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Chapter Fifteen.

Allie felt drained, as if there was sludge running through her veins while she found herself unable, and unwilling, to bring her eyes back into focus as they stared at the day old baked goods that were sitting behind a pane of glass, spotting with smudges from tiny, sticky hands that attempted to reach behind to grab a treat. The cream tart called to her, beckoning her with promises of a quick sugar rush that could power her for a few hours before leaving her in a quick slump, but Allie knew better than to shove her face full of sweets. Her breakfast had consisted of a rather old granola bar that had been stored next to the cereals in the apartment and her stomach growled for more, for food.

Allie felt ready to fall face first into the glass window, her eyes feeling all too much like Atlas as she struggled to keep them up.

Despite the exhaustion, Allie couldn't find herself able to sleep throughout the night, thoughts running a million miles an hour that she could not hope to keep up with them and tie them down in order to make some semblance of sense so as to be able to drift off into a few hours of peaceful unconsciousness. Even though the day had been drawn up to be one for rest and peace, it turned out to be anything but that, much to Allie's dismay.

Her fight with Lisa had not been healed with time, with sleep and a fresh mind and perspective, and when the latter had finally decide to leave her room, the silence between the two of them had been all too suffocating with Allie internally debating on whether if hiding in her room was a better option or if they should attempt to talk it out with one another; as she was becoming more inclined to the latter decision, Lisa had decided to take the former and made a beeline for the front door, barely casting a glance towards Allie's curled up form on the couch. The click of her door sounded throughout, and Allie's eyes were barely focused on the rerun of Keeping up with the Kardashians as frustration built inside of her; rarely did fights ever happen between the two girls and they barely ever lasted for more than a few hours, yet now neither seemed willing to take that first step forward.

But their fight was not the sole source of troubling thoughts for Allie.

It's not the same.

Tossing and turning, she had told herself countless times – it's not the same.

A part of Allie liked to think of herself to not be so completely dumb as to pretend that she didn't know why it bothered her so much; it threw Allie in a spiral, a rabbit hole lined with her thoughts of denial and ignorance that she couldn't even trick herself into thinking wasn't a big deal.

There was no point in lying to herself because Lisa had hurt Allie during their fight, through doubt and accusations that were blown out of proportion, but it had caused Allie to face it head on, stuck in the dark with her own thoughts that were swirling and making her dizzy. Allie was more of a person to run from her problems than to address them, but she had no choice now, especially when they were thrown onto the table right in front of her.

Allie wondered if her relationship with Tony really was going past a line, beyond a boundary that should have been set between professional and personal but was becoming blurred the further she strayed from it; a smart part of her worried, fretted if maybe it was all just in Lisa's head, or in hers, but the more she thought about it, the more her head ached and the monster beneath her bed was becoming real – only it wasn't a monster now. Maybe it had never been one to start with, but it was not festering, feasting on her anxiety and the bloated thoughts that swirled her head. A hand was brought to her mouth, eyes still glued to that cream tart as her teeth gripped her nail and began to nibble on It, pretending it was the baked good rather than her own mind eating away at her.

Surely, Allie tried to calm herself down, surely if she were crossing some line then Tony would say something, would push her back across it – but he didn't, so how could she know? And what was wrong with friendship, anyway? Lisa was her friend (though that sentiment didn't seem to seep into reality at that moment) so why couldn't Tony? People could be friends with those that they worked with, but Tony wasn't someone Allie worked with but someone she worked for. This seemed to be the main standing point that Lisa argued as Allie wrestled with herself, tipping the scales in her mind to a degree that she thought her body might follow soon after. Her teeth cracked the nail beneath and slipped, nearly chomping down on the tip of her tongue instead.

What did it matter what others thought? What did it matter what she thought, or didn't think, or over thought or under thought – there was nothing wrong with friendship and that's all they were, and Allie was working herself up over nothing and she should just buy the damned, stupid cream tart to keep that whispering voice in her head at bay. Too much thinking and not enough eating was Allie's problem. She needed to think about herself for once, about the food she needed to eat for breakfast and how she would have to power walk like Hell so as to not be late and worry about being sweaty and smelling like it too, and that's all she needed to think about, all she wanted to think about.

Maybe I should buy one for Tony as well.

The thought nearly sent Allie ready to slam her head through the glass.

