Oh wow. It's been what, a week and a half since I last posted a chapter? That a long time for me, but have no fear, ducky with her writers block issues is here! I'm sorry this is short, but I'm had a lot of homework, after school things, and of course, my family to deal with. I understand that those excuses are getting kind of old, but that's all I got. So here it is the next dramatic chapter. Please refrain from killing me. You'll see why I just requested that when you read more.

Disclaimer: Again, I don't own anything. Do you think if I did that I would be here writing these sad chapters for attention? I didn't think so.

Chapter 18: Loss, Fear, and Fault

Lorelai woke up around 5:00 in the morning with horrible cramps. "oh god." she moaned in pain. She slowly got out of bed to find it covered in blood along with the crotch of her pants. Lorelai rushed to the bathroom where she quickly went to the bathroom. When she stood up there was blood mixed with the water in the toilet.

"oh no." she said. She quickly threw on some clean clothes, threw the bloody sheets into the black trash bag that was in the corner of her room (making sure Luke would not spot them) and rushed down the stairs as quietly as she could.

"Lorelai?" Luke asked.

"uh yeah. I'm just going out to get some food. I am having some major cravings and I didn't want to get you up. So, I'm going to go. Bye Luke." she said as she quickly rushed out the door. She then got hit by a major cramp and nearly collapsed on the ground.

It took her a couple minutes but she soon was able to get to the jeep and drive off towards the hospital.

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Lorelai arrived at the hospital twenty minutes later in such pain that she was surprised she had made it there in one piece. She made her way into the emergency entrance where she collapsed on the floor and blacked out.

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"Miss. Miss. Miss." a nurse tried to wake her. As Lorelai opened her eyes she saw the tubes she was hooked up to and then she saw someone vaguely familiar walk in. it was her doctor.

"I'll take it from here." she had informed the nurse. "hey Lorelai. Rough night?" she said as she sat down on the chair next to the bed that Lorelai was in.

"I guess." Lorelai answered groggily.

"well I have some bad news for you." she said looking down at the folder in her hand. Why did doctors always have some sort of folder in their hand? Was it part of the job description because what was the point of it? Oh yeah, to tell them what's wrong with her. Lorelai looked at her worriedly.

"what? what's wrong with me?" Lorelai asked frantically.

"We have given you some medication to ease the cramps but I am sorry to say that you have lost the baby. " the doctor answered in a voice that sounded like she was trying to show sympathy.

"Wha…what? I'm not…I'm not pregnant anymore?" Lorelai stammered.

"No, you're not. It seems you miscarried." She informed the hysterical Lorelai.

"But…but you said that after the 10th week that I wouldn't have a miscarriage." Lorelai said.

"I said it was rare. And it is. You just happen to be one of those rare cases."

"but…why?" Lorelai asked in confusion. Why did this happen to her of all people? Hadn't she had enough disappointments in life? Didn't the world owe her something? didn't she deserve to have some sort of happiness after the life she had as a child, then her relationship problem with all the men in her past, her current problems with Luke, and now this? How was this fair in anyway?

"We don't know. It could have been for multiple reasons. A genetic defect, a recent injury, stress, a key dietary need missing in your daily intake, just a mistake in the signals between the fetus and your body. We'll be able to tell you most likely after we run some tests. " she explained. Lorelai could only think about how it was her fault. Her fault that all of this had happened. She didn't know how, but it was, and she could fix it. "I'm sorry. I truly am. Is there any one you would like me to call?" the doctor said as she placed her hand on Lorelai's, trying to comfort her.

"Rory. Could you call my daughter Rory up?" Lorelai asked.

"sure." the doctor answered as she got up to go make the call.

She didn't want to tell Luke yet. This baby had made things so much better between them. This baby had brought so many obstacles that Luke and Lorelai had overcome; this only made their relationship stronger. Luke was already three fourths done with the crib. Now after last night, telling Luke might anger him further.

"oh my god. My baby's gone." Lorelai exclaimed as she started to sob. She felt so empty. She felt like all of her happiness had been ripped from her. "my baby's gone." she whispered as she curled up into a ball and cried.

Ten minutes later, Rory arrived. They had not told her what had happened exactly but she knew it had to do with her mother and that was all that mattered. She was pointed in the direction of the room and ran down the hall.

"mom?" she said a she burst through the door. Lorelai looked up.

"Rory?" she said quietly.

"mom, what happened? What's a matter?" she said as she rushed to her mother's side.

"the baby…the baby…" she stammered but she couldn't get it out.

"the baby? What's wrong with the baby? Is it ok?" Rory asked frantically. Lorelai shook her head and burst into tears again. "mom. What happened to the baby?" Rory asked as she tried to soothe her mother.

"the baby's gone." she said through the sobs.

"shhhh, it's ok mom." Rory said trying to now calm her mother.

"It's not ok! My baby's gone and it's all my fault! I did something and it killed my baby! Luke will never look at me again. He was so happy when he found out about the baby. He was so loving and that's all he can talk about. Could. That's all he could talk about. He's going to be so disappointed with me! Why did this have to happen now? And after last night with the fight! You should have seen him the other day at the doctor's office. We were talking about what we were going to do to the room when we found out the sex of the baby a month from now. But now it's gone. The baby is gone and it's all my fault!" Lorelai exclaimed through the sobs.

"mom, don't say that." Rory comforted. "you couldn't do anything about it." she said as she smoothed her mother's hair as Lorelai cried into Rory's shoulder. "what happened between you and Luke?" Rory inquired.

