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EPOV
"Well, if you're learning more about me, it only seems fair that I get to learn more about you and Alice, right?"
Bella's words cut my breath short and I felt my body tense up. She didn't need to know about my past, but there was a part of me that wanted to tell her. I wanted to be able to share my past with her, but I was afraid of what she may think of me after the fact. I had never told anyone what had happened. Jasper knew, because Alice told him before they were married, but me…I never told a soul. I didn't want anyone's pity.
"Edward? I'm…sorry. You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. I just wanted to know more about you." I stared into her eyes and I felt myself relax. She had such a calming nature that you couldn't help but release the tension in your shoulders and let your troubles melt away.
"Or…I can just get my book and we can forget the conversation all together." Well shit. I could see the tears starting to well-up in her eyes. I didn't mean to not answer her. I'd kind of forgotten she was actually talking sentences. I was listening to the dulcet tones of her voice but not the actual words coming out of her mouth. Stupid Edward.
She leaned forward and began going through her bag under the seat, searching for that supposed book, I guess. I couldn't help but notice as she bent forward, a small sliver of her back was exposed to me. Her shirt and sweater followed her upper body while her jeans remained in place, leaving me a strip of creamy milk white skin. She was so tempting and she wasn't meaning to be. I just wanted to caress it. Geez, Edward!
"Bella," she whipped her head around, and Bella being Bella, whacked her head on the seat in front of her, hitting the folded seat-tray in the process.
"Shit, Bella. Are you ok?" I reached out for her and pulled her back up into her seat fully.
"Yeah." She was rubbing her head and then I heard her mumble something like 'stupid seat' which only made her more endearing to me.
"Listen, I'm sorry about spacing out on you a second ago. I do want to learn more about you and your past, so I guess it would be unfair for you not to learn about me and mine. So, if you want to, you don't have to bring out the book. We can talk and I promise not to bite."
She looked hesitant, as if she knew I really didn't want to talk about my past. It really wasn't that. It's not that I didn't want to talk to her, but dredging up the memories and emotions that go along with it are what I want to avoid. But with Bella, I didn't seem to mind as much as I thought, so I needed to suck it up. I wanted her to know me, not the professional dancer Edward Masen. Just Edward.
She must have found whatever she was looking for, because she smiled and put her book back. I never saw what it was. I guess I'll just have to ask her later. The thought gave me an idea.
"Hey, I know this will sound slightly childish, but why don't we do a twenty question type of thing? I ask a question, and then you ask a question, and so forth."
"Sure," she voiced. I could see the wheels in her head turning already. What have I gotten myself into?
"I'll go first then," I started. "Why did you become an author?"
"Wow. You don't mess around do you? Ok. Why did I become an author?" She seemed to bounce her response around in her head before speaking again.
"I went to college to study English. I wanted to do something that I loved and came easy for me, so English and literature seemed like the appropriate outlet for me. I was reading everything I could get my hands on growing up, but I gravitated towards the classics: Wuthering Heights, Pride & Prejudice, and Romeo & Juliet. I never intended on being a writer. I had written stories when I was in high school and even took a creative writing class in college but I think I had it in my head that I would end up being a teacher."
She looked out the window wistfully. I was trying to read her, but it was very difficult for me. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she wishes she had become the teacher and not Isabella Swan, the best-selling author. Odd.
"It's Angela's fault," she said abruptly.
"Excuse me?" I was confused. She turned back to me.
"That I'm an author. It's her fault. She knew that I dabbled in writing, but it was just for me. I never wanted anyone else to read my stories or my thoughts. She took my notebook one day. It had a few of my stories in it. She made copies and sent them to a literary agent without my knowledge. The rest is history."
"Were you mad at her for doing that?"
"Yes and no," she answered and continued. "I wasn't thrilled that she had done it without my permission. It was almost like a violation of trust. Like I said, those were my thoughts and words and I never meant for anyone else to read them. But I know why she did it. She had faith in me and my writing. She only wanted the best for me and she had such a strong conviction that I could do something more with my life. I guess she was right."
"Are you happy with the way things turned out?" She didn't seem unhappy, but I doubt this is what she would have pursued if it had been her choice.
She took the time to ponder this question too. The longer she was quiet, the more I worried for her. To have to think so long and so hard about whether she was happy or not made my stomach churn. Apparently she noticed my anguish and anticipation for her answer.
"I am happy. Really. I just needed to think things through as to how I would put it," she said, giving me an encouraging smile. "Every now and then, I wish I had become a teacher. To be able to fit into the crowd without someone noticing you is a dream of mine. Granted, I'm not like you, where people see me on the street everywhere I go and they call my name and scream." She laughed and I had to laugh with her.
