Chapter IV

Donna's week doesn't improve as it progresses.

Faye's attacks don't seem to have a stop, the woman is relentless and by what Donna has witnessed, she's ready to do whatever it takes to take her out of her position as COO. From assigning her meaningless secretarial work, to throwing belittling comments every chance she storms at her office; the woman even had the audacity of "forgetting" to notify her on the weekly partner meeting just so she could humiliate her in front of her colleagues when she arrived forty minutes late.

Almost three weeks have gone by since her last meeting with the Special Master and there hasn't been a single day since that Faye hasn't taken the opportunity to remind her of that god-damned memo, the one that could potentially dissolve the firm, if she dares to present it to the New York's Bar Association. Faye hadn't given Donna yet the results of her background check, insisting that the investigation had taken longer than expected. Donna was sure it was just a lame excuse to keep her overworking for as longs as possible, but the older woman had finally promised that she would hand them over by next Friday.

She has been trying her best to keep it all under control, to keep the truth away from Harvey and the others at the firm, to not let Faye's offensive comments have such an emotional impact on her. But Faye surely knows what buttons to push and has somehow managed to harm her self-esteem so much that she now finds herself doubting her own capabilities.

Every day, she arrives to find an overwhelming amount of work left by Faye. Her office is now filled with boxes and files and there's paper everywhere, her email box is even worse to look at, and having to manage her actual COO duties with Faye's tedious tasks and the thousand other bullshit stuff that never fails to come up at the firm becomes exhausting. Her work has consumed her every waking hour, and Faye has even forced her to go on the weekends, claiming that there were urgent matters that needed to be attended. For the past three weeks she has been obliged to be at her office at seven a.m. sharp, and she hasn't been able to go home any time before midnight.

Consequently, she hasn't been able to spend almost no free time, if any, with Harvey. For the past three weeks, she has cancelled their weekly date nights, and although he had been understanding of the situation – being himself also buried with a shitload of work – she knew deep down he was also resenting the sudden change of dynamic on their relationship. She hates it too, but the truth is that she feels so fucking exhausted, she doesn't even think she can manage the energy necessary to enjoy a night with him.

It hurts to think about him that way, but she can't do it anymore. Hiding from him is exhausting. Pretending everything is fine is draining and she's not sure how long she'll be able to go on like this.

The anxiety surrounding the situation hasn't been helping either. Ever since she suffered from a panic attack the day Faye informed her about the background check, they haven't stopped, instead becoming more intense and harder to come out of every time. She feels like she's in a constant frenzy state, unceasingly worrying about them happening again and so damn nervous about anyone finding out she's going through this. So far, she's been able to handle them on her own, and she's confident once Faye hands her the results of her background check they´ll go away for good.

On top of it, she also hasn't been able to manage a full meal since the day she was told she was under investigation and has been living off of caffeine, water bottles, half eaten granola bars and bites of salad bowls, and even though she's conscious on how harmful this is for her health; it's like her own body doesn't give her another option, rejecting any other food she tries to put on it. Plus, intense headaches have been attacking her already sleep-deprived nights and she worries they might be turning into a case of severe migraine.

She needs to do something about this, find a way to deal with Faye while assuring to keep Harvey and everyone at the firm out of it, but during the sleepless nights she has been ransacking her brain looking for solutions, running through every single scenario, and so far hasn't been able to come up with anything. If Faye dares to file the memo the firm could be destroyed, and without any legal knowledge on how to fight the document or prove its deceitful nature; she figures that waiting for the results of her background check is the best – and only – option.

Faye has surely gotten into her, and she loathes how she has let this situation escalate quicker than expected.

Who would have thought the once Mighty Donna Paulsen to be this weak and so easily manipulated?

A few months ago, it would have never crossed her mind the thought that she would be in a situation such as this. She remembers she used to love her job, used to enjoy her life, going into the office every day rocking a beautiful designer dress, having the chance to work with her friends, and most recently getting together with Harvey… It seems like it was just mere weeks ago when her life was practically perfect.

But these past few weeks the only thing on her mind when she wakes up is how desperate she wants the day to be over. Whatever joy or pleasure she might have ever had felt for her job is now gone, and all that's left is an emptiness inside. She doesn't feel like herself, and she hates that Faye's threats have had such an effect on her.

She just hopes next Friday comes soon enough so that all this menacing and would be over. She's confident the background check result will be favorable – even if Faye is the one directing it – there are not any skeletons hidden in the closet that could actually justify her removal from COO.

