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Chapter Fourteen.
By the time December had rolled around, it appeared that they were to prepare for a cold Winter, set with white snow and frigid temperatures. Allie did loathe to leave her bed in the morning and often thought of calling in to say she would much rather stay at home that day, as she had won the bet and was allowed to take off any day that she wanted; but she never really did have the courage to do so, chickening out at last minute because she knew how much hazing she would receive from him if she did.
The walk in the mornings woke her up, despite how much she despised it for doing so. She would have much rather have preferred to be wrapped in her thick duvet, clutching a soft pillow than having to push her legs by walking to work, not wanting to get caught in the morning traffic that clogged up the streets; though, part of Allie envied the drivers in their warm cars with their air conditioning and not having to put up with the smell of fumes that plagued the city. Her one respite in the morning was dodging into her old work place, smiling almost sheepishly and having a chat with Francis about her work, about his work, about their lives and how they were no longer interconncected at they used to be.
Francis never did ask her who she worked for, or what her job was and Allie was not deigned to tell him, almost feeling as if it wasn't her place to tell, nor did he ever ask who the black coffee was for, despite how his eyes narrowed upon the order given as he knew how much Allie loathed the drink and any variation of it. At least the drink kept her hands from freezing up, tips pink from the frost nipping at the skin but doing little against the hot beverages clutched in her hands and they were a comforting burn, easing the frigid bite of winter as it sunk into her bones; the sharp morning air stung her throat and her nose, digging into the sensitive flesh but managing to keep Allie awake, lest she might end up falling into a gutter half asleep.
She didn't need that almost happening again.
Her clothes had changed from the pencil skirts and blouses she had first worn in her beginning weeks working for her new boss to something more comfortable, something more her; her jeans were warm and fashionable as well as classy enough for her workplace and the jumpers were her trusted companions as some days she might not know whether she would enter the Compound and her small little work place to discover it wasn't as warm as she would like.
Even as Allie was adding more layers of clothing, it seemed that the cold was only bothering her. She just didn't understand people who could walk around with so few articles of clothing while she remained with her scarf wrapped up to her nose, covering more than half of her face. Part of her dreaded the cold, put Allie hated the warmth that she was so unused to in the Summers even more, so she couldn't complain.
Allie seemed to have little to complain about these days.
It wasn't that she was looking for an excuse to complain, be it the weather or her work load or how early in the morning she had to get up, but that she didn't really have anything going particularly wrong in her life for her to be upset with; even before, with a minimum wage, nine to five job and more nights in than out, Allie knew she had it better than some but didn't feel exactly grateful for the life she had.
It felt that no matter what, she was always on the end of a rope, being pulled away from any chance of being truly independent, of being truly free; yet now, Allie felt more her than she had in months, even years. She had a well paying job, she could even buy nice things for herself without worrying about the money (not the lack thereof, but more of the actual thing itself as she disliked the idea of having money that wasn't her own) and she was sleeping better, too; maybe it was pure exhaustion from working all day, or maybe it was not feeling as bogged down by life as she used to, call it what you will, but Allie couldn't remember the last time she had slept so well.
And Allie even liked her job, too, however much she hissed at it in the beginning; she hadn't disliked working for Frances for so many years but she didn't exactly have the time of her life working there either, being so restricted in what she did and what she could do to the point it felt as if every time she walked past those glass doors that she was suffocating on the smell of coffee grinds, bleach floors and disinfected table tops. Customer service really wasn't for people who loathed to provide day long services to ungrateful people who think yelling at a barista will speed up the rate of which they'll get their drink.
Now, maybe there was a small part of her that looked forward to getting out of bed and heading to work – a small part, a very tiny, teeny and almost nonexistant part that was barely even there and was easily squashed when Allie remembered the time she would have to spend walking to work.
They always said that if you pick a job you like, you'll never work a day in your life.
It wasn't as if Allie absolutely loved it or enjoyed doing her work, but she didn't hate it half as much as she had once; there weren't any pesky customers to look after, no disgusting restrooms to clean up after a long day of working and always thinking about money and tips and her cheeks burning from the smile that was plastered on her face for hours on end. Her back and feet didn't hurt as much any more and she never ended up with the stench of coffee lingering in her hair or having her hands feeling sticky throughout the day.
Allie supposed her enjoyment was mainly down to, but solely limited to, her new boss; she'd never tell him but Tony did make it that bit more bearable.
Tony.
It was Tony, now.
Never to his face, of course not – she had some sense of decorum and it would have felt like calling her old school principal by his first name; to him, it was always Mr. Stark – more often than not, it was down out of frustration if he was being particularly hard to deal with or if she needed to needle co-operation out of him. He had said once that it made him sound old, and that Mr. Stark was his father and Allie ignored the poison that wore at the edges of his voice and shrugged his words away; he was, in the end, her boss as well as the person who signed her cheques so she would at least try to remain some air of respect towards him. The last thing Allie wanted was to end up losing the best job she had ever had.
Still, in her head, she called Tony by his name, sometimes almost shyly because it felt strange to do so even despite his insistence that she most definitely should call him that; Allie thought, given the chance, she could have gone on and on about how Tony was such a different person to the one she thought she knew from reading trashy articles online, or how he really was a good person once you got pass all the flashy exterior and light shows, and through the suit of armour that he kept. Allie wouldn't call herself a fan per say (the thought of wearing Iron Man shirts and pyjamas made her cringe inwardly), but the admiration was there.
Definitely admiration.
Allie could definitely say she admired the hell out of Tony Stark and not feel ashamed.
She could, but she wouldn't – Tony would never let her live it down. (Saying his name, even if only in her mind, made Allie somewhat giddy.)
It was early in the morning when Allie awoke on one of her much anticipated days off, her body too in tune to waking before double digits hit the clock but she didn't mind all that much; going to be earlier had made it that bit more bearable and she got more than her share of 8 hours of sleep. It was warm beneath the blankets, cosy in fact and it made Allie never want to leave her room or her bed, what with her body being twisted in the most comfortable position it could find and being safely snug beneath the blankets.
And Allie might have spent her day off like that – laying in bed, scrolling through her social media and Netflix in a bid to try and find something or anything to watch, lounging in her pyjamas and taking her time to do things rather than rushing through them to keep up with the rigid schedule she had placed for herself. Yes, she might have, had it not been for the sudden twinge in her bladder that pulled all those thoughts from her mind.
Allie gave a grumble and tried to turn to her other side, pulling the blankets and the pillow she was clutching with her; the twinge relented and Allie snuggled down into her bed, nothing bothering to go back to sleep due to feeling well rested even if it seemed like the sun had not risen yet to drip into her window.
Asking for the day off had not been hard, since it was one of their conditions from Allie winning a bet – though, Allie was somewhat surprised that Tony (by this point, Allie was sure she was just trying to say his name as much as she possibly could) actually kept his word since he complained ever so much about her leaving him for the day and that he had nothing for doing and who else was going to keep him company? In a half executed attempt to comfort him, Allie gave him a small pat on the shoulder and told him that, in the words of a once wise man, he should 'suck it up.'
