A/N- Sorry for the delay. I have had a lot of tests lately due to exams coming up. Thanks for the reviews. I love them! Hope you enjoy this chapter!
The next week went by quickly. Addison's condition was slowly improving, and she was eventually allowed to move out of ICU. She was doing well enough to finally go home, but where was home? Addison's parents left that decision up to Derek. They had offered to take her home with them to Kentucky with them, but he had said no. He didn't want to impose on them. They had told him it was not a big deal; she was their daughter after all. He said no, telling them he could not be swayed. He knew that he had to be the one to help her heal. After much deliberation he finally decided to take her back to Manhattan. Their apartment was there, their friends, most importantly that is where they had truly lived their lives. As Derek sat in Addi's room signing her release papers he heard her laugh. He looked over at her and watched silently. It had been a long time since he had heard her laugh like that. To be accurate she hadn't laughed like that since before Ilana died. She stopped laughing and looked over at him. "What? Am I bothering you?" she asked.
"No, I just haven't heard you laugh in a really long time." He smiled warmly at her. "You know that is one of the things that made me fall in love with you."
She smiled. "Really? I have always hated it" They both sat silent, neither one knowing what to say. "So...Do I get out of here today?"
"Yep, I just have to sign these and then they have to process them. We should be out of here by this evening."
"Good, I am getting sick of wearing this stupid gown. Grey is not my color." she laughed lightly. He simply smiled and turned back to the papers.
-Coffee Shop-4 pm
Derek had finished the papers and left Addison to visit with her family. He knew that there was some unfinished business he had to take care of before he left Seattle. He told Meredith to meet him at the coffee shop near the hospital at four. He didn't tell her why, but she promised to be there. As he sat and nursed a cup of coffee he heard the bells on the door jingle and in she walked. She walked to the table and took a seat. "Hey, thanks for coming."
She shrugged. "You said it was important."
He nodded. Scooting his cup away he took a deep breath and began. "Meredith I wanted to tell you why I chose Addison."
"Derek you don't have to. I ..."
He held up his hand to shush her. "Yes I do. I owe you an n explanation. Now please don't interrupt." She nodded and waited for him to continue. "When I met you in the bar I was there to get drunk and not feel anything, but then I saw you, and talked to you. You made me feel good for once in a long time. We shouldn't have slept together. And it wasn't your fault." he added the last line quickly. "It was mine. I was the one who was married. Anyway, when Addison came back I was mad at her for what she had done, but mainly for what she made me feel. I realized how much I loved her. Meredith I never loved you, and you never loved me."
"How do you know?" she asked as her eyes became misty.
"Because we would have felt it. Yes I care for you, but it's not the same. I barely know you, and people who love each other should know each other. For instance I know the way Addison looks when she is really excited, I know her favorite food, I know that she loves the flavor of bananas, but she can't eat them because the texture makes her gag. I know how to make her fears go away, I know her voice and can read how she is feeling over the phone, just by hearing it. I know the sound of her laugh." He sat and remembered that morning and the harmonic sound he heard. "Meredith I don't know any of these things about you." He reached across the table and took her hands in his. "You deserve a man that can know that stuff about you. Someone who knows you better than he knows himself. You deserve to be truly loved, and I can't give you that." He sighed and let go of her hands. "I wanted you to know this before I go back to Manhattan. I think it might help Addi remember. I just thought you should know." With that he stood up and grabbed his coffee. "Goodbye Meredith."
Meredith stood and walked to him. "Goodbye Derek, and thank you." she smiled a sad, yet sincere smile. He nodded and then left her life for good. Meredith stood there feeling different then she had when she walked in. He had been right. They never loved each other. Sure they cared for each other, but there never any love. She would be sad to see him go, but she knew that things would eventually work themselves out. Maybe she could find a man that would feel for her like Derek felt for Addison. Maybe he was right in front of her.
"Hey Meredith mind if I join you?"
She snapped out of her trance to see Chris standing in front of her. "No, I wouldn't mind at all." Maybe, just maybe. She thought.