When the long-awaited Friday morning finally comes around, Donna wakes up with a severe headache, and unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach and in a bad mood. Last night she was barely able to get any sleep, the anxiety regarding today's results clouding her every thought making it almost impossible to get even an ounce of rest. She notices Harvey is still deep asleep by her side, and she takes the opportunity to get up.

Once she gets to the bathroom, she takes a quick look of herself in the mirror, but the image that greets her back leaves her in shock. She's aware that after three full weeks of being under constant stress because of Faye she must not be looking her best; but it finally dawns on her what the insomnia, little food and overwhelming stress and anxiety have done to her physical appearance. She looks sickly pale, gaunt; her usually vibrant red hair looks dull and unkept and the worst thing are the prominent dark bags that hang under her eyes, surely revealing her poor sleep patterns during the last weeks. If she didn't know better she would swear she was sick, but right now she doesn't have the privilege of taking a day off.

Well, nothing that some good makeup can't fix.

But before she has the chance to begin getting ready, the unsettling feeling on her stomach suddenly turns into an unbearable, sickly nausea that obliges her to crumble in front of the toilet, throwing up for what feels like the hundredth time this month, desperately hoping it doesn't wake Harvey up like the last time. Once she stops heaving, she's left dizzy on the floor, unable to get up until she blinks away the small black dots that had begun forming on her vision. The pounding headache she had woken up to grows heavier and seems to settle with more force on her left side and she starts wondering –

Shit, she definitely can't afford to have a migraine right now.

Immediately, she reasons that it's not a big deal; she should be fine with some medication. She's been taking a lot of the Ibuprofen pills Harvey kept on his cabinet lately to help with her headaches and stomachaches, but the pills have had little to none effect on her. Maybe the fact that she has been taking them so constantly has something to do with it… She makes a mental note to get something stronger on her way to the office, and also a new box of Ibuprofen to replace Harvey's before he notices them gone.

As expected, Donna pulls on a brave front and fights the symptoms of the migraine as she begins to get ready for the day. It's not until she's completely ready and sipping on a mug of coffee that Harvey finally wakes up, with groggy eyes; a yawn breaking through the silence of the penthouse.

"Donna it's just 6:07 a.m., what are you doing up so early?" he asks, as he approaches the breakfast bar.

The sound of his voice startles her and she turns her head quickly at his direction, as if feeling caught. "Uh- Faye wants me to be at the office earlier today to help her prepare the budget proposal for the next quarter that's supposed to be approved on the next week's partner meeting."

It's a lie.

She had already finished the budget last night, the only reason she wants to be earlier at the office is to be able to catch Faye at her arrival and force her to give her the results of her background check so she can finally be done with this nightmare and resume her life.

Harvey frowns. He's sure Donna had casually mentioned him that she was working on the budget proposal yesterday…

He can't help but notice the slump manner she's sitting on the stool, her head sitting heavily on her left hand as her right holds the coffee mug from where she takes small sips. For the last three weeks or so there has been something off about her, and it bothers him that he can't place his finger exactly on what it is. They have barely spent any time together outside of work, and although he knows Donna has been under a lot of pressure because of Faye, he can't understand why his girlfriend suddenly seems so terrified and anxious around the woman, fearfully obeying like a dog every stupid task she's assigned her.

It's not at all like the Donna he's known for the last thirteen years, and it worries him.

He had tried to ask about it, but no matter how many times or in how many ways he has tried to broach the subject, she refuses to open up to him, either by dismissing the subject or lashing out claiming that she's fine and that he's making a big deal out of nothing. He knows open communication is not his strong suit, and he definitely doesn't possess Donna's ability to know what's wrong with someone with just one simple look; but he's smart enough to look past the façade she puts on, and while she might have everyone fooled that everything is fine, he fears there might be something wrong with her.

It hasn't gone noticed to him the strange pallor her skin had recently acquired and how weak her demeanor suddenly seemed. He surely hadn't missed the way she turned and tossed around their bed all night, surely not getting any good-quality sleep, or the low and bad mood she has lately been in, and he might be getting a tad paranoid but thinking about it he's sure he hasn't seen her eat much in the past weeks…

"Sorry, I forgot to make you a cup too…" he hears her mumble and watches the sudden shake of her limbs as she tries to rise from her seat.

"It's okay, stay there I can make it myself," he quickly interjects, coaxing her to sit down again, "Don, are you feeling alright?" he asks, placing a hand on her cold, pale forehead.

