It's a fun life on a boat

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "You fool! You gave cheese to a lactose intolerant volcano god!"

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Apologies for no updates. Had exam week. Got a whole week off now, though. Hazah!

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Chapter 7 – Land ho

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Jason woke the next morning with a splitting headache. It felt like he'd drunk far too much and….oh, wait…he had.

"Crap", he said, sitting up slowly, pausing as he heard a whimper.

He glanced to the other bed in the room, where Remy was curled up in a little ball.

"Please don't make the songs anymore", he said quietly, "please, please, please"

Jason blinked.

"Umm…..okay", he said, then winced, "I'm too hung-over to care, really"

"So, you too hung-over to care about de fact you're stuck on a boat with your love child, who probably despises you for abandoning her"

There was a long pause as Jason blinked at Remy.

"Oh, hell", he said, then took a deep breath, "no, it'll be fine. I just avoid her for the whole trip, no biggie"

Attention all passengers, came a voice over the tanoy, I am afraid bad weather has forced us to dock near San Sebastian Island. I'm sorry for any incontinences this may cause you. (1)

"It's official", said Jason, "life hates me"

Remy frowned, then grinned, snapping his fingers.

"I got a plan!", he said, "get dressed, we're flyin' de coop"

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"You plan to steal a lifeboat? Jeez, you are a klepto"

Half an hour later, and Jason and Gambit were walking along the deck, Remy trying to pick out a lifeboat. The Cajun turned to give Jason a glare.

"Do you want to get off de boat or not?"

Jason sighed.

"You're never going to pull this…..", he paused, "is that St.John and Piotr?"

Remy smirked.

"See, dey stealin' a lifeboat too", he said smugly, walking over, "room for two more?"

"Hope aboard", said Pyro, "avast ye!"

"Okay then", said Remy, "is dat Crazy Person for yes?"

"Shut up, or I'll ye ye walk the plank, mate"

Jason blinked inside the lifeboat.

"….Are those Beanie Babies?"

"Aye", said Pyro, then cleared his throat, "I mean yeah. I'm gonna use them to buy the active volcano on the island"

Jason watched him for a very, very long time.

"…..No. There's just no logical comeback to that"

"Jason, if you try to think too much about Pyro and logic together, your brain will implode", said Piotr, jumping in the boat.

"And you're escaping why?", asked Remy.

"If I spend one more second on this boat, I vomit my own stomach lining"

"……Lovely", grimaced Jason as Remy lowered their boat into the water, making for the island.

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"What do you mean 'they're gone'!"

Sabertooth shifted uneasily from foot to foot.

"They left, I can't fine 'em anywhere, Erik"

Magneto sighed. Great, almost all of his team had gone AWOL.

"I knew I should have stuck with the Brotherhood while I still had the chance", he sighed, "but for some unfathomable reason, I believed an older team would be more mature. HAH! Joke's on me, isn't it? Isn't it!"

"Uummm….is that question for me?", asked Sabertooth.

Magneto sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"It's these idiots that are going to make me want to start drinking in the mornings"

"Don't bother, it'll only make you cry at night"

Magneto turned to see Halloway glaring at him.

"Your idiots stole a lifeboat", she said, "I saw them rowing towards the island"

"…..Oh great", said Magneto, "just great"

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On the Island, the other Acolytes watched in some amusement as Pyro carted around his Beanie Babies, trying to find someone he could buy the volcano from.

"Come on, I'll give you the whole collection, they're a goldmine", he told one native, "more valuable than a silly volcano"

"I don't won the volcano, you crazy foreigner", said the native, narrowing his eyes, "go away"

Pyro frowned, watching the man walk off. He let out a sigh, before smirking.

"Well, If I can't buy the volcano, I'm gonna go claim it in the name of Allderdyce", he said, then looked at his team mates, "people can do that, right?"

"….Ummm…", began Piotr, looking much healthier now he was off the boat.

"Don't dignify that with an answer, Piotr", said Jason, "just don't"

"Look after these", said Pyro, handing the Beanie Babies to Piotr, "you won't steal them like Remy, or flush them down the toilet like Jason"

He looked at the other two pointedly.

"You're trustworthy"

He was answered by a metallic hum as one of the street lamps bent.

"Uh oh, busted", said Remy as Magneto hovered onto the island on a metal table, Sabertooth clinging to it for dear life.

"I leave you alone for five minutes, and you escape to an island", snapped Magneto, "I can't take you anywhere. This is the last trip I take you on!"

"Dude, we're not your kids", said Remy.

Magneto paused in mid rant.

"Oh", he cleared his throat, "I'm still very upset you ran off. Now, get back on the boat"

"Nooo", cried Piotr, "Not the boat. I just ate solid food. I don't want to be going back on the horrible boat"

"I'm hiding from my daughter", said Jason, "whom I don't plan to meet, ever"

"I want to buy the volcano!", said Pyro, pointing at it.