She had also suggested he could do some of her work for her and if he ever wanted to look at some things, but the words had instantly rushed over Tony's head and he quickly shooed her away and told her to come in extra early the day after. Allie felt herself curl up even more on her side, the pillow she was holding bent between her legs and her stomach her nose buried itself into the soft material of her bedding; he had kicked up quick a fuss about her day off but he didn't make her feel overly guilty, mostly just putting the whining on for show – it had amused Allie, not that she would let it show. She didn't need to have him know his puppy eyes tactic almost worked on her.
It had been cute and heart strangling to see, however.
Another twinge of her bladder tore Allie from her thoughts and she gave a hiss, kicking the blankets off away from her, letting them catch around her legs before shaking them loose. Instantly, the cold attacked her body and Allie gave a strangled gasp, scrambling to take the blankets in hand once more. Her socks were in a mess beside her bed and she reached out, slipping them on so her poor feet wouldn't have to suffer like the rest of her; it was definitely the season for wearing a dressing gown and Allie found enough strength to pull herself from her warm cocoon to walk to her wardrobe, rifling through the clothes to take a hold of her rather old but very trusty, pink spotted, cream dressing gown, slipping it on and feeling some relief from the nipping cold.
Someone would have to answer for this.
She didn't know who, but definitely someone.
Shambling her way out, Allie repressed a shudder as she made her way to the kitchen, not surprised to see Lisa already sitting there, phone in hand and thumb scrolling through her newsfeed as her sharp green eyes lined with black eyeliner glanced up to land on Allie; a small amused smile graced Lisa's lips at Allie's appearance but didn't seem too bothered by the cold herself, despite being dressed for work in a pencil skirt and a blouse. The woman seemed able to weather the extremely hot and the extremely cold, whereas Allie melted in any form of heat and froze in anything below room temperature.
"Oh my God, why is it so cold?" Allie complained, teeth almost chattering from the biting chill as she slipped into the only other chair opposite Lisa, toes curling in as she kept her dressing gown tight around her neck, strands of her loose bun that had been tied up the night before escaping and tickling her cheeks and the back of her neck.
Lisa locked her phone, placing it screen down onto the table and clicked her tongue behind her mauve painted lips, slimping in her chair with her legs outstretched before her, feet bare with a pair of sheer stockings being all that covered her legs from the knee down. "The heating broke. It'll probably be fixed tomorrow morning."
Allie quirked an eyebrow at her friend. "Probably?"
Lisa gave a sad and sympathetic smile towards Allie, the sight of it not at all reassuring. "Meaning not likely and it'll be Friday before we'll be able to feel our toes."
An unsatisfied grunt left Allie, her eyes rolling on their own accord as she matched Lisa's slump, a rush of air leaving her lips in the form of a raspberry which ended up catching on a loose wisp of hair and pushing it away from her eyes. "That's just great."
Lisa gave a small hum and her hand found itself resting on the table top, occupying the space beside her phone as her fingers began to drum, her nails tapping against the wood as if she was fighting the urge to pick up the small device that rested beside her and scroll through it again. Allie shoved her hands into the pockets of her dressing gown and peered at Lisa for a moment, as if she didn't know what to say but knew something needed to be said.
As much as Allie didn't want to admit it, it felt awkward around Lisa.
The time they were spending apart from each was slowly creeping in and affecting the both of them, even if neither noticed it at first; it was like placing a frog into a pot of water and slowly heating it up – it doesn't notice until it's too late.
Allie had been spending more time at the Compound and with Tony than she had been at home or with Lisa and she partly felt bad, yet knew that her job was a necessity and it wasn't going to be for that long so what harm was it going to do if she put the effort in now? Lisa had her own life too – her work, her new 'not really a boyfriend' boyfriend that she would frequently see in and out of work. Allie had even begun to notice their conversations were being reduced to 'Is there any toilet paper?' and 'Did you get any milk?'
Lisa silence prolonged the awkward feeling that was simmering around Allie – maybe, just maybe, she was the one making it awkward, not Lisa, and it was because she thought everything was awkward when it was not and that was just making it awkward in and of itself?
Allie gave her head a brisk shake and took her hands from the pockets of her dressing gown and let them fall on the top of the table palm down, moving to stand with the lip of the chair hitting the back of her knees with the legs screeching somewhat against the floor. The movement brought Lisa's eyes back to Allie and the latter gave a grin, bringing her hands together yet again to rub them together, palm to palm in an attempt to create some sort of friction to ease the cold teeth gnawing at her skin. "Can I interest you in a cup of fresh hot chocolate?"
It was such a sudden question that Lisa blinked before her face settled again, a quirk lifting at the side of her mouth. "Are you going to make it with milk or water?"
"Why is that even a question?" Allie scoffed, moving away from the table and towards the inner workings of the kitchen, back now to Lisa as she opened the nearest cupbard to pull free two mugs from it, placing them down in front of her. Allie stopped and gave a look over her shoulder to Lisa, a soft smile. "Milk, obviously"
"Then, yes please, I need some feeling in my fingers.," Lisa requested, interlinking her fingers together and stretching them out in front of her, a few popping as she did so, making Allie's face scrunch up as she bit her tongue, holding it between her teeth so as to not remark on her disgust at Lisa's actions.
Neither spoke as Allie made the hot chocolate, taking the lazy yet quick route of pouring the milk out and shoving it into the microwave, grabbing two spoons as well as the container that held the hot chocolate powder; behind her, Allie could hear Lisa's fingernails tapping once more on the wooden top of the table, a steady rhythm with no beat to it as she waited for her drink. Allie wished for a radio, for anything to fill the silence as her eyes watched the microwave, the two cups spinning and twirling within with the timer counting ever downwards to zero. Her own phone was back in her bedroom and she hadn't checked if it was fully charged or not, hadn't bothered to see when she had tumbled out of bed that morning.
Chewing her bottom lip, Allie reached forward and opened the microwave before it hit zero, a habit she had never managed to shake loose from her youth, and she was careful not to burn herself when taking the two cups in hand, the handles warm but not searing her flesh; she quickly spooned the powder in, mixing and stirring it to each of the girls' likings before taking them in both hands once more and placing them down beside the owner of each respective drink. Lisa muttered a soft thank you and quickly clutched the hot beverage, leaning in close to breathe it in and to cool it down briefly before bringing it to her lips, slurping on it.
Allie took a deep breathe of the aroma that filled the air and sipped on her own drink, grateful for the warmth as Lisa placed hers back down, a faint and faraway smile on her lips.
"Hot chocolate and not tea, huh?" she asked Allie, eyes glued to the murky brown liquid, finger running along the rim of the cup, steam rising up quickly from it.
Allie gave a sharp and amused exhale, the drink tasting sweet on her tongue. "I'm allowed to switch it up a bit."
A hum left Lisa as she continued to eye her drink. "You didn't happen to bake any sweet things along with that hot chocolate, did you?"
