I tossed onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, cursing whatever deity that refused to let me sleep. I laid in bed for an hour longer before getting up and going out to the living room and laid down on the couch.
With the late hour, I could see the thick, rolling clouds in the sky, lighting cracking amongst them. It was beautiful to watch through the wall of windows, and the lightning lit up the whole room. I got settled in on the couch and watched the storm. I would love to fall asleep to a view like this. Storms had always been something I'd been fascinated with.
The rolling thumber and cracking of light was the perfect soundtrack to my loud mind. An ever-present thought was in my mind and I couldn't get it out.
Dimitri.
And as of right now, all I could think about was what could have happened if his phone hadn't rung. The look he gave me as he leaned towards me still gave me goosebumps when I thought about it. But it was a crazy thought.
The storm was at its peak when footsteps made their way down the hall and into the living room. I lifted my head and gave Dimitri a smile before putting my head back down on the arm of the couch. Dimitri made his way over and sat down at the other end, lifting my feet up and put them in his lap. With a peak over at him, I noticed that he was still wearing the same clothes he wore at dinner.
"Did the storm wake you?" I asked.
"No, I was up going through a report. I was just about to go to bed when I saw that you weren't in your room," he said as he rubbed his hand over my blanket-covered feet. "Did the storm wake you?"
"No," I mumbled through a yawn, "I couldn't sleep. That's why I came out here."
I sat up and got into a different position on the couch, sitting next to Dimitri as we quietly watched the rain hit the windows.
"It will be weird not having you here," Dimitri said, propping his head up with his hand. I hummed and rolled my head to look at him. It was my last night here. Mia got home this morning and said that I could bring my stuff over in the morning.
"Yeah?"
"I've lived here alone for four years. Having you here made it feel less…empty," he said running his hand through his loose hair. I bumped his shoulder with mine and was rewarded with a smirk.
"I mean, I am kind of awesome to live with," I chipped laughing at myself. Dimitri's laugh was masked by the cracking of thunder, but I didn't need to hear it if I was given the large smile he wore.
"Maybe I'll just have to come here more often," I said without realizing exactly what I said, cheeks flushing in embarrassment. I didn't want to assume that I would be invited back here, but I was reassured quickly.
"I'd like that," Dimitri said quietly and his arm along the back of the couch, canting his head to the side for me to get comfortable. I chuckled quietly to myself as I shuffled over and curl up next to him, resting my head against his shoulder. Dimitri reached up and ran his fingers through my hair, something I noticed he did, but I don't think he knew how often he did it.
Not that it bothered me, it was calming and relaxing. I sighed quietly and shifted against him, tucking my head closer to him. I closed my eyes and took a slow, deep breath and let myself relax against Dimitri.
"You're pretty awesome to live with too," I said tiredly.
Dimitri's fingers continued to weave through my hair while thunder echoed through the living room. I could feel him turn his head, and I could feel him tuck his face into my hair, breathing in deeply. It may have been wishful thinking, but I could almost have sworn I felt him press a kiss to my hair too.
I sorted through my mail as I leaned against the communal mailbox, happy that none of the bills said urgent on them when I came across a letter that confused me.
I set the rest down onto of the mailbox and torn the back of it open, pulling the letter out of it. I read it once, and then again three times before picking up my phone and calling the number I've called too many times to defer my payments.
"Hi, can I speak to someone in finance please?"
I waited as I was connected through to the department and gave them the information they needed before they could discuss my accounts.
"I just received a letter in the mail stating that my tuition fees have been paid in full. I don't understand," I explained, chewing on my thumbnail. I could hear the financial clerk typing on the keyboard before he spoke.
"No, everything was paid off. The payment came in two weeks ago."
"That's not possible, I didn't make a payment. I was going to make a payment as to the deferral plan at the end of the month," I said.
"I'm sorry for the confusion Ms. Hathaway, but according to our records, everything is paid to date. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"Does it say if Abe Mazur paid?"
