(Thank you so much for the reviews. I'd just like to let you know, that the next chapter, or the one after will be the last chapters hence, why Chapter Twelve is so long. Hope you enjoy!


Chapter Twelve

Ryan stood in front of the door, labeled 6787 in embossed, heavy print. It hung loosely over the mailbox, which seemed to be curiously empty- almost rusty, and hungering for some mail. Ryan's finger lingered over the doorbell, as though contemplating whether or not he should back out. He had left Seth in a café, and told him that he would be back soon. With a deep swallow, he pressed the doorbell, hearing the inner echo of a familiar tune. His heart was beating harshly as he heard approaching footprints from inside, and within a moment, the door swung open.

It was Marissa.

They simply gaped at each other.

Ryan stared at her puffy face, swollen with tears. Her eyes were still moist- her body looked frail. She was wearing a thick, loose-fitting sweater and her baggy pajama bottoms. The only make-up she had on was that which was smeared underneath her eyes, carried away by the multitude of her tears. Her hair was tangled, and tied up in a very messy ponytail. Even in this state, Ryan was absolutely awed by her tremendous beauty.

Marissa seemed to stare right back at him. Her eyes were almost frightened, as she looked at the speechless Ryan, that stood only feet away from her. The wind was running coarsely through his hair, as he stood there awkwardly, concentrating on her. He didn't have that same, warm expression on his face, that she had been so truly fond of. Now, it seemed to be burdened and pained.

She wiped away the traces of tears, running her hand over her eye. She continued to look at him wordlessly, trying to convince herself that he was actually there. She could barely control her actions, when she took a few urgent steps, and hung herself on his neck, embracing him in a deep, almost desperate kiss. It came to a shock to Ryan, but he eased into the kiss, placing his chilled hands against her waist, pulling her as close as he could manage.

He never wanted to loose her again. He never wanted to be apart of her infinitely loving hold. He wanted her for always, and all for himself.

Neither broke the kiss, in spite of how many words they wanted to tell each other. It seemed as though their emotions were spilling with every second of their kiss. It was as though Ryan felt exactly how she felt, and for once, they were like one. They were like one body, one soul- one unbreakable soul.

And finally, they both broke away, they're lungs bleeding for air. They're breaths were short, and hollow, as they continued to stare into each other's eyes. Ryan could see tears gathering in her eyes, and he pulled her close again, this time in a profound hug. He didn't want to let go, even if he was shivering as the wind pounded against him. He would rather freeze to death, than have to leave her again.

He inhaled the unique scent of her golden hair, closing his eyes as he continued to hug her lanky self. Marissa nestled her head onto his chest, her arms around his neck firmly. She sniffled lightly, but she knew it was going to be okay, at least for a while. She pulled away from the hug, and she spoke the first words of their encounter courageously, "Come in, Ryan," she said, her voice gentle. It seemed to almost crack, as she spoke in her tired voice, for the many sobs it had probably endured.

Ryan followed her inside, looking around the cozy townhouse. It already had the familiar tinge of the Coopers, wandering in and about the walls. Marissa led him into the kitchen, as she pointed to the table. She started to occupy herself around the cupboards, but Ryan stopped her, "Marissa," he said, meeting his eyes with hers, almost locking into their infinite splendor, "I came here to see you, talk to you, be with you. I'm not going to convince you to come back, or tell you that I'm going to move here with you- because honestly, it's as hard for me as it is for you. But knowing that you're a thousand miles away, kills me, and I just had to see you, so for the love of God, sit with me, talk with me Marissa…" he said, in an almost whisper, gazing at her. She succumbed to his gentle voice, as she sat down across from him, once again quieted.

She shook her head lightly to herself, feeling a tear trace against her cheek, "These past few days have been so hard," she whimpered. Ryan reached for her hand, enveloping it with his own palm. He nodded lightly, familiar with the exact searing pain deep in his heart. The touch of his palm felt so soothing to her. It had an almost magical feel to them, because as she concentrated on his smooth skin, her saddened tears ceased to flow, "I wish I hadn't moved, Ryan. I wish I could still be in Newport, with you guys because I just already know that life here is going to be just so-"

Ryan stopped her before she could continue. He knew that what was done, was done. She wouldn't move back to Newport. Nothing could be done about it, "Stop wishing like that," he said softly, breaking her train of thought, "You know that you can't do anything about it anymore. This is your home now," he said, barely believing the words that were fluttering out of his mouth. As much as he wanted her back, he was scared to death of raising their hopes, only to pluck them from sight again.