"But, there are times when I have to remember that I am being watched from time to time and I have to be aware of what I do or say or write because people dissect it all. I'm not really comfortable with the attention I get, but I'm here now and I need to live with it."
She took another couple of seconds to think and then continued.
"I'm thrilled that so many people read my books. I feel that even though I'm not really a teacher, that young adults pick up my books and they have the knowledge that they can do this if they wanted. It's not quite the grammar education I thought I would instill in America's youth, but it's an education nonetheless."
I was so captivated by this woman. She intrigued me on so many levels. She wanted America's future to learn from her and succeed and while she wanted to be in a classroom doing it, she was still able to do so in her world. She put others in front of herself. When had I ever really done that?
"However," she continued. "If Angela had never sent my stories in, I wouldn't have been able to do all the things I've done, seen as much of the world as I have or met some of the amazing people I've met…like you."
My eyes widened as she mentioned me. Her blush came onto her cheeks in full force. I was drawn to Bella in a way I had never been before. And while I had been getting a few of these fleeting feelings through the week, particularly today, I now recognized and acknowledged that I wanted to kiss her badly. I began to inch my head toward hers…
"Would either of you care for a beverage?" I stiffened at the awful noise that came behind me.
Dear god, not again! This woman had the worst timing ever in the history of the world. I straightened up in my seat and turned to face the flight attendant. I felt as if I was something to eat for her, and it honestly frightened and disturbed me. Sure, she was pretty, but it looked like it took her forever to become so. I'd honestly hate to see what she looked like without makeup.
Bella was a natural beauty. I saw that she wore very little makeup, which was refreshing. She didn't need anything. Her complexion was very good and she had her own natural blush, which I loved. Loved? Really, Edward…
I snapped out of my reverie to remember the flight attendant asked about drinks. I turned to Bella and asked what she would like. She mumbled the word 'Coke' and so I turned to the harpy on the other side of me and asked for two Cokes.
"So…" I started but Bella quickly cut me off.
"No way, mister. I've answered quite a few questions and you haven't answered one so it's my turn."
"You're right. It's been a bit uneven. Fire away." I was worried about what she might ask and how I would cope with her questions. Our drinks were placed in front of each of us and I pulled my coke up to my lips to take a drink.
"Ok. What's it like having Alice for a sister?" I nearly choked on my soda. Well, I didn't expect that question. Not that I don't want to tell her about Alice, but I figured she would get to the nitty-gritty, like our names and…parents…
"Alice is…Alice. Growing up with her was entertaining to say the least. She has spunk to her that not many people can handle. I'm surprised and impressed Jasper has lasted this long. Honestly, when I first saw them together, I thought they were such an odd couple: he was tall and fair and Alice is dark and child-sized that they almost looked comical. But, they only have eyes for each other and you can see that they were meant to be."
"But Alice is the greatest sister in the world. She may drive me nuts, pretty much all of the time, she's watched out for me. She's actually the older sibling. I'm the baby, which I bet you wouldn't figure."
I watched Bella shake her head in agreement. I never meant for it to seem like I didn't want Bella to know my sister was Alice. I truly did think she already knew. If one was to look at Alice and me, I would be figured as the big brother to her, when the truth is that I'm only the 'big' brother due to my size in comparison to hers.
"I'm an only child," Bella said. "So I'm always interested in family dynamics and siblings since I never had them."
"Oh, we have an interesting dynamic alright, but that's what makes us 'us', I guess. We had a tough childhood at times," I said quietly as I glanced at Bella again to gage her reaction. She didn't change her facial expression, just continued to watch me and take in what I was saying. "But, we stuck together and we're here now. She's the one who got me dancing."
"Really? How? No offense, but I'm surprised that someone else got you to start dancing." Bella surprised me with this statement.
"What do you mean?" I know it was her turn to ask the questions but I really wanted to know what was going on in that head of hers. And besides, I knew how Alice and I got into dancing and it wasn't exactly at the best time in our lives. I tried to prolong the inevitability of telling Bella the truth.
"It just doesn't seem to me like the kind of thing you would do. Don't get me wrong, you're amazing at it, but something tells me that you can do just about anything you want to do and be good at it. But dancing doesn't drive you. Yes, you have enough drive to want to win and be the best, but I don't think you want to do this for the rest of your life. And now that you've said that Alice was who got you started with it, it makes me believe that you continue to dance for her. But what about you?"
"Hmmm. Perceptive." And she was. She had pretty much figured me out within a week of knowing me. Not even Alice knew that this life wasn't really what I wanted. The problem was that I didn't know what I really wanted.
