her hands on her hips while watching him. Two fish already lay nearby, but they weren't going to be enough for the two warriors to eat.
"I'm prepared to have a hot meal that isn't just baked potatoes and apples." he said.
It wasn't too long before they were able to clean and fry four rainbow trout. Ashei ate these with relish, but looked down at her roasted potato with a sigh. "I ate nothing but baked potatoes for days, only to come to Kakariko and find one of the main things they eat at the inn is potatoes."
"It's still food." He was eating his, but not enjoying it as much as he had the fish. "I kind of wish we had salt, though."
"You say that, but you're still eating it. I guess you're not very picky." She bit into her potato and made a face.
Link shrugged. "With my cooking, I can't be picky."
The warrior laughed by exhaling through her nose noisily instead of doing so with her mouth full of potato. As rude as Ashei could be with her commentary, she still never spoke with her mouth full. After they finished their potatoes and threw their fish bones in the fire, she dusted her hands off. "I'm curious...you left your soup downstairs that night we came into Kakariko. Did you really go to bed after taking Shelly upstairs?"
He stared into the fire, chewing on the tough and slightly-burnt potato skin. While he had decided to leave his second bowl of soup behind and simply go to bed, he had something of a rambling discussion with Ilia that night, and it would be hard to summarize.
"Then there's the fact that you and Ilia had that argument yesterday morning about her walking into your room, and you getting angry about it. It was a while before she came back out to go to her room. I know because I was downstairs at the fire." She was prodding again. Damn Ashei. "Well?"
"I know what it was about." Midna said, laying on her belly in front of the fire, head propped up on her hands while she idly kicked her feet in the air. "But it's not my place to tell you what they said to one another."
He finished eating and took a drink of water, deciding that maybe it was time to tell somebody other than Midna about Ilia. "I think it's time we have that chat you wanted earlier. There's a lot to tell, and a lot of it isn't anything I'd want to talk about in front of others."
"Then why tell me?" She should have realized it was because she asked and he felt like he could relate to her.
He smiled. "Because you heard me sing."
"That doesn't make a lot of sense." Ashei complained. No, she didn't understand him as much as he had thought, even though he let her see some of his true self the night Castle Town fell.
He shrugged. "It does to me, but anyway you go first. Tell me about Shad and yourself on the way to Kakariko."
Ashei looked into the fire and gave a short sigh. "There isn't much to tell. He was worried about his mother and sister, who live in Castle Town. Well, lived. You remember him telling you that he still has family, right?"
"That's right, he did say that." He had forgotten that detail, but there was a lot that was said that night, and him getting drunk later made some things blur together.
"He tried to get to their home, but then the alarms started and people filled the streets and he couldn't. Then he tried to get to his cousin's house to check on Trevor's wife and kids, and the main gate got smashed by the Shadow Beasts. He had no choice but to run back to Telma's wagon and escape." She picked up a small stick and tossed it into the fire, where the green wood smoldered. "He felt terribly guilty that he couldn't get to them in time. He looked so frightened on the way to the depot…" She raised her eyes up to him. "I know he looks like the soft, bookish type, but Shad is pretty brave. He's done a lot of dangerous things in order to help Princess Zelda."
"I know. I saw what he was doing in order to speak to her when I was cursed as the wolf. There were Shadow Beasts patrolling the castle that would have transformed him, but he went about his business anyway."
Ashei nodded. "Yeah, he had been doing that since the king died." She stared back into the fire and her voice grew quiet. "Shad is a good friend, perhaps my best friend. He likes to joke with me, we swap stories, both of us are knowledgeable in our fields and we respect one another for it. His services as an informant in the castle have been valuable to our group. Some of the information he brought to us about the king could have thrown him a cell, or worse. But that night? That night broke him."
She drew her knees up to her chest and hugged her arms around them. "All his knowledge couldn't help him save the people that he loved. And for once...I didn't know how to help him. I talked to him for the longest time, trying to make him feel better, but eventually he ran out of tears and said he only wanted to sleep. I left him alone, because even though I tried to figure out what I could do, I realized that I could do nothing. Nothing at all. Just like I couldn't do much to evacuate people from Castle Town."
