I don't own anything.
Detective Ikari
Chapter Six: Understanding
Spades checked his watch and stared at the luggage carousel. "I want my snubbie."
"Relax Spades," Amber replied. "You know how airlines are."
"Unfortunately," Spades stated. Finally the lights began to flash and the carousel creaked into motion.
"I thought Japan was a safe place anyway," Amber commented.
"It's relatively safer than America I supposed," Spades replied, "but this isn't just Japan. This particular city is fairly dangerous for some people."
"What are you talking about?" Amber asked.
"A major United Nations operation runs out of this city," Spades explained. "The operation provides almost all the jobs there are."
"So?"
"The CO is you typical fascist dictator," Spades explained. "Secret police, disappearing enemies, secret agendas. That kind of shit. He's an idiot, but an idiot with power."
"An idiot, huh?"
"Someone needs to hold him down and beat some sense into him," Spades commented.
"That was your suggestion for Stalin, Castro, Hussein, and every other dictator," Amber commented.
"Some people just need to be taught humility and have a little fear put in them," Spades replied.
"Well you're the expert on instilling fear."
"Yeah."
"Ah," Amber commented. "So who is this nutcase?"
"Gendo Ikari."
"Ikari?" Amber repeated.
"That's right," Spades stated. "My male genetic donor."
"Why don't you ever call him your father?"
"I always thought the title of father relied more on emotion then genetics."
(:ii:)
"This is it." Amber frowned and glanced at the man next to her.
"What is this?"
"It's a Hyundai."
"It's a Jap trap."
"Says the Jap," Amber commented. "Besides, I'm pretty sure these things are made in Korea."
"Does this rice rocket even have a six cylinder?" Spades asked. Amber turned the full power of her scowl on her employee.
"This is a vacation!" she shrieked. "You won't have to chase or pit anyone!"
"Is that a no?"
"It moves forward when you put it in drive and press the gas," Amber replied tiredly. Spades' droopy eyes registered disgust.
"You mean it's an automatic?" Spades asked, tone still calm.
"I guess." Amber watched as Spades leaned in through the open window.
"It's an automatic."
"I can't drive stick anyway," Amber growled. "If you taught me then we could have gotten a manual."
"I've tried to teach you," Spades replied. "So has Tim, Geoff, and Al."
"You're all lousy teachers," Amber growled. Spades shrugged off the insult and shoved their luggage into the trunk. "Where are we heading?"
"To the reason why I learned how to drive," Spades stated as he climbed behind the wheel.
"Where's that?" Amber asked as she climbed in as well.
"The bar."
"Why did you learn to drive because of a bar?"
"My guardian needed a designated driver and I was nominated as soon as I was old enough."
"Nut case dad and alcoholic guardian," Amber commented.
"Pretty much."
"You said I might understand," Amber added.
"You understanding anything yet?" Spades asked.
"I understand why you're an asshole and a drunkard," Amber replied.
"Good," Spades replied. "There are only a few more aspects of my personality to go."
"Such as your sexuality," Amber stated. She always hated questions where the answer was dangled in front of her.
"It's quite active, I can assure you of that."
"That's not what I meant."
"I know."
(:ii:)
"He is in the country."
"I am aware of that," Gendo stated. "Where is he right now?"
"He's in a bar," the Section-2 agent reported. "The agent following him has not been spotted."
"Continue to tail him and report his movements."
"Yes sir."
(:ii:)
Amber watched as Spades popped his knuckles. "Something bothering you?"
"We have a tail."
"What?" Amber demanded.
"We've been followed since we arrived in this country," Spades answered.
"Where is he?"
"In the booth in the far right corner," Spades answered as he took a sip from the small cup in front of him. Amber mirrored his movements. Spades set the cup down. He pulled his glasses from inside his coat and polished them carefully. He stared at the tail's reflection and tucked his glasses back into their hiding place.
"Wow. This stuff is great."
"Watch how much you drink," Spades warned.
"I'm a big girl," Amber argued. "I spent all my informative years pounding hard alcohol."
"Don't say I didn't warn you." Spades looked around the bar, checking exits.
"Why didn't you ditch him?" Amber asked quietly.
"Because he's driving a fucking Crown Vick," Spades explained. "Government Crown Vick equals police package and that means no outrunning in the piece of shit rice rocket you rented."
"Well I didn't think we'd have trouble."
"You need to get a healthy dose of paranoia," Spades growled.
"So I can act like an asylum reject like all of you?" Amber asked. "No thanks."
"You're staring barkeep," Spades stated suddenly. Amber had learned enough Japanese from the man to be able to follow the conversation fairly well.
"I apologize," the barkeeper stated immediately. "I meant no disrespect. Please forgive me. It's just that you look familiar, but I've never seen you around here."
"I grew up around here," Spades replied. "That was about six years ago."
"So you're back for the reunion then?" the barkeeper asked. "There are several men here for that."
"You don't say," Spades replied. "If you'll excuse me."
"Where are you going?" Amber asked.
"Take care of some business," Spades answered.
(:ii:)
Spades ducked into the bathroom and looked around quickly. Thankfully it was empty and he quickly drew his snubbie from under his left arm. He pressed his back against the wall next to the door and waited.
It didn't take too long. The tail stepped into the bathroom and never even saw Spades as he brought the base of his weapon's grip down on the back of the man's skull. Spades dragged him the rest of the way into the room and searched through his suit jacket for his wallet.
"I don't know why I'm bothering," he told the unconscious man. "I already know who the hell you work for." Spades found his wallet and something else. He flipped the wallet open. "Here's proof." Spades tugged a Gold and Mild from his coat and quickly lit it while he stared at the ID. "Section-2." Spades frowned and was about to toss the wallet at the man, but hesitated. He opened the top and stared at the sizable stack of bills inside.