-The Next Day-
Derek was glad that they were able to get first class tickets, not for himself, but for Addison. Since her ribs were broken, along with her pelvis sitting was a difficult and painful task. He knew that sitting on a cramped plane would not help her situation, especially since she couldn't really stretch out her leg, even if they had first class. They were about an hour into their flight when he saw her face begin to twist and contort. "You okay?" He asked softly?
She looked over at him and smiled weakly. "Yeah I'm just..." her face grimaced again."My ribs are just a little tender, no big deal."
Being a doctor he could always tell when someone was lying about how much something hurt. Her situation was no different. He reached into his bag in the overhead compartment and pulled out a bottle of pills. He opened it and took two in his hand. As he sat down he caught the young flight attendant's attention.
"Yes sir."
"Can I get..." he turned to look at Addison."What do you want to drink?"
"A martini please, and make it a double." she said pleadingly.
"She'll have a coke." he said quickly to the attendant.
"Yes sir." She smiled looking at the dirty look Addison was giving Derek.
"You make a girl with broken ribs, a pelvis, and a leg sit on a cramped plane, and you won't let her have any alcohol? You are on evil man." Derek chuckled lightly. "I was not being funny." she snapped.
"Here you go sir. One coke."
"Thanks." He handed Addison the Coke then the pills. "Here better than alcohol."
She smiled evilly. "Yeah, drugs!" She eagerly took the pills then laid her head against his shoulder. Derek didn't pull away like he thought he would. Instead he smiled remembering her antics. He had forgotten how Addison could always make him laugh. He had forgotten many things about her.
-Rosewood Place-
As the taxi pulled up in their driveway Derek began to feel nervous. He looked at the beautiful brick townhouse and felt scared. Was he ready to face the past? Could he help Addi remember? He was pulled out of his reverie by the noise of Addison trying in earnest to get out of the taxi with her crutches. "Wait Addi, stop for a sec will ya!" she stopped and looked frustratingly at him. "You can not use your crutches to get up the steps."
"Well Mr. Genius how am I supposed to get up there?"
"I'll carry you."
She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Derek, I am way too heavy. I can get up there on my own."
Derek simply ignored her and yanked the crutches from her. "You can't get up there without these." He waved them tauntingly just out of her reach.
"That's not fair. You cheated." She gave him a mock glare and pouted.
"Yeah well life is not fair. And you are not heavy." He took the crutches and the bags and walked up the stairs. He unlocked the door and laid his hand on the knob. Taking a deep breath he slowly opened the door. Once he stepped inside and turned on the lights, he looked around the room. Nothing had changed, which was surprisingly comforting. He walked back outside to Addison. "Now just stand up gently on your good foot and then wrap your arm around my neck." She nodded and did as she was told. He gently pulled her into his arms and signaled for the taxi to leave. As he carried her up the steps he could tell she had lost some wait over the last few weeks. He couldn't help but feel it was partially his fault. As he stepped over the threshold he remembered the first time that he had done this.
-Flashback-
"Derek what are you doing?"
"You will see in a minute." Derek carried his young bride over the threshold of their new home. He slowly set her down and steadies her.
"Can I take the blindfold off?" she asked anxiously.
"Okay. You can take it off."
Addison ripped the blindfold off and looked around. "Derek where are we?" She asked as she looked around the empty room, then back at him.
"Our new home."
"You, you mean..." she stumbled over her words trying to put together a sensible sentence.
"I bought it. I bought it for us." he stood and watched her face waiting for an okay that she liked it. "Do you like it?" he asked hesitantly.
Addison turned around to face him with tears in her eyes. "I love it." She ran and engulfed him in a hug. He picked her up and spun her around listening to her laughter echo throughout their house. Once he set her down she leaned in and gave him a soft kiss. "Now all we need is furniture."
He gave her a sly smile. "Well, we already have some."
"We do?"
He nodded. "Yeah my parents moved my bed form my apartment while we gone."
Addison smiled seductively at him. "Oh, so we have a bed huh." He slowly nodded. "Well maybe you should show me where it is." she whispered softly in his ear. He smiled, took her hand, and slowly led her upstairs.