The way she spoke softly and made herself smaller by hugging herself made Ashei appear younger. She was his age, but like him she was just barely an adult. "I felt like a failure, and I don't normally fail at things. I couldn't take it, so I went out into the field to be myself and cry, knowing I shouldn't do so in front of the people. I was only there a few minutes, and then you ran nearby. I saw you trip and fall, which seemed out of sorts for you, so I was a bit alarmed. And then well...I heard everything."
He stared at her across the fire, surprised at how much she had told him. She had felt like a failure when Castle Town fell as well, for slightly different reasons, but the feeling was the same. He had expected a short response, but Ashei seemed to be a completely different person now that it was just the three of them. It was almost as if there were two Asheis: Ashei the warrior, who was calm, controlled and skilled with a sword, the epitome of a knight; and Ashei the woman, who had a sense of humor, cared for her friends, and liked song. He felt fortunate that he could see the woman and not just the warrior, and have her be herself around him just as she was with Shad, who was a person she trusted.
"I think you probably did help Shad." he said in response to her story. "He was much better the next day, and by the time we were in Kakariko he was his old self." He pointed at her. "You'd better give him that free hug he requested."
Ashei laughed at that. "I told you, I'm not a hugger."
"Being around this guy will change that." Midna said from where she lay on the ground, aqua runes glowing in the darkness. "He very much is a hugger, and his hugs are infectious. I think I hug people more because of him, so you'd better watch yourself."
The other woman gave a small snort. "Yeah, okay." She looked at him from across the fire. "All right, your turn."
He hadn't told Midna too many details about his escape from Kasuto, only what the town was like before it fell. Even then, he didn't want to share all the details. He had spent the past five years trying to forget what had happened, especially when he fled with his mother, only for her to die once they reached safety. "Fine, I said I would. It's kind of depressing, but I had to say some things in case I died. I wrote two letters and I gave them to Renado in case they needed to be read. The first note was for Rusl, with some instructions for things around Ordon. I also had to thank him for all that he's done for me, which...you know, let me tell you about that."
Link took a deep breath and launched into it. "When I first escaped to Ordon with my mother, it was Ilia and her parents that took us in, Bo and Marnie. My mother was injured on the way there, and died from her injuries two days later. Because of that Ilia's parents decided they would take care of me, since I was only twelve."
He picked up the branch that Ashei had used when preparing the fire for cooking and prodded at an ember-coated log. "That arrangement worked out well...until Ilia's mother died a year later. Bo had his hands full, trying to continue his job as the mayor of our little town, as well as take care of his daughter alone, take care of me, and grieve for his wife. It was too much for him. Not only that, but we were growing fast. I was thirteen, and Ilia would be too in a few months. Ordon is a proper and traditional place, and Bo is a proper and traditional man. He did not like the idea of a teenage boy and girl living under the same roof. When I turned fourteen, he arranged for me to live in a house on the edge of town, quite intentionally moving me as far away from Ilia as he could."
"That's a rotten thing to do to a kid, especially one who had lost his parents." Ashei frowned into the fire. "I had male friends as I was growing up, and my father trusted me. I guess Bo didn't trust you, yeah?"
"I don't think he did. I also think he didn't want his daughter involved with a Hylian, and whatever trouble sent that Hylian from Hyrule. So I was put on the edge of town, alone." He chuckled. "Considering how much of an asshole I was, I honestly can't blame him. After I came to Ordon I changed, and I was a horrible kid.
"That's where Rusl comes in." he said. "He was the town smith, but had worked in Castle Town or Hyrule Castle or something, and my parents knew him. He's the guy my mother told me to try to find, since he was her friend. Anyway, Rusl already had a family of his own, and because of that he offered to take care of me. They didn't have anywhere in their little house to put me, and they couldn't move to where I was because Rusl's forge and smithing station were at his house, and being near the center of town it had a lot of people come by to get things repaired or made. Because of that, I still had to live by myself.