"Yeah, why do you ask?" she's quick to take his hand out of her face.

"You look kind of tired," he replies instead, worry evident in his tone.

"It's nothing to worry about, I just went to bed a little late last night."

"You've been going to bed too late recently…" he lets the comment linger, letting it convey the concerns behind it.

"Mhh, what can I say. Work's been a bit hectic," she retorts, taking another sip from her coffee.

"Donna," he begins in a gentle, yet serious tone as he takes the stool next to her, "don't you think that – maybe – you've been pressuring yourself too much to fall into Faye's good graces?"

"W-What are you talking about?" she asks defensively, placing the cup down with a loud clack.

"Well maybe the fact that recently you have been doing a lot of work for her, and you know it is not exactly your position to do everything she asks you to do," he states, carefully testing her reaction.

"Harvey it is my job," she quickly interjects as she throws him a pointed look, "and in case you've forgotten that woman has the power to dissolve our firm if she wanted to. I'm just trying to prove her the firm is worth keeping alive."

"I get that, but you don't have to overwork yourself to do so."

"Who says I'm overworking myself?" she defends.

"The fact that lately you have been staying working up until midnight, or the fact that we have cancelled all of our date nights because you haven't had a single night off for almost three weeks." Harvey points out, getting a bit agitated, "or the fact that you wake up to throw up every single morning-"

Donna flinches at his choice of words and takes a sharp breath as she tries to avoid his questioning gaze. "It has nothing to do with it," she cuts him off raising her voice.

"Then what does it have to do with?" he demands. "Because I know you and I know for a fact there's something going on that you're not telling me."

"There's nothing going on," she accentuates in a bitter tone.

"Donna-"

"There's nothing going on, and I don't appreciate you throwing accusations at me for no reason at all," she yells, ignoring how it worsens her migraine.

He's taken aback by the way she has suddenly lashed out at him, and it only further confirms his suspicion that there is something wrong; otherwise, she wouldn't be adamant about avoiding the topic.

"Donna I'm not accusing you of anything!" He tries to keep his voice level, but the irritation is palpable on his tone. His eyes desperately look out for hers, but she keeps avoiding his gaze, hers fixated on the empty cup of coffee in front of her. It's clear by now that there's something she's hiding, and whatever it is, is surely making her uncomfortable. "I'm just worried because you sure as hell haven't been acting like yourself. I know there's something you're not telling me, and I want to know what it is," he lowers his voice in an attempt to get his point across. All he wants to do is help, understand what the hell is going on, but for some unknown reason, Donna refuses to open up. "Whatever it is, please, you can tell me."

He motions closer, and when her eyes finally land on his, she exhales a hostile puff. For the flicker of a second, he can see something break on her beautiful hazel eyes, and he's sure that whatever is going on, it is surely hurting her. His hand carefully tucks a few strands of red hair that fall on her face behind her ear, and it drops over hers in a futile attempt to comfort, encouraging her to open up, but the moment he presses on the contact, she hastily removes hers and instead hisses, "Harvey, just stop, I can't!"

"Damn it Donna! What the hell is going on?" he rises his voice; frustration getting the best of him.

She's ready to retort back but the loud vibrato of his voice makes the pain flare up again and she unconsciously brings her hand to her head, a pained grimace appearing on her soft features, a soft moan escaping her lips. Harvey surely doesn't miss it and he immediately feels guilty of his outburst, as concern colors his expression once again.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he tries once more, but Donna just shakes her head in an annoyed gesture.

"I'm fine Harvey, I'm always fine, just fucking stop asking!" she snaps, throwing him a pointed look. She has grown tired of his constant questioning, and although she knows that he does it out of concern, it just makes it harder to keep her secret about her unjustified background check and the memo Faye is planning to file, away from him.

"Donna-" he begs.

"Just because you just recently discovered what feelings are, doesn't mean we have to discuss mine," she shouts, letting the outrage cloud her judgement.

The comment surely hits him low on his stomach, his expression morphing from concern to irritation. "What the fuck did you just say to me?" He demands, hurt evident on his tone.

"What you just heard." She yells back, "I'm tired of this fight as it is, and I really need to go. I'll see you at the office later," she quickly dismisses him and ignores his pleads as she picks out her stuff and makes her way out of his apartment.

"Donna wait – "

But his petition has gone unanswered as she rushes away from him; fury on the clack of her step.