She was going around and around in her mind, an endless loop that she tried to figure her way out of but there was no way out because all she could think of was Lisa's accusing eyes, her words burying themselves so deep into Allie's skull that she could feel them eating away at her; saying things made them real and now it felt all too real for Allie to deal with. It was hardly boy trouble, but here she was, troubled over a boy. She needed to get her shit together, she could hardly go into work and be off in her own little world with Tony having no idea that he was the reason for her mind being scatted to all four corners of the world.

Her lips were so tightly gnashed together that her mouth began to hurt, and her jaw was clenched, eyebrows furrowed as she glared at the cakes through the glass; had her stomach not be in tethers from her nerves ripping it apart, she might have bought one. "Allie?"

The voice stirred her, and she blinked, reluctantly tearing her eyes away to see Francis looking at her but his head was cocked to the side, and there was a tightness in his brow, a crease burying itself between the skin there. God, she had been caught up in her own thoughts she had completely forgotten where she was, and why she was here. Allie shook her head, clearing her throat to dig up her voice that was buried at the bottom of her throat. "Yeah?"

An eyebrow quirked at her. "You've been staring at that cream tart for the past five minutes."

Oh, she hadn't realised. A hand went to her face, bare of make up for today as she hadn't the energy to even fill in her eyebrows and give them shape, and she rubbed at her eyes, trying to push away the exhaustion that lingered at the frayed edges of her consciousness. Her entire body felt heavy and it took effort to even drag it out of bed this morning. She was going crazy, she had to be. "I have?"

"Yeah, you have. I've been trying to get your attention, but it seems your selective hearing is still running," he joked but Allie could barely muster a laugh and whatever amused twinkle that shone in his eye soon was dashed and he was looking at her with that look – concern over her haggard appearance; God, if Francis was worried over her looking like shit, she couldn't imagine what would happen when she got to the Compound. She had always tried to look her best, to look as if she had her life together, and now…

A groan made its way through Allie as her hand ran its way through her hair, snagging on a few knots and she only now regretted that she hadn't spent her time actually trying to look presentable while she fought the knots that were trying themselves in her stomach as she realised that she would have to go into work to face the man she spent all night thinking about against her will. Allie's hand fell to her side like a dead fish and she shook her head, voice croaking slightly as a sigh left her. "Sorry, I'm just… I didn't sleep last night."

He gave a snort, looking her up and down with a sharp eye. "I can see that. You look like shit."

Allie's eyes narrowed at the other man, catching sight at the curve of his lips. "Thanks Francis, that's exactly what a girl wants to hear."

"Lying wouldn't do you any good," he shrugged in response.

"No, but it would have given what's left of my self-esteem a boost rather than kicking it into the dirt."

"Well, here's your drinks to make up for it," he said, and he reached over the counter to hand them to her, the warmth of the drinks welcoming, seeping up her arm.

"Wow, thanks, it's almost as if I paid for these," she teased. The smell of black coffee entered her nose, and it was becoming a smell she didn't even hate anymore; all her years working here, and it had always made her gag when she caught a whiff of it, reminding her of when she was younger and how her pathetic excuse for a father would chug it down whenever he was bothered to be sober and go to work. Now, she actually quite liked the smell of it, bringing the plastic cup to below her nose to breathe in its scent.

Francis watched her, and she could see the gears in his head turning. "I don't remember a time you would willingly pay for coffee. You hate it, and this is black coffee at that."

"Oh, it's not for me," she said nonchalantly, pulling the drink away from her nose. It had become routine to buy Tony coffee in the morning, to just think of him and what he wanted while she was getting her own drink. A frown was forming quickly on her face and whatever traction she had made on getting away from that rabbit hole that had pulled her down into last night was quickly slipping away. It was these small things – thinking that he would like this, maybe he would want that. Worrying if he was sleeping, fussing over if he was eating. Was she some temple built as a shrine to Tony Stark now? Was she not her own person with her own problems?

"It's not? Who then?" Francis questioned but Allie couldn't answer him. Oh, it's just for my boss who I might be attracted to, who is also Tony Stark the famous superhero and billionaire, rang in her mind and she reeled those thoughts back. The smell of coffee was turning sour and the stuffy air of the café was doing little to quell the wire that was wrapping its way around her insides; butterflies were eating her away and she felt as if soon there would be nothing of her left. Her mind was too clouded with exhaustion to deal with this and she realised, now that she had gotten her drinks, she would have to leave – to work. She wasn't sure of it was the hot beverages that were making her palms sweaty anymore. All the while, Lisa's voice kept ringing in her ear and Allie's own guilt was making her feel as if it were going to make her fall through the earth; guilt for these thoughts, these worries, these feelings. They were her problem, no one else's and she needed to get her shit together. "Allie, you sure you're okay?"

