A Job for Sanosuke

Chapter 1 – Plotting Tae, Hiding Sano

By Shirou Shinjin.

Disclaimer: I have not, do not, and most likely will never own Rurouni Kenshin, or its characters. They belong to various evil corporations, and the wonderful Watsuki-sama. I'm just going to borrow them for a bit, k?


For Tae, it was that time of the month again. No, not that time of the month, you grotty-minded person! What's that? Err, no; I have no idea what you're referring to...

Ahem.

It was that time of the month again—accounts day. The day on which Tae would sit with paper, ink stone and brush, and systematically work out two numbers. The first was a number she liked knowing: the amount of money she had made (or, every once in a while, lost) during the course of the month. The second was a number she hated knowing, but really couldn't help but work out.

It was the amount of money she would have made had Sanosuke paid his tab. For that month. This month, it was easily enough to buy herself a new kimono.

She added this second number to a third which represented the total amount of money that Sano owed her, and was currently enough for a very long holiday in Okinawa, complete with a cruise and some very self-indulgent shopping.

For her, Kaoru and Tsubame.

Yes, Sagara Sanosuke owed her a rather staggering amount of money. And as much as she bemoaned the lost kimonos, holidays, trips to the theatre and rare and highly collectible nishiwaki paintings, she had to appreciate him a little.

Appreciate—how is that possible? Quite simply, Sano had taught Tae to operate a business profitably, even under the looming cloud of Sano's free loading tendencies. She'd taken a somewhat profitable business, and turned it into a lean, mean hot-pot machine that generated more money than it ever had, even after she took Sano into account.

Even so, she couldn't really keep letting him off like this. His boyish grin and fierce determination to his friends would only get him so far. It was bad business to simply let customers off from their bills. She was not a cruel woman, but she felt it was high time she taught Sagara Sanosuke that no one walks out of her restaurant without paying their bill.

The problem, such as it was, was finding a suitable way of going about this. Getting the money itself would be like trying to get Ken-san to hurt Kaoru...

...well, deliberately...

...when there wasn't a madman bent on the subjugation of all of Jap...

...like trying to get Ken-san to admit he loved the little kendo instructor without going into a fit of "Oro!"s, and hastily changing the subject.

That left only one avenue: making him wish he'd never accrued the debt in the first place. Which bought her back to the problem: she wasn't an evil woman, and she couldn't really come up with a way to teach the insufferable man a lesson. She could plot and scheme with the best of them, but only when she had others' best interests at heart.

"Tae-san, I've finished cleaning up out back. I'll see you on Thursday!" she heard Yahiko shout from outside her office.

"Ok, Yahiko-han. Take care on your way home—and say hi to Kaoru-chan for me!"

"Will do!" With that, Yahiko walked down the stairs, out the door, and off for home.

Their ritual shouting match complete, Tae turned back to her thoughts. Really, Yahiko was growing to resemble the ex-fighter for hire more each passing day. He was shooting up like bamboo in the spring, and his hair was getting longer and spikier every month. All he needed was a white outfit and red bandanna.

Oh, and the free loading tendencies.

Come to think of it, Yahiko was like a more responsible, shorter version of Sano with a stick instead of the perpetually bandaged hands. In some ways, he was also far more mature.

Sure, he still called Kaoru-chan "busu" (something she disapproved of immensely, but tolerated since she knew he didn't mean it), and acted like a spoilt brat at times, but it was mostly just a front. She fondly remembered when he had been introduced to the Akabeko's uniform for the first time. He had very nearly thrown in the towel then and there when he'd laid eyes on the off-pink uniform, but the desire not only to earn money for something he greatly desired, not to mention the bragging rights won out.

And once Tsubame had started, the deal had been well and truly sealed.

Still, the look of relief in his eyes when he learned he wouldn't have to wear the pink "monstrosity" was priceless... as was the look when Tsubame managed to coax him into putting it on just once to see how it looked...

Like the sun rising in the east, the light went on in Tae's head. The perfect way to punish her favourite free loader...

And so, Tae set about making her plans.


Wednesday dawned, promising sun, laughter, customers, and sweet vengeance. Tae could barely hold in her excitement when Sano showed up in the Akabeko shortly before lunch with a smug grin, and an empty wallet.

"Sanosuke-han! What a surprise to see you here. Did Kaoru-chan kick you out of the dojo?" She had a playfully hopeful look on her face to hide the manic grin threatening to reveal itself.