He lets Donna go away after their small fight, reasoning she might just need some time to cool down.

God knows he also needs to cool down too.

Her behavior this morning, makes him nervous. It's not at all like her to lash out at him like that, and the thought drops heavy on his stomach as he realizes it's just a confirmation of his suspicions. There is something definitely wrong with Donna and he has no idea what it is, or how to confront her about it. The heartbroken look she gave him for the briefest moment shatters his heart; because he knows that while she's great at offering other's advice and a shoulder to cry on, she can be quite stubborn and proud when it comes to herself.

He hates to admit it, but he might need some help if he wants to figure out what's really going on with Donna, because as of right now, he doesn't think he'll be able to do it on his own.

It's around half past eight when Harvey arrives to the firm, and his priority is to find her and elaborate a proper apology, but his intentions are soon left aside when he finds that a client waiting for him at his office.

Aaron Lowenstein.

A couple of weeks ago, Faye had asked him to take care of a long list of clients that happened to be acquaintances of her that needed help with some legal matters. Of course, Harvey hadn't been in the least enthusiastic of taking Faye's friends as clients; but he had ultimately relinquished at the woman's hint of leaving the firm sooner than planned if he took care of her friend's business.

Aaron Lowenstein was a particular client to say the least. Charismatic, good looking and a strategic thinker, Lowenstein was a confident man in his mid-forties who had experienced a sudden rise to success, as he had taken charge of his father's company when the latter had fallen gravely sick last year. Aaron had invested a generous amount of money on it, and with the help of some remarkably expensive consultants had managed to transform his father's dying company into one of the most profitable artificial intelligence companies of the year.

The company had been recently sued for supposedly stealing the designs of a home security device from another electronics enterprise. According to Lowenstein the claims held no real ground, insisting to the lawyer that the designs of their device were completely original. Still, the plaintiff had refused to settle on previous meetings, and so Aaron was hoping Harvey would represent his company on the upcoming trial.

On previous meetings he had sustained with Lowenstein, Harvey had been quite persistent with Aaron about giving him all of the information related to the designs and development of the device, as such documents would be crucial for the trial. Although Harvey had tried to convince his new client that everything would turn out fine and that there was a big chance for them to win the case; Aaron didn't seem quite convinced at all, and would constantly be emailing the lawyer throughout the week asking about any advances on his case.

Which is why Harvey doesn't seem surprised at all to find him sitting at his office, considering that this afternoon they would face trial.

"Aaron" he greets the other man with a shake of hands, as the client raises from his seat to reach the lawyer's.

"Harvey," he greets in return, "do we have everything set for this afternoon's trial?" he asks anxiously.

"Everything's ready indeed. We have all the proof ready for the hearing and I'll be attending court later today," Harvey reassures the client.

"That's great! I just wanted to double check everything was in order," Aaron clarifies.

"I understand, but let me assure you, we have enough proof to defend your case. We shouldn't face any difficulties proving in court the lack of merit of the plaintiff's claims." Harvey states as he hands out a file to the client with a summary of the strategy and a list of all the proof for their defense.

"Are you completely sure of this, Harvey?" Aaron gives the lawyer a hesitant look as he quickly scans the documents. "You see, my father cares a lot about this company's reputation, and he would hate it to see it stained by these widely inaccurate accusations; not to mention what it could do to our stock values-"

"I assure you Aaron, I'll take good care of your company's reputation during the process," Harvey interrupts the moment when the sees the client starts doubting.

"Thank you very much, Harvey, Mrs. Richardson was right when she said you were the best." Aaron finally states, as he pulls out his hand to shake the lawyer's.

Harvey grins back, holding a scoff for himself as he highly doubts Faye actually said so. The fact that Aaron has to mention it only makes the compliment feel hypocritical and fake; but he keeps the comment to himself and simply nods back at the man with a polite smile as he shakes his hand. Soon enough, he beings to pack his things to leave. However, before he can make it out of the lawyer's office, Aaron stops mid-track, an impending question written on his face.

"One more thing Harvey, I know this is really none of my business, but if I'm not mistaken, I'm sure Faye mentioned someone who was currently working at this firm…a woman by the name of Donna Paulsen, if I remember correctly. Do you happen to know her?"

Harvey is taken aback by the question, unsure as to why the client might be bringing Donna up. In all the years he's known her, she's never mentioned anyone by the name of Lowenstein, and he makes a mental note to ask her about it once they've reconciled, getting the funny feeling there must certainly be a story behind it.