"That didn't mean I was really alone. I had to sleep alone, which let me tell you that was terrifying…" He recalled crying himself to sleep quite a bit, but decided not to mention that detail. "But Rusl or Uli would come over to see me daily, and I would come to their house to eat meals with them until I was able to cook for myself. They fed and clothed me, taught me patience, and their son became my little brother. Rusl and Uli became my new parents."
He looked up at Ashei across the fire. "You know that my father trained me some, since I was with him until I was twelve. I never actually was a page or a squire, but he did teach me how to use a sword and a bow. And once I came to Ordon, Rusl continued with that, even though his style of fighting is very different than what I had learned. Once I was fifteen and able to control my temper a bit, he suggested to Bo that I go on patrol to protect the village from Bokoblins. I was still so angry at that age, and only a few things could keep me calm, but Bo agreed. Rusl was patient with me, and taught me how to manage my anger and find the joy in things. I think I turned into the guy that smiles and laughs all the time because of his influence." He looked down at his right hand, at the callouses that had formed from holding his shield in battle. "Sometimes that anger comes back when I fight, but I know I grew up a better person due to him."
"I had no idea." Ashei continued to stare into the fire. "Rusl never said anything like that during meetings, to either me or my father. He mentioned that he had a wife and son in Ordon, but he never said anything about you."
"He wouldn't have." He thought of how he had been unable to speak to Rusl about the man knowing about the mark of the Triforce on his hand, and how he would grow into the next hero. "He knew where I came from and who my parents were, and even who I would become one day. Rusl kept everything hidden so I could grow up safe, in the hope that I could at least spend the rest of my childhood happy."
"I remember Uli telling you about that." Midna shifted to sit on the ground and folded her little legs just like Ashei. "Your mother knew you were going to be the next Hero of Hyrule since she was a Sheikah, and she told Rusl and Uli."
"Yeah. I want to talk to him about that, but I haven't had the chance." He shrugged. "That's what the letter was about."
"What about the second one? You said you gave Renado two letters." She didn't know who the second one was for, even though Midna did. Ashei was curious, and she had told him about Shad and herself, so it was only fair that he be candid with her.
"The second letter is for Ilia, and it's...complicated. And personal." He frowned into the fire. "There's some things you don't know either, Midna. The things with Ilia, and some things related to my mother...it's why I am the way I am."
Link poked at the coals of the fire again, remembering his rocky start in Ordon. "When I first came to town, Bo and Marnie took care of me, like I said. But I couldn't connect with them. They were strangers, and even Rusl was a stranger. I was angry and scared, and completely on the defensive. I didn't want to trust anyone, and I was kind of a jerk because of it.
"But Ilia...it was different with Ilia. She's was only a year younger than I was, and I felt I could relate to her because of that. She told me she'd take care of me, like she was my big sister or something." He laughed at the memory. "You know what? I believed her. She became this lifeline for me, something I could hold onto that kept my head above water. I needed a friend badly, and she was there for me.
"About a year later, it was my turn to be there for her. Marnie died of a wasting disease, and like I said before Bo was overwhelmed by everything, especially Ilia. Between the time her mother died and we buried her, she became increasingly angry and irrational. It reminded me so much of how I was because my own mother died, that I was concerned. Even when I was thirteen, I knew I wasn't right in the head, and I didn't want her to wind up like me. That's why I told her it was my turn to take care of her."
He paused, thinking of that day, of the memory that Ilia could only partially remember. The day that led him to love her. "I remember that day pretty clearly. It was winter, and it had been raining and there were puddles everywhere. Ilia was muddy and cold, but she was far too old to be splashing around in the mud. She had an argument with Bo and ran outside. He stayed there at the table, put his head in his hands and cried. I hadn't seen an adult cry before, and it was the man who was supposed to be caring for me. I didn't know what to do. All I could think of was to go after Ilia and bring her home, since she was being irrational.