Allie gave out a small, short laugh in response, taking another sip from her sweet drink; the question wasn't entirely out of the blue since Lisa seemed to love Allie's baking, being one of many who did. It hadn't been a hard hobby to pick up – she spent most of her life making her own meals and cooking her own food, so baking was no different. But chocolate cakes and oatmeal cookeis weren't as much of a necessity to survive as the rest of her diet, not to mention the amount of money Allie would have to spend on ingredients was higher than she would have liked. So her hobby only lasted for a hot second (roughly around a few months around the age of 20) and then her interest and passion for it stooped; baking was a mere fleeting interest now and she rarely ever did it, save for certain occasions and if she needed to get back on Lisa's good side again. Allie's mouth pulled into a smile as she shook her head, reaching up to push a wisp caught in her eyelashes away with a hand that was still burning from the cup she had been holging. "You know I only bake for very special and certain occassions."
"The last time you made something was for my 21st birthday," Lisa all but pouted at Allie, her words being rather true.
Allie had many distractions growing up and baking hadn't been the first; she had taken up sewing, drawing, even dabbled in writing before discovering she had no pension for it, could play a bit of guitar and even the ukelele, and her computer skills were the first in a long líne of her 'hobbies'. It wouldn't hurt to make something small, even if the thought of going out to buy ingredients when she barely had time was a pain in the ass. But it was her day off, so maybe she could try and make a list at least, or shuffle her way from her bed to a store. "Well, I'll think about it."
Lisa tossed Allie a small smile, one that Allie might have assumed to be gratefulness, as the silence lulled once more between the two, not as stiff and bone breaking as it had been before. Allie had no idea what to say, or what to ask her friend; asking how work was seemed to mundane and cliché, and part of her wanted to probe about the secret boyfriend Lisa was hiding but Allie knew Lisa was keeping her lips sealed until she was ready to talk about him. The fact that Allie didn't really now much about Lisa's daily life lately made guilt swell up like a balloon in her, up to the bursting point as it constricted her lungs. She chewed her bottom lip, tasting and testing the words she might have said on her tongue; the last thing Allie wanted to do was go into a conversation about herself and talking about her own life if Lisa didn't decide to do the same. Life out of customer service meant that there weren't new people to meet everyday or new stories to talk about – now, it was only her and Tony.
Just... Allie and Tony.
To hide the curve on her lips, Allie brought her cup to her lips again, the rim slotting in perfectly as Lisa shifted in her seat, moving to cross her legs beneath the table as a small cough left her, grabbing Allie's attention. "So... I told you me and that guy from work are dating, right?"
That did catch Allie by surprise as she placed her cup down on the table top again, a small clink echoing throughout the room that was only filled with the muffled sirens and cars and voices that leaked in through cracks in their apartment. Some sort of relief flooded through Allie, as if glad that Lisa still trusted her to a degree to open up to her about her love life. Allie would have done the same in return had she a love life of her own to talk about. "You mean your boyfriend? Is there any chance I'm going to learn his name?"
It was a tease that pulled at Lisa's smile and her mouth shifted into something familiar, eyes far away but soft at a memory, at a person as her voice dropped low and sweet that might have been melted from the hot chocolate she had been drinking seconds prior. It was a look of love – early love, the honeymoon phase that Allie had often see with Lisa and it delighted Allie to see her friend so happy and content, glad that at least Lisa had found someone."It's Stewart."
"Stewart?" Allie repeated, quirking her eyebrow at the name. Lisa had never dated a Stewart before; a few Dylan's and maybe two Chris', but never a Stewart. If he was working where Lisa was, that meant he was already leagues better than the guys that had come before him and he already had Allie's respect – even if she might have to threaten him should he break Lisa's heart; though, Allie doubted that since Lisa was more the heartbreaker, rather than the heartbreakee.
"What?" Lisa asked, catching onto the question with a sharp and protective eye that made Allie want to grin even more.
Allie shook her head, attempting to feign innocence as her poor attempt at concealing her grin failed. "Nothing, it's a nice name."
Lisa hummed as if in agreement and the sharpness dropped, replaced by an seemingly coyish look, her cheeks appearing pinker beneath the makeup she was already wearing.
"We haven't really told anyone at work yet," she explained in a hushed tone, as if her boss was actually in the room or if they were at risk at being over head. Allie could understand Lisa's decision, not wanting to tell for fear of being jinxed – or worse, at one of them (if not both) being fired. A sigh bled past Lisa's lips, face slumping in disappointment but picking up once more again to try and not appear too pessimistic, or to let the thought of both being in trouble to overwhelm her. "You know, what with it being our workplace, and not wanting to make it weird but... I like him. I really like him and he treats me really great."
Allie's heart might have burst from how adorable Lisa was at that moment, seeming shy at admitting her feelings for the man and Allie resisted the urge to coo over her friend, the happiness she felt for Lisa overwhelming. It had been more than a year since Lisa had been dating anyone and even that relationship barely managed to limp past the month mark; he hadn't exactly been a good guy and Allie had wanted to smack him over the head and nearly did so had Lisa not gotten there before her. The relationship came to end when Lisa discovered she hadn't been the only one he had been seeing and she wasn't terribly sorry to see him go, but Allie knew it hurt her to a degree that she was put off dating men for a while.
Seeing her friend's happiness eased whatever worry of abandonment Allie had been feeling, glad that Lisa's life could continue on without Allie; it wasn't exactly a healthy thought to have, and Allie knew she could never voice it to her friend, but it was as if a long standing fear had been laid to rest, that Lisa could go on with her life without having to be tied down by Allie. Allie was many things, but a burden she did not want to be, not ever and especially not to Lisa.
Yet, despite that happiness she felt, a hidden and underlying green monster was lurking in the depths of Allie's minds, voice hissing and echoing in her skull, catching on the pockets and sending them to her ears; she didn't like to think of herself as being a jealous person, or someone who envied others since she knew she was more than happy with what she already had in life but...
But...
No, no – she wouldn't go down that path, that dark thought paved path that she had been tempted to stroll down many times before. She was happy for Lisa, for Stewart, and she wasn't going to let anything destroy that. Allie was happy with what she had in life, she would not become greedy and seek to have more than she allowed. Bitterness did not taste like the sweet, hot chocolate Allie was drinking and she attempted to wash it down, get rid of it before it stained her words; the drink burned her throat but it was a different one, a nicer burn to what it had been before. Green wasn't Allie's colour, anyway.
"That's great, Leese. I really am happy for you, and you deserve some happiness," Allie said, the words nearly choked from how her hot drink had been washed down so quickly and carelessly without thought before clearing her throat and giving a quick grin. Outside, a car was blaring its horns again and again and there were footsteps thumping around upstairs. "I can't wait to meet him."
Lisa didn't respond to Allie, her cheek dipped in as if she had begun chewing on the flesh in an unusual habit of hers, spinning her ceramic mug carefully between the pads of her fingers, the steam not as strong as it had been before. Beneath the table, Allie's leg began to jump, bouncing up and down in an attemp to ease off the all too early sugar rush that was coursing through her that was mingling with the nervousness that was buzzing in her veins. Silence continued and the conversation lulled, an end that hung off awkwardly and left room for an unknown tension to rise as Lisa's lovelorn face dripped away, morphing into one of a small frown and perfectly shaped eyebrows knitted together. From here, Allie could smell Lisa's perfume and it was completely different to the one she always wore, the Madonna one that Allie for her every Christmas because it was her favourite.