"Uh yes, she's our current COO," he answers, purposely omitting the fact that they're on a relationship; not because he isn't proud of it, or wants to keep it a secret – God knows she's the best damn thing that has ever happened in his life – but ever since Faye had threatened Donna with the possibility of revoking her vote, they had agreed to keep a level of professionalism in the office, and that of course, included keeping their relationship away from the clients. "But she worked as my secretary for quite some time…" Harvey adds vaguely, "can I ask exactly how do you know her?"

"Oh, she happened to work for my father about a decade or so ago," Aaron states, "I remember she was a very interesting girl, had this way of reading people down to a tee…"

"She surely does." Harvey agrees.

"My father really enjoyed having her as an assistant. It's such a pity she had to leave our company so soon…Anyway, be sure to give my greetings to her." Aaron finally states, shaking the lawyers hand.

"I will." Harvey replies back.

As Aaron exists his office though, Harvey can't seem to shake the feeling that there's something off about the man asking about Donna. He can't exactly pinpoint what it is, but there's no denying that something about the guy's overly polite attitude that just doesn't sit right him at all. However, he quickly dismisses the thought as his mind instantly goes back to the stupid fight he had with Donna this morning, remorse sitting heavily on his gut, and so he finds himself strolling down to her office in a desperate attempt to fix this morning's mess.

However, when he gets to her office, he finds it empty and notices that there's not any sight of the bag or coat she was wearing that morning making him wonder briefly if she even made it to the firm at all. He's about to call her when he bumps into Gretchen and the older woman reassures him that Donna is just in a meeting with Faye. The fact does little to reassure him, but he thanks her for the detail and asks her to inform him when she sees her leave the older woman's office.


The moment Donna had stepped out of Harvey's apartment, she felt like shit. Not only had the symptoms of her migraine worsened with all the shouting and emotional turmoil, but she had found herself having the most stupid fight she could think of with Harvey for no apparent reason at all.

She sighs a heavy breath as she makes her way out of the building, the events of their so called "fight" flooding her mind like movie clips. She knows very well that he was only trying to help; he had noticed something was not right with her and was just trying to communicate his worry. For years, she had been the one pushing him to let his walls down, to communicate his emotions, to open up when something wasn't right. But now that the roles were reversed, it feels like she had thrown it all back to his face, accusing him of making a huge deal out of nothing and closing herself, using anger and avoidance as stupid defense mechanisms…

Maybe she and Harvey aren't so different at all in that aspect.

The thought makes her scoff in irony for a second, but it quickly fades away as falls into the realization that…she broke her promise to Harvey… She had sworn she would come to him if something was wrong in her life, and she has failed him…

She bites her lower lip as she catches a taxi and orders the driver to take her to the firm. She knows she screwed up really bad this time and needs to apologize as soon as he arrives to the office.

Way to go Paulsen, she thinks to herself.

Why did she had to be so goddamn stupid and let Faye's actions affect her so much that she was now fighting with Harvey?

Why is it that she has let Faye's actions make her feel this anxious and insecure?

Why can't she shake the feeling this feeling on her chest that this background check is going to be her doom?

As soon as she lands on the firm's floor she hurries to Faye's office. She needs this damned investigation to be over. However, to her dismay, Faye isn't yet at her office, and her assistant tells her that she must be arriving around eight thirtyish.

It's just seven twenty-three, and Donna feels the anxiety of the awaited encounter with Faye creeping on her chest. She nods the assistant thanks and begins strutting down to her office. Nonetheless, as she walks down the hallways, her mind feels hazy, constantly repeating the images of Harvey's angry shouts; of Faye's false accusations, and she feels the unwanted tears start welling up on the corners of her eyes.

She doesn't even make it to her office, instead preferring to stay away of everyone's sight by locking herself in the file room. She's lucky enough to find it empty and reasons that since it is so early no one would be looking out for her. She manages to hold herself against one of the walls and slides down to the floor, her uncontrollable sobs ransacking her body.

It takes her some good twenty minutes to manage and calm herself down, and it's not until she lets out a low controlled sigh as she dries the tears from her face that she realizes…

She's not okay.

She's spent way too much time pretending to be, acting as if it's her only responsibility to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders, ignoring the signs her body has been giving her; and now it feels like it is all falling apart. The background check, the memo threat, Faye's abusive treatment, Harvey's worried questioning, the headaches, the lack of appetite, the panic attacks; it has all taken a heavier toll on her that she had expected and now she can't even find the strength to get up from the floor and show up to Faye's office for the results of her investigation.