"Jou-chan? Kick me out? Never!"

Tae raised an eyebrow at him questioningly. "So she's cooking today?"

"Yup. Table for one, thanks," Sano conceded, and followed Tae to a booth up the back. Settling himself on the mat, he leaned back and idly chewed on his trademark fishbone. He waved at Tsubame as she passed by—she didn't seem in the least surprised to see him, and greeted him with a small smile. He liked Tsubame... not in a creepy way, but in the "sweetheart of a close buddy" kinda way.

Plus, seeing Yahiko blushing redder than Kenshin's hair and vainly trying to stammer something was hilarious.

It wasn't long before his meal arrived. He never bothered ordering—when you eat for free, you take what you're given, and don't complain. Unless Kaoru happens to be cooking. Then you can complain so long as you have a human shield nearby... in other words, Kenshin.

As hungry as ever, he dove into his noodles and fish with gusto, and was soon leaning back with a reasonably full stomach. As always, he hung around until Tae came to clear the dishes so he could thank her, trade a few playful remarks, and be on his way to annoy the Kitsune.

Right on schedule, Tae arrived to take his plates, and once again the issue of payment reared its ugly head.

"So Sanosuke-han, cash or credit today?" she asked congenially.

Sano chuckled lightly. "I'm a bit strapped for cash at the moment; you know how it is. Just chuck it on my tab," he said, amiably waving his hand.

Tae sighed. "You know, Sano, you really shouldn't keep piling things on your tab. Large tabs tend to attract problems..."

"Not to worry—I'm used to dealing with problems." Sano subtly puffed his chest out and grinned to emphasise his manliness and propensity for dealing with problems.

"If you say so, Sanosuke-han," Tae replied with an innocent smile. At that moment, Tae stopped what she was doing, stood up and turned, apparently to a customer. "Oh, I'm so glad you could make it, Uramura-san!"

'Uramura-san!' Sano thought, the first vestiges of panic creeping in. 'It's probably nothing. Probably just here for lunch...'

"I was beginning to wonder if you weren't going to come."

'"...beginning to wonder..."? She's actually called the chief of police in!'

"If you could just wait in the back there, I'll be with you in a few moments." The policeman bowed slightly, nodded at Sano, and walked into the back of the restaurant. It was obvious, even to Sano, that Uramura was not here for lunch.

"Large tabs tend to attract problems..."

He was here to collect heads.

"If you say so, Sanosuke-han."

Specifically: his.

Sano may have been a bit slow on the uptake on occasion, but he knew when he'd been outmanoeuvred. He had to sweet-talk her, and fast. And if that didn't work, bribe.

And failing that, beg.

Careful to ensure his casual air wasn't outwardly disturbed, he rose from his seat, and walked over to the eternally smiling Tae. "Hey, I was just thinking—"

"Yes, Sanosuke-han?" Tae interrupted. Sano realised with that familiar sinking feeling that she knew exactly what he was up to. As he saw it, he had three options:

Option #1: Ask her out on a date, and hope she'd be too enamoured with his good looks and charming personality that she forgot about the whole 'debt' thing,

Option #2: Tell her he had tickets to whatever theatre might have been in town at the time, and then con Katsu into actually getting him said tickets... legitimately or otherwise, or

Option #3: Cut to the chase and offer to be her pet slave for the day.

Option one was risky because of what the Kitsune might do to him... not that he was involved with her in any way... well, any meaningful—or significant—way... and he certainly wasn't afraid of her... that much. Besides, all things considered, Tae wasn't bad looking...

Option number two was probably the easiest to pull off, but the easiest to go horribly wrong. Scalped tickets had an unfortunate habit of being for the same seat as the one guy in the whole audience who will make a scene over it.

Option three was by far the safest. Tae was a good-natured woman, and would probably have him fix the roof or something. That, and the word "pet slave" made it attractive for the same reasons as option one. 'Bad Sano!'

"—I'm not due to see the Kitsune until the weekend, and Kenshin'll be off shopping with Jou-chan somewhere by now, so do you need any help around the place?" Yes, Sano would be fine. There would be no sacrificing of roosters today...

"Actually, I don't really need any help today—" ...at least until tonight when Tae, Uramura and half the restaurant owners would gather around a pit before casting him in and roasting him alive. "—but if you want to come back tomorrow, I'll have some jobs for you."