-End of Flashback-
Derek snapped out of his memory, and closed the door. He looked around their living room, and smiled a small sad smile. He remembered helping Addison pick out their furniture. He had actually had a lot of fun, but he would never tell her that. They never really did disagree on what kind of furniture they liked. He chuckled thinking about when Weiss had told him that their house looked like a picture out of Pottery Barn, which he didn't take offensively. He had to give it to her, Addison had taste.
"So this is where we live. I like it."
"Well you should," he chuckled "you decorated it."
"I did? Hmm, I have good taste." She smiled as he rolled his eyes. Shifting her in his arms, he began to ascend the stairs. "Where are we going?"
"To the bedroom. You can lie down on the bed, watch some T.V. and I will make you some dinner."
"I'm not hungry." she said softly.
"Open the door for me, please." he said stopping in front of their bedroom door. She pulled the handle and pushed the door open. He walked to their king-sized bed and set her gently on it. He began looking around for some pajamas she could easily get into. He noticed nothing had changed in here, except for she had bought a new bed. I was a beautiful four poster mahogany with intricate detail on the head bored. Finally he found a satin nightgown that she could wear. "Here this should be easy to put on."
Addison held it in front of her and inspected it. "Yeah it ought to go on okay, seeing as there is hardly anything there." She giggled softly at her own joke.
"I will go get the bags while you change." Derek went and retrieved the bags from the foyer, then headed back upstairs. When he walked in Addison was trying to balance by holding onto a post, meanwhile trying to pull off her jeans. He dropped the bags and ran to her side. "What are you doing?" He asked angrily.
"I was trying to get my pants off." she said as her voice began to rise.
"Well why didn't you sit down to get them off!"
"Because, Derek, they won't come off my butt if I am sitting on them!" She yelled, matching his intensity. They both stared angrily at each other. Realizing that they were being stupid they both calmed down.
"I am sorry." they said in unison.
"Here I will help you stand and you can pull them over you hips, then you can sit on the bed and I will get them the rest of the way." She nodded and pulled them past her hips, and then with assistance sat on the bed. She felt slightly uncomfortable with him pulling off her pants, but then she reminded herself that they had been married for even years, and he had seen everything she had. "Addison,"
"Yeah."
"What do you want for dinner?" He pulled her pants off the rest of the way and put them in the hamper. Without saying anything he began to help her take off her sweater.
"Like I said earlier, I'm not that hungry. Thanks anyway."
"Come on Addison you have to eat something. All you are is skin and bones." He looked at her frail body sitting on the bed. Derek had never been able to see her ribs that clearly. She had always been skinny enough to see them, but now he could make out every one of her ribs. She really had him worried.
Seeing the fear in his eyes she lovingly took his hand. "I am okay. It is just the medicine makes me not have much of an appetite." She smiled up at him, and for a moment they both felt as if nothing had happened. No loss of memory, no affair, no Seattle. And for just a moment Derek lost himself in the past, in the love they had once shared. Starting to feel uncomfortable Addison let go of his hand. "I know we were married and that what is underneath it is no mystery, but could you turn around while I take my bra off. But wait before you do could you unclasp it for me? I felt like was going to die this morning when I was putting it on."
He smiled and did as she asked. Once she was dressed he helped her get settled in bed. He handed her her pain pills and a cup of water. "I am going to leave your crutches right here if you need them. I'm going to change, and go to the guest bedroom, but if you need me just call."
He turned to go, but she stopped him. "Please, won't you stay in here? I don't want to be alone. If it will make you uncomfortable I understand." She had such a lonely look on her face, that he could not refuse her request.
"I'll stay. I am going to change and then I will come to bed." He changed quickly into his pajama pants then climbed into bed. "You don't mind if I sleep with my shirt off do you?" Addison could only shake her head no, for she was left speechless by his bare muscular chest. Derek turned out the light, then settled into bed. Without noticing what they were doing they both scooted next to the other. Derek wrapped his arm tenderly around her waist, and Addison laid her hands on his chest. He looked into her deep green eyes and saw a hint of the Addison he fell in love with. "Goodnight Addi." She smiled at her nickname. "Goodnight Derek." That night they both fell asleep with the hope that tomorrow would bring relief from their problems and a sense of normalcy to their lives.
A/N- You know the drill. Read and review. Hope you enjoyed it!