"Yes, you're right though. I never thought I would dance and certainly not for a living. Alice had started back when we were younger and I remember she dragged me into the dance studio she went to one day due to the fact that her partner was going to be out. Apparently I picked it up really quickly and Alice didn't want me to stop coming with her. She wanted me to get out of the house and act like a part of the human race and I think I acted as a security blanket for her."
I remembered that day, quite vividly. I had stopped doing anything and would just sit in my room and stare out the window. I didn't want to play my piano; I didn't want to talk to anyone. I only ate because I knew I needed to and I would get in trouble if I didn't. I realize now that I just 'existed' and wasn't 'living' but I had every reason to sit around and mourn.
Alice had run up to my room and tugged on my arm. I didn't budge at first but finally she said she would tell me if I didn't get off my butt and go to the dance studio with her. I wanted nothing more than to say that I didn't dance and I would never want to, but her eyes begged me, pleaded with me. After that day, I was in that studio at least three times a week. As the years progressed it turned into everyday and while I hate to admit it, dancing had been my saving grace and very therapeutic, along with my piano, although playing it still hurt from time to time.
"It wasn't so bad, though, once I got used to it." I said, after breaking out of my reverie.
"Hmmm…" Bella looked at me intently and I couldn't help but feel she was trying to read me…and actually succeeding. I felt the need to get the attention off of myself, for once.
"So, you were born in Forks, moved away and then moved back, right? Why?" I hoped she was ok with the personal questions. If I could just keep the personal questions away from me…
"My parents divorced when I was little, so my mom took me to Phoenix. She didn't like the rain. When she remarried, I gave her and Phil, her husband, some space and headed back to Forks to spend some time with my dad. I've stayed ever since. Well, at least in the state."
She was smiling when she mentioned her parents and I could see the love she had for them both. It was nice to see. I had seen that sometimes a child caught in the middle of divorce flocked to one parent over the other and sometimes resented the other parents. Bella was genuine with her feelings for her family. It was refreshing, but I felt my stomach stir at the mention of family.
"My turn," she said, interrupting my thoughts.
"Shoot," I said as I motioned for her to continue.
"You said you and Alice moved to Forks." I nodded and tried to hold back a grimace as I waited for her to ask the most basic question: why? But she surprised me.
"Where were you born?
"Chicago." I didn't feel the need to elaborate.
"Really?" Her eyes lit up at the mention of the city.
"Yup."
"That's amazing. I've always loved Chicago!"
"Really? Have you ever been?"
"Yeah. During my last book tour I was able to visit and it was so overwhelming, in a good way mind you. The museums, the parks, the skyline…everything was amazing."
"Yeah, it has its good parts," I said solemnly.
"You miss it, don't you?"
That question caught me off guard. I've never had anyone ask if I missed Chicago. Whenever I thought about Chicago, I thought about why we had to leave and it made my stomach churn. But the city, the area, the atmosphere…yes, I did miss it, but I missed what Chicago reminded me of more.
Bella must have noticed my hesitation with her simple question and she quickly told me that I didn't have to answer that if I didn't want to. She didn't want to make me uncomfortable. I smiled at her, seeing that she put others first, above her own curiosity.
"No, it's fine Bella. Yes. Some days I miss Chicago."
We were quiet for a moment. My mood had unfortunately dropped for the first time all evening and Bella didn't want to push me any further. I, however, wanted to get out of my funk and I knew Bella could help me with that.
"So…" I began. "Is it my turn again?" I saw her wide eyes looking back at me and I had to grin back at her. Her returning smile began hesitantly but it quickly took over her delicate facial features. She nodded.
"Hmmm, what are you writing right now?"
"Um, I'm not really sure yet. I've had a few ideas pop up in my head recently, but nothing has really come from it yet. Besides, I don't really like to talk about what I'm going to start writing because then people get wind of it and pressure you to finish or try to find out details about the story when it's not done, to spoil it all, so I end up losing interest because it's not fun for me anymore. It just becomes a deadline or homework assignment, rather than a love story or adventure."
"Wow." I looked at her stunned. I don't think she took a single breath the entire time she spoke.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to go off on that tangent. So here's your short answer: I don't know yet." I had to laugh at her 'short answer.'
"Fair enough. How about this question: what were you listening to on your phone before we took off?"
"I thought it was my turn," she said, smirking at me.
"Do you have a question for me?" I asked in rebuttal.
I watched her look at me and I could tell that she did indeed have other questions for me but for some reason she shook her head. Interesting.
