AN: Just remember, the poem is by William Blake and I switched "father" for "mother" because it seems more relevant for my purposes.
Some of the dialogue and asmuch of the details as I could find are taken from Volume 6, other than that this is purely conjecture. Oh, and ages... I'm place Kyo at six because he looked about two to me in the manga, and that's kind of how it goes with ages and me. Akito's nine because I think he has to be at least nineteen in the present. And all this makes Kazuma roughly thirty.
In case there is any doubt, the dedication remains the same throughout the story. --lovelorn sigh--
Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will, have no money so don't even bother.
The Little Boy Lost
"Mother! mother! where are you going?
"O do not walk so fast.
"Speak, mother, speak to your little boy,
"Or else I shall be lost."
The night was dark, no mother was there;
The child was wet with dew;
The mire was deep, & the child did weep,
And away the vapour flew.
I kneel in the oppressive, darkened room, the only light spilling from that window he watches everything through.
He never asked for this life, I realize that. But no one forced him to live it, either. He could change things, is perhaps the only one who could. He simply doesn't.
"Kazuma-dono…" he drawls, and I sit upright, meeting his eyes. "Hatori said you want to talk to me about Kyo?"
"Yes, Akito-sama," I say calmly.
He twists his mouth, displeased, though I couldn't say at what. I don't let it bother me. He generally is displeased.
"Well? What about the monster? What could you possibly have to say to me about one of my juunishi?"
"Akito-sama, I would humbly beg a great favor of you." I pause, musing on the fact that the boy's fate rests entirely on this troubled god's mood at this moment, the incongruity of my asking a nine-year-old for this particular favor at all.
I honestly believe I may be the only Sohma that remember these things are odd. For a Sohma, my upbringing was very… liberal. I don't assume the child is a monster, for one thing.
Either child.
"Yes…? Were you going to beg today, or should I come back later?"
"Excuse me, I became distracted. The favor I would ask you… Akito-sama, I would adopt Kyo."
He tilts his head. "Why?" He doesn't even feign surprise, and I realize why I was granted an audience on such short notice. "He has a father."
"He does. It is my opinion that his father has neither the will nor the capability to care for a child."
He leans forward, dropping his chin into his hand. "And you do."
"I would not presume to guarantee it. But I know that I would try, and I believe his father has no interest in making that attempt."
"What of it?"
This is all… a test. He knew what I wanted. And why, I wonder, is he bothering to listen…?
"What if his father is no true parent? He will be no worse off than most of us. And he deserves worse. He's a monster."
"He is also a child. No child deserves that."
"And yet you did not offer to adopt Ritsu or Rin, Ayame or Momiji, to name only the juunishi who could have used your generous offer."
He slides from his window and walks silently over to me, eyes reflecting the light because there is none in them.
"So why Kyo?"
I see. You know I don't fear you, not as I should. You think that if I expose this part of myself to you, you will have a measure of control over me.
"Akito-sama knows that my grandfather was the cat." He smiles. "I was cruel to him. I wish to make amends."
If you believe it will help, you are welcome to it.
"Ah. I see." His face returns to its imperturbable mask. "How very interesting." And he smiles again. "Kazuma-dono… You may take Kyo. His father will not object, regardless of his personal feelings on the matter. You will, of course, be bound to live within the compound and will receive a comfortable salary, more than sufficient for both of your needs."
"Akito-san, you needn't –"
"Yes?"
"As you wish."
"You may leave. Contact the boy as soon as you see fit. I will send someone to his father immediately."
I bow once more, and stand to leave. "Thank you, Akito-sama." I turn.
"Kazuma…" I stop. "You're doing this because only one thing weighs on your paltry conscience. Selfish motivation, nothing more. But you won't live with that boy, that monster, without growing to love him." He smiles, a luminescent smirk that makes my skin crawl as it hasn't in my adult life. "I don't need to control you, Kazuma. I control him."
Three Weeks Earlier
"Kyooo-kuuun!" I can hear her voice, and I can tell she's getting closer. I hug my knees and giggle, stifling the sound with my hand.
"I'm going to fiiind you," Mommy singsongs.
I'm in the cupboard, under the sink, and she is not. Going to find me, I mean. 'Cause I have an idea.
She's very close now, giggling too, easy to track.
So when she comes to these cupboard doors, leaving the others swinging and creaking happily behind her, I wedge myself in the top, feet and hands in all four corners, and press with all my strength to keep myself there.
It's hard, but I stay there, behind the lip, and when she moves on…
I don't realize that she isn't giggling anymore at first.
And I didn't know I wasn't supposed to be able to do that. How could I know?
"Boo!" I cry a few minutes later, having let myself down long ago, hiding behind the doors.
"Oh!" Mommy gasps and whirls, face going pale.
People talk about how kids notice stuff more, little things that grown-ups miss, little tip offs about how people really are. But I don't, not then. Maybe it is a kid thing and it's just me that doesn't. That's blind… that's stupid.
But the first thing she does, even as she asks me where I was and tries to keep her voice calm, is check my bracelet.
Then she calls Shigure to come and watch me, and tells me how lucky he is to get to spend time with her little boy. And then she goes out to get some groceries.