Or had been.
Maybe it really wasn't, and Lisa just accepted it out of politeness.
Allie smacked that thought from her head, trying to brush over the footprints it left in its dust as her leg continued its jittery bounce, mind wondering to what time it was, or if any time had passed at all. Time normally seemed to fly fast for Allie, what with work and everything, like sand slipping through her fingers, but now there was an abundance of it, overflowing and spilling from her hands.
Finally, Lisa sat up straight but kept her eyes down all the same, hand tightening on her cup, fingers turning pale yellow. "Are you sure you'll have the time?"
Her voice was a different gentleness now, not of the same one as before and that guilt rose up again but Allie squashed it down, giving a small and hopefully reassuring smile to her friend. "Of course I'll have the time, I always do for you."
It was true, Allie did have time and lots of it and she would always have time for Lisa; part of Allie understood Lisa's hesitance but Allie had never been for one for skivving out on a friend, especially when it was her only friend. Lisa had been in this line of work among many and surely she understood the workload that came with it and the dedication needed. Sure, he boss hadn't been Tony Stark and she hadn't ended up walking into a job not knowing what to do or how she got there, but Allie wouldn't doubt her friend, knowing Lisa had always done the same for her.
But there was another pause, another hesitance and that sudden reassurance Allie had instilled in herself was becoming weaker, foundations cracking beneath the added weight and pressure of droplets of doubt that were soaking into the base. Beneath the table, her leg picked up its speed and Allie half thought it might burrow through the ground and her leg would get stuck in the down stairs neighbours' ceiling.
Lisa ran her tongue over her bottom lip, leaving it glistening but managing to not disturb the lipstick that lay atop of it. That awkward atmosphere Allie thought she only conjured in her mind didn't feel as fake as it once did. "Are you sure about that?"
The words might have caught Allie off guard if she had not been supject to the niggling fingers of doubt that were already grabbing a hold of her. A frown was finding its way onto her mouth and Allie's leg stopped beneath the table, heel thumping on the ground with a sudden bump and Allie watched as Lisa shifted, emerald eyes glued to the table top that was speckled with years of burn and food stains that were unable to be coaxed out with even the toughest of cleaning products.
A breath entered Allie, sharp and slicing through the previous bittereness that clung to the back of her throat and she swallowed roughly, sifting through the right words to say as she peered beyong the metaphorical horizon that was suddenly seeming dangerous as a fight approached. Her eyes were trained on Lisa, her words echoing in Allie's ears as she wondered if maybe she was digging too deep into what Lisa was trying to say, or not trying to say and would end up just digging her own grave. No, no, her mind was overthinking, overloading and those cracking foundations of trust were ignored. What could they possibly fight about?
Only one way to find out.
"Leese?" Allie called out softly but her hands mimicked Lisa's, clutching her cup too tightly and her bones became stiff, the thought that maybe she would end up cracking her cup and send peces scattering around the place or make them pierce through flesh entered her mind. Lisa's eyes darted to the ground then, trying to ignore Allie's eyes as Allie watched her throat bob. "What's that supposed to mean?"
A pause.
A sigh.
Lisa stood from where she sat, chair hissing along the floor as she shook her head, strands of her black hair bouncing around her as she did so. Her sigh had been heavy, heaved through her entire body as if it had been sitting there for far too long, gathering dust and dirt. Her feet were silent as she went to the sink, tossing the remains of her drink into the sink; she had barely drank any of it and steam rose from the metal basin built into the counter, gurgling as it slipped down the drain as Allie watched Lisa with the latter's back turned to her once more, rinsing her cup out with carelessness before leaving it upturned to dry out.
"No, it's..." Lisa began, back still turned to Allie as she placed either hand on the lip of the counter in front of her, the pause filled with deep thought before she gave another sigh, a soft curse beneath her breath as she shook the water droplets free from her hands and gave another shake of her head, trying to win out against whatever debate she was having with herself in her head. "Listen, it's nothing, ignore me."
Allie most definitely could not ignore Lisa, now of all tímes. Any other time, Allie would have given her that courtesy, let Lisa have her privacy until she was ready but this would not be one of those times because it was about her, about them and the elephant in the room would still be there even if they let it decay.
Allie stood up to meet Lisa, closing the distance between them by walking to her friend's side and placing a hand on her shoulder, hoping to grab Lisa's attentiom but not succeeding completely as her friend only tilted her head slightly to acknowledge Allie's presence but gave no further sign other than that. Worry rose in Allie's heart and she stomped it back down, not wanting it to slip into her voice and make it waver as she leaned in over the counter, trying to meet Lisa's eyes. "No, hey, tell me. Listen, talk to me, okay? We're friends. I don't want you to ever think you can't talk to me."
Lisa's eyes finally met Allie's and her teeth were gnawing onher bottom lip so ferociously that Allie thought she might break the skin and leave her mouth red and bloody. Lisa slipped out from underneath Allie's hand, turning away again and Allie could practically see the fight Lisa was having with herself, wondering if she should keep her mouth shut or trust in her friend. Allie desparetly hoped it was the latter, not wanting anything to come between; nothing ever had before, even when Allie had laid her cards bare to her friend, even when Allie had attempted to cut off their friendship early by nipping it in the bud.
Lisa refused to face Allie again, a hand reaching up to rush throuh her long, black tresses in an act of frustration that did not lesson Allie's worries. Her hands felt damp, the heat from her drinking leaving her quickly as she stoof rooted to where she stood before Lisa spun on Allie, lips pursed and arms snaking their way across her chest. Closed off, far away, Allie could see that fight on the horizon and could not brush it from her sight anymore.
"It just seems... that lately..." Lisa began, hesitating and stumbling to find the right words and string together the thoughts running through her head as Allie awaited, nervous and unsure of what it was that was eating away at Lisa so badly that it was making her so closed off from her friend. Allie's mind could only imagine the worst but she tried not to let them over rún her, waiting with bated breath as a frustated breath left Lisa, the green eyed girl finally summoning the courage to meet Allie's blue eyes. "All you ever do is spend time around your boss."
Oh.
Oh.
Wait,
What?
Allie stared at her friend, taken aback at her words and her voice vanished, as if to mimick Allie's shock. Out of all things that Allie had conjured in her mind, out of everything in the world that she could possibly think of that could bother Lisa, that had... not been what she had expected. No, Lisa had to be using this as an excuse, to hide what really was eating away at her from the inside out. There no way that Lisa could possibly be bothered by that fact that Allie was doing her job as a personal assistant – a job that Lisa had actively encouraged Allie to take when the latter was being as stubborn and stupid as a mule about it. A giggle was bubbling in the back of her throat, slipping onto her tongue because it all seemed so... so...
Stupid, was not a word Allie wanted to say, but if the shoe fits.
Yet, as Allie stared at her friend, the giggle threatening to leave her mouth, she saw how serious Lisa remained to be, a weight seemingly off her shoulders and the bout of laughter that had been brewing was suddenly corked and dropped to her stomach, a lump forming and Allie's face scrunched up, as if in pain from trying to understand why Lisa was bothered about Allie doing her job.