Keeping everything away from Harvey was way harder than she thought it would be, and it is killing her not to tell him how overworked and defeated and powerless she feels. A part of her just wishes she could run into his arms and cry all of her insecurities and anxiety away…But then again, he has never been the comforting type and although she knows he has grown so much over the last few years, she still isn't sure if she can entirely trust Harvey with this kind of stuff. He's always seen her as nothing but confident and strong

What would Harvey think of her if he could see her now?

Would he love her the same if he was aware that she could be this vulnerable and weak?

Stupid Donna.

All of what was happening to her was her entire fault; she deserved it.

And so, she stays locked on the file room, feeling sorry for herself, away from all prying eyes hoping – praying – that somehow, she can find the solution to the mess she's made.

It's not until she hears someone trying to unlock the door, that she gets her shit together, controls her break down, composes herself, gets up from the floor and opens the door trying to appear as put-together as possible.

Turns out it was only Gretchen, and although at her sight, the older woman gives her a questioning look, Donna manages to convince her the only reason she locked the door of the file room was because she needed to make copies of some confidential documents Faye had asked her to take care of.

When she goes back to her office, she isn't surprised to find once more the room filled with stacks of documents left by Faye for her to work through. As she opens her laptop, she finds an email from Faye asking her to meet her as soon as possible. She takes a deep breath as she gathers the strength necessary to face the Special Master and heads to her office.

This is soon going to be over.

"You wanted to see me, Faye?" Donna asks as she enters the room, waiting for the older woman to acknowledge her.

"Donna, come on in," Faye states as she spots the redhead by the door. She steps inside the office and takes a seat in front of her desk. The older woman stares at her skeptically for a second or two before picking up a file resting on her desk that, Donna supposes, contains the results of the investigation.

"As you might be aware of," she begins, "I'm supposed to be handing you today the results of your background investigation. However, before giving them to you, I'm afraid we need to discuss some other issues that came to light during the procedure."

Donna frowns at the comment. This isn't how it was supposed to go. Aside from the mistakes here and there that Faye had pointed out last time, there's nothing else in her history that should be a reason to be concerned of…"I'm confused, w-what kind of issues?" she feels her clammy hands shake as she asks.

"I'm very concerned about the results of your background history, Donna, they are far from positive." The blonde woman states, giving her a judging look. "Not only did the investigation confirmed the suspicions we had previously discussed, but we also found out certain precedents that concern the New York Bar Association and makes them question your suitability to fill the COO position."

"My suitability?" The redhead repeats perplexed, "Faye, I've already told you, the mistakes I've made have nothing to do with my position as a COO in this firm. You can't simply bring that bullshit from the past to justify -"

"I'm afraid the Bar Association doesn't see it that way." Faye raises her voice, interrupting her. "In the past twelve years that you have worked for this firm you have destroyed important documentation regarding the Coastal Motors case, stolen documentation on the Liberty Rail case impersonating a Federal Agent, for which you were accused of attempt to commit fraud. Not only that but you also participated in the crime of covering up Mike Ross's secret, despite being aware he didn't had a law degree. And let's not also forget the fact that you gave Mr. Kessler access to confidential information about another client of this firm. I don't know about you, but all this looks like pretty abnormal, - even criminal - behavior to me. No law firm in New York would allow an employee with such history occupy a managing position…"

Donna remains silent trying to control her breathing as best as she can as she listens to Faye's harsh accusations. Her heart pounds heavy on her chest in tune with the migraine she has been sustaining all morning.

"And yet somehow," Faye continues, "instead of being punished for any of this shady bullshit, you are somehow rewarded at this firm by receiving the position of COO, despite not having the education or professional formation required to fill this position… it just leads me to believe that the only reason you are a COO in this firm is because of your relationship with Harvey Specter."

The comment is enough to make her burst in anger and frustration. It was one thing to have Faye judging her for the mistakes she might have made in her past, but assuming she had slept her wat to COO was definitely crossing a line, even for Faye.

