It's a fun life on a boat
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Oh, I could pass the test. But I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special."
&&&&
Chapter 2 – Rooming up
&&&&
"Okay", said Magneto as he looked at a piece of paper in his hand, "our rooms should be just down this corridor"
"Wait up for Petey", said Remy with a sigh, jutting his thumb behind him, where Piotr followed the ground on his hands and knees….at least he was staying in his flesh form now.
"I am looking at the floor. I am having a lower centre of gravity", he told himself, "this will make things better" (1)
"Piotr, will you please just stand up and walk?", sighed Magneto tiredly, "people are beginning to stare"
"Don't want to", sobbed Piotr, dropping to the floor with a thud, "please, leave me here to die"
"Okay", shrugged Pyro, starting to walk happily down the corridor, before being yanked back by Sabertooth, "what!"
"We can't leave him cloggin' up the corridor", said Sabertooth, "he's a fire hazard"
Pyro's eyes lit up.
"Really?", he asked, looking like a kid at a birthday party, "Ripper!"
Sabertooth sighed, grabbing Piotr by the arm and beginning to drag him after Magneto.
"Geez, Ruskie, you gotta loose some weight", he muttered, "thanks for the help, by the way, guys"
"I make t'ings go boom", said Gambit, "I don't do heavy lifting"
"Ironically, Piotr's the one we have for heavy lifting", said Jason, then blinked at Magneto's paper, "why are we sharing rooms?"
"Because the competition didn't spring for separate rooms", said Magneto, "all the lot of you have done is whine since we left, you'd swear you didn't want this holiday!"
"I don't", said Piotr from the floor.
"Me either", said Pyro.
"Non, a million times, non", said Remy
"I want to go home to my tiger", said Sabertooth.
"…This cruise means being near other people in a cramped space…..happy people", said Jason, giving a shudder, "it's my idea of hell"
"Well, you should have said so before we left", said Magneto.
"We did", said Jason, "repeatedly"
"It's too late now", said Magneto, then smiled stopping in the corridor, "here we are"
He handed out keys to his less-than-happy looking followers.
"St.John, you're rooming with Piotr", he said.
"Yey, the foreigners can have fun together!", said Pyro, hugging Piotr's head, "we can have a great time, mate, just you an' me"
"Please do not squeeze my head", groaned Piotr.
"Jason and Remy", smiled Magneto.
"….This is for that time I ate your turkey sandwich, isn't it?", asked Jason.
"I'm not dat bad", said Remy, "am I?"
"Do you really want us to open that can of worms?", asked Jason, scowling as he walked in, "don't communicate with me in any fashion, and I may not have to wipe out the tiny peanut you call a brain"
"Hey….did you just insult me?", blinked Remy, following him in, "I t'ink you did"
"Sabertooth, you're with me", said Magento.
"….Again?", said Sabertooth sadly, "….but you sing Cher songs in your sleep….."
Sabertooth paused.
"That's how you won that karaoke competition..isn't it?"
"Silence!", shouted Magneto, walking in, "no more talk of that!"
As the door slammed shut, it left only Pyro and Piotr. After a few moments, the elder of the two started to get a little, nervous.
"…What are you doing?", he asked, tilting his head from the floor to blink at the Australian.
"I'm waiting for the fire", said Pyro, matter-of-factly, "Vic said you were a fire hazard"
"….I think you are missing the point", said Piotr, who's eyes widened as the ship lurched forward as it began to move.
With a speed amazing to someone of his size, Piotr got from the floor, into their room, and into the en suite bathroom in a matter of seconds. Pyro blinked, following him in.
"Hey, you okay in there?", he asked, as sounds suggesting Piotr was not okay came from within, "okay, you're having a moment, I'm going to look for anything flammable, 'kay?...I take the violent puking sounds as a yes"
Pyro grinned, jumping around the room, looking for anything that might possibly catch on fire…maybe. To his disappointment, he found nothing that would directly set on fire…he would have to experiment later. Before he could put such a plan into thought, however, Piotr stumbled out of the bathroom, still looking queasy.
"Carrots", he said, "why is it always carrots?"
