Summary- Sango Tacchi has always had a tough life. It's normal for her. When the normal pressure starts to get harder, will she handle herself any differently than before? The next problem is keeping her best friend from realizing her methods of coping... Warning, I used song lyrics!
I own all the poems at the beginning of the chapters. Those are my mind's rotten creations.
Song- Take Me Away (Avril Lavigne)
Another chapter. This one seems boring, and I haven't even started working on it yet. Uh-oh. That can't be good. I shouldn't be bored with it BEFORE I work on a chapter!
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About to Break
Chapter Two- Complications
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Naive fool
Who isn't at all cool
You feel sorry for him
And attempt to drive away 'them'
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Ignorance is bliss, as they say. Their ignorance will be their bliss. They just didn't know that her keeping the secret from them was a gift. They didn't even know there was a secret. Wasn't it better that way? Sango was just helping them out by not telling them, right? That's what she liked to believe. That is what she decided to believe.
So, what's not normal about pain and cutting? You give a little to get a little. Sango would give up her skin and blood and she got happiness. She accepted the physical pain as her friend. The emotional pain was so normal; she didn't question it, until things got really bad.
"Hey, Sango! Are you even awake in there?" Kagome asked. Sango watched as Kagome waved her hand in front of her face. Sango's eyes moved up and down until Kagome got the message that Sango was there. Sango didn't even bother asking what, because she knew Kagome would answer her anyway.
I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside; all I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do, you do, if you knew
What would you do
"Good. You scared me. Your eyes were open, we couldn't tell if you were breathing, you wouldn't blink. My God, Sango. Tell me how you kept from blinking for six minutes!" Kagome babbled. Sango shrugged her shoulders dully. She looked around the table, trying to figure out who was missing.
"Where's Miroku?" She questioned. Kagome rolled her eyes and Inuyasha started choking on his ramen.
"What?" Sango asked. She knew that she had been out of it and in her own little world, but they made it seem worse than she thought.
"Miroku... Well, try the janitor's closet." Inuyasha finally sputtered. Sango leaned back to avoid the noodles that he had coughed up.
"The janitor's... Oh..." She trailed off.
"Yah." Kagome said as she sipped her soda delicately.
"How lo--"
"Three days."
"Three days! Wow... Is she--" Sango was cut off by Inuyasha's interruption.
"A typical ditsy blonde." He told her. Sango rolled her eyes then looked towards the school building.
"She's just going to dump him when he tells her that he won't dump his money on her." Sango pointed out.
"Yah, but he hopes she won't. He thinks that the last million girls aren't relevant, and that this one is different. He always thinks that." Kagome said.
"And yet he keeps going out with them... He's going to become gay someday." Sango mused. Inuyasha began choking on his ramen again, his face turning red. After a while, he covered his mouth and sighed.
"How do you figure?" He asked curiously.
"There's two ways; emotionally and physically. Emotionally speaking, there will be so many girls that have broken his heart, that he'll give up and go for boys. Physically speaking... Well, after sleeping with so many girls, he's got to be dying for something different." Sango said with a wide grin. Inuyasha started choking on his ramen as he started laughing.
"Are you sure you're safe to eat that stuff, Inuyasha?" Kagome asked. She took the cup away from him and read the label.
"Ew! Beef and bacon flavor! Those two flavors don't mix, Inuyasha. How could you eat that?" Kagome shrieked. Inuyasha glared at her and she became silent.
"They're both meat. I like meat. I don't see a problem here." He replied simply. Sango smiled as they got into a heated argument about what can and can't be eaten together.
"Kagome. Code purple." Sango muttered. Kagome shot up and ran to the bathroom, causing Sango to start laughing. Sango fell off her seat, attempting to breathe.
"What's code purple?" Inuyasha asked.
"I'll tell her that when Kouga's coming so she can go get pretty all over again." Sango explained.