Her attention snapped to Francis again and she blinked, trying to catch up as his words hit her. "What? Yes – of course. Sorry, I'm just a million miles away. Tired, you know?"

"Yeah..." Francis didn't seem convinced, but then again Allie knew that she couldn't act for shit, and maybe that helped raised the alarm in his head. But Francis, as worried as he might have been, did not speak further, deciding not to press the younger woman for more information and a part of Allie, small as it was, almost hoped that he would but decided against it, taking to chewing on her tongue until the moment passed.

She held up the drinks between her face, a weary smile forced onto her lips, but Francis didn't believe it, she knew he didn't. He was always perceptive like that, he spent all his time around other people and strangers, of course he would be able to read when something else was bothering her, not that she would tell him what is was – not entirely, anyways. "Thanks for the drinks. I'll see you later."

"See you around," he responded, slightly cheerier than he had been a moment before and a small smile on his lips, shadowed by the stubble around his jaw and upper lip. There was a pause on her end, heartbeat silence and Allie gave a nod, as if to assure herself and then turned on her heel, the cream tart that had become the sun in the centre of her universe all forgotten and left to become stale and stared at for the rest of its life.

She was halfway to the door, the sun barely crawling its way to rest behind the clouds and her steps stopped, hesitant as she chewed on her words, trying to see how they sounded before she spoke them and made a fool out of herself. Francis was a friend, she had known him for years, but she had never talked to him about these problems – going on a date with someone no matter how long ago and then talking to them about these things felt weird, but no weirder than her current situation. Finally deciding against her better judgement, Allie turned back to Francis, spine straight and lip tight as he looked at her, waiting for her to speak as if he knew that she couldn't resist talking to him about what was eating away at her. "Francis, can I ask you something?"

He looked relieved, a tension in his shoulders dissipating as his arms crossed over his chest. Now that she had spoken, part of Allie was regretting that she had decided to go through with this ridiculous plan. "Depends on what it is."

She shifted on her feet, looking around before closing the distance between them, clearing the tightness in her throat and taking a breath to wash away the nervousness that was drowning her, but it did little to stem the unsteady beating of her heart; she could feel her face becoming red as she tried to find the right words, to ask without completely showing him her cards. "Well, you're a guy, right?"

He stared at her blank faced. "If that's the question, I'm seriously going to shove that cream tart into your face."

"No, it's not," she spluttered, trying to recover from her word vomit as she took an interest in the floor and the weird brown stain that was splashed across the linoleum. The drinks were a burning feeling in her hands as she wiggled her fingers that clenched the plastic, trying to stem the anxiety that was buzzing beneath her skin. She wouldn't have to tell him everything, but he was astute, Allie knew he would put two and two together and come up with five. "I just… need a guy's advice."

"A guy's advice? Are we – " Francis stopped, and Allie looked up to see his eyes going wide before a grin began to form across his face and she internally cursed herself for ever opening her big, fat mouth. He sidled closer and leaned over the counter, looking ready to laugh – at her, or with her, Allie wasn't sure. "Oh my God, is this boy talk we're having?"

"No!" She said all too quickly, but he didn't buy it, raising his eyebrows and a rush of air left her, shoulders slumping as she ducked her head, voice going into a mumble. Saying things made them real and here was again, speaking them into existence. "In a way, yes, but also not really."

"Well, what is it?"

"I just want to ask if…" She began but her words died before they could leave her tongue as she tried to find the right way to phrase it; he was waiting, on the edge of a precipice with bated breath as she chewed the inside of her cheek to help push away some of the uneasiness she felt as it buried itself into her bones. This was new for her, a blind man could see that; she never talked about boy talk before – not that this could be constituted as boy talk. She… just wanted a guy's opinion on the situation, an outsider's view. "If you think it's weird if two people, a man and woman - " She gestured with each hand that held a cup at the two words and Francis' eyes followed her movement as she brought the two plastic cups together, eyes looking at him under furrowed brows. "Spend a lot of time together if they aren't, you know… together."