"I found her in a peach orchard, crying under a tree. Something about seeing her there like that hurt me. I tried talking to her, and she kept telling me to leave her alone. I started to cry too, and then I hugged her and said that she'd be okay. I said I knew what she was going through, since I went through the same thing a year before. I promised that I would take care of her, just like she took care of me." He stared into the glowing coals of the fire, his eyes distant as he remembered. "Something felt different after that, for me anyway. We were still best friends, but I started to look at her differently. I started to have feelings for her, and they grew over the next five years. It took me a while to figure out that's what it was, and I kept denying it because I didn't want to ruin our friendship, my only friendship."
"You don't seem to be afraid of that now." Midna was watching him throughout the story, examining his face. "I know you're holding back because of our mission, but the two of you could have something so easily if you wanted to."
"But it's not fair to her if she doesn't remember me. She's back to the way she was before she lost her memories, but she can't remember two things: me, and what happened between when we got attacked at the spring and when she woke up under a cart somewhere in Lanayru." He sighed, feeling weary after explaining that much about himself and Ilia, but he wasn't done. "The night we came to Kakariko, she came to my room to tell me about what she had remembered, and we talked for a while after she fussed over my bruises. I admitted that I needed her around. It certainly wasn't a full confession, but it was the truth. She's still that thing that keeps me sane, and keeps my anger away."
"You said that there was a reason you're that way, something to do with your mother's death?" the Twili asked. "I thought it was what happened at Kasuto that did that to you."
He didn't know how to put it to words, pausing for a moment. "I became so angry not just because what happened in Kasuto, but what happened to my mother. Watching your mother die…" He swallowed hard and shook his head, not wanting to finish the sentence. "I was just a kid, and kids need their parents. Really little ones can recover quickly, but the older ones have trouble. It took Ilia a few years to adjust to her mother's death, but I don't think I ever adjusted to mine. My mother…" He stared into the fire for a moment, trying to assemble words that wouldn't hurt too much to say. "My mother was Queen Constance's guardian, and being the protector of the queen is an honored position that must be earned with skill and loyalty. I admit I didn't see much of her fighting, other than when she would spar with my father. But she was so quick and so amazing...I thought she was untouchable."
"My father told me that there was an assassination attempt on Queen Constance when she was in Castle Town with Zelda. It was in plain sight too...a group of people pretending to be merchants in the bazaar attacked with swords. Sami took care of them all before the watch could respond, as well as two bowmen on the roof. Supposedly she got those two by throwing daggers at them." Ashei looked over at him. "I thought that one woman fighting off several people at once and killing them all within minutes was an exaggeration, and that maybe the witnesses thought they saw something more amazing than what really happened. But no, Shad has the records of it happening. Not only that, after watching you kill seventeen Bulbins on your own when I only killed five made me realize that it's possible." She smiled at him ever so slightly. "Of course only Sami's son could fight like that."
Link smiled back at her, although his heart wasn't in it. His mind was still on his mother's death. "She was untouchable, but she died anyway. Kasuto was supposed to be safe, but it fell anyway. And now Ordon...Ordon was supposed to be the safest place I could go, and look what happened." He grew quiet, his voice subdued. "That's why I'm not right in the head. That's why I have a temper, why I grow angry enough to change the way I fight, why I'm suddenly a crybaby, why I lose control in one way or another. I get it. And that's why I need Ilia...and I need her the way she was. I need her to remember how she helped me the first time around.
"And I need to help her. She needs to be right again too, because I promised I'd always help her. She needs to get past what happened to her with the Bulbins so she can have a normal life again. If only I could figure out a way to help her. I can fight and kill eighteen Bulbins by myself, I can pull out the Master Sword, I can even clear ruins of hundreds of undead on my own. But I can't help the most important person in the world to me." His voice cracked on the last sentence, and he was silent for a minute as he got himself under control. "It's killing me." he added once he felt he could speak again.
The two women sat nearby silently as they thought about what he said, the crackling of the fire punctuating the silence. He hadn't reduced himself to tears again even though he felt like weeping, which was good. That was something he knew he needed to work on just as much as his anger, and something he had to work on when he was twelve. The only difference was he was an adult now, and he ought to be in control. Even Renado had told him so.