She couldn't possibly be annoyed that Allie was actually spending time with Tony, could she? Maybe if it was any other job, perhaps Allie would understand, but it was in her job to run around after him, chasing him down and dogging his footsteps and being at his side; what was so wrong with that? Better yet, Allie liked his company, and him too, so she was quite happy – or rather, not as annoyed as she should have been to follow him around like a shadow. The more Allie and Lisa stared at one another, one waiting for the other to break first and bite the bullet, Allie found that lump in her stomach becoming heavier and heavier and soon she thought her foot wouldn't be the only thing sticking through her neighbours' ceiling, but rather her entire body. Tension rose like waves and their heads were beneath the surface of it all, making it hard to breathe or think properly but Allie sorted through the static and gave a cough, shifting her weight and leaning against the counter, mimicking Lisa's stance of winding her arms around her chest, the two women now closed off from one another and defensive.
"Well," Allie began, glancing to her sock cladded feet, curling and uncurling her toes as her fingers began to drump along her arm, trying to rid herself of nervousness. Muted music managed to find its way through the walls, and Allie found the weather outside would have been easier to endure than the grey clouds storming overhead within the apartment. "It's my job, you know? I have to be around him."
Still, Lisa seemed unmoved by Allie's words, her index finger tapping impatiently on the crook of her arm and it confused Allie all that bit more. It was far too early in the morning for this, for this dance they were stumbling through and Allie was growing annoyed at her friend and her sudden dislike of Allie doing her job. It wrecked Allie's brain trying to understand it all but found that trying to see sense in her friend's words hurt her head even all that more than anything else.
Lisa began pacing, her barefeet victim to the cold floor of the kitchen as she began taking to biting the nail of her thumb, as if unsure if she wanted to continue down this path that she had started for herself, eyes briefly flickering to Allie once and then twice and then a third time all the while Allie's impatience grew; if she had known that her day off would have started like this, she might habe pocketed it for another time. Finally, Lisa took a leap of faith and stopped her walking back and forth to meet Allies awaiting stare.
"I get it, Al, I've worked as a personal assistant but..." Lisa trailed off, the but that left her lips hanging from them as she hesitated on her words once more, testing the waters and the words on her tongue as her hands unwound from around her chest to clasp atop of her stomach. Her stance was less defensive now, more open and attempting to reach out to Allie. "The way you guys talk and hang around each other, it's just..."
The words were left flittering through the air and Allie stilled, eyes narrowing at her friend as she felt her arms tighten around her chest, fingers digging into the sleeve of her dressing gown but not managing to pierce through the material and into her arm which would have left her with half moon marks embedded into her skin. Allie was neither blind nor all that stupid, and she could see the implication that was masked in her friend's words, however much she didn't want to or however much she tried to convince herself that wasn't there.
No, she had to imagining it – or maybe she wanted to be imagining it because the fact that Lisa was implying that something was – that she and –
It was ridiculous, how could she possible think something like that of Allie and of Tony? Hadn't it been Lisa who teased her about it despite Allie's insistance about it not being true? Who had it been that insisted age is just a number? Not that age mattered at all in this sense because for it to matter there would have to be something to make it matter, and there wasn't. Allie felt flabbergasted, and quite hurt from her friend's words, on part of herself and her on part of her boss. It made her want to snap who was it that was having an office affair? But Allie witheld those words, knowing she wouldn't be able to take them back once they rolled off of her tongue and dug into Lisa's skin.
It was concern, Allie tried to convince herself as she pushed down the ugly head of annoyance and anger, and Allie tried to be understanding because they were friends and they were allowed to be worried about the other even when there was no cause for it.
Allie sucked in a deep breath and resisted the urge to close her eyes and count to ten, not wanting to seem overly defensive which would put Lisa off. Her fingers tightened their grip on the arm of her dressing down in a bid to release the turmoil that was racing through Allie and choking her as she shifted on her feet, pursing her lips as Lisa awaited her response, eyes almost wide and doe eyed. Concern, it's concern, Allie's voice echoed in her mind. Where there's no cause for it, whispered another behind the other. "I'm sorry, it's what?"
Her voice sounded sharp, teeth turning her words into knives that bit into Lisa and made the other woman barely manage to suppress a wince as she continued to gnaw on her bottom lip, removing the lipstick that was painted there and making it speckled and spotted. Lisa's hands wrung themselves around and around each other as she remained tongue tied once more, making that anger within Allie's pounced again, wanting to tell the green eyed girl to just spit it out rather than dancing around Allie and risking her ire even more. There seemed to be regret lingering around the edges of Lisa's eyes, regret at what she was going to say or regret at even starting this conversation, Allie didn't know and didn't really care at that moment to find out. "Is the fact your his assistant the only reason you spend so much time around him?"
Allie's breath stilled in her throat, catching as she soaked in Lisa's words, fingernails threatening to rip through the thick material of her clothes and tear into the fragile skin of her arm, breaking bones with a single snap. Hurt flooded through her veins and burned at the back of Allie's mouth, engulfing her heart and her stomach began twisting itself into tangled knots, twisting up into her throat as she tried to push it down. Part of Allie hoped Lisa could see her hurt, could see it and feel guilt surround her. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means," Lisa began, as if emboldened and strengthened as she ploughed on with her accusation that left a bad taste on Allie's tongue, staining her mouth. "That one would think you guys have more than just a professional relationship."
"'One would think'?" Allie scoffed, venom bubbling away at the edge of her words and wearing away at her voice, no longer attempting to keep up the niceties as Lisa did the same. Allie couldn't deny the offence she felt on her part as well as Tony's, hurt that Lisa would think so low of either, not even deciding to put her trust in Allie despite so many years of friendship. "Does that mean it's what you think?"
Lisa seemed to snap, her hands flinging themselves up in the air before falling to rest on her hips, eyes disapproving as she peered at Allie's unrelenting gaze, mouth pressed into a small and thin líne, deciding to put an end to this dance that they did, no longer moving around each other and what they really wanted to say. Allie knew what it was that Lisa wanted to say but it still did not make her at all ready to hear it, to put her worries into reality. Allie was even all that more frustrated as she didn't really understand why it was Lisa thought this was all worth a fight. It made her thoughts and feelings tangled because it made no sense, none of this did because where had that support that had been there in the beginning? Where was the girl that had pressed Allie to take this job? Who was the one that teased and joked about how age was just a number?
Was it jealousy? Was it that Lisa hated the idea of Allie having someone else outside of her? Allie refused to think it true, didn't want to believe the thought but... there was a small, a tiny sliver of it being real and Allie found her disappointment in her friend, in her doubt and shaken trust, immeasurable.
"Oh, for God's sake, Al – don't tell me you don't think it's weird," Lisa hissed, as if Allie was the one in the wrong here and not her, as if Allie was the one who wasn't trusting or the one being judgemental and suspicious.
What was once an ember became a flame, now a raging fire in the bottom of her belly that sent licks of her throughout Allie.