"Again with Harvey?" Donna cries out loud in desperation as she raises from her seat and approaches the older woman's desk in a menacing motion. "You have no right bringing him into this mess, and if you think that I only got my promotion because I slept with Harvey, you have no fucking idea what you're talking about," she adds in a grave voice. "This was supposed to be a standard background check, not an opportunity to let you fucking slut-shame me. I don't have time to listen to this bullshit-"

"Donna, I request you to calm the hell down!" Faye demands in a stern loud voice, as she stands and forces Donna to back away. "I'm sorry if you don't like the sound of it, but there's no other logical explanation to your promotion, which makes your standing as COO fall into unethical territory."

Donna's furious expression falls further, as she takes a shaky breath, "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"I haven't finished, Donna!" Faye interrupts her once again, "You may think you have worked hard for this position, that all the years you worked as Harvey's faithful secretary earned you the right to ask for more at this firm, but the kind of unethical behavior you have demonstrated over the yeas cannot be accepted in the leadership staff of any law firm. You may have fooled everyone around here thinking you're some sort of goddess that deserves everyone bowing at her feet, but you didn't fool me."

Donna is about to reply, but Faye cuts her short, "And before you tell me this is some sort of bullshit I'm coming up with, I must inform you: the clients are also concerned with your position."

At the confused and worried expression that Donna wears, Faye continues.

"A client filed a complaint declaring he didn't feel comfortable having you as a member of the leadership staff of this firm, because of the history you have with his company," she explains. "I was obliged to investigate further on these allegations, thus the delay on the of your results, and from what I found it looks like you tried to sabotage this man's company."

"Sabotage a client's company?" Now this was something Donna wasn't expecting at all, and it only increases her anxiety, making her jaw quiver. Was Faye willing to go over these extremes just to disqualify her from her position? "What the hell are you talking about Faye?"

"I'm talking about Mr. Aaron Lowenstein."

Aaron Lowenstein.

The name reverberates like an echo on Donna's chest as she feels her heart fall flat. Her throat suddenly goes dry and she feels all color drain from her face as the memories the name carries flood her mind. It had been years since she last heard of him, and she feels the anxiety that has been eating her alive all morning speed up the pulse on her arteries.

She had worked for Lowenstein's company as a part time secretary about fourteen years ago, it had been her last job before getting into the DA's office and meeting Harvey. Although her work there had been brief, it had a horrible experience, specially after a series of altercations she had with Aaron…But she had put those terrible memories in the far back of her mind after she got unfairly fired from that place…until now.

Faye surely notices how the mere mention of the man has such a negative effect on her, and it further confirms her suspicions.

"But…how? He's not even a client of our firm!" Donna finally manages to squeak out.

"I'm afraid you're mistaken about that. I got Harvey to sign Lowenstein a couple of weeks ago. He's taking care of a very important case of his company, in fact if I'm not wrong, I think the trial is today," Faye states in a serious, yet somehow mocking, tone.

Donna swallows hard at the new information, "Faye, I can assure you, whatever you found, whatever that man told you…that's not what happened," she begs in a low desperate voice, her jaw quivering.

"Let's see. According to my research you worked as a secretary for about Mr. Leonard Lowenstein, owner of Lowenstein Electronics LLC and father of Mr. Aaron, for about four months, right before you started working at the DA's office. It seems that you were actually fired from that place, after being caught stealing the patents of some of their devices and selling them to the competition. What surprises me the most is that it looks like at the time, you were also in a relationship with Mr. Aaron Lowenstein."

"Faye, I swear to you it's not what it looks like," Donna wails in the verge of tears.

"He filed the report earlier this week, and he's very concerned with the fact that you seem to have such a powerful position at this firm. He's worried you might attempt to damage his company in some way or another, especially since his lawyer just so happens to be your boyfriend. However, he's willing to give you a second chance if you agree to meet with him and apologize for your past mistakes."

"Apologize?" Donna cries out loud. "You have no idea what that man did to me fourteen years ago. I'll never meet up with that misogynist, bigot-"

"Enough Donna. It is very disrespectful that you refer to the firm's clients in that way. I don't care what you have to say about the events that took place at his company fourteen years ago, I already know what happened. So, if you don't agree to go and meet with the client, I'll have no other option but to seriously consider your removal as COO of this firm."

"Please Faye, you don't know what happened, you weren't there-"

"There's nothing to explain here. I'll give you a couple of hours for you to decide whether you will apologize to our client or not, but be aware that if your response is negative, I'll be forced to file your removal as COO" Faye demands as an ultimatum as she watches Donna literally shake at the news.

"Unless…you rather I send the Bar the memo we talked about last time?" Faye adds in a malicious tone.

Horror flickers through Donna's gaze at the mention of the memo, and she shakes her head, a sob stuck in the middle of her throat.