"No ma'am. It does not."
"Does it say who paid it off?"
I could hear the guy typing for a few minutes before he spoke. "It doesn't say who. But if you'd like, we can put in a request to retrieve that information."
"Okay. Thank you," I said before hanging up. Who the hell paid my fees? I shook my head and ran my hand over my stomach as it gurgled. I was about to stuff my phone into my pocket when it started ringing. I looked at the ID and groaned. Not because I didn't want them to call, but this was going to open a new can of worms.
"Hey, Liss."
"We are having lunch. I know you don't work, I'll pick you up in fifteen minutes."
"Liss-"
Lissa hung up before I could respond, and I scoffed. That was Lissa for you. I pulled my hair up into a hasty bun and waited for her to arrive, scrolling through my phone as I waited. When my phone dinged with a text from Lissa, I pushed open the front door and made my way out.
I spotted Lissa's car quickly and got in the front seat.
"Hey," I said as I slipped my seatbelt on. Lissa gave me a smile before she started driving again. She launched immediately into her story about her trip, complaining about how Aaron wanted to spend so much time in the hotel room instead of seeing the sights. I got a few 'uh huhs' and 'mmhmm's' in, but she kept a steady flow of chatter going.
I groaned internally when I realized what restaurant she was taking us too. This wasn't going to be a cheap lunch.
"How come you haven't cashed my cheque yet?" Lissa as we sat down at our table. I shrugged.
"I didn't need it," I said simply, pulling my wallet out and handed it back to her. Lissa raised her manicured eyebrow at me before turning to the waiter and ordered two mimosae.
"No, uh water is fine for me," I interjected.
"We're having brunch Rose, you can drink at brunch," Lissa said with an eyeroll. I shook my head and said my choice to the waiter again. Lissa had a peculiar look on her face as he walked away before she pounded.
"What is up with you lately? I invited you to Italy, you rejected the invite. I barely hear from you these days, and now you're refusing a mimosa, which I know that you love. So what is going on?"
I fiddled with my napkin on my lap and looked at her, my lips forming into a tight line. "I've had a lot going on in the last few weeks," I said plainly. Lissa snorted a laugh and leaned on the table.
"Try again, Rose."
"I'm pregnant," I said bluntly, breathing in a deep breath through my nose. Lissa stared at me for a moment before laughing, covering her mouth with her hand as she giggled.
"No seriously Rose, what is going on with you?"
I shook my head and rolled my eyes. Here we go.
"I agreed to donate my eggs. And when I went for my interview, they told me I was a match for a high-profile client of theirs. They said that the client also needed a surrogate. It seemed like a no-brainer to me. They really want a baby. I'm sixteen weeks," I defended, irritated that she didn't believe me or take me seriously.
"I thought that was just a silly idea. I didn't think you'd be desperate enough to do that to yourself. Especially after what happened with Jenny," Lissa said dismissively, crossing her arms over her chest and leaned back in her chair.
You know that feeling you get when you're watching a T.V. show and the main character gets in a massive fight, and one character delivers a verbal blow that makes your jaw drop? I finally understood what that character felt at that moment.
I chuckled humorlessly as I stood up from my seat and picked up my bag. If I stayed, I'd probably punch my best friend in her perfect face.
"Call me when you remember how to be a decent human being Liss. I'm doing something that has literally made one man's world in the last few months. I'm not desperate," I said as I walked away from the table, vibrating in anger and disappointment.
I got a few blocks away from the restaurant before I sat down on the curb, resting my head on my knees and breathing slowly to calm myself down. I was stupid to think she'd understand or support my decision. I lifted my head as a car blared going by and swallowed thickly. I got up and started walking again, not having a real destination.
"Rose!"
I stopped and turned when a car door slammed shut, and a man in a grey suit jogged towards me. I was weary but he looked a little familiar. He got closer and came to a stop in front of me.
