It's a fun life on a boat
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Here's to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems"
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Chapter 5 – Jason is fine.
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Jason had been reading in his room, happy for the peace and quiet he was getting from the idiots he had to call team-mates when Sabertooth, Pyro and Remy burst into the room. Pushing each other like school kids.
"I want to tell him!", snapped Sabertooth, "you owe me, Lebeau!"
"I do not!", snapped Remy, "if anyone deserves it, it's me!"
"But I wanted to do it", sniffed Pyro.
Jason arched a brow.
"What's the matter? They wouldn't let you play in the ball pool?", he asked, "aww, I'm sorry, but they only let the little children play there"
"…..I'm doin' it", growled Sabertooth, "he's got it comin'!"
"Tell me what?", asked Jason, arching a brow.
"Hey, Jas", grinned Sabertooth, putting an arm around Jason's shoulders, "I got a question fer ya"
"…..You're touching me", said Jason.
Saberooth sighed, removing his arm.
"Where were you oh, I don't know", Remy grinned, "nineteen to twenty one years ago?"
Jason blinked.
"……Okay, even for you, Gambit, that was a pretty random question", he said, "why do you care?"
"BECAUSE WE FOUND YOUR LOVE-CHILD!", screamed Pyro.
"Pyro!", snapped Sabertooth, "I wanted ta tell him!"
"Sorry, I couldn't' keep it in any longer", said Pyro.
"Go an' sit in the hall with Piotr's unconscious body", snapped Sabertooth, pointing to the door.
Pyro sighed sadly, moping out of the room. Remy, meanwhile, was poking a very still and wide eyed Jason.
"I t'ink we killed him", he said, "Jas? Earth to Jas. Dis is Earth, calling Jas. Come in, Jas"
Jason blinked a few times, before looking at Remy.
"…What did Pyro say just then?"
"That we found your love child", said Remy, "she's working as an entertainer on de boat"
"Oh this boat?", asked Jason.
"No, on the flippin' Minnow!", snapped Sabertooth, "she's getting' jiggy with Gilligan as we speak!"
"Don' worry, mon ami, she doesn't know you're here", he said, "her names Regan and she's blond and hot…which you're not"
"I used my powers to make myself look like Tom Cruise", said Jason, "it was quite a big hit…then I ran off"
"Jason, that's horrible!", said Sabertooth, "yer worse than Remy!"
"Remy told the last woman he slept with he was a pirate, due to set sail the next day", said Jason dryly.
"Well, I'm on a boat, aren't I?", snapped Remy, "so, Jason Wyngarde, you've just found out you're a father, what will you do now?"
"…..I'm going to get very, very drunk", said Jason, walking to the door.
"…You're not takin' it well then?"
"I'm fine", said Jason, "just fiiiiiiiine" (1)
"He doesn't look fine", said Remy as Jason walked out of the room towards the bar.
"Where's he going?", asked Pyro, from where he had been buffing the back of Piotr's head.
"He said he was goin' ta get very, very drunk", said Sabertooth
"Oh, I love drunk Jason!", grinned Pyro, "he's so much more fun than regular Jason" (2)
"Pyro, stay with Piotr", said Sabertooth, "I'll go talk ta Erik, Remy, you go make sure Jason doesn't do anythin' stupid"
"Woo died and made you boss?", asked Remy.
"The last punk that disobeyed my orders", snarled Sabertooth.
Remy sighed, walking off after Jason.
"Don't let Piotr be sick on the carpet", said Sabertooth as he stalked off.
Pyro sighed, grabbing one of Piotr's legs and dragging him back to their room.
"It's okay, Peety, we'll just make our own fun.
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"YOU DID WHAT!"
Sabertooth winced as Magneto glared at him. That was the disembowelling glare. It was not a good one.
"WefoundJason'sdaughterandtoldhimandnowhe'sgettin'drunk"
"Great", said Magneto, shaking his head, "just great. First the counsellors from hell, now this. I bet Charles doesn't have this sort of crap to deal with. Noooooo, he gets the good mutants. I'm left with the freaking rejects"
He sighed, standing and walking over to the other side of the bar, where Jason was downing another whiskey shot.
"Come, now, Jason, it's not that bad", said Magneto, "when I found out about the twins, it was a happy time"
"Your kids resent you", said Jason, grabbing the whiskey bottle form the barkeep, "they always have, and always will"
"I'm trying to help you", said Magneto, "…..are you using my tab"
"Yes. Yes I am", said Jason, "thanks, Mags"
"…..Great", sighed Magneto.
"This 'aint as bad as ya think", said Sabertooth, "think about it, family is great"
"No it's not. My father hated me", said Jason, "he was a power-hungry army man, who wanted to cure me. Then he blamed me for mom putting a power drill to her head. I didn't do anything!"(3)
Everyone took a cautionary step away from Mastermind.
"……Right den", said Remy, "I'm turning in for de night"
"Oh no, you're not", said Magneto, "you and Victor are going to stay with Jason until he: A: Stops drinking, or B: Falls unconscious"
"But", started Remy
"No buts", said Magneto, walking off, "you know what he's like when he gets drunk. I don't want a repeat of the incident with the lobsters"
"I t'ought de lobster t'ing was quite funny, myself", said Remy.
"Does anyone else want to steal some oranges?", asked Jason with a smile, "I want to steal some oranges"
With that, he got up and strolled happily out, whiskey bottle in hand.
"….This is gonna be a long night", sighed Sabertooth.
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(1) – From Friends. Ross is fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.
(2) – Also stolen from friends. Swap Jason with Monica.
(3) – This is a nod to X2, where they decided to screw with continuity and make Jason William Stryker's son, who apparently screwed with his mothers head, and made her kill herself with a power drill. Nice, Jas, nice.
Well, another chapter done. Drunken Jason, yippie! Do review. Until next time…