For a moment, Francis did not respond, still staring at the two hot drinks that were meant to represent the hypothetical people in this very hypothetical scenario. "Spend time together, as friends?"

The last thing she was going to tell him that it was her boss and gave a jumbled murmur in response to him "Yeah, in a sense."

He gazed at Allie, as if he was trying to figure on what was going on in the mess of her mind, pursing his lips as his fingers tapped against the counter, a steady beat that did not match the erratic pulsing of her heart. She could feel her face overheating and she knew that he knew, even if he didn't understand the entire story, the whole truth. She wasn't lying, just… refraining from telling him it entirely. God, she felt like an idiot now, showing her inexperience with these types of situations that everyone else her age would have gone through ten times over and she nearly crushed the drinks in her hand as embarrassment began to seep in, voices in her head teasing her, making fun of her.

She felt like a fool, damning herself for even asking the question and it was making the ravings inside of her head even worse, these thoughts burying themselves into the pockets of her mind, thoughts of Tony Stark, of his stupid brown eyes and his smile, the lines along his cheekbones when he flashed a grin and she hated, hated how even if he wasn't in front of her that she could see his face perfectly, an ache blooming in her lungs as she held an unknowing breath. She wanted nothing more than to just chalk it up to just base attraction because of course he was handsome, and she just wanted it to be as simple as that. But it was burying itself deeper, into the marrow of her bones, and she was dreading each ticking of the clock that was signalling the time she was supposed to be in there at.

A hum left Francis as he gave a wave of his hand, a roll of his eyes and there was a softness in his face as he looked at her – she couldn't tell if it was pity, or something else. Pity for her situation, or the fact that she was new to this, unsure of how to navigate and blundering her way through this mess, Allie didn't know. "Contrary to the stupid popular belief, men and women can just be friends, Allie."

Her mouth was dry at his answer and she expected relief to flood through her system, to ease away the anxiety that was choking her, but his answer seemed to make it worse, to the point she thought she might end up vomiting from the nausea that was bloating her stomach. "And… something doesn't always have to happen, right?"

"Right." He agreed with a nod of his head and something in Allie fell, a stone in her chest as she looked down, trying to understand the lump in her throat while trying to fathom her feelings into comprehensible thoughts but she couldn't. Men and women could be friends, so she and Tony could be friends, of sorts. Maybe she was just confused, she hadn't ever had any other friends besides Lisa and even Francis, so maybe she was just confused, unsure of her feelings. That had to be it, she could barely understand her own feelings at times, what hope did Lisa have? Naturally, her friend would misconstrue whatever it was that Allie felt for something else. Yes, yes, that was it, it was, and Allie tied ropes to ends of the thoughts and feelings that were trying to crawl from their graves to haunt her and she pushed them off the deep end, watching them go down, down, down into the darkest recesses of her mind. "Why do you ask?"

Allie pulled herself from her thoughts, trying to ignore her own frustration, giving a shake of her head as she swallowed to soothe the ache in her throat. She had asked what she wanted, and he had given her an answer, one that she wasn't sure she was entirely satisfied about. "No, it's just… curiosity."

A pregnant pause and his voice dipped, trying to get through to Allie and to get her to let him in on what was plaguing her. "Just curiosity, and nothing else?"

Allison pushed back the feeling of disappointment that was racking her, a breath bleeding from her nose as she forced a quirk onto the corner of her lips, eyes curving to try and make it seem more genuine. Something was clutching at her heart and she didn't even want to try and understand what it was, half afraid at the answer that was awaiting her. "Nothing else."

"I see." Francis nodded but he didn't believe just as much as she did and the conversation carried for a moment before falling, dying into a silence that wrung her ears. Francis gave a cough and moved behind the counter. "You want that cream tart? You look like you need it."

She didn't have the appetite for it and the thought of even trying to eat it would make her pre-emptively vomit it up. "No, I shouldn't - "

"You most definitely should or else we're going to use it to build houses," he insisted, packaging it up into a white paper bag. "Come on, here."

"Thanks, Francis," she sighed, clutching it the bag between her middle and ring finger securely, knowing that the treat would end up at the bottom of a bin by the end of the day without a single bit taken from it, but she wouldn't tell him that; whatever she needed to do to help wave off some of his concern she would do and if it meant taking a stale piece of cake, then so be it. "I'll see you around?"

