Chapter 3
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"So go on and scream
Scream at me I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe
I can't keep going under."
- Evanescence
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Cree's muscles trembled, taut in preparation. This was the hardest thing she had ever done in her whole life; even harder then her hardest fights as a teenager and as a Kids Next Door operative. It was the hardest thing she had ever done, and she wasn't even fighting.
Cree was going to see a psychologist.
It was natural procedure, something every suicide survivor had to do, so they wouldn't go back into relapse. Cree didn't want to hurt her family anymore, she wanted to make things right again because she had screwed up big time, but at the same time she wasn't willing to talk about what it was that had made her slash her wrists, had made her cut herself. But she knew it was the right thing to do, so taking a deep breath, Cree cautiously gripped the knob and slowly opened the door.
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"Hello?"
Miss White looked up as the teenager peeked nervously into the room. She smiled welcomingly. "Hello," she said. "You must be Cree Lincoln."
"Yeah." The girl made her way from the door to one of the chairs, sitting down. Her whole body trembled with tense energy, and there was a nervous light in her eyes. Miss White smiled.
"It's alright, I don't bite," she assured Cree. The girl blinked, then blushed.
"I'm sorry, I just…"
"You're scared. It's perfectly normal."
Cree relaxed a little at that, looking around the room curiously. Miss White watched her, not saying anything, wanting her to be comfortable before she started a conversation. Finally, after a moment, she said, "Cree, do you know why you're here?"
Cree looked at the ground. "Because I cut myself. And I slit my wrists." She looked up, meeting Miss White's gaze.
Slightly taken aback by the girl's boldness, Miss White studied her. At the insistence of a nurse, Cree had worn jean shorts, which gave the older woman a glimpse of her scars. Her wrists were beginning to heal, and they would scar, to, silent memoirs to what she had done to herself, what she had attempted to do.
"Do you know why you did it?"
"Yes…" Cree swallowed hard. "I was tired of fighting. I didn't think I was strong enough to stop. I was tired. I wanted…" she paused, taking a deep breath. "I wanted to rest."
"What were you fighting, Cree?"
Cree shrugged helplessly. "Just… just life, I guess. My little sis and I, we were real close until three years ago, and now I don't know if she hates me for what I tried to do. I'm in a war that I can't seem to get out of, that I want to get out of, but… I don't feel like I can. I feel weak."
Miss White leaned forward. "Cree, you aren't weak. Yes, you tried to kill yourself. But you survived, and now you're trying to live again. You're one of the strongest people I've seen. I've seen people like you, ready to give up, wanting to give up, but they don't. They try to make things better."
"But… but I slit my wrists. That didn't make things better."
"But you're trying to fix it. Don't you see? You aren't weak, Cree. If you were weak, you'd try again."
Cree looked at her hands, at the newly formed scars on her wrists. "What makes you think I won't try again?"
"Because I can see it in you. Cree, you want to live. You know you do. And you've been given a second chance." Miss White took a deep breath.
"You aren't weak. You messed up, yes, but you aren't weak. And you can live again. But you have to choose if you want to change."
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... Nothing much to say about this chapter, really...
