It's a fun life on a boat

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Do you go around drenching everyone who comes into your room with flame-retardant chemicals? No wonder you're single"

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Yeah, late, my apologies, I had the crappiest of crappy weeks.

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Chapter 11 – Burning love.

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By the next day, the Acolytes still hadn't seen hide nor hair of Jason.

"I'm tellin' ya, she killed him, an' hid the body", said Sabertooth.

"Where would she hide a body?", blinked Remy.

"Under the floorboards, duh", said Sabertooth.

Remy blinked at him for a long time.

"….We're on a boat"

"Have you just realised that?", asked Sabertooth with a smirk, "silly Cajun"

Remy narrowed his eyes, before standing.

"I'm goin' to de casino"

"What happened to you being able not to gamble?", asked Piotr.

"We're docking in five hours", said Remy, "we go back home, I miss my chance. I'm gonna go earn me some money and dignity back"

"Good luck on that last one", said Magneto dryly, where he was reading a newspaper.

Remy ignored him, walking off, blinking oddly at Pyro, who was looking at what seemed to be a hot-pocket of some sort.

"Hey, where'd you get that?", asked Sabertooth, "an' why didn't you get me one?"

"I got it from the island", said Pyro, "and I wanted to treat myself"

"You should take that to the kitchen", said Magneto pointedly.

"I can cook it here", said Pyro, squinting at the packet, "twenty minutes!"

He paused, seemingly calculating something in his head.

"If it takes 20 minutes at 250 degrees", he pondered, then grinned, "it should only take 2 minutes at 2500 degrees!" (1)

"Pyro, NO!", snapped Magneto.

"Awww", Pyro sighed, "I only want to burn something. I haven't burned something for ages"

"You burned your mattress an hour ago", said Piotr.

"…..Besides that", said Pyro, "I'm going into withdrawal!"

"I don't care", said Magneto, "you can wait until we dock, and when we get home"

"Assumin' we find Jas in once piece", snickered Sabertooth.

"Shut up, Victor", said Jason as he walked over, "just shut up"

"Hey, you're back", grinned Sabertooth, "an' yer not dead either!"

"I can't take it anymore", said Jason, "I'd consider throwing myself overboard, but she's probably keep my dead carcass in a rocking chair like that creepy Bates guy!" (2)

"I could always give you a Viking funeral", piped up Pyro

Jason blinked at him for a few long moments.

"….Okay, I give", he said, "what's a Viking funeral, and more to the point, why would it interest you?"

"Well, ya see", said Pyro, grabbing a bread roll and sticking a sausage on it, "the Vikings put their dead on a boat, and set them out to sea"

"Okay", blinked Jason, "that answers question one…"

"And then they set the little boat on fire", grinned Pyro, "LIKE THIS!"

With a maniacal cackle, he set both bread roll and sausage upon it on fire. Magneto calmly plucked it up, dumping it in the nearby lobster tank without even looking up from his newspaper.

"And that explains question two", Jason grimaced, "I think I'll pass"

"Your loss", said Pyro with a shrug.

"If yer that worried about her, why don't ya just wipee her memories like ya did with the crazy chick?", asked Sabertooth.

"I do not like my daughter being referred to as 'The Crazy Chick'", frowned Magneto, "Wanda had issues"

"Yeah", said Pyro with a giggle, "wanting to kill her daddy issues"

"Shut. Up. Now", growled Magneto, then looked at Jason, "you could erase her memories though"

"Tried it", said Jason, "she caught me out. She said if I did it again, I would be a 'Bad Daddy', and she'd have to kill me to make an example"

"…..Wow", said Sabertooth, "She's even more messed up than Wanda"

"I do not know", mused Piotr, "that is quite a stretch"

"Will you stop discussing the sanity of my daughter?", frowned Magneto.

"But she is crazy boss", said Pyro, "as crazy as pie"

Magneto watched him for a long, long time.

"…As crazy as…", he shook his head, "if anyone is as crazy as a baked good around here, it's you"

"Why, thank you, Magsie", grinned Pyro, "that's the nicest thing you ever did say"

"….I wonder if the bars open yet", mused Magneto

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Elsewhere on the ship, Remy had indeed thrown in the towel, and was gambling away…..and losing. Darn, soon he'd have to start dealing his 'special' deck into the pile and playing with his loaded dice.

"Gambit needs a new home", he muttered under his breath as he palmed a few cards into his hands, "with a swimmin' pool and a fully stocked bar…oooh an' an electric fence, to keep my team mates away"

"….Sir, you are aware you have been mumbling to yourself for quite some time", smiled the dealer.

Remy glanced at her and gave her a winning smile.

"Jus' t'inkin' on how beautiful you look, Chere", he said.

She blushed and giggled, handing him her number.

"Damn, I'm good", grinned Remy, pocketing it, "I mean, I don' even have to TRY anymore"

"…Good for you, I'm sure the host of illegitimate children you'll create will be very proud"

Remy squeaked, falling off the stool to look up at Halloway.

"You", he growled, then paused, "…wait, do I know you?"

"Maybe", she said, "were you one of the punks who broke into my girls camp and dragged the ladies off for a night of debauchery in Las Vegas?"

Remy squinted in thought.

"….I might have", he said, then frowned, "…it sounds like somet'ing I would do"

"….You can't even remember?", blinked Halloway.

Remy shrugged.

"My adoptive father dropped me on my head once", he smiled, "you can still feel the dent in my skull"

Halloway blinked at him for the better part of a minute, before sighing, sitting next to him.

"So, what's your game? Poker?"

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"Only four hours to go", chanted Jason, where he rocked in his chair, "four more hours and we'll be on land, and I can run away and hide"

"Do not worry Jason", said Piotr, "I am sure she will never find us in our super secret hideout"

"If she does, we'll move", commented Magneto

Piotr's smile faded.

"….Aww, I do not want to be put on box carrying duty again!", he said, "you can not even make up your mind where you are wanting me to put the boxes!"

"It keeps you honest", said Magneto.

"……We're villains, since when was being honest an issue for us?", asked Jason.

"We can be honest villains", said Magneto.

"I am here"

Everyone paused to blink at Pyro as he watched a TV screen on one of the walls, showing the boat moving along. Next to it was a little map, with a flashing light indicating where the boat was. Sabertooth was currently watching the light with fascination, clearly his mind in some kitty-land.

"We know you're here", said Magneto, "we wish you weren't"

"I don't trust those 'You Are Here' signs", said Pyro, "I mean, how do they know where you are?"

"….Does anyone else want to field this question?", sighed Magneto.

"No, let the little freak get paranoid", said Jason, then smirked, "they're watching you, Pyro"

Pyro's eyes widened as he looked around.

"….I see them", he whispered.

"…Great, thanks a lot, Jason", snapped Magneto, "you're not the one who'll have to sit with him in his room until he falls asleep tonight!"

"They'll cut out my spleen", whimpered Pyro, "I need my spleen…..I think"

"…We can not get home quick enough", groaned Magneto as Sabertooth began batting at the flashing light.

"….Sparkly"

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(1) – From Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends. Been saving that one for a while.

(2) – Physco, if you're wondering. I believe this movie (the original version, mind you) is one of the films a person SHOULD see in their lifetime.

The next chapter will be the last, as I'm starting work placement on the 1st of May, and need time to get it sorted out, plus I will only be posting during the weekend for 6 weeks after that date, so it's easier just having one fic to worry about than two. This is by no means the end of the series, though, heck, no. Do review. Until next time…