He had worried carved into his features but quickly gathered himself together, but Allie caught it before he could hide it. There, lingering at the edges, was concern for her. But Allie was a big girl, she could solve her problems – or ignore them long enough in hopes that they would end up shrivelling up into nothing and disappear on her. He gave her a half-baked smile. "Hopefully."


Her anxiety was tearing her to bits as she stood in the elevator, trying to ignore the shake of her hands as it delved deeper into the Compound; she wasn't afraid, per say, but the thought of facing Tony after everything that had been ripping her mind apart was the last thing she wanted to do. Allie had been pretending her entire life, she was a good actor but this… this was different, it was new. She wanted to keep denying that whatever it was that feeding on her mind, consuming it whole and becoming monstrous and bloated, and she hoped that eventually she could will it out of existence. She had to, needed to. These thoughts, they weren't her own – they were Lisa's worries spilling onto her, etching themselves into her skin and pretending that they had always been there.

She caught her glazed, warped reflection in the metal of the elevator, and she couldn't bear to face it, cringing as she remembered how Francis had told her how shit she looked; she had let her non-existent troubles affect her and now she was going into work looking as if she had slept in a ditch. She hadn't even bothered covering up the dark circles beneath her eyes and she dreaded the thought that Tony would double down on Francis' statement from earlier. She felt more self-conscious than ever and she cursed herself for not stashing even some mascara in her bad to use; at least she hadn't decided to show up in a pair of sweatpants and a ragged jumper; she had also remembered to actually brush her hair this morning too, which was an achievement.

What does it matter what I look like? I'm not there to impress anyone, she thought but she barely believed it, the voice sounding wispy and uncertain even as it spoke. Her leg began to jitter as she watched the elevator reach its destination and her heart was in her throat, clogging it to the point she could barely drag in any air to reach her lungs. No matter how much she spent trying to trick herself that her worries were for nought and that she was conjuring up these non-existent problems for herself, they were bleeding into every part of her and she tried to ignore how the butterflies were turning into an entire zoo in her stomach.

She needed to get herself together, to grab the frayed pieces of herself and stich them back together because she knew Tony would notice something was off, he was smart and even if he spent his entire time around robots, one second alone with him and he would know.

Alone, with him. She was always alone with him. It had never occurred to her before, sometimes she would be in her own world working and then would hear a bang or a curse, or the music would start playing and would be reminded he was there. He was always there and there was no escaping his presence. If she had spent all night fretting over him while he wasn't there, she loathed to think how she would act while he was in front of her.

No, this wouldn't do. She could do this, she would do this, and she would stop getting her knickers twisted over something that didn't even exist. The elevator dinged and the doors parted and even though Allie felt like her stomach was about to fall to the ground, her mantra kept circling in her head; music was playing on low and she could hear the tinkering of metal and her mouth was becoming dry as she walked in, the organised mess that greeted her as usual appearing much messier due to the dimming of lights, but still she knew her way around and she was going to do her best to ignore him for the time being. She could do this, she could do this. She was twenty five years of age and she wasn't about to let some guy get the better of her.

"You're in early."

I can't do this.

Allie nearly jumped out of her shoes as she spun, meeting his eyes and everything in her dropped instantly and all of Lisa's words from the night before came back to her, haunting her like her own personal poltergeist and she tried to regain composure as they maintain eye contact. He was wearing his rags again and he seemed dirtier than usual, hair a mess and splotches of grease and god knows what else on his face and clothes. His eyes reflected the purple stains beneath her eyes only his seemed more permanent, like a birthmark of exhaustion etched into him. Her heart was stuttering, tripping all over the place in her chest and making her feel out of breath, ready to keel over and fall onto the floor as she tried to catch up to herself. He was wiping his hands on a rag and she was rooted to the spot, mouth opening and closing without fully realising what he had said before the ticking of a clock was brought to her attention, eyes turning to see that he was right. She hadn't even realised the time. "Oh. Am I?"

"Yes, it's half eight," he said, and he sounded just about as exhausted as she felt. That age old worry like wine was intoxicating and she frowned, wondering if he had gotten any sleep within the last week, let alone last night. Though she wasn't in any place to ask, or to fret over him; they were both grown adults and she wasn't his babysitter so why did she need to feel so concerned over him? "You're a half hour early."

God, it was so much worse than she imagined being around him, all she could think of was Lisa and the disappointment that slinked into her after Francis' declaration that men and women could be friends. They were barely even that. "I am?"