"What you've said explains a lot." Midna said finally, looking thoughtful. "It makes a lot of sense. You mentioned your anger and your emotional ups and downs, but there's more to it that you don't see. You're very self-critical, you're afraid of change and the future, and you ignore your own needs in order to take care of others, whether they need your help or not." She floated up into the air and hovered next to him. "It's why you get hurt so easily. Why you wear your heart on your sleeve. I had thought that maybe you weren't grown up yet, and I think there's a little of that involved. You've shown maturity and wisdom, so you're not not still a kid, even if you feel like one sometimes." She placed a hand to the side of his face. "Link...answer me truthfully. What do you want?"
"What do I want?" He repeated the question, and then smiled at her. "I want to save both our worlds, return you to your human form, return Zelda-"
"No, that's not what I mean." She cut him off and patted his cheek, as close as always. "What do you want for yourself? Ignoring your responsibilities and duties as the Hero of Hyrule, what does Link the person want?"
His smile faded and he stared at her. What he wanted he couldn't have, and he knew it. "I want my life back. I want to feel safe again...and I know that as the hero, I can't have those things anymore."
"Why not? Don't you think a guy like you who saved and befriended the races of Hyrule would have earned the right to decide what he wants to do with his life?" Midna asked. "Once it's all over, you can choose to keep carrying the title of Hero of Hyrule, or you can choose to move on and have what you want."
"I…" Was she right? Did he have that ability to choose for himself? So far, everything that happened in his life was decided for him. Even worse, Faron had told him that his own desires on this journey were unimportant and he shouldn't think about them. "Nobody's given me a choice before. If I had to choose…" He knew what he wanted, and although it was impossible to bring back that feeling of security immediately, it would grow...just as it had when he was a boy. "I'd say I want to go back to Ordon and have a life with Ilia. A normal life." The life that the previous Link told him to have. He only had one life to live, and he needed to make what good of it he could.
The Twili smiled at him. "Then I guess we'd better find a way to help Ilia, right? You want her to remember you and how she helped you with your problems the first time around, so you can rely on her again. Something awful happened to you when you were a kid, and because she and Rusl were around, you started to recover from that. Over the past five years you gradually got better, and you began to grow into the adult you would have become normally. Then the invasion happened, and you started to regress back to that boy from five years ago."
He had realized that, after escaping Kasuto a second time. It was then he realized he was the same hurt child all over again, and try as he might to be an adult, he kept flailing around emotionally. But if he had Ilia...could he recover again? Could he be better?
"I've finally figured you out. I couldn't understand why you could be strong and intelligent, but suddenly irrational and reckless...but now I do." She pushed some of his bangs out of his eyes with a fond smile. "I can see the potential in you, something that other people can see too, that thing that let you pull out the Master Sword. It's there, but this other side of you keeps getting in the way." Midna pushed back his hair and lay a gentle kiss on his forehead. "We'll make it so you can become the man you're supposed to be, okay? I know that you can get better, and be better. We'll fix Ilia's mind, and then we'll fix yours. I promise."
Link gaped at her, emotions churning within him. "I can be fixed." he said blankly in contrast to how he was feeling, considering it. It seemed so simple. Was it really that simple?
"You're only eighteen, yeah?" Ashei moved a bit closer to the two of them. "You recovered from something horrible in five years, and you did that while you were still a kid. Now you're an adult and understand exactly what happened to you, and how to get over it. All it's going to take is a little time, and you can have the life you want."
He was still stunned by it all, that he hadn't considered what he could do for himself, that he had occupied his mind with only the negative and couldn't find the positive. He had been under the impression that his desires were selfish this entire time, and he had been completely wrong. And the fact that he was given a choice, given the agency to consider not just what he wanted, but how he could go about pursuing it was what it took for it all to click in his mind. The feeling of relief at understanding exactly what he needed to do was almost overwhelming; he wasn't sure if he was going to cry, or hug Midna, or continue to sit there like he had just taken a sock in the jaw.