"It's one of the mysteries of the universe", said Pyro, then blinked, "didn't you get over to America on a boat in the first place? I'd have thought you'd be used to it by now"
"No", said Piotr, then sighed, "I remember it like it was yesterday. My little blue hat blew outside, and I went to get it. It was stormy, and a big wave blew me off the boat and into the sea, and I washed up in New York harbour, where a pigeon sang to me"
Pyro blinked at him for a few moments.
"Piotr….that's the start of An American Tail" (2)
"Oh", Piotr blinked, "then it must have been when I was sleepwalking on deck and…"
"That's Anastasia", said Pyro. (3)
"Then how did I get into America?"
"Same as me", said Pyro, "you were smuggled in a crate of lima beans"
Piotr groaned, lying on his bed, trying to burry his head under his pillow.
"I want this to end now"
"Would it help if I made soothing ocean noises for you?", tried Pyro
Piotr blinked at him for a full minute, but couldn't find a way to dignify that with an answer that wouldn't hurt his head. So, he chose to fall asleep.
&&&&
Remy, meanwhile, was carefully putting anything that wasn't attached to the wall into his trench coat pockets. Jason arched a brow, watching him.
"How does everything fit in that?", he asked, "is it like Mary Poppin's bag or something?"
Remy hugged his trench coat protectively.
"It just has a lot of pockets, okay?", he sniffed.
"It need cleaning", said Jason, "do you ever take it off?"
"If someone takes dis trench coat off me, dey would have to do it when Remy's dead", said Remy.
Jason arched a brow, before shaking his head.
"…Whatever", he said, "just don't bring it near me, in fact, don't come near me for this whole trip, and we'll be fine"
"It's a miracle you have any friends you know", said Remy, "you're not very friendly"
"Really?", asked Jason, "wow, Gambit, thanks for showing me the error of my ways. From this day on, I'll be a nicer, kinder Jason, who will give everyone a smile, and a cheery hello"
"Really?", blinked Remy.
"No", scowled Jason, stalking off out of the room, "not really"
&&&&
Across the hall, Magneto and Sabertooth were looking around their room. Or rather, Magneto was looking, while Sabertooth was sniffing.
"Victor, please don't scent mark anything", said Magneto tiredly, "I don't want to explain something like that to the management"
"I wasn't gonna", said Sabertooth, plucking at the wall with his claws.
"No clawing the furniture, either!", snapped Magneto, "or the walls"
"Should I sit quietly and do nothing then?", asked Sabertooth sarcastically.
"Yes, yes you should", said Magneto.
Sabertooth sighed, sitting on the floor, looking at the ceiling.
"There's a spider there", he said.
"That's nice", said Magneto, then blinked as Sabertooth made an odd chattering sound, "oh God, Victor, NO!" (4)
Too late, Sabertooth launched himself at the ceiling, missing it by miles, ending up crashing into the desk, making a huge crack in it.
"Bad cat, bad cat!", shouted Magneto.
"Sorry boss", said Sabertooth, wincing as he stood up, "but I'm hungry"
"Okay, fine", said Magneto, pinching the bridge of his nose, "we'll get food"
&&&&
"Doooo-dooo, wish, woosh, wish"
Piotr woke from where he had fallen asleep to the sound of ocean noises…in an Australian accent.
"Wooosh, woosh", said Pyro, his head hovering somewhere in the vicinity of Piotrs ear, before suddenly letting out a loud, "CARK-CARK!" (5)
"Arrrgh!", yelped Piotr, sitting up quickly, which did nothing for his already battered stomach, "….why did you do that"
"Oh, sorry, did I wake you?", blinked Pyro, then smiled, "boss says we're gonna go eat now!"
"Oh goodie", said Piotr, "…food….just what I need"
&&&&
(1) – Coming from someone with a lower centre of gravity: It doesn't.
(2) – Old movie. If you haven't seen it, you SHOULD.
(3) – Yeah, not that old. A great movie, none the less.
(4) – Cats make this noise when hunting, if you're wondering.
(5) – From the Simpsons. I've wanted to use that for so long somewhere.