"This is never going to be my home," she retorted. The place seemed so alien to her. Every corner, or even tile that hugged the floor- it wasn't hers. She didn't feel like it was hers.

"It will be someday," Ryan tried to reassure her, remotely jabbing at his own wounds as he spoke. He knew that he didn't want it to be true. He felt guilty for wishing that she would be miserable here, so that one day she would come back to Newport. He loved her more than he could express in simple words, and as much as he wanted her happy, he didn't want to loose her. However, she was simply slipping away through the gaps between his fingers, and he was unable to stop it, unable to hold on.

"You know that's not true," she said, with a look of sheer disgust as she looked around the place, "You know you don't want that to be true." Ryan looked up at her, but as she continued, she consoled him, "Don't worry Ryan, I'm guilty of it too. I want you to be happy- I really do. I'd just much rather that you be happy with me." The words stung him. He wanted the same thing. But as he heard it out loud, he knew that it was impossible. How would they renew that initial spark, miles and miles away? How could they be together, with such obstacles?

"Marissa," Ryan said softly, knowing the words that he was about to say would pain him more than anything, "I really do want you to be happy, though. With me, or without- I need you to be happy." Ryan's voice quivered, as he tried with all his mind to speak honestly. Marissa seemed to smirk.

"Without you?" she asked almost disbelievingly, "Yeah, whatever. I'm sure you'd be absolutely giddy if you saw me with someone else,"

"You know I wouldn't be giddy," he smiled comfortably, "But I just had to say it- even if it's not entirely true," Marissa laughed lightly, as he spoke. The atmosphere around them was starting to unravel. The awkwardness of the first moments, was starting to vanish. They started to feel more laid back, and more in love with every word they spoke.

"I feel so stupid, Ryan," she frowned at him, "I'm sorry about the wrong address, I really am," Ryan laughed, but she continued, "I was feeling really weepy, and depressed, and angry- And I guess I wasn't really in the mood to talk."

"It's alright. I knew it wouldn't be that easy," he laughed, "You were always so complicated," Ryan grinned.

"Was not," Marissa giggled, as she paused momentarily to look at him, "That smile," she said more to herself, studying the exact angle, and essence of his smile. The warmth had returned to his face- she no longer sensed the pain and the sadness, "Ryan, as much as I want you here, we can't keep doing this," she sighed heavily, as she realized the source of his pain, "The more we say goodbye, the harder it'll get," she looked away uneasily, "What am I going to do when you leave? Start to bawl my days away, because I know I lost you- again?" She shrugged her shoulders restlessly, as he turned her gaze back to him. Her expression looked deeply saddened, and grim, "I don't know about you, but I just don't think my heart can take all this. It's so unreal that we have to break up one day, but honestly, I think I'll die if I have to endure more goodbyes with you," she said. Ryan couldn't distinguish the several emotions that were surreptitiously hidden behind her blank face.

Ryan kept silent. He knew she was right. As much as he willed for those goodbye's to be, see you laters he knew it could not be arranged. He forced an understanding nod, "I get it," he muttered softly, his voice lost between the hollow silence, "But can we just do something- something memorable- until that last goodbye?"

"What do you mean by memorable?" she asked softly.

"I don't know- something as simple as a last stroll together?" he asked suggestively.

"I'd like that," She said with a soft smile which with its radiance, completely blew Ryan away. Ryan started to get up out of his chair, extending his arm for her to hold.

"Well then, come on- show me around town," he said, grinning at her, as he placed his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. They walked out the front door, both content, and happy with the way things were going. Marissa placed her head on his shoulder, wandering down the busy streets of New York. People would pass them by, and cuss at their slow, and sauntering walk- they neither heard them, nor cared.

What mattered to Ryan right now, was to hold her as much as his arms would allow, to kiss her as much as his lips desired. He refused to let her go, until his heart was ready.