"We got into a fight." she said. She dried a few of tears, but they were only replaced by a few more. "I got home about two hours after I said I would be. I lost track of time, and I think Luke thinks I was out doing something with some guy or something. He asked as if I had betrayed him and cheated on him." she said. She was still confused why Luke had been extremely mad. Normally he would have been angry, but not that much, and he would be more worried, but last night was different. Last night he was acting as if she had rejected him somehow. "and now he's going to just leave! I killed his unborn child! Why did I do that Rory? Why?" she sobbed some more.

"it's not your fault mom! Stop saying that! You did NOT kill the baby, it just happened, you couldn't have helped it. Ok?" Rory said. Lorelai just moved her head up and down against Rory's shoulder, signaling that she agreed. "Now the doctors said I can take you home in a few hours after they have done some more tests. Would you like me to call anyone? Sookie? Grandma and grandpa? Luke?" she added the last name cautiously.

"Sookie…call Sookie." Lorelai said as she wiped away her tears.

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Three hours later Sookie, Rory, and Lorelai had arrived home and to Lorelai surprise, there was no sign of Luke. She looked at Rory confusedly.

"I told him you were with me and then I asked him if he could watch Jake today." Rory answered her mother's look. Lorelai just nodded. Lorelai had not spoken a word since they had left the hospital and that scared both Sookie and Rory. Even in the worst of situations Lorelai normally babbled, not became a mute.

All three of them walked into the house in total silence. Lorelai saw that the food and the candles were still on the kitchen table; Luke had not cleaned it up. The house was dark for a midsummer morning and silence filled the room until Sookie decided to break it.

"do you want anything to eat?" she asked Lorelai. Lorelai slowly shook her head and walked up the stairs to her room. Sookie flashed a quick concerned look to Rory, who had the same look on her face.

"Sookie, can you just go and make some coffee or something. I'll go talk to her." Rory instructed as she followed her mother up the stairs.

Rory found her mother looking intently at the bed which lay untouched. It was stripped of it's sheets and the blankets lay strew all over the room. mom must have done this this morning. Rory thought.

"mom?" Rory questioned.

"here. I lost it here." Lorelai explained.

"mom…don't do this to yourself." Rory pleaded.

"do what Rory? Put the blame where it belongs? I lost the baby! The baby that was living inside of me for over three months is now dead! Gone! How is that not my fault? My body did this! It's not your fault your little brother or sister isn't going to be born! It's not Sookie's! it's not Jake's! it's certainly not Luke's! and as much as I would love to, I can't blame your grandmother! Who's left? Who's left Rory?" Lorelai screamed as she broke out into more sobs and collapsed onto the floor. Rory rushed to her mother's side and held her.

"shhhh, it's not your fault. The doctor said it was stress. It was you overworking yourself. So if you want, you can blame Michel." Rory joked.

"it doesn't matter anymore." Lorelai said, finding it hard to talk through her sobs. "my baby's gone. My baby's gone." Lorelai cried as she clutched her abdomen.

After about 15 minutes of Lorelai sobbing into Rory's shoulder, Lorelai got up to go to the bathroom. She had been told by the doctor to treat this like any other period.

Any other period? I lose that baby that has been growing inside of me for three months and I have to treat it like any other period? Are they trying to be assholes? Am I supposed to just forget that I was ever pregnant and just get on with life? Is that what they want me to do? Well screw them! They think that they know everything with their fancy little medical degrees but when it comes to actual human communications, they suck! I can't believe them! It's just so insensitive to just say 'well you lost your baby, move on, and have a nice day!'. but they didn't really say that. Well it was pretty damn close! Lorelai argued in her head.

When she returned to the room, the bed had sheets on it and was neatly made.

"I made your bed." Rory said quietly. Lorelai smiled. After 18 years of taking care of each other, Rory was now taking care of her mother.

"thanks." Lorelai whispered with a small smile on her face.

"do you need anything?" Rory asked.

"no, I'm good. Oh wait, can you go watch Jake. You know, take him around town for the day. Could you actually watch him for tonight. I'm not going to be able to watch him without going insane." she joked as she climbed into bed.

"sure. Anything you need. Well I will go do that, and if you need anything, just call me. Sookie is making you something to eat and then she said she would bring it up. She has to go to work though." Rory informed her mother.

"you guys are too good to me." Lorelai said.

"ok, so bye mom. I love you." Rory said as she kissed her mother on the cheek.

"love you too. Bye babe." and then she watched Rory go downstairs. God this brought back memories. Lorelai thought about how the last time she was in this position was right after her and Luke broke up. Would that happen again? Just then Sookie walked in with a bowl of something.

"I brought you some soup. I have to get back to work. Is there anything else you need?" Sookie asked.

"I'm good. Thanks for helping out Sookie." Lorelai said quietly.

"I'll come to check on you later tonight on my way home after work. There is more soup in the refrigerator if you get hungry again. Ok?" she said.

"ok. I'll see you tonight then. Bye." she said.

"bye." Sookie said before she left. Sookie was still concerned with Lorelai but she couldn't not go to work.

Lorelai realized that she should eat something, she hadn't eaten since lunch the day before, but she wasn't hungry. But she was tired, so she let herself drift off into a restless sleep.

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Planned since the beginning of the story, but it became harder and harder to make myself write it because I was so attached to all of the characters and I just want to make them happy. Does that sound psychotic? Does it sound totally crazy to want to make my characters happy? Oh well, who cares.

Ok, so I had a hard time writing this chapter because let's face it, I got attached to the thought of Lorelai being pregnant. But I had to do it. I have had this

Please review. Remember how hard it was for me to write this. I cried. Can you imagine, I cried while writing this! I have some emotional issues. So please, give me the warm and fuzzies, AKA reviews, and make my day. Tell me what you think. Tell me if you hated it, tell me if you though it was wonderful and you want to have my fic's babies, tell me if you think I need medication ASAP.

REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!