It's a fun life on a boat
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Oh, Papa, we thought you'd been run over by an elevator"
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Hey all, I'm heading off tomorrow on a craptacular field trip, and so won't have any net access until Monday, so if I don't reply to any emails, that would be why. Only a short chapter today, as I really should be packing my stuff up.
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Chapter 10 – Fun for all the family
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The next morning, and all the Acolytes were back on the Demeter again, much to the distress of most of the members, currently sitting down to breakfast in the dining room.
"I can't believe I agreed to get back on this cursed boat", said Jason.
"Neither can I be believing this", said Piotr, looking very ill once more, "I had just been getting better too"
"Eat something, Piotr, I'm sure you'll feel better", said Magneto, "but don't each too much, your bail cost more than your miserable hides are actually worth"
"It feels so nice to be loved", said Remy dryly.
Piotr looked at the toast in front of him.
"It has brown goo on it"
"That's vegemite, mate", said Pyro, grinning, "manna from heaven, it is"
"……I think I would rather have butter", said Piotr, grimacing, "my stomach is not being fit to experiment with new foods"
"Look, Mate, it's easy", said Pyro, grabbing his toast, "ya have to spread the vegemite reeaaaaaly thickly to get it right"
Piotr groaned.
"…I think I'm going to be sick"
Pyro rolled on the floor in laughter.
"Oh, man, you foreigners fall for that one every time!", he giggled, "stupid Yank" (1)
"….Piotr's Russian", said Sabertooth
"….Oh", Pyro blinked, then shrugged, chomping on his veggie-mited-toast, "meh"
"Can we all please just get along?", sighed Magneto, "just for one day"
"Only if you let me go to the casino", said Remy.
"I am not going to feed your gambling problem, Remy", said Magneto simply.
"I don't have a gambling problem!", snapped Remy.
"No?", asked Sabertooth, "I bet ya ten buck that ya do"
"You're on!", said Remy, then blinked, "…heeeey"
"See?", said Sabertooth, "an' you smoke"
"And you are a womanising, lying, cheating thief", put in Piotr, then blinked, "sorry, I thought we were listing his faults"
"Nobody's perfect", muttered Remy, crossing his arms, "and at least I get to sleep with women, unlike the rest of you"
"I slept with Raven, and that ended up bein' the biggest mistake of my life", said Sabertooth, "it 'aint nice knowing you've spawned an evil child"
"Quite frankly, I'm surprised that Graydon wasn't born in the fires of Hades, considering his parentage", said Magneto.
"Oh, don't you start!", said Sabertooth, "the twins hate you, one's a psychopath and the other's in the closet!"
"Pietro is as gay as Piotr", said Magneto (2)
Piotr glared at Magneto, saying something that didn't sound very nice in Russian.
"I'm saving myself for Kathy Bates", said Pyro, then blinked as his team mates looked at him curiously, "she'll come around"
"….Well, at least we don't have a love child", said Remy, "never meant to beeee" (3)
"Shut up, Remy", said Jason, "just shut up"
"Awww, cheer up, Jas", said Pyro, flicking the lighter he'd grabbed from the 'deserted' island, "it can't be that bad"
"I think you'll find it is", said Jason, then blinked, "…the tablecloths on fire"
"St.John!", snapped Magneto, "put it out! What have I told you about fires?"
"Make sure they're controlled ones?", he asked, "awww, come on, boss, it's only a little fire"
"Don't make me force you to watch that cartoon with the fireflies again", warned Magneto
Pyro sobbed.
"Not that, NOT THAT!" (4)
There was the sound of a voice being cleared from behind them, Magneto sighed, looking over at Regan, who had her arms crossed.
"Management says if they find another burned item, they're going to be charging it to your account", she said.
"Don't worry", smiled Magneto charmingly, glancing over at where Jason was trying to slide under the table from his seat. "it won't happen again"
"Good, it better not", she said.
"Hi, Babe", said Remy, grinning at her, "how YOU doin'?" (5)
"Hello Ronny", said Regan, "…I'm fine"
Remy gave her a charming smile.
"Actually, it's Remy", he reminded her, then smirked, "hey, you haven't met Jason yet, have yo –OWWW!"
Remy looked at the foot that Jason had just trodden on sadly.
"….O…kay", blinked Regan, "….is he always like this?"
"Unfortunately", said Jason.
Remy sent a scowl Jason's way.
"Qui, Jason's from Europe", he said, "guess what, he's an illusionist too"
I really would shut up now, if I were you, came Jason's 'voice' in his head.
Don't want to, replied Remy smugly, putting up his telepath-go-away image.
"ARGGGH!", screamed Regan, "naked fat man!"
"See? She's just as bad as you!", snapped Remy, "prying into people's heads where she's not wanted! Yeah, I can see the relation now!"
"Pardon?", blinked Regan
"Do you know that little voice inside your head that tells you to quit while you're ahead?", asked Jason sweetly, "you don't have one!" (6)
"Way to go, Remy", said Sabertooth, "we coulda stung this on fer days, really made him squirm"
"Now, Miss…um", Magneto paused, "….Wyngarde?"
Jason looked at Magneto flatly.
"Her last named wouldn't be Wyngarde", he said.
"Yes, yes Jason, I realise that now", growled Magneto, then smiled at her, "lets be calm about this…"
Regan narrowed her eyes at Jason.
"You're my father?", she asked, "The guy that abandoned my mother and me before I was born?"
"Ummm……yes?", tried Jason, wincing, "errr…sorry?"
Regan stalked over to him, looking at him with narrowed eyes.
"If he dies, I claim all the cool stuff in his room", said Pyro.
Regan glared at Jason for a full minute.
"DADDY!", she squealed, hugging him.
"……Meh?", blinked Jason, then squeaked, "….not breathing…"
"Oh, I knew you'd come and find me one day, Daddy!", babbled Regan, "Mom always said you wouldn't, but I knew you would! OH, this is so cool!. We've got to catch up on stuff, and you can buy me a pony"
"…Pony?", blinked Jason as he was dragged away.
"Pony or death", growled Regan.
Jason whimpered, looking back at the team as he was dragged off.
"Alas, poor Jazzy, I knew him well", sighed Pyro, then smiled, "who's up for a game of Hungry, Hungry Hippos?"
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(1) – From the lovely Kira, see, I promised I'd use it ;)
(2) – Comic joke. Ultimate Piotr is gay, and dating Ultimate Northstar. Oh, and Kurt's a homophobe. Fun.
(3) – Dinah Ross's 'Love Child', if you're wondering.
(4) – In the UK, we had a fire-safety cartoon short with fireflies. It was about playing with matches. She burned her wings off. It was a bloody traumatic cartoon.
(5) – Sorry, I couldn't resist. SORRY!
(6) – From the Road to ElDorado. (Waves at Skysong)
Another chapter done and dusted. Not many of these left now, but still, the madness shall continue! Do review. Until next time…
