(Author's Note: The story is not done! Thanks for the reviews! Just a little ahead of time thinking- this will eventually turn into a future fic. Not to spoil anything further, I promise Ryan and Marissa will meet each other again… I promise! It's moving up to that point, where I'll say "Twenty years later.." lol, in a more sophisticated, and indirect kind of way.. until then, hope you enjoy:)))

Chapter Three


Ryan entered the Cohen household, apparently not ready for their bewildered expressions. He was not ready for the pity their eyes spilled, nor their reluctant actions, that they tried to make casual and unknowing. Ryan didn't care, didn't want to care. He sat down at the kitchen table, and Seth Cohen sat down beside him, wondering if it would cause his friend any consolation.

"You want anything to eat, Ryan?" Kirsten asked him gently and nevertheless quietly, so that she would not trigger any outbursts. Ryan shivered as an eerie feeling of déja-vu powdered his senses. He had many times before sat at the table, except usually his smiles would be powered by the same, old, Marissa Cooper. Meanwhile now, he sat at the table, virtually empty. All his emotions about anything had been rid of his body, and he could barely look straight ahead of him, or he pictures of Marissa would flash in his mind, "Ryan, anything to eat?" He hadn't even realized that Kirsten had asked him a question earlier. His face jolted to toward her worried gaze, and he tried to smile apologetically. He shook his head, as he continued to ponder the many things that were racing through his mind, "Ryan," Kirsten said, her motherly tone entirely visible.

Ryan looked up at her. He tried to seem indifferent- he tried to seem like nothing was troubling him completely. Kirsten saw right through it, as she took a seat next to him, "Seth," She started quietly, "I know you're Ryan's friend, but I think I have to talk to him- like," She paused, "Mother to son." Seth smiled gently, his awkward moves showing a touch of jealously, but he sprung out of his seat, and went to play some videogames. Ryan stared at her, and wondered why she had chosen those words, "Ryan, you've been living with us for so long, it'd be a sin not to consider you like my own." She smiled at him, and it, for some reason, it seemed to be lifting his spirits. Ryan tried to smile, and Kirsten took his bare shiver of his lips, as one of his genuine grins, "We've all been through our first heartbreak, Ryan." She said, as she touched his shoulder firmly, "We've all been able to laugh it off in the end, as well." She added, her face constantly concerned. After a moment of silence, Kirsten realized she wasn't going to get through to him, "The first time I fell in love with, I was actually faced with the same dilemma." Ryan looked up hopefully, his face quizzical, as if asking her directly- Are you serious, or are you just telling me that to make me feel better?

"I haven't told anyone this, even Sandy." Kirsten admitted softly, "But, the first time I fell in love, it was the real thing. I knew it the minute I met him, and I knew it was love cause I feel the same thing towards Sandy today. If my dad hadn't got his business offer here in Newport, who knows? I might've been married to Greg Loray quite as easily as I married Sandy." She exhaled, "And I'm not here to tell you, that I got over him in a second, and the minute that I met Sandy I wasn't skeptical- because I was!" She said quickly, "When Sandy asked me to marry him, I felt the same thing. I didn't know if I was, well, ready. I didn't know if I was entirely over Greg." Kirsten lowered her head, as she started to fumble with her fingers, "And honestly Ryan, if I saw Greg now, I probably wouldn't be over him, still." She frowned, "But that's how your first love works. If you see Marissa in twenty years, you'll feel the same way you feel for her now." Kirsten smiled softly, "Just know it's not the end, okay, Ryan? It was obvious how special Marissa was to you, but you gotta know that's how fate works, and if it was meant to be this way, then there's nothing to worry about, cause there are other plans for you."

"When did you realize that you could open yourself up to other guys- eventually, Sandy?" Ryan asked, fretting to look into Kirsten's eyes.

"I didn't." She actually laughed, and Ryan intrigued by it, looked up, "Sandy knew, and I trusted him." Kirsten nodded to herself, "I soon started to trust myself, and there I was- in love again."

"Did you ever doubt that your love for Sandy was the same as the love you had for Greg?" Ryan asked, and Kirsten seemed dumbfounded by the depth of Ryan's questions.

"Many times, Ryan." Kirsten looked into his eyes, as she cradled his hand in hers, "But honey, when you're in doubt you've always got someone to talk to, okay?" Ryan nodded,

"As helpful as this conversation was, Kirsten, I don't think I feel any different."

"You will." She said reassuringly, "And until then, just try and continue living your life the same way you would with Marissa not around." Kirsten said, "Easier than done." She contradicted what she said, as she slapped her forehead with her hand, "Sorry, Ryan, I keep thinking it's just that easy, and actually, I should know better… I should know that it wasn't easy at all." Kirsten said quickly. Ryan bit his lip, and Kirsten took that as a cue to get up, and let his swim in his own silence, "If you need someone to talk to, Ryan, I'm here for you." She said quietly, as she got up to wash some dishes.

Although Ryan appreciated the talk entirely, he couldn't imagine how Kirsten could possibly understand what he was feeling. Although he cherished their support, he simple wanted to be alone. He decided to get up, as he slipped away from the kitchen, and walked over to the doors that led to the backyard, that would lead him to the pool house where he would be able to gather his thoughts,

"Ryan!" Seth called out, from behind the couch, "You wanna play some videogames?" Ryan stared at him for a moment,

"No, not today." He said softly, as he slid the door open, and jogged out to the pool house so nobody else could stop him. Once he touched the doorknob, he immediately thought about how Marissa, not too long ago, had been just there, saying her final 'goodbyes'. He entered it anyway, as he felt his pocket around for his cell phone. His fingers itched to simply dial Marissa's number, and call her like he normally would. He couldn't. He quickly tore his fingers away, resisting the horrible temptation. Marissa made it pretty clear to him how she didn't want anything to do with him any longer.