"You are indeed."

"Right."

There was a hanging silence between them, and Allie was glued to the spot, growing roots and feeling as old as any tree as he stopped wringing the cloth between his hands and she was caught in his eyes and she knew she was making things awkward by remaining silent, but he wasn't speaking either and she was pretty sure that if she tried to open her mouth, all that would come out would be a squeak. Tony stared at her, and she at him, and she should have just walked to her desk, should have turned on her heel and sat down but she was a slave to her idiocy even more so than ever. That buzzing beneath her skin worsened and his gaze was picking her apart, from her bare face, to her hair that had gotten caught in a gust and was messier than usual.

She was wilting away on the inside as the prolonged eye contact continued and she begged herself to say something, anything, before his hand reached out, pointing at her and everything in her stuttered to a halt. "I feel like I shouldn't ask, but I also want to make sure if that coffee's for me."

For a moment she was puzzled then looked to where he was pointing, and she had completely forgotten that she was holding it, the aching burn from earlier simmering into something that she was able to withstand.

"Oh! Yeah. It is, here." Allie forward, closing what little distance there was between them and she couldn't even look him in the eyes as she reached his drink out to him, hoping that the dim lighting in here would hide her embarrassed flushed that was burning a trail up her neck and spilling into her cheeks, leaving her red. Her fingers were stiff from holding the drinks for so long and Tony tucked the rag into the pocket of his pants, not caring if it were to stain the jeans, and he took a hold of the drink, his skin brushing over hers ever so slightly, and Allie nearly carried at the touch, hand pulling away instantly to get away and a splutter left her, voice croaking as she swept her hair behind her ear. "Sorry, it's hot."

Tony was staring at her as if she had grown an extra head and she was cursing herself for acting this way; what happened to getting her shit together? The lack of sleep was making her on edge, and she felt less in control of herself than ever before. She turned on her heel, briskly making her way to where her own, designated spot was and hoped to just die there so she wouldn't have to feel this humiliation, the mortification that she was making it awkward even if it wasn't on purpose. Did he know? Maybe she could just say she was on her period, guys usually accepted that as an excuse for weird behaviour.

Allie sat down, her own drink untouched as a shaky breath left her. What she needed was a good night's sleep and then all of this would just a weird, bad dream that she had concocted and then she would be fine. Her nerves were torn and frayed because she had spent so much time fussing over them and thinking herself into a mental breakdown; a few hours of not being awake and not being able to think would do her some good and then this would just be something she would laugh at herself for. Her? Having feelings like this? It was almost laughable now but the last thing she needed was for Tony to think her being any crazier than she was acting right now, and she bit it back.

Distraction was useful and no better distraction than working.

The music he was playing was cranked up and she was almost grateful for it, but the headache behind her eyes was getting worse and she forgot her glasses today so staring at the screen and reading the tiny letters was making the ache gnaw its way deeper into her skull, nipping at her eyes as she took a sip of her drink, blanching at the lukewarm taste that flooded her mouth and she pushed it to the side. She could still hear him moving about, humming beneath his breath and she peered over the monitor as stealthily as she could, but he was no where to be seen, lost in the maze of his own madness and Allie didn't know if it made her feel better or worse that he was had decided to leave her alone.

She turned back to her screen, staring at it with a frown as she berated herself; even with the music rattling her brain, she could still hear herself admonishing her for her behaviour. She was making a mountain out of mole hill and she would have no one to blame but herself; it was her fault she was caught on Lisa's accusations from the night before and it was her fault she was letting it simmer up close to the surface. She had never liked anyone before, not like how Lisa said, so she wasn't even sure if that was what she felt; perhaps what her friend said last night simply threw her off course and that was making her second guess herself.

It was just the lack of sleep getting to her, nothing else. Allie was simply grateful she hadn't thought herself into a panic attack, she didn't really feel like breaking that winning streak no matter how close she thought she might slip. Her anxiety had been fine in the last few years, manageable for her to deal with (by deal, she meant ignore) and she had just forgotten how bad it could be, how it would make her doubt everything that she did, that she was. Made her think untrue things until they were real in her mind. It wasn't that big of a deal to any other person to think their boss was attractive but to Allison, it was as if she were slipping.

