Ok, so I don't really feel like writing much at the top because, well, I haven't had a really good day so I think I'll just post this and get it over with. Sorry if it sucksbut that's all that came out of my head.

Disclaimer: hey, if I owned Gilmore Girls, then I would be able to afford a car so I wouldn't have to wait an hour at the school after practice just for a ride home. Clear?

Chapter 21: Daring to Hide and Self-Blind

"Hey, leave a message and we'll get back to you." Lorelai's voice could be heard from the answering machine and then it beeped.

"Hey Lorelai, It's Luke. Ah…I'm just calling to see how you are. I know you threw me out, but I've been wondering about Jake. We haven't talked about that, and you know I want to be there for him. So please just call me back. Bye." he said. Wow! She's obviously having some problems. The message on the machine showed her depression, but only Luke could see this.

Lorelai heard the message but was afraid to pick up the phone and call him back. She was afraid she would get sucked into the same whirlpool of feelings she had had when he came back over 4 months ago. But she knew she had to. She had to call him. She couldn't just ignore him. He did have the right to see his son, and she did want that. Jake deserved a father.

She reached for the phone and got as far as the first three numbers before hanging up and slamming the phone done quickly.

"Ah! Just pick up the phone. Just pick up the phone and call him. Come on Lorelai. You can do it. Come on. Just call him." she told herself as she slowly picked up the phone again. This time she got as far as the first five numbers.

"Ah! Just call him! It's not that hard! Just pick up the phone. Press that pretty little talk button, dial the seven pretty little numbers, and then let it ring. Come on! Just pick. Up. The. Phone. Pick it up! Come on!" she instructed herself. She then picked up the phone for the third time and dialed his number. All seven numbers. It was ringing. It was ringing.

Oh god! Oh god! What am I going to say if he picks up! What will he say! She started to freak out in her thoughts.

"Hello." Luke answered the phone. He was in the apartment sitting on the couch with a beer in front of him.

Silence.

"Is anyone there?" he asked when no one answered him. "Hello? I'm going to hang up." he said.

"Hey Luke." Lorelai answered quietly.

"Lorelai?" he asked. He hadn't expected her to answer his message. She was always the kind of person to just delete the message at the first sound of the unliked person's voice.

"Yeah, I got your message." she said. She was still having trouble talking. She felt like at any moment she could have a relapse of infatuation for Luke, and she couldn't handle that. She didn't want the hurt again. She had said it over and over again to herself, but she always needed to remind herself that Luke would only bring her hurt. He would only bring her pain. He would only terrorize her. But she always had to remind herself this so as not to fall into the trap of love again.

"Well…good." he answered. He couldn't think of anything else to say. He was lost in thoughts of what had gone wrong in their lives to create this situation. Him. It was him. Of course it was her too, but it was his untrusting nature. His insecurity about whether she really loved him or not. And all that did was make life worse. It wasn't fair. They had gone through so much. Eight years, and 6 months. And then they had been apart for a year. And ever since then they had been together. And truly happy. They had both been fully in love, and now what good did that do them? None whatsoever.

"So you wanted to talk about the Jake situation." Lorelai reminded Luke.

"Ah, yeah. I did. What are we going to do?" he asked.

"Well I guess you can see him whenever you want, and Rory volunteered her transportation services whenever she's available." Lorelai informed him of the plan.

"So I won't see you?" Luke asked. He wanted to see her. He yearned to see you, to smell her perfume, to hold her. But not one of those things would ever happen again probably. It had been four days and already Lorelai's absence in his life was driving him insane. Over the past four nights he had drunken him self to sleep, letting tears slip whenever they came. He not only wanted Lorelai and Jake, but he also wanted the baby that was now no longer going to be in his life. Luke drunk himself to sleep over Lorelai and Jake, but he shed the tears over the little baby that had had a future at one point. But now Luke felt as if he had lost his mother and father all over again. And Luke had never really seen the baby.

"Probably not. It's for the best Luke." she told him.

"How do figure that?" he asked sharply. Lorelai ignored his tone.

"I can't get hurt again Luke. That's all our relationship brings me. It may bring little glimmers of hope and happiness, but in the end, I end up getting hurt. Always. And seeing you will only amplify that hurt. I can't Luke. I can't see you." she poured from her heart all of the feelings that she held inside.