"No, no, I don't actually," Allie snapped at the other woman, no longer deciding to reign herself in. There treading into dangerous territory and Allie threw caution to the wind, practically had bundled it up and thrown it out the window. She really did want to convince herself it was just her friend's concern, but concern for what? What was it that Lisa could possible be concerned about that made her ready to pounce on Allie? Was Allie suddenly not allowed to have a life, or friends? Was she not allowed to finally enjoy the job that she had loathed to take? She hadn't realised her friend was prone to hypocrisy. "Just how is it weird?"
"You guys are always around each other!" Lisa exploded, the lid of the boiling pot she had tried to contain finally not able to contain everything inside any longer. Lisa's voice, so soft and sweet before, was not sharp and shrill, a rasp hanging on the ends of her words as her cheeks became pink yet again, blotched now with her ears tipped, frosted with red. "You leave for work early and you come home late. You're always texting him, too!"
Allie barely managed to resist the urge to roll her eyes at her friend's words. So, Lisa was annoyed because Allie did her job? That she wanted to be in early for it and to not be deemed lazy and ungrateful for the opportunity that had been handed to her on what had practically been a golden platter. It made Allie all that more fire and fury, gritting her teeth and hands curled into fists now, nails digging trenches in the palm of her hands. She felt stiff, breathing ragged as she dragged it in through her nose.
"So you're mad because I'm doing my job?" Allie spat, scoffing and shaking her head at her friend's ridiculousness – the fact they were even fighting about this seemed so surreal in Allie's head that she was half sure that maybe it was a scenario concocted by her still half asleep brain. And, quite frankly, so what that she and Tony messaged one another? They needed constant communication and understanding between one another so nothing got lost in translation. "And I am not always texting him!"
They spent too much time around each other in person to be texting all the time. Lisa was right in saying that Allie left early in the morning and returned home late in the evening, but what did she expect? Everything about this situation was completely ludicrous and Allie couldn't believe she had let herself be roped into it.
Lisa snorted at Allie's defence and it made the latter girl narrow her eyes at her friend, jaw clenched and muscle bouncing as Lisa rolled her eyes at her.
"Then let me see your top message thread in your phone," Lisa snapped and Allie's head reeled back, eyes blinking wide and a sharp breath left Lisa, as if proven right by Allie's silence. By this point, Allie was becoming more and more sure that Lisa was picking a fight to just have one, rather than voice concerns. "See, that's what I thought."
Allie shook her head, pushing herself away from the counter and taking to scraping back the wisps that had escaped along her hair líne as her feet slid across the floor of the kitchen. How many times Allie going to echo that it wasn't like that, that it was her job, that Tony wasn't a bad guy and so what if she liked his company, so much so that she didn't mind that they communicated outside of the work at all? Even if – and it was a big and metaphorical if – there was even a small inkling that there maybe something that could give the impression of there being more, it has hardly Lisa's concern; Allie was twenty five years of age, she was certainly old enough to care of herself and she had always been able to. For so long, there had always been no one else to rely on but herself. "It isn't like that, Lisa. He's just – "
He's just?
Her boss, her... God, could she even say friend? Did she have that right to stick that label on him? How could she explain it to Lisa if she herself didn't understand?
What's not to understand? You're his employee and he's your boss, nothing more and nothing less, whispered a voice in the back of her mind that sounded all to disapproving at Allie's train of thought. Caught up in her head, Allie barely heard Lisa's sour scoff as she clicked her tongue, throwing her gaze up to the ceiling.
"Your boss and twice your age."
Something snapped within Allie and she all but glared at Lisa, jaw tight and she nó longer bothered to keep her tongue and words caged behind her teeth.
"Oh, for fuck's sake," Allie spat, the fire in her voice hardly doing justice the lividness she felt towards Lisa. This fight, the entirety of it all, was so god damn idiotic but it had been Lisa who had broached the subject, it had been her who had tried to make a problem where there was none. Long gone was the support that she had given to Allie, the jokes and jabs that had been thrown at the blue eyed girl as she insisted for Allie to take the job. That elephant Allie had once thought to only be in her mind was now a wedge between the two girls, trumpeting and refusing to be ignored. "Weren't you the one in the beginning talking all about how 'age is just a number'? Weren't you the one who told me to take the job? What made you turn your mind around?"
Allie's voice left her in a rush, the sound growing and climbing steadily higher and higher until it was near a shout before she reigned it back in. Lisa's face was redder now, the make up she was wearing unable to mask the splattered blotches ón her cheek. Lisa huffed, turning away so she half faced Allie, keeping the other side a secret away from her.
"Because I didn't think you'd actually start liking the guy!"
Lisa's accusation rang in Allie's ears as all those flames within her were put out instantly, unable to speak through the haze and smoke that engulfed her. Allie blinked, mouth opening once to say something, anything, but silence remained and she shut it once more, feeling dumfounded as well as at a loss for words at Lisa's accusation that dug into Allie.
How could Lisa possibly - !
As if, Allie liked him; yes, she enjoyed being around him and found him so easy to talk to, but that didn't mean she liked liked him. Allie was allowed to appreciate someone's company without having to have interest in them, she was allowed to have friends; for so long, Allie lacked them and now that she could possibly have more than one? Sure, maybe Allie could understand being friends with your boss could be considered weird but... Trying to see Tony as exactly that was getting harder because it didn't feel like many of the other workplaces she had been in and he wasn't like any of the people she was forced to work under. He made her feel comfortable, made it feel less like a job that she should loathe to wake up for, and helped her see it as – in his words – an adventure of sorts.
Not the type of adventure she might have thought she would have, but it was different, it was new in her life.
He didn't expect anything from her, only the little Allie could do and she didn't feel pressured by anything, not as she used to; the work load was easy and even then, he kept insisting on just throwing everything out and not bother to read anything because it was so time consuming anyway, but Allie had always insisted, always did when he tried to make her job almost easier for her. She didn't have to deal with rude people anymore (Tony always snatched the phone from her and mocked the other person on the other end of the phone for their lack of manners and each time, it made something swell in Allie's chest), he always listened to what she said and though sometimes he didn't agree or want to comply, more often than not he did – if only for Allie's gentle pushing and small compromises.
Above all, Tony Stark was nice to her, and there were very few people in Allie's life that had been so.
And – and so what if she thought Tony was handsome? Anyone able to see and with half a braincell could tell he was, no matter if he was dressed down or dolled up, if he stank of frease and oil or some fancy cologne that was probably worth more than this entire apartment building. If he had a horrible personality, she would have been turned off by him, but he just didn't. Sure, he liked to joke around too much and ignore his responsibilites, but who didn't? Allie had been running from her past all her life, so she could hardly cast the first stone. He was friendly towards her, kind even and couldn't see how Lisa could even have a problem with Allie having feelings towards him – if they existed. Tony Stark was hardly the worst man out there to have feelings for (Allie could think of more than one of Lisa's ex-boyfriends') or be in a relationship, so it confused her as to why it bothered Lisa so much, coupled with why Lisa thought it was her concern who Allie talked with or how it was that Lisa suddenly turned a sharp 180 regarding her previously positive feelings towards Tony.