"Hey, where are you going?" he said, his eyes flickering over my face.
"Oh, hi Ivan," I said rubbing my hands over my cheeks.
"What are you up to? You look a little upset."
I shrugged. "Oh, just was remained of how shallow my best friend can get. I told her that I was a surrogate and she insulted me."
Ivan frowned. "I'm sorry, that must be rough."
"Yeah, well it was expected. She's always been a little shallow when it comes to what other people want," I retorted, pursing my lips.
Ivan frowned and ran his fingers through his hair. "Do you want a ride home? I'd be more than happy to drive you," Ivan offered. I nodded and followed him back to his car, getting into the passenger seat. I put my seatbelt on as he started driving and sighed.
"Do you eat burgers?"
"What?"
Ivan laughed and glanced at me. "Your stomach is growling like a dying bear. Do you eat burgers? Or are you still off meat?"
"Yes," I snickered, "I eat burgers. To be honest, I've been dreaming about burgers."
Ivan found a burger joint a few blocks over and pulled in, leading me in with a smile. I looked up at the menu and debated my choices carefully before ordering, including an order of loaded fries too. Finding an open table was a little harder, but we found one in the corner and settled in.
I don't know if it was because the food was just that good, but I practically inhaled my food. Ivan chuckled at the speed that I ate my burger but didn't make any comments. I was thankful for that, Lissa would always make comments about how I ate my food.
"You know, Dimitri is usually a really quiet guy," Ivan said as he toyed with his fries. I raised my brows at him and wiped my mouth with my napkin.
"Are you serious? The guy doesn't shut up when I'm around."
"I know that," Ivan said with a sly grin, "you're something different Rose. You make him more like he was when we were teens. He laughs more, he smiles more. I think meeting you is the best thing that has happened to him in a long time."
I chewed on my lip and shrugged. "I mean, I guess. If I was wanting a child as bad as he does, I'd be pretty happy."
"Nah," Ivan said shaking his head, "it's not just that. He talks about you. He talks about how much he admired you for standing up for yourself at the charity event. Dimitri has been looking at that program you were in at Queens, said he wanted to know more about what you went to school for so he could talk to you about it. He considers you more than a surrogate. He considers you a friend, and he doesn't have very many of those by choice."
I smirked behind my straw and took a sip of my drink, enjoying the idea that he thought of me more than a human incubator.
"You know, I helped him make his final pick? He had your file and three others on his desk, and me being the nosy brother I am, I looked at them. He came into his office and flipped, but I slapped your file down on the desk and told him that you were the best choice. You know what sold me?"
I smiled and gestured for him to continue.
"The photo you submitted as a kid. With the big brown eyes and crazy curls. There was just something about it that made me think, this is the best candidate. Plus you're hot and so is my best friend. You two are bound to create a good-looking kid."
I busted out in laughter, clenching my stomach as I laughed. A grin crossed Ivan's face as he watched me laugh, resting his chin against his hand.
"You have a really nice laugh," Ivan commented as he finished up his fries. I bunched up my burger wrapper and stuffed it into my now empty fry container, giving Ivan's a small smile.
"Thanks."
"Are you feeling better?"
I nodded my head. "Yeah. Thank you, I needed this. I don't have very many people in my life."
"I know that you have to keep the details of your pregnancy to yourself because of Dimka, but if you ever need someone to talk to that isn't him, I'm here for you. I know I'm not a girl or your BFF, but I'm here if you need someone to vent to or get stuff off your chest."
I reached across the table and placed my hand on Ivan's arm, squeezing gently. "Thank Ivan, that means a lot."
"You're welcome. Also, what is this about you cooking Dimitri dinner?"
I laughed and started to tell him about the dinner I made him, explaining that I had to text Yuri for a recipe because I couldn't find one that wasn't super complicated. Ivan had a smirk on his face as I spoke, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.
By the time I finished, Ivan was laughing quietly.