Instead he laughed. He began to laugh at his foolishness, at how he hadn't focused on himself like Renado had been suggesting, on how he had fretted about whether he was going to be strong enough to fight Ganondorf or not. He laughed at how he had been dragging his feet, slogging forward because he was expected to, and never thought what he himself may get out of saving Hyrule. He laughed at his failures and how human they were, and that even then he had succeeded where so many other people would fail. He laughed because he was an eighteen-year-old young man, caught somewhere between childhood and adulthood, without anyone able to tell him how to make that transition while going through a chain of traumatic events.
And he laughed simply because he laughed, because that was the way his body chose to release everything he had been feeling. There was no way for him to contain it; it bubbled up and came from his mouth completely uncontrolled, and even though he put a hand to his mouth to try to stem the tide, he continued to laugh. Tears started in his eyes but they were tears of mirth, fed by the bizarre laughter that was a mixture of joy, relief and-oddly enough-grief. This was another form of grief venting itself in the strangest of ways, and the thing he had been grieving wasn't Zelda, or Midna, or even Ilia. The thing he had been grieving was himself.
Midna and Ashei stared at him, not sure how to react to his odd mirth. The Twili had slowly floated backwards with a look of concern on her face until she was halfway between Link and Ashei. The young warrior simply looked baffled, not understanding how or why he would laugh about this of all things. "Uh...you okay there?" she asked.
Link nodded, unable to do anything else. There was no way he could explain until everything came out, just as he was unable to respond to them when he wept in the field in the same way. Eventually he slowed down enough to talk, wiping at his eyes. "I've been such an idiot!" He let loose a giddy-sounding giggle, and Midna finally smiled at him now that he spoke. "How did I not think my way through all of that? Gods, I'm a dumbass!"
"To be fair, you've been a little distracted over the past month." the imp said wryly. "At least I've been paying attention. Now that I have all the facts, I know how to help my friend with his problem."
"Midna, you beautiful thing." he said, pulling her close and planting a kiss on her cheek. "You sorted me out, you clever little genius!"
"Don't kiss me, you fool!" She sounded a bit surprised, but didn't fight him. He found her reaction hilarious and started laughing again. "Go kiss Ashei or something."
The warrior held up her hands defensively. "Woah, hold up. Nobody's kissing me, especially not him."
"I told him the same thing days ago, but look at what he- Link, I said stop!" This time she did push against him when he kissed her cheek again. He let her go, practically giggling about her exasperated expression as she moved back to hover next to Ashei, who snickered at the interaction.
"I did it that time to be funny." He felt almost drunk, and he put a hand to his mouth while still giggling stupidly. It was ridiculous how much he was laughing about it, but here he was doing so anyway. It was a strange way to show relief and vent everything he was feeling, but it was a lot better than being in tears again. He flopped onto his back to stare at the few stars visible through the gaps in the trees, and gave a tired sigh, finally catching his breath. "I don't know why I found my own stupidity funny, but it's fine. I've got myself figured out now. I'm going to be better than I am right now, because I've gone through this before. Ilia and I are going to get better together, because so far we've done everything else together. And I'm going to take care of Ganondorf, because he's that one thing that's in the way of me having the life I want."
"I'm glad you're feeling okay now. You did have me worried and you haven't been behaving like yourself, but now I think you'll be fine." Midna said from where she was next to the other woman, keeping her distance just in case. "But seriously, don't kiss me again."
"You kissed my forehead, so I'd say it's fair." He was still smiling, feeling both energized and tired.
"That's because I'm your big sister now, and I'm taking care of your dumb butt until we can fix the two worlds." She gave a soft little sigh, and even though he couldn't see her face, he could hear her smile in her voice. "Welcome back, Link. I missed you."
"Do you know what? I missed myself." He sat up again. "After all of that, I'm feeling rather tired. I'm getting ready to sleep."