Magneto blinked, then looked at Remy, who shrugged.

"I'm just here 'cause I got bored"

Magneto sighed, hanging his head.

"Ten minutes"

"YEY!", said Pyro happily, "I'm gonna make me a flag, climb the volcano, and claim it as mine"

He gave a happy smile.

"Mum will be so proud"

"How will your father, The Fire-fighter, feel about it?", asked Remy, crossing his arms (2)

Pyro visibly twitched, before scowling at Remy.

"Next time you bring that up, I'll make you come a gutser with a bush telly and some kero, you lair, then you won't be grinning like a shot fox", he said in the darkest tone he could muster, "You mongrel" (3)

Remy blinked several times.

"You do what with the when and the who now?"

Pyro mealy pointed a finger steadily at Remy's face.

"He's frightening me", said Remy, then paused as a rumbling noise began, "oh God, he's started the volcano off!"

"Remy, don't be stupid, St.John can't set volcanoes…."

He trailed off as the volcano erupted, lava spewing from the top.

"….Oh"

"I didn't do that", said Pyro, "honest, I didn't!"

"The volcano is erupting", said Sabertooth, "THE VOLCANO IS ERUTPING!"

"I can see that, Victor", sighed Magneto.

"Whatdowedowhatdowedowhatdowedo?", mewed Sabertooth

"Victor, you're panicking", said Magneto calmly.

"Take evasive action, take evasive action!", screamed Sabertooth, running around in circles (4).

"Oh, he copes real well under pressure", quipped Jason.

"Don't cats have nine lives?", smirked Remy.

Sabertooth gave him a glare.

"I used up lives one through seven, I'll have you know", he growled, "I'm hanging onto my remaining lives. I haven't done everything I wanted to do before I die yet: Eat the worlds biggest hot dog, spit off the top of the Eiffel Tower, lob Logan's head off…"

"No one is going to die", said Magneto

"You mean the boiling river of lava won't kill us?", asked Piotr.

"I know!", said Pyro, suddenly couching under a picnic bench, "duck and cover! Come on guys!"

"Well, here marks a perfect end to a perfectly miserable existence", said Jason, crossing his arms, "I'm not even going to say it couldn't get any worse, 'cause it couldn't"

"Aren't we Mister Positive?", snapped Remy.

"I'm sorry", said Jason bitterly, "I've had a crappy few days, I have a right to be sarcastic"

"You're always sarcastic!", pointed out Piotr.

"Well, I hope you're happy now we're on land, Pete", said Sabertooth, "This is your fault!"

"How is it my fault?", asked Piotr, "I didn't ask you idiots to come with me!"

"Why isn't anyone ducking and covering?", asked Pyro from under his picnic table, "there's room for everyone. Except Remy"

"We're all going to die", said Remy, then sighed, "Gambit never t'ought he'd go out like dis"

"No one is going to die", repeated Magneto, "Look, the X-Men stopped this volcano, what's to say we can't?"

"Because there's more of them, they have better powers, and are better trained than us?", asked Pyro

"They have the lava-girl", said Remy, "all we got is Pyro"

He blinked, then let out a sob.

"Oh God, we're doomed!"

"You know, you're making me like you less and less", said Pyro, "keep insulting me, you'll end up cactus" (5)

"Can you stop a volcano?", asked Jason, "because last time I checked, you only controlled fire, not lava"

"I might", said Pyro, "I never had the opportunity to try before"

"You know what, screw this, I can fly", said Magneto, hovering, "duck and cover all you like, I'm going to get a better team. A better Acolytes. One that works!"

"You can't abandon us!", said Sabertooth, then paused, "okay, you can abandon them, but not me. I've been your loyal friend-slash-pet for years!"

"I'd rather have Wolverine", said Magneto, "he doesn't cough up hairballs"

With that, he floated back to the ship.

"He abandoned us", blinked Remy, "I can't believe he abandoned us!"

"I can", said Jason, then sighed, crawling under the table with Pyro, "well, if I'm going to go, I'm going to go with dignity"

"And you'll do dat by hiding under a table?", asked Remy.

"……Shut up, Gambit"

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(1) - San Sebastian is the island in Cruise Control, if it sounds familiar. Oh yes.

(2) – Pyro's father was revealed as a fire-fighter in Slugs and Snails. He wants his son to follow in his footsteps. Neither parent (his mother is a pyromaniac, released from an 'institution') knows of Pyro's mutation.

(3) – Translation: "Next time you bring that up, you man who dresses and acts in bad taste, I'll make you have an accident with a bush fire and some kerosene, then you won't be so smug. You despicable person.

(4) – From Zathura: A Space Adventure. Great evasive action, there.

(5) Cactus: Dead, deceased, ceased to be.

Another chapter done. Will the Acolytes survive? Will Magneto save them? Will Pyro make good on his promise? Why am I asking these questions? I do not know! Do review. Until next time…