"What?"
"Did Dimitri tell you that is what his mama makes him every time he visits her in Russia?"
"No! I didn't even know if he liked it," I exclaimed with a laugh. Ivan had a shit-eating grin on his face and nodded his head.
"Yeah, Olena makes it every time either of us goes back to Baia. Dimitri said you make it almost as good as her," Ivan said folding his hands together and rested them behind his head.
I smiled proudly at the compliment and finished the last of my drink.
"Are you blushing?"
"No," I said ducking my head down to back up my lie.
Ivan was amused at my embarrassing reaction but let me have a moment. After a few moments, Ivan looked down at his watch and groaned. He stood up and fixed his tie and pulled his suit jacket on.
"Alright, I'll drive you home before I got back to work. My boss is going to bust my balls if I'm late," Ivan joked with a wink in my direction. I snickered and got up, pulling my bag onto my shoulder as well.
"I can walk back, it's fine. I'm staying at my friend's house now that she's back, it's only two blocks from here."
Ivan opened the driver's side door and gave me a look, resting his arm on the frame. "It's boiling out. Get in the damn car."
The room that Mia had for me was a lot nicer than the room I paid for at my apartment. It was nice to room with Mia. She was easy to live with and didn't harp on me for leaving my socks on the floor. She would just roll her eyes and kick them out of her way.
It was probably best that I was staying with Mia now because it would be easier to ignore my feelings about Dimitri. It started slow and crept up on me. I thought that maybe it was just hormone-induced infatuation. But it was more than that now. I was feeling things for the man that was paying me to carry his child.
How awkward is that?
Mia teased me a little bit about it but stopped when she realized how bent out of shape I got about it. I wanted to ignore it, but every time I heard Dimitri's voice I could feel my whole body react to it. It made me feel light, like I could float away. His voice also wrapped around me in a soft cocoon, bringing me comfort.
But it wasn't just his voice, it was how easy it was to be me around him. How easy it was to laugh and smile, to be able to have a conversation with someone who just got me. Like he could read me like his favourite western novel.
Mia passed me the bowl of popcorn as she munched on her handful, her eyes trained to the screen as her favourite Winchester beheaded a vampire. I took the bowl from her and placed it on the couch in front of me, shifting on my side so I wouldn't knock it off.
Too much buttery goodness to waste it.
We both jumped when her phone rang, causing me to toss my handful of popcorn in the air. I cracked up in laughter at the silliness of it, and Mia gave me an apologetic look as she walked into the other room. I sighed and reached over to pause the show, rolling onto my back as I waited for Mia to come back, setting the bowl on my legs.
I drummed my fingers lightly over my stomach, smirking to myself at the noise my fingers made. My smirk faltered when I felt movement besides my fingers. Well not beside on the surface, but below.
I knew what the feeling was the minute I felt it. That gentle flutter low in my belly, almost like feeling a small fish slip between your fingers in the water. I stopped and waited to feel it again, resting my hand on my stomach. I almost thought I imagined it when it happened again and a small smile crossed my lips. I had heard the heartbeat, but this made them more real. I could feel them.
And in the split second, everything changed.
I tried to ignore the feeling I had towards the baby for the last few weeks too, but now those feelings tore through that barricade. I stroked my hand along my skin and closed my eyes.
"No matter what," I whispered to myself, to them, "I love you."
It was the cruel side of doing this. On one hand, I was helping make someone's, Dimitri's, dream come true. But on the other hand, I started to get attached. I started to love this baby. I started to long for this baby. This baby was a part of me too. This baby was my flesh and blood too.
I started to think about all the things I could do that I missed out on with Jenny. Only to remember that this wasn't my baby.
And they never would be. And the thought hurt more than I cared to ever admit.
Hello hello!
I hope everyone had a fantastic week! And I'm wishing all my American readers a happy Memorial Day weekend!
Let me know what you think!:)