Saved! Take it and run, Sano; take it and run like mad. "Sounds good; ja!" With a lazy wave of his hand, he slowly ambled out the door and back to his place to contemplate how easily he'd gotten off the hook.

Even so, as he sat in his room at the Ruffian Row playing dice against himself (and somehow losing), he couldn't shake the sense of foreboding that seemed to be hanging over his head.

"Ah well, probably just my imagination," he mused to himself.


Tsubame was worried. Sanosuke-san had just left, and Tae-san didn't seem to be miffed in the slightest. Usually she would be just that little bit annoyed that he had once again eaten and run, but she was smiling even more than usual.

Tsubame knew Tae-san well enough to know that this meant she was up to something, and judging by how she had been smiling at Sanosuke-san, it involved him.

Tsubame was very worried for him.

As she pondered this, she heard voices coming from the back of the restaurant.

"Thank you for coming down, Uramura-san."

"Not at all, Sekihara-san. My wife sends her regards."

"Of course. I'm sorry to hear that she isn't feeling well recently."

"No, the doctor said it's nothing more than a bad flu, but she's confined to bed until she recovers."

"Doctor's orders?"

"No, mine. She deserves a good rest."

"Well, please take her this—I know how much she loves these bentou, and give her my best wishes."

"Of course." With that, Tsubame heard the police chief get up, and leave the room, smiling at her as he left. He really was a nice man—to take such good care of his sick wife, and come all the way down to the Akabeko just to keep her friends informed. Maybe someday she'd find someone like that...

With thoughts of marriage, children, and loving husbands floating around her head, Tsubame dove back into her work.


The chief couldn't have come at a better time. Tae had planned on subtly hinting that she was going to start collecting in on Sano's debts, but when the chief showed up she'd pounced on the opportunity.

She, of course, knew about Uramura's wife, and had asked the chief to come down so she could send his wife her best wishes. Thankfully, she had managed to shoo him out the back before he could break the illusion. And when Sano tried to casually sweet-talk her, she knew she had him right where she wanted him.

That would force her plans ahead slightly, but that was alright. She would just need to get someone to help her with the alterations necessary... but at such short notice, there was only one person she could think of.

As she walked back through the restaurant towards a waiting group of customers, she pulled Tsubame aside. "Tsubame-chan, could you go to the market and find Kaoru-chan and Ken-san? I thought it might be nice to catch up with them."

"Hai." Tsubame nodded, and went off in search of their friends.

'Soon,' Tae gloated to herself, 'soon you'll be wishing you'd never walked out on your bill...'


Author's Rambling

I am well aware that I said Tae was not an evil woman. But every time I go over that last line, I get a distinct Mr. Burns image in my mind.

"Tsubame; release the hounds!"

Also, to borrow a phrase from Author-chan: can anyone say foreshadowing with a sledgehammer? Sano is going to be one miserable rooster by the end of tomorrow (tomorrow in story time, that is).

One thing I am worried about is characterisation. This is the first time I've written a story where the characters are actually supposed to be acting normally. As a result, I'm concerned that I'll stuff up somewhere along the line. I'm not 100 percent happy with Sano, but I'm not entirely sure why. Hopefully, I'll get a better sense for his character as I go along.

Which reminds me—I personally don't consider any of these posted chapters set in stone until I officially declare the story complete. So if you do happen to notice any mistakes, or parts that don't make sense or read quite right, let me know so I can correct them.

In the same vein, my muse feeds almost exclusively on reviews and mints, but much like vegetables are for humans, it needs a good dose of constructive criticism to have a balanced diet. Gushing "Oh wow, this is soooo funny!" reviews are always appreciated, I'd be even happier with suggestions on how to improve.

Finally, a question. I'm interested to know how many people out there read (or would like to read) their stories off-line either with PDFs for printing/on-screen display or "simple" HTML for display on small-screen devices (such as PDAs). If there's enough interest, I'm considering making alternate versions of my stories available on request (unless someone wants to host them somewhere).

Well, I suppose I should get back to working on Chapters 2 and 3.

Ja, ne

–賜狼審神

10th September, 2005

The title for this chapter is a bad parody of 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' which I have heard great things about, but never actually seen .

Special Thanks

To Author-chan and SiriusFan13 for proof-reading this chapter.