"So, I guess my question still stands."
"It was on shuffle, but the last song I heard was 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow.'" She blushed. Damn, that was beautiful.
"What version?" I had to ask.
"Huh?"
"Who was singing it? Garland, Cassidy, Kamakawiwo'ole?"
"Who's Kamikaze…however you say that name?"
"He does a fairly popular version of the song. It sounds more Hawaiian, with a ukulele."
"Oh! Is it the one that's playing at the end of the movie 50 First Dates?"
"Actually, yes."
"Gotcha. Well, it was the Eva Cassidy version that I was listening to. I love her voice. It's so soulful and emotional."
"Her guitar playing is amazing." Her version really was a beautiful representation of the song.
"So, you've obviously heard of her." I nodded. I could see the smile reaching her eyes and I was thrilled to see it there. She's beautiful. I would have continued my mind's tangent but Bella interrupted me.
"Um, thank you?" Her blush filled her cheeks again and I didn't have a clue as to why or why she was thanking me.
"Sorry?" I was just confused. She turned a darker shade of red and swallowed rather audibly.
"Um, you just called me beautiful and while I don't really agree with you, I wanted to thank you all the same."
WTF?! I just spoke aloud? About how beautiful I thought she was?! Nice going Edward. Well, at least it wasn't a lie.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I said that out loud." Now it was my turn to blush. Weren't we a pair?
"Anyway," I continued, trying to move away from this awkwardness. "What other music do you listen to on your phone? You know you can tell a lot about a person by what music is uploaded onto it and now I'm intrigued."
"Hmm, I could show you, but I think that just might be a touch too personal. You would see my music and know everything about me. Maybe there are things you don't want to know about, Edward." She giggled at me, while leaning forward again to retrieve the phone from the seat pocket in front of her.
The sliver of skin on her back taunted me again and I had to bite back a groan. I sighed heavily as I pushed myself to press against the seat back. I had just noticed how close I was trying to get Bella and I'm sure she didn't appreciate it.
I don't know what happened with me from the time Bella left the studio today and now, but I'm not going to lie…something had changed within me. I had always thought she was an attractive woman, from the moment I laid eyes on her, but now I had the urge to be near her, touch her, protect her. I was having all of these feelings and then some. I'm not sure where it was coming from, but I needed to figure it all out soon.
"Earth to Edward!" I whipped my head to my right as I realized Bella had been trying to get my attention from the ugly upholstery of the airline seat in front of me. I sheepishly grinned back at her.
"You said you wanted to look through my music but I figured listening to it might be better. We'll have to share earbuds, if you don't mind, so we can both listen and I can defend my musical choices to you."
She was smiling as she put the right one in her right ear and reached over to place the left into my left ear. I chuckled as she seemed to have some trouble getting it to stay there. You know, like how it's weird to put glasses onto someone else's face. I reached my hand up to assist her and I felt a shock run through my body when our hands touched.
I heard a sharp intake of breath to my right while I felt my heart beat out of my chest. I looked into Bella's espresso colored eyes realizing how close she was to my face now that we were connected by the headphones. I felt her right hand pull away from my ear and hand as I cleared my throat, looking down at the phone in her other hand.
"May I?" I inquired, reaching my hand for the device. She handed it to me wordlessly, but also seemed to be careful not to touch my hand again. I felt a loss at the connection.
I quickly scanned her through the artists on her phone. She had some great musicians. It was obvious her tastes were very eclectic. Michael Buble, Billy Joel, Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance, Luciano Pavarotti, Susan Graham. Wow…the list just went on and on. Some I had figured her to have, but others threw me for a loop.
I went back to look through her playlists. Another way to try to understand her: see what songs she put together.
There was a Christmas Playlist, Gym Playlist, Angela's Playlist (which I assumed Angela had put together some songs for her), but then there were Broadway musical playlists like all Rodgers and Hammerstein, Stephen Sondheim, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Boublil and Schonberg.
"Musicals?" I glanced at her as she moved in to share the armrest with me. I could feel her warmth radiating off of her body onto my own arm. She nodded as the haunting melody of Les Miserables' "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables'' filled our ears. With the volume low enough and only one of our ears filled with music, I could hear her rather well when she decided to speak.
"Yes, musicals. You have to understand it from my point of view as an author." I nodded at her words and motioned for her to continue.
"Well, I express myself thoughts and ideas with words, just as lyricists do with songs. I used to always hear that in musicals. When the emotions became too much to express with mere words, that's when the characters would sing. Adding music does make words more powerful. The way a story can be moved along with a song or how a song can stand alone as its own story fascinates me."
