It's a fun life on a boat
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "That is the worst idea in the history of entertainment since Abraham Lincoln said, 'I'm sick of kicking around the house all day, let's go take in a show'."
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Chapter 4 – That's entertainment!
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In what had been laughingly called the 'entertainment suite', Sabertooth, Remy, Piotr and Pyro were waiting for the evening show. Piotr was staring at the table, still looking very ill, his eyes going out of focus.
"Come, on, Peety, you've gotta be feeling better by now", said Pyro, playing happily with the tables candle flame.
"No", said Piotr, "leave me alone to die"
"I knew we should have left him at home", said Remy, then sighed boredly, "dis better be a good show"
"You don't know a good show until you've seen Wolverine sing 'Oh What a Beautiful Morning' when he thinks no ones watchin'", said Sabertooth. (1)
Remy blinked at him for a few moments.
"That's frightening and more than slightly disturbing"
"I think I'm gonna have nightmares now", said Pyro, "thanks for screwing me up, mate"
"You were already screwed up", said Sabertooth, rolling his eyes, then grinned, "hey, the shows startin'!"
The curtain over the stage lifted to show a blonde woman dressed in a rather skimpy magicians outfit. Remy grinned, sitting up.
"Dis trip suddenly got much more interesting", he said.
"…..Are you just a walking sack of testosterone or something?", asked Sabertooth, "didn't ya get laid before ya left?"
"….Only a little bit", said Remy, "and it's been almost a whole day since den"
The woman, meanwhile, began her show, picking up a white rabbit from a cage on the floor. She waved her hands over it, and the rabbit vanished. A few seconds later, a rabbit appeared on each table in the room.
"….She's a mutant", blinked Pyro, poking a finger at their rabbit, which vanished with a pop.
"Man, Jas is missing out on a fellow illusionist, who happens to be a hot blonde", said Remy.
"Come on, she's young enough to be his daught…", Sabertooth trailed off
"Ooooh you t'inkin' what I'm tinkin'?", asked Remy
"You shouldn't wear white socks with a blue hat?", asked Pyro (2)
Remy blinked at Pyro, before shaking his head.
"I'm not even gonna dignify dat with an answer"
The crowd cheered as the real rabbit reappeared in the woman's arms.
"We're gonna have ta have a talk with her when she's done", said Sabertooth with a chuckle.
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Elsewhere, Magneto had won the latest round of shuffleboard and had, indeed, made a small group of old women cry. He'd been quite satisfied with himself until another woman had thrown a pair of granny panties at him and suggestively told him to go to her cabin in three minutes. Magneto had decided to beat a hasty retreat, and was currently taking refuge in the bar. He'd been sulking over a pina colada (a drink he'd never admit to liking in front of his team) when he heard a voice he never thought he'd hear again…again.
"Well, well, well, it's like the worms crawling out of the woodwork"
Magneto groaned, before turning to the speaker. There, in an evening dress she clearly wasn't comfortable in stood Haloway, next to her, much happier in a dress was Gelder, who gave a wave (3)
"Do you people stalk us or something?", he asked tiredly.
"Of course not", she said, "hello, Mr Maxmioff!"
"Actually, it's Lensheer", said Magneto.
Gelder blinked.
"….Then why are your children's surnames Maximoff?"
"…...Lets not get into that right now", said Magneto (4)
"So, did you bring those insidious creatures with you?", asked Haloway.
"The twins aren't here, no", said Magneto, "they didn't want to have a holiday with their father, They said it would be 'creepy and wrong'. My own…errr…colleagues are here"
"You mean the cronies you want to use to take over the world with?", asked Gelder.
"…….I prefer colleagues", said Magneto, "so, if you're not stalking us, why are you here?"
"We're on holiday", said Gelder cheerfully, "I won a karaoke competition, so I brought my best friend ever along!"
"Getting a holiday through a karaoke competition and only having people you work with to take along", said Haloway, "sad, isn't it?"
"…….I'm getting another drink", said Magneto.
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Meanwhile, the illusionist had finished her show, and was stepping off the stage, packing her things up. Remy, Pyro and Sabertooth walked over to her, leaving Piotr where he was 'resting' his head on the table.
"Hello dere", said Remy, giving her his most charming smile, "My name is Remy LeBeau, pleased to make you're acquaintance"
The woman blinked at him, before putting her rabbit in it's cage, ignoring him completely. Remy blinked, used to women falling into a puddle of goo at that smile. He cleared his throat, giving it again…just to be sure.
"I didn't catch your name"
"I didn't throw it", she replied curtly.
"Excuse my womanising buddy", said Pyro, giving her a maniacal grin, "it's just, we noticed you were a mutant and wanted to clarify…"
"The sign says I'm an illusionist, Jackass", she replied, jutting her thumb at the sign advertising an illusionist, "it's a family thing..apparently"
Sabertooth smirked.
"That so?"
"Yeah, mom said my father's one", she replied, "the lousy-good-for nothing used his powers to seduce her, then ran off after she got pregnant"
"Oh…dis is fantastic", grinned Remy, slapping her back.
"Thanks for the sympathy", she said dryly, "that's how to get a woman into bed"
"Oh, let me tell him, please!", begged Pyro, "It can be my early crimbo present!"
"It might not even be him", said Sabertooth
"How man cynical monkey-like illusionist do you know?", asked Remy
"…….What are you bumbling idiots talking about?", she asked, as a few porters took her stuff away.
"Hey, chickie, what's yer name?", asked Sabertooth.
"Princess Consuela", she replied dryly, "no, really"
"Awww come on", said Pyro, "pleeeaaaaseee?"
"Fine, it's Regan", she said, "now get lost and leave me alone, you weirdoes" (5)
"Bagsie me telling him!", said Pyro, making a race for the door.
"No way!", said Sabertooth, running after him, "I want ta do it!"
Regan arched a brow, watching them go.
"I suggest you keep them off the booze", she said, then nodded to where Piotr seemed to have lapsed out of consciousness, "and get him to the doctor"
"Ahh, he's just got seasickness", said Remy, then blinked at her, "awwww, if dey are right, it's gonna really screw with my head, 'cause you're very hot"
"……Not too great with the compliments, huh, red-eyes?", she smirked, picking up her rabbit cages and walking off, "see you again, Ronny"
"Umm…dat's Remy!", he shouted after her, before sighing, walking over to Piotr, giving him a poke, "come on, lets go see de others freak out Jason"
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(1) – Hugh Jackman played Curly in the new version of Oklahoma. Whether I watch it, all I can think of is 'Why is Logan wearing a cowboy suit?'.
(2) – Pinky and the Brain moment, sorry. In my mind, a stupid answer is a companion piece to that question now.
(3) – Haloway and Gelder have been in this series from the first story, Sugar and Spice, though Gelder appears in every story, unlike Haloway, who hasn't been heard of for a while ;)
(4) – Okay, in the comics, they were adopted by the gypsy people, but in evo, it seems they grew up with their father…with Maximoff as a surname……strange, that.
(5) - Regan is a cannon character, though I've edited her personality to that of her evo father, rather than being like the cannon version. Her codename was Lady Mastermind. …You really shouldn't need anymore help now
Oh, fun fun fun! Do review. Until next time…