Ryan could hear Marissa's deep, and relaxed breaths, "Any idea where you're going?" Ryan smiled at her lightly.

"Nope," she grinned, "Keep in mind, I only moved here a few days ago,"

"Mmm, good. 'Cause I can wander with you forever," he said, giving her a soft kiss on the forehead.

She giggled gently, "I think there's a park somewhere around here," she said with a smile, her fingers laced with his, as they walked together- neither seemed to mind the vicious wind around them, nor the distant pitter patter of rain drops, or even the curses of hurried people as they walked by with hasty steps. They seemed to be eternally locked in each other's eyes- nothing else mattered.

"Then the park it is," Ryan said, looking over at Marissa with such fascination, that he simply could not tear his eyes away. At any point in time, he would have to admit to himself the harsh truth- in a few hours, he would have to say good bye to the luscious beauty he called his own. He would have to cherish their last kiss, and indulge in their very last goodbye, which ultimately, was in a minimal matter of time.

"What?" Marissa giggled her hearty giggle, as she noticed that Ryan was studying her face intensely.

Ryan shook his head, as he scratched the back of his head, almost embarrassed that he had been caught staring at her every distinct, beautiful feature, "M'rissa?" She looked over at him curiously, nodding, "Have I ever told you, that I think you're the most beautiful woman of all that exist?" Ryan said, stopping their casual saunter, as he lifted her up into the air. He looked up at her, "Marissa, I love you," he said, almost urgently, ignoring her continuous giggles, and pleads to put her down, "Marissa Cooper, I love you!" he said a little louder, causing onlookers to turn their heads and smile.

Marissa pressed her lips against his, snaking her arms around his neck firmly, "I," she started to say in between her insistent kisses, "Love you too," she managed to whisper, in between their mingling tongues. Ryan smiled into the kiss broadly, satisfied at what he was hearing. Marissa pulled away from the kiss, gasping for air, "I love you more than you'll ever know," Marissa whimpered, as she too realized that their moment of departure was fast arriving. Ryan replaced her on the solid ground, looking down at her empathetically.

He caressed her cheek with the tips of his fingers gently, "It'll be okay," he said quietly, not believing the words he spoke for her comfort. He knew things would not be okay without this bold character that he had fallen for long ago. He stared in her eyes blankly, feeling as though they were a door to her very soul. He seemed to understand the vivid emotions that were tackling her from the inside, rendering absolutely wordless at the time being.

She shook her head ever so gently, "Things won't be okay," she whispered. She felt her eyes start to sting, as she looked up at his careful face, "So don't you lie to me. I bet you don't believe it yourself," Marissa said, slightly louder now. She felt as though her world was crashing down, as though the naivety from her entire life had been blinding her until that moment. And finally, when she had to open her eyes, her surroundings were much too unbearable to overcome.

"So what am I supposed to say?" Ryan said, holding her tighter, and closer to his body, "What am I supposed to tell you?"

Marissa broke the gaze abruptly, unable to continue looking into his burdened eyes. She pulled away from his tight hold against her, as she started to feel subconscious, "God, I don't know. The truth?" She said, folding her arms across her chest violently, "How are we going to do this, Ryan? I think it's clear that we can't live without each other- otherwise you wouldn't be here!" she said, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. Ryan stood there silently, watching the humble tears trail down her face in disorderly zigzags, "Say something!" Marissa sobbed, as the rain's droplets started to fall as smoothly as her tears, beating against the pavement in a persistent clatter. Ryan looked around at the menacing sky, the grayness blanketing the entire busy city of New York, cradling it in a gloomy wonder.

"Come here, Marissa," Ryan whispered, extending his arms, ready to welcome her into an embrace. She lay her head against his chest, crying at the grim apprehension of reality. Ryan combed his fingers through her hair, holding her against him with all the might and care in him, "Let's get to that park, okay?" he felt her nod against him. They started to walk, the rain clouding their presence as it rapped continuously around them. Marissa's hair was already stringy from the wetness enveloping it. She kept close to Ryan's strong hold, making their way to one silent haven in the melancholy New York.