"Hmmm." I could see the point she made very clearly. She really was great with her words, even in a simple discussion as we were having at the moment.
"Anyway, that's why I try to listen to music when I'm writing. Sometimes I just need it for the mood. Sometimes I hear a song that gives insight into one of my character's minds."
"You said earlier that you had it set to random before we took off. Do you do that often?"
"Sometimes. I like to think of the random function as my magic eight ball. It just knows what mood I'm in or what I want to hear or what I should be feeling. I sometimes get into a rut of the same music all the time and I forget what else I have stored. It's fun to mix it up from time to time." She had taken the phone back from my hand and was randomly scrolling through, seeing if anything struck her fancy.
Apparently nothing was calling out to her as the next Les Miserables song began to play. I snatched the phone back, hurried to the menu screen and hit shuffle.
"Let's see what the magic eight ball says for us, shall we?" I couldn't help smiling at the term us even though outside of DWTS we weren't actually an us.
"For Your Eyes Only" by Sheena Easton began to play from the James Bond movie of the same name. I recognized the opening bars of instrumental music and I laughed out loud.
"Bond?" I asked as Bella giggled back at me.
"James Bond. Ha-ha. There is actually some great music that came from the Bond movies." I knew I had to believe her. I had a James Bond playlist on my own iPod.
We were both silent as the words began and I couldn't help but hold my breath as I truly heard them as if for the first time.
For your eyes only, can see me through the night.
For your eyes only, I never need to hide.
You can see so much in me, so much in me that's new.
I never felt until I looked at you.
For your eyes only, only for you.
You'll see what no one else can see, and now I'm breaking free.
For your eyes only, only for you.
The love I know you need in me, the fantasy you've freed in me.
Only for you, only for you.
I felt Bella's head meet my shoulder and I looked down as saw that she was starting to struggle to keep her eyes open. I knew I had worked her hard this week in practice and I knew I would continue to do so to push her to get better. I had to help her realize her potential.
For your eyes only, the nights are never cold.
You really know me, that's all I need to know.
Maybe I'm an open book because I know you're mine,
But you won't need to read between the lines.
For your eyes only, only for you.
You see what no one else can see, and now I'm breaking free.
For your eyes only, only for you.
The passions that collide in me, the wild abandoned side of me.
Only for you, for your eyes only.
As the instrumental music finished, I realized that this song was pretty dead on about my feelings for her and her ability to read me without even trying, but I didn't know if she could ever feel the same way…
I looked back down and saw that Bella's eyes were closed and her breathing had evened out. She was asleep and she looked peaceful.
The music changed and I had to swallow a laugh so as not to wake Bella. It was The Cranberries' "Dreams." How appropriate. Bella was right; this was like her own magic eight ball. I may need to use this technique in the future.
I slowly and gently placed a kiss to the top of Bella's head, breathing in her strawberry and freesia scent, and then lying my own head on top of hers. The sides of our bodies were pressed against each other and I wouldn't have it any other way. That was my last thought as I drifted off next to this beautiful woman.
"Edward." I could have sworn I heard someone saying my name into my left ear. I didn't want to answer.
"Edward." The voice was slightly louder now as I was coming out of my sleep. I slowly opened my eyes and could make out my sister standing in my periphery. I realized then that I still had my cheek resting against Bella's head. I lifted it off her and I heard her make a noise like a moan, but she didn't wake.
"Alice…what…" I started but she cut me off.
"We landed. Everyone else has deplaned. The flight attendant wanted to wake you but I insisted that it be me. I already had to fight her off from waking you both towards the end of the flight. I just think she didn't enjoy seeing you so cozy with Bella here." She smirked at me and looked over at Bella. I knew that Alice-smirk…no good ever came from an 'Alice-smirk'.
"Edward." This time the sound came from my right and I turned towards it. It was Bella. She said my name. My name. My breath caught and quickly looked back at Alice wide-eyed. I was met by an even bigger version of her smirk.
"Things just keep getting better and better…anyway, I'll meet you outside at passenger pickup. Remember Esme is picking us up." She looked back over at Bella.
"I'll leave you to wake up Sleeping Beauty over here. I'm sure you can think of something…Prince Charming." And with that she practically skipped off the plane.
I looked back down at Bella and audibly gulped again.
Sleeping Beauty indeed…
So what do you think? They've finally made it through the plane ride. When do you think they will see each other again? Remember Bella is going back to Seattle first before returning to Forks, while Edward is going straight there…or is that what the two of them will be doing? Stay tuned. BUT FIRST, tell me what you think! REVIEWS ARE AWESOME!