"Thank you for making a donation to the Buy Spades a drink foundation. I know for certain that it's appreciated." Spades took the bills and tossed the wallet back on the man. He looked at his other prize and pressed the button on the side. The switchblade's double-edged blade flipped out and Spades tested the sharpness against his arm. It was damn sharp. "Too sharp for you pal. You'd just hurt yourself." He glanced at his glove-covered fingers, no problems with fingerprints. "Now what am I going to do about you?"
(:ii:)
Amber glanced up as her employee sat back down. "Hey Spades?"
"Yeah?"
"You didn't do something nasty to that guy, did you?" Amber asked.
"Of course not," Spades replied. He laid a rather sizable stack of bills on the bar. "A round for everyone barkeep."
"Of course sir!" the bartender exclaimed as he quickly scuttled about serving everyone at the bar.
"What's with the sudden generosity?"
"Let's just say I fell into some money," Spades replied.
"Yeah right," Amber growled. Then a beer was set in front of her. "I'll overlook it."
"Of course."
"Excuse me." Amber turned and saw a tall man with raven hair standing next to Spades. "I heard you were to thank for the drinks."
"Just had more money then I knew what to do with," Spades replied. "Now I don't." The man chuckled and sat down.
"Thanks for the drink."
"It was nothing."
"I see," the man stated. "So, are you in town for the reunion?"
"What makes you say that?" Spades asked.
"You have a slight English accent, but your Japanese is flawless," the man explained. "Been out of country for a while?"
"You're really good," Amber commented.
"Your Japanese leaves something to be desired," the man commented. Amber clamped a hand over her mouth.
"I'd prefer you didn't insult my employer," Spades stated.
"Easy," the man said soothingly. "Don't think of it as an insult. Think of it as constructive criticism, but I apologize if I have offended you."
"I don't offend easy," Spades replied. "I'm not so sure about her though."
"Of course," the man said as he turned to Amber. "Please accept my apologies miss."
"Okay," Amber replied somewhat awkwardly.
"So what class were you?" the man asked.
"We haven't introduced ourselves yet," Spades pointed out.
"I like trying to guess," the man explained.
"Class 2-A," Spades replied. A strange smirk spread across the man's face.
"Shinji Ikari. I thought it was you, but I wasn't sure."
"Do I know you?" Spades asked.
"We never met, but everyone knew you," the man replied. "I'm Yuuske Chidori. It was nice meeting you after so long." Amber watched as he stood and walked away.
"What was that about?" she asked. "Why did everyone know you?"
"How about more sake?"
"What?"
"Drink up. This stuff's pretty watered down. Of course someone like you might have some trouble with it."
"How dare you!"
(:ii:)
"So predictable." Spades laid his unconscious boss in the car and straightened up. "Come out now."
"Alright." Spades turned to see Yuuske step into the light of the streetlights. "Why are you following me?"
"I work for the United Nations," Yuuske explained. "I was recently transferred to NERV. You knocked out one of my subordinates in the bathroom."
"I robbed him blind too," Spades stated. "Don't forget about that. Now what do you want?"
"I'm on leave right now," Yuuske replied. "Frankly the UN has sent me here to investigate NERV." The man reached under his coat and Spades tensed slightly. "Relax." He pulled out a card. "This is my number. If NERV tries anything then you contact me."
"They have the right to do something to me now," Spades said as he eyed the card. "I assaulted one of their agents."
"Funny that," Yuuske stated. "I checked the crime scene pretty thoroughly. There was absolutely no evidence. Oddly, no one in the bar noticed anything either. Also, I have an inner ear problem. What did you just say?"
"Nothing," Spades replied. "You really want them busted."
"I hate them," Yuuske said simply. "They're bad people and they don't deserve to have the kind of power they have."
"You're no angel yourself," Spades commented.
"I may not be good, but I'm not evil like they are," Yuuske replied. "We have an understanding?"
"NERV may try some bad shit," Spades commented. "You have any limits on lethal actions?"
"They draw first its on their heads," Yuuske stated. "Straight forward and simple."
"We have an understanding."
(:ii:)
"Mourning Helen."
"Hey Mark." Mark leaned over Helen's shoulder and frowned. "What's that?"
"I'm writing up known expenses for this little Japanese excursion," Helen explained. "Lean a little further."
"Huh?" Mark never saw the haymaker coming. "My nose!"
"That's what you get for threatening my boyfriend!" Helen screamed, shooting to her feet. "When the others come in they'll get the same!"
"We didn't threaten him!" Mark protested as he pinched his nose and leaned forward so he didn't get blood on his shirt. "We just explained the consequences for cheating on you. So, did he run away?"
"No."
"Good," Mark stated happily. "He passed the first test. Now all we need is a background check and a urine sample."
"You're kidding, right?"
"Should we be?" Pablo asked. He had been the first person in the office that morning and now sported a neon green band aide across the bridge of his nose.
"Yes."
"Too bad," Al, another injured early comer, replied.
"Hang on a second!" Helen turned and saw Mark staring at her computer. "Spades and Amber have a hotel room with only one bed."
"All the others were already booked and they said it wasn't a problem," Helen explained.
"He's sharing a bed with a woman! He's strait!"
"Amber knows he's gay so she trusts him not to try anything while she's asleep!" Al countered.
-End
(:ii:)
-Author's notes. I think the gag about Shinji's sexual preference is the longest running gag I've done, second only to Shinji refusing to bathe in Lycanthrope 2.