Heat surged in Allie's cheeks, little petals blooming as Lisa's words rang in her eart.
The more Allie thought about, the more it hurt her head and her thoughts were too tangled to see through and she just didn't get it. Shaking her head, trying to not get caught in the sticky and silky web that was her thoughts about Tony Stark, Allie reeled herself back into reality and straightened her back, loosening her shoulders.
"I don't – " Allie choked out, digging her voice back up from its grave at the bottom of her throat, nearly tripping on it as she will the warmth creeping up her neck and spilling across her cheeks to go away. "I don't like him! He's my boss."
Her insistance did little to deter Lisa from her course. "That didn't stop you and Francis from having a date before."
"That was different – he wasn't my boss then," Allie defended, not even half surprised that Lisa had brought the past up, though didn't see how it stood in this conversation at this point in time since Lisa couldn't even seem to muster any dislike for Francis. It had been one date, years and years ago, and they had left it at that. It made even less sense since, out of the two of them standing here, the one making all these accusations was the one going against the rules and engaging in a workplace romance. "God, I really can't spend time around any guy without wanting to jump in his pants? Through all this, I haven't even said anything about you and Stewart."
"That is completely different to you and Stark!" Lisa's voice was reaching high peaks now, passing into sound shrill and uneven as she sucked in another breath sharply.
"How?" Allie bit back.
"He's my boyfriend, Allie," Lisa explained, as if Allie was slow to understand. "We're dating and I have romantic feelings for him, just like he does me."
Allie felt herself seething, teeth grtited and voice strangled. "And Tony – "
"So, it's Tony now, is it?" Lisa repeated, all but disregarding Allie's attempt at defending not only herself, but Tony too. It's so weird you call him Mr. Stark outside of work, Lisa had once teased Allie once, poking fun at her friend but none of that joking remained now. There was a tingling in Allie's eyes and she tried to push them away, knowing that if the tears came on, it would be game over and she would lose.
"God, I can't do a fucking thing without you getting at me for it!" Allie croaked out, weary of this fight and wanting it over. Part of her wondered was this how her life would be until June, defending Tony Stark until she had no air left for her lungs; maybe it would be like this for the rest of her life, because she could not stand by and left good people be malicously talked about without their knowing. Allie hated gossip, hated talking about people behind their back and it gave her all that more energy to leap to Tony's defence. "Who was it who told me to take this job? Who told me that I should give him a chance? You were all on his side but the second it turns out that me and him might actually be friends, you change your mind!"
"Oh, please, as if."
"You really can't bear the thought that I might actually have a friend outside of you, can you?" Allie asked, voice dropping and void of anger and fire, almost breathless and tired of their battle. Her words caught Lisa, stunning the other woman and she took a moment to think, face softening only briefly before stone was set into her features, a narrowed glint in her emeralg eyes that were all too like a predator's at that moment.
"I wonder," Lisa began slowly, smoothly. "How your friend would feel if I called him up and told him everything about you."
Allie couldn't remember a time her heart stilled, couldn't remember the last time everything within her seemed so much like stone as Lisa's face was one reminiscent of Medusa; her words hung in the air for a brief second as Allie's legs began to feel weak, threatening to drop out from beneath her and even doing as so as she fell into the chair, managing to grab it at the last second as she tried to recollect all the shattered piece's of herself. Shock began to find itself onto Lisa's face once more, morphing her cold features into something more familiar, more her friend.
"You..." Allie's voice shook, no where near strong enough to stand against Lisa's words. "You wouldn't."
"No. No," Lisa insisted, eyes wide and shame was heavy around her, rolling off in waves around her as she brought her hands to her mouth as if to hide her shock before she buried her face into her palms so as to not face Allie, or perhaps to face her consequences of threat. "Al, shit – no, I didn't mean to – "
"How could you say that?" "How could you even think of doing that?"
"No, I wasn't thinking," Lisa insisted, looking up and her eyes were wet, damp and threatening to spill over into tears. Lisa took a step forward, as if to hug Allie or take her hand, but she stopped before she could, electing to clasp her hands together."Al, I wouldn't ever do that to you."
"I... I get why you're worried," Allie began, tongue darting out to rush across her chapped lips, the balls of her feet brushing against the ground from how far back in the chair she was sitting. Silence existed where noise had been before and for once, Allie did not wish for New York City to be so quiet. "But... Leese... I'm twenty-five years old. I can make decisions for myself."
"I know you can," Lisa affirmed, sounding all so weak and soft in comparison to the sharp steel she had been before.
"I like spending time with him," Allie explained coolly, impressing even herself for keeping a steady voice despite the tingling in her eyes and the lump that was strangling her at the bottom of her throat. Allie deeply wished that she really hadn't taken the day off today, she would rather be anywhere else but there. "And I like being around him like how I like being around you. But... it... isn't what you think."
It's not the same, a voice tried to whisper, too weak and frail that Allie couldn't feel the weight of truth in its voice.
"Allie... I'm..." Lisa trailed off and Allie thought to accuse her of crocodile tears but withheld her tongue, taking it between her teeth so it couldn't waggle and drop off the words she really wanted to say. Forgive and forget, they always said. Resent and remember, cackled a different voice. Lisa's voice shook, warbling unevenly as she ploughed on. "I'm sorry for questioning you and for saying... well, saying everything. But for saying that... about telling him – I didn't mean it."
"I'm sorry for going off on you. And I'm sorry for not being around as often as you like."
"No, I get it, I do," Lisa stumbled, tripping over her words with her tongue tied, hands wringing together in nervousness once more. A shaky breath left Lisa, teeth taking ahold of her bottom lip once more to chew on it, as if to curb her guilt. "Just... just like how I spend time at work and with Stewart, you have to spend time at work and with Stark, just... not in the same way."
"Exactly," Allie insisted, nodding along. "It's not the same."
It's not the same, echoed in Allie's mind, too loud and sharp. It continued to bounce around her head, pinging off of her skull.
It's not the same.
"Sorry, again," Lisa whispered, dropping her head in what Allie hoped was shame. That wedge between them grew and grew to the point that it made Allie wonder if it would ever be stitched back; even if it was, everything said today would be seared into each other's memory, the hurt that Allie felt feeling too heavy for her to simply throw away.
"I'm sorry, too," Allie repeated the words didn't feel all too right on her tongue. But she was tired of fighting and didn't want to fight with Lisa; this was not how she expected to start her day off and the weather outside seemed to match her dark and gloomy mood. Forgive and forget, build a bridge and get over it, all those thoughts ran through her mind as the flames of feeling hurt were being quenched by her desire for peace, even though the embers might remain behind.
"Thanks for the hot chocolate," Lisa muttered turning away to the couch that sat in front of the TV where her coat and bag were slung over the back rather than on the hook near the door. She took them in hand and slipped her arm through the holes of her coat and placed the bag over her shoulder, hands fixated on unturning the caught collar in an attempt to seem too busy to meet Allie's eyes. "It's late, I need to get to work."
"Alright, I'll..." Allie's mouth insanely dry, tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth as her nails threatened to drag themselves across the top of the table before deciding to take her far from warm drink in her hand so that claw marks would not be scratched into the wooden surface. The lump in her throat was more prevelaent now, harder to ignore or push away. Lisa looked away, in guilt or regret, Allie didn't know. "I'll see you later then."