"I'm going to be up a bit more, but I'll do the same before too long." Ashei watched him as he moved his gear around to prepare a spot for himself. "We'll be leaving at dawn. I want to make good time and there's a lot of uphill, so we can't make our horses run for a lot of it. Midna, can you wake us up as soon as the sky starts to get light?"
"You've got it." She continued to talk to Ashei, but he stopped listening, falling into his own thoughts again.
Unbuckling the Master Sword, he saw the yellow gem reflect back the firelight. Something occurred to him. Sword?
Master. the sword responded quietly.
That trial you spoke of in the Arbiter's Grounds, it wasn't getting over my fear, was it? It was figuring out how I could get past the things that hurt me.
The Master Sword's hilt and gem glowed ever faintly with white light as it spoke, and the artificial female voice sounded approving. Very good, Master. You can see it clearly now; the darkness that you held in your heart was holding you back, and I could not be the one to tell you how to get past it. That was something you had to discover on your own, and you did. You were willing to defeat the undead because you had a goal, and now you have reached a similar conclusion with Ganondorf. The goal does not always have to be for the better of all, but instead a motivator for you to carry out the hero's task. You are focused on the positive instead of spending all of your energy on the negative. Now your heart is strong enough to do what you must.
He smiled at the sword and set it down next to his spread-out cloak, glad that it knew all the long that he had the potential to get past what had been bogging him down. It would have helped him if it could and told him what information he needed to know, but he eventually figured things out for himself. The sword helped him as best it could.
I am here to aid you, Master Link. I always will, through every lifetime from now on.
He took comfort in that as he lay down and wrapped himself in his cloak, pillowing his head on his arm while staring into the fire. Ashei and Midna spoke to each other quietly on the other side of the fire, leaving him be to rest after his revelation. He didn't know how he was going to defeat Ganondorf, only that he fully intended to. He also wasn't sure if returning Midna to her original form would bring Zelda back, but he knew there had to be a way. Closing his eyes, he understood that everything would be fine. He was Link of Lon, the Hero Chosen by the Gods, and he would succeed.
His dreams were strange, but not in the typical way. It wasn't a series of familiar places or events that shouldn't go together, but it was...nothing. It was darkness, yet he was aware. A voice called out his name ever so faintly, and he looked around in the dream, trying to pinpoint where it was coming from.
—ink? ...Link? Can you hear me, Link? It grew louder, and its words became more clear, even though there was a strange quality to the voice. Something nagged at him, telling him that the voice was familiar, yet for some reason he couldn't tell if the voice was male or female, young or old.
"Who are you?" he asked, not sure where this dream was going, but understanding that he was lucid through it.
A pinpoint of golden light formed nearby, although he couldn't tell how near. When he tried to move towards it, it didn't appear that he was getting any closer. I will help you. the voice said, coming to him as if from across a great distance. He reached out his senses and his mind, trying to connect to the voice, trying to figure out its source. When it spoke again, he identified it as a woman, or perhaps a child. Link...have faith… The voice grew faint even as he managed to focus on it, and then fell silent. He tried moving towards the small mote of light, but the tiny speck glowed golden like the morning sun, blinding him before dimming into nothing.
His eyes snapped open and darted around the camp, and he was unsure of what was happening. Next to the fire was seated an unfamiliar person in a long hooded shawl, sitting cross-legged as they stared into the glowing embers. He sat up suddenly, alarmed. He then realized that it wasn't a person in a hood sitting there, but only Midna. He blinked away the sleep from his eyes and realized that he was probably still dreaming, and saw something else instead of his friend sitting by the fire.
She noticed him sitting up, and turned her helmeted head towards him. "You all right? You're not having nightmares again, are you?"
Having no idea how to explain it to her, he lay back down. "No, just strange dreams. Weird enough to wake me up."
"Oh." she said, turning back to stare into the fire again. "Go back to sleep."
Still unsure of what just happened, he shut his eyes. As he fell asleep, he wondered if the dream was something real or something his mind made up, or if the strange image of somebody seated at the fire was in any way related.