As they crossed the borderline from pavement to grass, they felt their shoes ooze into the moist grass of the park. It seemed deserted, and yet still in its childish connotation, it seemed perfect for their needs. The dragged their feet over to a bench that was situated underneath a willow tree. Except for an occasional droplet that slid from the trees sloppy branches, they were saved from the relentless rain.

Marissa's tears were absolved, as though Ryan's shoulder was her sole sanctuary. She heaved a great sigh, trying to emit all the negativity she had forged inside of her. For just a moment, she wanted to forget about the time to come. She wanted to concentrate on the now- the warmth circulating from Ryan's body, the way she could hear the exact beating of his heart. Unable to resist the temptation of his succulent lips, she pressed her lips against his, into a fiery, passionate kiss. She cradled his face in between her two palms, bringing herself closer to him, "I can't let you go Ryan," she muttered, mingling their emotions through every kiss.

"You don't have to," Ryan whispered, which made Marissa pull away. She held her eyes locked with his, before she kissed him again. She knew she had to prepare herself for the goodbye. It was inevitable to their existence. The rain seemed to beat harder, and faster outside their hidden perimeter, "Come on," Ryan smiled, taking her hand, as he led her over to the swing.

Marissa laughed, "You're kidding me, right? It's raining like crazy, Ryan!" she said, jogging after him nevertheless. She seated herself on the swing, as he had told her to do. Then he started to push her gently, the rain pounding against them angrily. It didn't stop them though. Marissa couldn't help but giggle, as she threw her head back, closing her eyes, so that the rain beat against her face. Ryan smiled, as he continued to push her, reaching new heights every time, "I've never met anyone like you," Marissa said loudly, her voice mellowed by the wind.

"And I've never met anyone like you," Ryan replied huskily, slowing down his pushes gradually, until she stopped altogether. He came up in front of her, looking at her drenched hair, and dripping mascara- he smiled a warm and affectionate smile, saying nothing, his gaze said it all.

Marissa pressed her lips together, "Ryan, I don't think I'll be able to survive a goodbye," she whispered, as Ryan met their palms together lovingly.

"You'll have to," Ryan answered, "And you'll have to move on, and eventually love someone else, and that's how it's going to have to be- as long as you're here, and I'm there…"

"I hate this,"

"You said you wanted the truth," Ryan said, "It doesn't get any truer than that,"

"If only it weren't the truth… God, I wish it wasn't," she said lightly, biting her lip, "I wish I could undo this somehow," she closed her eyes, trying to fight back the tears. If only she had put up a greater fight, and told her mom that Newport was her home. Either way, she understood that what was done was done and she could do little or nothing on the matter.

"Don't, Marissa," Ryan whispered quietly, "The more we think about the if-only, and I-wish the tougher it's going to get. We have to admit to ourselves more than anyone, that we're going to have to move on, and be okay with it." Ryan said firmly, leaving no room for her perception. He was about to add more of his two cents, when Marissa's cell phone started to ring. Marissa fumbled in her bag for it, before picking it up with a brusque hello.

"Hey, darling," Julie said into the phone, "I'm going to pick up Kaitlyn from the airport- do you want to come?"

"No, I'm fine here."

"Speaking of which, where are you honey?" Julie asked coolly.

"At the park," Marissa replied, looking up at Ryan.

"It's raining like mad, M'rissa!"

"I'm with Ryan," she replied to her mother's vigilant voice, and after her mother's understanding mmhm's and aha's Marissa asked her to say hello to Kaitlyn, before she hung up, "My mom's going to pick up my sister," Marissa informed him politely, "By the way, did you come here all alone? To New York?"

Ryan laughed, "Nah- Seth's waiting at some café," he smiled gently.

"All the more reason to get back home- we'll bring Seth before he gets banned from every café in town," Marissa giggled, as she started to get up from the swing, "Ryan, can I ask you something?" After Ryan nodded she continued, "Should I ask why Summer's not here?" she laughed lightly.

Ryan shook his head, "It's a long story, Marissa. Too long for a walk home, on a rainy day," he smiled.

The rain hadn't ceased, but they made their way confidently toward Marissa's house. As they stood in front of it, Ryan pulled her ever so close, embracing her in a deep kiss, "I'll call Seth," Ryan said gently, his face mere inches away from hers.