"Oh." Inuyasha returned to eating his ramen and Sango got back into her seat. She took her hair out of her ponytail just as the wolf demon came up to them. Inuyasha choked at the sight of Kouga's extremely tight jeans, and Sango tried to keep from laughing.
"What are you choking on, mutt face?" Kouga asked sharply.
"How many coin rolls did you use?" Inuyasha asked. Sango gave up and started laughing, her face turning red from the lack of oxygen.
"Coin rolls... ? What the fuck are you talking about, Inuyasha?" Kouga asked.
"He knows your name! Amazing!" Sango whispered for Inuyasha to hear. He smiled then shrugged his shoulders.
"Coin rolls. We all know that your ego is huge to make up the lack of size of your..." He trailed off as Kouga's face turned red.
"Shut up!" He barked. Kagome came out, which attracted everyone's attention. Inuyasha looked at her, not really caring if she had changed at all. In his opinion, she was the same. Sango looked back at Kagome and noticed the massive change of makeup. She also noticed that Kagome's bra changed positions and that her pants hardly even touched her hips.
"Sorry to keep you waiting, Kouga... They didn't upset you, did they?" Kagome asked. She walked up to Kouga and glued herself to his arm. He smiled and they shared a very intense French kiss. Inuyasha turned to Sango and made gagging motions. Sango giggled then looked at Kagome once again.
"No, babe. They didn't bother me. Inuyasha must be jealous since he can't have such a wonderful woman, though." Kouga said. Kagome smiled as Inuyasha growled.
"Shut up, flea-bag! I wouldn't want to date her! We're FRIENDS!" Inuyasha snapped. Kagome gave him an apologetic look. She knew that Inuyasha didn't like her, even though rumor said otherwise.
Inuyasha had gone out with a girl; Kikyou. Then a huge misunderstanding caused them to break up. Inuyasha found out, later, that it wasn't her who was sabotaging him. But, Kikyou didn't believe that someone else had framed Inuyasha. So, she switched schools and then Inuyasha met Kagome.
Sure, he couldn't deny that she was almost as pretty as Kikyou. But, he couldn't love her because he only saw his past girlfriend. That was what held them back to staying friends. Inuyasha didn't want to date her if he could only see Kikyou's face, not hers.
Sango rolled her eyes as Kouga did the same. Sango understood what Inuyasha thought, and Kouga refused to understand. He just wanted to think that he had the best woman that he could have. He wanted to think that everyone was jealous of him. Kouga's ego was definitely big.
The two walked off and Inuyasha sat down. He looked at his cup of ramen, which he spilt during his outburst. He slowly used his hand, pushing the noodles back into the cup. He got up and walked to the trashcan, dumping it.
"Tasted good when I wasn't choking on it." He mumbled. Sango got up and pulled her wallet from her back pocket.
"Come on, Inuyasha. I'll buy you another." She offered. Inuyasha smiled at her then they headed towards the lunch line. She paid for his ramen, and got herself a can of soda.
"You're not eating?" Inuyasha questioned.
"No." Sango simply replied.
"Why?" Inuyasha questioned.
"No reason." She said as she handed him a cup of ramen. The truth was, she didn't feel confident about herself. She felt like a fool for cutting herself. So, she attempted to discipline herself to stop cutting. She hadn't eaten lunch in ages, and no one seemed to notice.
"You haven't had lunch in three weeks, Sango. There's a reason." Inuyasha retorted. Okay, maybe one person noticed her lack of appetite. Sango bit her lip and searched for an excuse. She couldn't tell him the real reason, since it would only worry him. That was the last thing that she wanted.
"It's a new diet that I'm trying. It's supposed to be good for your body to have two slightly larger meals a day. It also helps you lose weight." Sango lied skillfully. Inuyasha snorted, making her wonder if he really believed her or not.
"Girls and their dieting. Can I tell you something?" Inuyasha asked. Sango nodded her head, feeling relieved that he didn't discover the truth behind her actions. "I'm being perfectly honest with you... I think that your body looks perfectly fine."