Luke felt his heart break. He caused her pain to worsen. He had caused that. But then again, she caused his pain. It was a give and take relationship. He gives pain, she gives it back. She gives pain, he gives it back. Vicious circles. That was what you could call Luke and Lorelai's relationship--a vicious circle.

"Ok." Luke gave in. he didn't want to anger her. They had both had enough of that lately. He would have loved for her to be the one to bring Jake over, but he didn't want to make it so she was furious at him.

"And your stuff." Lorelai said.

"My what?" Luke asked. What the hell is she talking about?

"Your stuff here at my house. You have at least half your stuff here. Can you come pick it up when I'm at work tomorrow?" she asked him. Again Luke's heart broke in half.

"Ok." Luke answered disappointedly. He had been hoping that she would forget and that he might at least have a reason to run into her, but she had demolished that hope when she had instructed him to stop by while she was at work.

"Ok." Lorelai sighed.

"But who's going to watch him during the day?" Luke asked.

"I…I don't know." Lorelai answered. Her and Rory hadn't thought of the daily routine change that would take place, but she had to think about it. "I guess I will take him to work with me everyday." she said. Luke was wondering what other horrible decision Lorelai could throw at him. This was another thing. He sunk into the couch even further.

"So I won't get to see him except for on weekends?" Luke asked. Lorelai heard this and freaked. Here was what she was trying to avoid. She didn't want to have to split the week up.

"No, you can see him whenever you want. Seeing as it's summer, Rory can bring him to the diner whenever you want. At a reasonable time of course. Ok?" Lorelai corrected.

"Sure. So that's done. So I'll just come by tomorrow around noon to get my stuff. Ok?" Luke said.

"Yeah. That sounds good. I'm sorry Luke." Lorelai apologized.

"Yeah. Bye." Luke said and he hung up before she could answer.

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"Crap! Rory! Rory!" Lorelai repeated as she almost fell down the stairs.

"What? What happened?" Rory asked when she noticed her mother's frizzy, tangled hair.

"You're little brother happened." Lorelai answered.

"What?" Rory asked.

"He took the brush to my hair. Rule number one: don't let your little son get a hold of the brush." Lorelai instructed Rory.

"Ok. I'll make a mental note of that." Rory said.

"So I need you to drop him off at Luke's." Lorelai said to Rory. Rory saw her mother's face change from happy to sad the moment she mentioned Luke.

"Ok. Is that it?" Rory asked.

"Yeah, I just need to finish getting ready and then we can head to dinner." Lorelai said as she pulled on one of her shoes. She was holding on to the railing just to make sure she didn't fall.

"Ok, I'll go get him, drop him off, and then be back in 15 minutes." Rory said as she ran past her mother and up to Jake's room.

Jake's room. That's what it had been made. It wasn't Jake and the soon-to-be-baby's room anymore. It was just Jake's. And it still had the dresser with the stenciling on it. It brought back happy memories for Lorelai--memories she couldn't handle. And in the garage there was the boat that Luke had not taken back yet, and the almost done crib. It stood there, and it made Lorelai terrified of even going near it. She couldn't be reminded of the baby. She couldn't. It hurt too much. It hurt more than looking at Luke. It hurt more than looking at Jake and being reminded of Luke. It just hurt more than anything else she had ever felt.

"I'll be back in a bit." Rory said as she came running down the stairs holding a nine month old Jake.

"Ok." Lorelai answered quietly, still lost in her thoughts. It was the end of July. What was she going to do when Rory went back to school in a month or so?

"I'm back!" Rory shouted throughout the house as she burst through the door.

"Hey, how was…everything?" Lorelai asked hesitantly. Her hair now seemed to be in check.

"Luke's fine. Well, fine considering what has happened in the past few days." Rory added.

"Ok. That's good…I guess." Lorelai answered.

"Let's go." Rory said.

"Do I have to?" Lorelai complained.

"Mom! You are the one who wanted to go! No one forced you to make that decision, and now you have to go because grandma will track you down and kill you for backing out an hour before dinner." Rory told her mother.

"Fine. But there better be edible food this time." Lorelai said as she exited the house.

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Again, I'm not going to say much, so please just review and make my day better. REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!