It's a fun life on a boat

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Do not question me! I control your arms!"

&&&

Apparently, not everyone realises I am not American, and thus do not use American grammar, but use the British grammar which I have been taught to use. Just thought I'd clear that up.

&&&&

Chapter 3 – Making a meal of it

&&&&

A little while later, the Acolytes were eating their first meal on board. Sabertooth sighed, looking sadly at the piece of steak on his plate.

"How can this be considered a proper meal", he asked, "it's pathetic!"

"It's a proper meal for someone who doesn't belong in the 'predator' category", said Jason.

"Shadup", growled Sabertooth.

"Victor, behave", said Magneto, "people are staring"

The other guests dining were, indeed, staring at the table..but considering the people seated, it wasn't that surprising.

"They're probably staring at the monkey", muttered Sabertooth under his breath.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that", said Jason, then sighed, "Erik, St.John is setting fire to the table"

"What?", blinked Magneto, turning to see Pyro had noticed the candles on the next table, and was currently playing with a ball of flame between his fingers. grinning like a kid on his eighth birthday, "Pyro, stop it!"

"I wasn't doing anything!", yelped Pyro, throwing the flame ball over his shoulder, hiding the evidence.

Unfortunately, the 'evidence' landed on the next table, setting it alight. The couple sitting at it screamed, jumping to their feet as they tried to put it out with their napkins.

"Oh, seesh, it's just a little fire", said Pyro, rolling his eyes at the inferno.

"Put. It. Out. Now", growled Magneto, the cutlery beginning to float, mid-air.

"Okay, okay!", said Pyro, giving a whimper, "don't hit me with forks again, please!"

He clicked his fingers, the fire puffing out of existence, much to the confusion of the couple.

"Well, so much for not drawing attention to ourselves", said Remy, plucking his spoon out of the air in front of him.

Indeed, the whispers of 'mutants' began.

"Oh great, thanks Pyro", said Magneto dryly, "what did I say? Low profile. LOW!"

"Well, I can't help it", said Pyro, "I'm not the only one, if ya haven't noticed Piotr hovering above his seat"

Magneto blinked, looking at Piotr, in his metallic form, floating a foot away from his chair.

"Oh", said Magneto sheepishly, putting Piotr down, "yes….well….right"

"Well, that helped my stomach", said Piotr dryly.

"Still feeling sea-sick, Peety?", asked Remy, grabbing another spoon.

"I feel like I am going to die horrible death", muttered Piotr, "My stomach feels like it is being squished by little men, and my head is being floating on a cloud of candied floss"

"So, you don't want your steak then?", asked Sabertooth, reaching over and stabbing Piotr's meat with a fork, beginning to eat it, pausing only to blink at his annoyed team mates, "what?"

"Manners, Victor", said Magneto, "we are not animals"

"I am", said Sabertooth, "and Jas is a monkey"

"I am not a monkey!", snapped Jason, "stop calling me a monkey!"

"Why can't you see him through myyyy eeeeeeeyyyeeeees", sang Remy. (1)

"I'll make you believe you have no genitalia for the rest of your life if you don't shut up now", growled Jason

"Oh oobedoo, I wanna be like you hoohoo", sang Pyro, "I wanna walk like you, talk like you.." (2)

Any further singing was cut off by Jason's eyes flickering, followed closely by Pyro and Remy holding their heads and screaming for their mothers.

"Mastermind, let them go", sighed Magneto, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"They started it", muttered Jason, his eyes going back to normal.

"Damn dirty ape", muttered Remy, rubbing his head.

"Stop acting like children", said Magneto, "I had less trouble taking the twins to dinner when they were six! Now, lets please just eat our food"

H paused, looking at the table.

"Where has all the silverware gone?"

"Remy's been pocketing it", said Sabertooth, his mouth full of meat.

"…….Remy, have you been stealing the silverware?", asked Magneto sweetly.

"No"

"Lying", said Jason.

"Hey, reading minds is an invasion of privacy!", yelped Remy.

"…..Do I look like Xavier?", asked Jason, arching a brow, "I have no morals when I read your…"

Jason suddenly paled, looking at Remy in disgust.

"That's just……..wrong", he said, shuddering, "oh God, it's stuck in my head!"

"….What did you do?", asked Sabertooth, blinking.

"Oh, I got a special image in my head for when people try to read my mind", said Remy, tapping his head, "works well, too" (3)

"You're a sick, sick, sicko!", said Jason, twitching slightly.

"You broke Jason", said Pyro, grinning, "cool"

Magneto gave Jason a prod, the illusionist falling to the floor with a thud. He blinked, then turned to Magneto.

"Remy, please put the silverware back on the table", he said, "I don't see why you have to steal everything"

"I'm de prince of t'ieves", said Remy, "it's what I do. It's why you recruited me, remember?"

"I thought Robin Hood was the prince of thieves", said Sabertooth.

"…..I'm just pretend I didn't hear dat", said Remy darkly, emptying his trench coat of cutlery, "okay, dis is what I do in withdrawal"

"It's not even been a day", said Pyro, "ya can't be that much of an addict"

"Says the guy who just set a table on fire", said Remy dryly.

"I withdraw my comment", said Pyro quietly.

"Look, it won't be that bad", said Magneto, "we'll be docking on some island in three days".

"Three days?", yelped Piotr, "we will not be seeing land for three days?"

"Oh, you'll cope", said Sabertooth.

"I won't", said Remy, then sighed, "Gambit need ta smoke"

"Oh, it'll do you the world of good", said Magneto, "you need to cut down, anyway"

"No, I don't", said Remy pointedly, as Jason struggled to his feet, "oh, he's back"

"I'm going back to my room", said Jason, "well, well away from the weirdo"

"You know, you'll only see me later when I get back", grinned Remy, "I can t'ink it all night for you"

"You're an evil little person", said Jason darkly.

"'Aint ya stickin' around fer the show, Jas?", asked Sabertooth, "it's an illusionist!"

"Oh an illusionist!", said Jason, in mock joy, "oh, how could I miss that? That's something I can never, ever experience in my life!"

"…..You didn't have to be sarcastic about it", muttered Sabertooth.

"He is Jason", said Piotr, "that is what he does"

"I'm missing it too", said Magneto, "I'm going to play shuffleboard"

"…….", said the Acolytes

"What? I'm allowed to be old sometimes!", snapped Magneto, then paused, "I like to win by using my powers and making to old ladies cry"

"That's more like it", nodded Pyro, then looked at Piotr, "you coming to the show, Peety?"

"...I would rather sleep", said Piotr.

"You can sleep in the show", said Pyro with a grin.

&&&&

(1) – From Cabaret, where the MC sings to someone in a gorilla suit.

(2) – I really shouldn't have to tell you where this song comes from

(3) – As seen in the last Gambit series. Lets say it's a result of a fire blast from Pyro a wind blast from Storm, and Blob not wearing a costume of unstable molecules. To quote Gambit 'consequently they (telepaths) are convinced I'm something of a weirdo'.

Oh, this is fun. Do review. Until next time….