Sango's face turned a dark shade of red as she looked at the ground. That wasn't what she was expecting him to tell her. As much as it made her blush, she appreciated the compliment quite a lot.
"Thanks." She managed to say.
"You're welcome... Hey, Sango, you know that if there's ever something wrong, that you can talk to me, right?" Inuyasha asked her. Sango looked at him and pasted a large smile on her face.
"I know that. Thanks again." She said. In her mind, she was laughing. If only he knew of the problems she had. They were far beyond what he could imagine. She had a lot of pain that had carried on from her mother's death. He didn't even know that. No one did.
"Hey, I have to go to study hall so I can leave early. I'll see you tomorrow, okay Inuyasha?" Sango asked. Inuyasha nodded his head then she ran off to her class. Tears began to gather in her eyes as she thought about his words.
'You know that if there's ever something wrong, that you can talk to me, right?' His voice echoed in her mind.
That wasn't true. She couldn't talk to him, no matter how much she wanted to. He was one of those who didn't understand her type of pain. He didn't realize how much it hurt. No one did, which only increased the pain.
I feel like I am all alone
All by myself I need to get around this
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands
Study hall was boring. Sango fell asleep, but no one noticed. Hardly anyone supervised them after they signed in. Afterwards, Sango drove home. There was about ten minutes left of school when she reached home.
"Anyone home?" Sango called out. No one answered, so she went to her room. She pulled a knife from her bottom drawer, under all her spare scarves, and rolled up her sleeve. She didn't want to do this. It hurt her heart more than it hurt her skin.
Sango placed the knife against her skin and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and dragged the knife across her upper arm. She opened her eyes and watched the blood come out. It came out faster than it usually did, and it worried Sango.
"Shit!" She suddenly screamed to herself. She pulled out a bandage and began running water over her cut. After a while, she dried it with a black towel and bandaged her arm up.
"I don't know why I cut that deep. I never cut that deep." She thought. She took a deep breath then went back out to her car. She would have to see her friends after school. Sometimes they would hang out together, sometimes they wouldn't. She didn't want to be gone if they decided to hang out.
Sango drove fast. Too fast. Dangerously fast. She parked in the same spot she was in before she left and walked up to the school just as the bell was ringing. Inuyasha and Kagome burst out first, talking up a storm.
"Hey, Sango!" Kagome called. Sango walked up to her ditzy friend and smiled warmly. She glanced at Inuyasha to offer the same smile. That smile faded when Inuyasha's nose twitched. She had cut deep, and he had demon smelling. He'd notice, and she feared that he's say something.
"What's up?" She asked. She refocused her mind on Kagome, trying to act as if nothing were wrong.
"Miroku wanted to talk to you. He's waiting in the cafeteria. While you two make out-- I mean talk-- I will be taking Inuyasha to eat. He says that he's still hungry after the ramen you bought him." Kagome said. Sango turned at him and smiled.
"Well, Inuyasha translates food into friendships. I hadn't bought him food in a while and I needed to get him something to remain friends." She joked. Kagome nodded then began walking off to her car.
"What happened?" Inuyasha asked as he watched Kagome leave. Sango faced him fully, forcing a mask of confusion onto her worried face.
"What do you mean?" She asked. She sounded confused, but she wasn't. Inuyasha knew that, too.
"Don't fuck around with me, Sango. You smell like blood. When I smelt it, you started getting nervous. What the fuck is going on?" He asked. If Sango didn't know him well enough, she would translate his tone into anger. But, she knew he was worried. He didn't know how to deal with worry. So, he made it sound like anger.
All the pain I thought I knew
All my thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth, inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away
Sango shifted on her feet then looked at her watch. She'd have to see Miroku soon, or else he'd think that she was ditching him.
"Inuyasha! Get your ass over here!" Kagome screamed from the parking lot. Inuyasha ground his teeth together then opened his mouth to say something to Sango. It was too late, though. She had already started leaving to see Miroku.