Lisa gave a gentle nod, voice almost a hushed whisper. "Yeah, I'll see you."
"Bye," Allie echoed back, thumb rushing over the rim of her lukewarm drink that was rapidly cooling and was no longer appetising to drink, the smell of it alone far too sweet and sugary for her taste buds so late at night.
Lisa's footsteps retreated from the kitchen, catching the heels of her shoes as she went towards the front door, soft and catlike before no longer within Allie's hearing range with a moment of silence heavy throughout the apartment before there was the soft click of a door shutting, closing the two women off from one another and leaving them to stew in their own thoughts and go about their day separately. The watery pale light over head centred on the table did little to lighten Allie's mood against the grey clouds that stormed outside the apartment as well as inside, making her feel all gloom and doom within her own little shadow that was her mind, thoughts rattling off of her skull and she stared into the murky brown of her drink.
She didn't want to think about Lisa's words, didn't want to give them a moment of thought because Allie couldn't remember the last time they fought like that, couldn't remember if they had ever had a fight so serious since the beginning of their friendship – let alone over a guy. The clouds over head grew darker, greyer and thundered as Allie began to ponder on the echo of Lisa's words – and her insinuations.
Allie just couldn't understand her friend's mind at times; it seemed all that occupied Lisa's brain was sex, boys and more sex and it frustrated Allie because she couldn't understand why Lisa had gotten so pent up about the idea of Allie and Tony being together – however false and untrue and impossible it may be.
Hadn't Lisa been the one always pushing Allie to go for dates she had arranged? The one who seemed almost desperate in trying to snatch a man for her friend? Allie knew Lisa had good intentions, knew that Lisa did it out of love and hope that Allie wouldn't always have to be alone but it annoyed her, irritated Allie nonetheless. Allie didn't want to remain bitter towards her friend but there was a sour taste in her mouth, stinging and leaving a burning trail that dripped down the back of her throat. Lisa never once thought to share her own love life with Allie, but the minute there might be a miniscule of evidence that Allie might have her own love life, it was suddenly everyone's business.
No, no – this wouldn't do, thinking like this and having these vicious and unpleasant thoughts towards her only friend wouldn't do. Allie knew, knew it was done out of love, out of worry towards Allie and Allie could see that through the haze of resentfulness.
She didn't know why she was so worked up, frustrated by her friend's way of mind, hurt by Lisa's words and feeling, quite frankly, insulted. But Allie wasn't going to let nearly six years of friendship go because of her emotions. Taking a deep breath, Allie loosened her tightened grip on her cup, letting go of it completely as her eye dropped to the laminated table top; outside, the wind howled but she could hear the faint inner workings of New York, of the horns and the voices, shouting and sometimes a police siren that rang early in the morning. Allie would get over this, the both of them would, even if it would feel awkward for a little while.
All those words and insinuations lingered in Allie's mind, of her and Tony and them. No one would believe that, right? Nothing was happening – nothing would ever happen because she was his assistant and he was her boss and he was, what, nearly twenty years older than her? He probably thought of her as some annoying little kid to keep around, hardly a contender against Pepper Potts and the mere fact that Lisa could even think of Allie being an equal in any way against Pepper Potts was laughable in itself; as if Allie was on the same level of standing against one of the world's most powerful, intelligent and beautiful woman. Allie hardly liked to think of herself capable of being a homewrecker and even if she might have been, she didn't stand a chance against the only and only Pepper Potts.
Such brooding let Allie's mood deepen into something worse, something akin to despair, a depressed episode. Why even compare herself to Pepper Potts? It's as she said: she wasn't in equal standing in any way to the woman… least of all when it comes to Tony Stark's love life. So, comparing herself to Pepper was liking comparing dogs to fish, elephants to snakes, birds to worms: it just didn't make sense to put those two into a same category.
With her frustration now turned onto herself, Allie stood, chucking what remained of her drink into the sink and turning to go to bed and hopefully ease off on thoughts such as these; Allie cursed Lisa for putting them into her mind, cursed her for making Allie over think about everything and about Tony Stark and how Allie could never even come close to being a person like Pepper Potts to him. She didn't want to even be that, couldn't care less about it, in fact. It was the 21st century, she didn't need to compare herself to another woman or vice versa and she wasn't going to get upset over a guy. Not that Allie was upset – definitely not – and she wasn't going to break her streak of not being distraught over the male gender, one specific person of said gender, for the past twenty five years now.
Rest, she needed rest to put these thoughts to rest, to stop thinking about him and Lisa's words and what she meant and how it seemed to be all Allie was thinking about. Allie didn't care about the door slamming, didn't care if it awoke or startled Lisa or the neighbours because if she had to suffer, so did they.
There was absolutely nothing, nothing going on between her and Tony Stark and that was final and she was only upset because… because…
Because?
A half strangled, frustrated cry left Allie and she all but flung herself into the once comforting bed once more, the sheets and mattress drained of whatever warmth that had been embedded in them when she had first left it. Her face met her duvet, muffling the sound that left her and caught in her throat as she bounced, once, twice and a third time before everything stilled – Allie's legs askew as they hung off the side of the bed and the rest of her laying atop of her messed sheets.
Suddenly, the twenty four hours she had to herself were far too long and Allie wanted nothing more than to be at work – to be distracted.
It seemed that no matter where she was, Allie's mind was always to be plagued with thoughts of Tony Stark.
Hello, hello! It's been some time! Just before I get into my A/N i'd like to thank all those who left reviews since i was away!
I'd like to give a big, big, big thank you to everyone who dropped reviews while i was in purgatory for the last few months. I was so disheartened after my laptop broke and when I lost everything - all my chapters, my story and chapter outlines and what i had been writing before i lost it all, not to mention I ended up losing my microsoft word subscription. But reading all your reviews really gave me the strength to crack open a word document on a different document app and start writing again.
So thank you dumblestark, Aunknowntimelord, kattcrue, jinchaa, PtLacky, Krakengirl, ESPECIALLY McLoving Grey's, Untied Heartbeat, vexwhite, Azaira, Emmy, BlackWoldWanderlust, rina499, nada101, PrincessMagic, RandomFandoming, MotherAiya, drmsqnc, myharlequinroman, Lucky Strike's alter ego, Chancellor S, NinjaPenguinLover, JesiLea, eden, Neon and all the guests who left me such comforting and supportive comments! I wish i could write an essay to each and every single one of you on how much it means to me but i wouldn't have time for writing this story any more.
But seriously, your comments helped a writer who was stuck without anything to write with for so long.
Hey, hi, hello, long time no see.
I am sorry to everyone i left hanging. I'm not even completely happy with this chapter, or with my writing. I've grown more insecure in anything I write and it's taken me many, MANY attempts to even get this out (it's been sitting in my drafts since late june). I really am sorry and I'm not trying to make excuses or anything. This fic was started in a burst of passion, and now that has dwindled to an ember.
Thank you for reading and sticking by me. It really means a lot.