"I thought so. I hope to receive confirmation of your apology letter in a couple of hours." The Special Master states in the most passive-aggressive tone, and finally exits her own office, leaving the redhead on her own.

The moment the older woman closes the door, Donna feels her whole world coming to pieces.

This couldn't be happening.

She has never felt so humiliated, threatened, defeated or powerless in her entire life.

Her mind takes a moment or two to process the consequences of her encounter with Faye, and it finally dawns on her…

She could actually lose her goddamned job.

She feels the tears that she's managed contain this far, start to spill on her pale cheeks. She has no fucking idea as to what to do or how to fix any of this. Faye is going to demote her if she doesn't dare to apologize to Lowenstein… and the mere thought of it makes her feel sick.

As she walks down the hallways in a desperate search of her office, her mind feels hazy, constantly repeating the images of Harvey's angry shouts; of Faye's false accusations, of the horrible things Lowenstein had made her go through in the past. It feels like the anxiety she has been keeping at bay for the last few weeks can't be contained no longer and it all comes pouring down with the force of a raging winter storm.

Her chest fells constricted and her vision blurs. One look at her hands is enough to let her know they are shaking so fucking bad, and the pounding on her head hinders her from thinking straight. Her legs wobble with every step she takes, but she forces herself to push through it, praying she'll be able to make her to her office. However, when her vision tunnels at a sudden wrong movement from her head, it makes her stomach churn into a knot, and she knows that she needs to run as fast as she can to reach the female toilettes.

She finds herself throwing up the coffee she had reluctantly drunk that morning. But the nausea doesn't relent, even when her stomach has nothing left, and the only coming out of her mouth is the bile from her intestines. She wills her body to give her a break, but it doesn't obey the command, the anxiety taking control instead, and sending her heart into a panicked, abnormally fast rhythm that she's sure it can only mean she's about to die. Her headache worsens with all the throwing up and she feels it might just explode, and when she feels herself struggling to take the next breath, she knows she's on the brink of another panic attack.

God only knows how much time she stays on the floor trying – and failing – to control her breathing, to blink away the black spots that had begun forming in her vision, telling herself that she's alright, that she can breathe if she tries hard enough.

But she can't. Not anymore.

Everything around her feels overwhelming and she's so damned tired of trying and not getting the peace she deserves. She's been on a constant fight ever since Faye accosted with the background check, dealing with the abusive amount of work Faye forced her to do, battling panic attacks on her own, constantly lying to Harvey, to herself…it feels like she doesn't have it in her to keep fighting anymore.

And so, she lets herself fall into a void where she doesn't know how – if – she'll be able to get up from.


"Red?"

It sounds far away, like she's underwater and she doesn't even bother trying to inspect where the sound came from.

"Donna!"

A simple touch to her shoulder startles her more than she would've expected, and through her blurry vision she makes out the shape of a woman sitting in front of her. She tries to answer to the call of her name, but her voice doesn't seem to work, a small whimper is all she can muster at the moment.

"Donna, breathe. It's okay, you're okay."

It is only then that she recognizes Gretchen's voice, and the face of the woman swims into place.

The older woman stays by her side, guiding her through breathing exercises until Donna is able to do so on her own. She has no idea how Gretchen managed to find her and although she's mortified someone has now witnessed her having a panic attack, the woman's gentle tone and soothing words do help her come out of her agitated state.

Embarrassment floods to her cheeks as soon as her minds clears enough to understand what had happened and after a shaky deep breath, she finds herself mumbling a frightened, weak apology to her friend.

"Stop right there, Red. There's nothing to apologize for, okay?" Gretchen intervenes before Donna can even finish. The redhead's eyes water at sight of the woman by her side, and she responds with a short shy nod. "Want to tell me what the hell happened?" she asks instead, in a gentler tone a soft touch to her pale trembling hand.

"Uhm, it's…kind of a long story," Donna replies in a small voice, casting her gaze down.

"Then I guess you're lucky I have time."


Author's Note: I hope the length of this chapter compensates for the months in absence. I'm so sorry for such long delay but I went through a major writer's block during this last two months. However I'm finally back and I hope I'll be able to keep posting more often. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Once again, read and review!

P.S.: I'm aware the Aaron Lowenstein scenes may seem to come a little bit out of nowhere. However Donna's backstory with him will be explained with more detail on future chapters and it all make sense, I promise, so just be patient with it. :)