"Thank God that Kagome interrupted when she did." Sango mumbled to herself. She walked in the cafeteria to see Miroku with his head down and his shoulders shaking. That meant that he was crying. Miroku only cried when his girlfriends broke up with him. Sango hated being called to counsel him. It took forever, and he usually got way too touchy-feely.
"Miroku, you wanted to talk to me?" Sango asked. She sat down across from him, and waited. A few seconds later, Miroku's head rose. There were no tears on his face, or trace of them even, but she knew better. Miroku was never able to cry with tears. So, he acted as if he were crying when he needed to. That was what he had done here.
"Sango, it's terrible... She... I... SHE USED ME!" Miroku exclaimed. Sango bit her tongue to keep from saying something rude. Everyone knew that she was using him, but no one bothered to tell Miroku. It would only hurt him more than the real breakup.
"Who? What happened?" Sango asked. She'd have to play innocently until Miroku came out and told her about the breakup. She was pretty sure that it was a breakup, at least.
"Vanessa! I took her to my house and she was all happy. We made out for a while then, she wanted to go shopping. I told her than I could only drive her, that I wouldn't spend the money on her. Girls don't understand that I don't throw money around for them whenever they ask. After being poor so long, I try to use it as little as possible. So, anyway, Vanessa started loving me just for my money. She would ask me to buy her lunch, and to help her get some shoes.
"Then we had sex in the janitor's closet. She got mad at me afterwards, because I wouldn't spend money to buy a nice place for us to do it. Then she started getting mad at me and claiming that I didn't love her, just because I wouldn't throw money at her. Then she said that she broke up with me... She broke up with me for, for, for..." Miroku started choking on his own words.
"For?" Sango tried to prompt him.
"Brock! That idiot of a football player! He's the type who gets pushed around everywhere except for the football field!" Miroku shouted. Sango winced and covered her ears for a moment.
"I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help." Sango said sympathetically. Every time that he had to go through a breakup, she felt bad for him. Every time.
"Thank you for listening, Sango. I know that I go through this a lot, but you're always willing to listen to me. That's what I like about you." Miroku complimented her. Sango nodded her head then stood up. She opened her wallet, checking to see how much money she had after buying Inuyasha lunch.
"Hey, Miroku, I have a proposition for you."
"Sango, you know I don't like it when you use big words." He whined.
"Sorry... I have an offer for you. I'll take you to get a drink, so you'll feel better. All you have to do is promise to go slower with your next girlfriend." Sango said. Miroku nodded his head rapidly and they left.
They drove in silence, and their minds were on two completely different things. Miroku was thinking of how lucky he was to have a friend like Sango. She was always willing to listen to his problems. Even if she didn't have time to listen, she would make a way to listen while she did something else. He admired that in her. She was a true friend in his eyes.
Sango's mind was on her pain. After counseling a friend, she always felt worse. She always had pain. It was like she was adopting the pain as her own. That was the only reason she despised counseling her friends. She would take their pain into her heart, and it would make her cut herself once again. It seemed that most of her pain was just from her friends telling her everything.
Even though it brought that kind of pain that caused her to cut, Sango wouldn't stop. She had to be there for her friend if they EVER needed her. Breaking up with a slimy girlfriend fit the job description and left the same bitter aftertaste.
This was just a complication of what it meant to be a true friend.
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Next time on About to Break...
Maybe things don't go wrong all the time. Things are getting worse and worse, leaving Sango struggling to even breathe. She has to deal with taking care of her brother, while her father goes off to speak to a troublesome client; a client who threatens to kill him.
Chapter Name: Just Breathe
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Was that okay? I had a hard time trying to make everything fit in just the right way...
I have decided that I will update every Friday after school. But if I get plenty of reviews, then I shall update faster... This chapter is being posted late, so sorry guys.
- Bipolar Tangerine