Shigure-nii plays some cool games with me, and stuff, so I don't notice how long it's been at first, but then I kind of start to wonder. I start wishing she'd come back.
The door opens and for a second – just a second – I change my mind and pray that it isn't her after all, because I'm having fun and I know Shigure is going to have to leave as soon as she gets here.
It's just dad, and Shigure-nii doesn't leave because dad can't watch me right now.
But it has kind of been a while, and when the phone rings I tell Shigure he should get it in case it's her. So he does.
It isn't her.
When he hangs up, he doesn't say anything for a long time, and I think I yell at him because his face is scaring me.
He doesn't seem to mind. He puts his arms around me and won't let go while he tells me what the call was about, even though I yell some more and hit him.
He does hold me.
But then he has to leave, and after that Dad throws a plate on the ground and a shard catches my leg. It's when he tells me Mommy's gone because of me. Because she hated me so much she couldn't live.
I knock on the door, and settle in. I'm right.
Kyo's father is not a man to inconvenience himself over something like a visitor, and it's nearly two full minutes before he opens the door.
He did love his wife, in his own way, I suppose. Certainly he is upset by her loss. His drinking and beating her most likely did not contribute felicitations to their marriage while she lived, but he looks back on it with fondness if his present state is any indication.
He is smoking and, by the smell, has been doing this constantly for quite some time. He does not appear to have slept, eaten, or washed lately.
"What do you – oh. Kazuma, is it? Well then. Come on in and take it away." He turns from the door and shuffles away into the darkened house. "Get it away from me… murdering monster…"
In the shadowed room he points to, Kyo, looking painfully small and alone, is sprawled on the floor with a notebook and some pens, scribbling feverishly.
"Kazuma-dono," he says stiffly, "Take it."
Kyo looks up, startled, and his father bows briefly to me, and without ever looking at his son leaves the room.
He has not bothered to tell him.
Kyo looks at me with huge, frightened eyes. I can only imagine what he thinks. That he's to be punished…
All his life, one person has told him unequivocally that he is human.
And she died.
What, in storybook, childish morality, does that tell him?
"Kyo," I say softly, "My name is Sohma Kazuma. I'm not here to hurt you."
"You – you're supposed to take me away though?" He asks, fingers curling, scratching along the floorboards as if he could cling to them.
"If you want to –"
"Well I don't!" He shouts abruptly. "I don't want to leave!"
You want to stay where she was. But she can't help you, not here, Kyo.
"Kyo, if you decide to stay I will respect your wish. But if you would listen –"
"No!" He jumps up and runs out, down a hallway and outside.
The breeze from the doorway rustles the yellowed pages of the notebook.
Every one of them is covered with awkwardly scrawled pictures of a woman holding a little boy.
Outside, the air is clearer, though the smell of the house lingers.
A few yards away, a boy with bright orange hair is standing beside a pond. I can see only his back, but his small shoulders are shaking with tension.
Beyond him, two women are standing across the water, openly whispering of him. As I come up behind him, I can make out the few words that float over the water.
"…doesn't…cry…"
"…mother died."
"… he's the… pushed… suicide."
I'd nearly forgotten…It is sickening. That they would think it is, perhaps, merely human and Sohma. They have accepted a faulty teaching, and such is their prerogative.
But they're going to make him accept it as well. All his life, these people will tell him he is a monster. How can he do anything but agree?
"Shut up."
I blink. I know he has a temper, from what I've seen, but Sohma children are supposed to mind their tongues. It's always surprising when one dares speak up.
"Shut up! It's not my fault! It's not my fault!"
"That's right," I say gently, stepping forward. I allow myself the luxury of a glare at the women, and they scurry away with scandalized expressions.
"I know," I add when he turns to look at me.
At his expression of complete disbelief, I kneel.
He's so strong… But how long could he have held up under this? How long can any child?
No wonder she kept you away from them all.
But it isn't going to work forever.
"It's all right," I repeat. "I know."
You're not a monster. You're not the only one who knows. Not even now, now that she's gone.
"…" His face crumples, the barrier he's been pounding gone, leaving him to fall.
"Kyo…? Won't you come stay with me?" I stand, allowing him some measure of privacy. "I may not look like it, but I'm actually an instructor at a karate dojo. If you're interested, you should try it."
He looks up at me, skepticism and hope mixing in his features. "Dad…"
"Your father has agreed, if you wish it. I know we've only just met, Kyo, but I don't believe you can be happy in this home. Would you like to try mine?"
He glares up at me, fear of the hope he feels clearly written on his features.
You can do this, Kyo. They haven't beaten you yet. You can be free.
You didn't make her leave.
"I guess…" he mutters, "I could… you know." He wipes his eyes clear stubbornly and grabs my hand as if daring me to pull away, to show that I am like them, that this is a cruel joke and his hopes have been buried with his mother.
I curl my fingers around his gently, and he's the one who pulls away, eyes wide.
But he finishes, "I could try."
AN: Reviews desperately needed. Well, they always are, but really here. I don't feel I have much of a handle on either Kazuma or Kyo, no matter how much I like them, so I'd like to know how I did.
Next up: Tohru, because I have Volume 1 handy for once.