It wasn't as if this reluctant admittance actually changed anything; the only thing that was changing the air between them was her own actions, was her letting it seep into her actions. She was so focused on staring at the blank screed, lost in her own mind, she hadn't realised the music had been turned off, nor had she seen Tony walk up next to her desk, watching her with careful eyes. "I really don't want to start up mandatory drug testing again."

She jumped, nearly clutching at her heart with his sudden appearance; he was watching her, studying her and Allie prickled underneath his gaze, shooting him a confused look before turning back to her monitor. She needed to write out a response, a declined invitation again and she thought maybe she should have done that copy and paste trick she like she had thought of. "Oh?"

He narrowed his eyes, and she could see him move closer from the corner of her eyes, shifting in her chair as if ready to fling herself to the other side of the room. "Just that I would hate for a valued employee of mine to be high off her ass on some alien planet."

"I see."

"You know, I've always wanted to see what bleach tasted like."

God, the headache nestling itself into her temples was getting worse and she felt on edge as he moved closer, barely listening to his words as they rushed over her head like river water over the surface of a rock. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, maybe I should stop drinking coffee in the morning and start sipping on some fresh, hot bleach instead, you know? Because - " His voice stopped, words coming to a halt and she hadn't even realised that there was a silence between them before he gave an exasperated groan and movement caught her eyes, watching him throw his hands up in the air, a befuddled look on her face. "Okay, I'm too tired and it's too early for this."

"Pardon?" She asked as he sat on the edge of her desk, leaning in close and she nearly catapulted backwards as he looked down at her with a disapproving gaze in his eyes, making her feel small and insignificant, like a teacher berating a student for a mistake they know very well that they had made. He smelt of car oil, of burning metal and sparks, of leather and Allie stopped from letting herself drown in the smell of him entirely, swallowing roughly as he looked at her.

He was sharp, eyes like a pickaxe tearing her apart and trying to make sense of what was going around her skull, to see what it was that was bothering her. Not that she could tell him, she could barely admit to it herself and the thought of even revealing a tiny portion of what was seared into her was enough to make her want to find the deepest hole in America and crawl into it. Well, Mr Stark, I just think you're the hottest piece of ass to walk this planet, and then some! She nearly gagged at the line but refrained from the action, shifting beneath Tony's gaze and she was sincerely glad he wasn't one of those superheroes who could read her mind. "You're really going to make me ask?"

Play stupid! "Ask who?"

"You."

"Who, me?" Okay, maybe not that stupid.

"The only you in the room aside from me," he said slowly, to make sure the words were there to sink in. She was about to retort that F.R.I.D.A.Y was here too, but decided against it, biting her tongue instead, fiddling beneath his studying gaze. She felt like one of his suits now, that he was trying to understand her but couldn't because he wasn't able to crack her open to see what the problem was. "You're… well, I don't know really, and I don't want to assume anything."

A scowl formed on her lips. "I'm not… anything."

Tony looked at her as if she were crazy and maybe she was, she was feeling it. Why couldn't he just let her get on with her work? Was this how he felt whenever she used to bother him on those Quiet Days where he wanted to be left alone to allow his own thoughts to consume him? She was feeling frustrated at his probing, at not leaving her alone and she tried not to snap because it wasn't his fault. "You've been staring at that blank e-mail for five minutes."

Allie frowned as she turned to the screen, the flashing line at the start of the paragraph the only thing on the white backdrop. Had he been watching her stare at it this entire time? "I was thinking."

"About?" he asked, and Allie pulled at the loose threads of her shirt, head ducked as she caught hold of a loose string, not caring if it were to make her entire top come undone as she tugged at it, pulling it free and twisting it between the pads of her thumb and index finger. She supposed he was only asking because she wasn't doing her job, electing to sit on her ass and just stare off into nothing.

Allie gave a shrug, hoping to brush whatever concern her boss might have for her, or for her lack of worth ethic, and gave a wave of her hand in the air, gesturing vaguely. All she wanted was to get on with her work and to distract herself with meaningless things so she wouldn't have to think of a certain someone's eyes. Eyes that she couldn't bear to look at now and eyes that were trying to see through the stiches she had made to pull herself together with little success as everything inside her was pouring out, as plain as day for anyone to see. "Things."

She didn't need to look up to see that he didn't believe her. "Things."

"Yes, things."

She was bad at lying like this and he didn't even do her the courtesy of pretending to believe her and leave her to her work, which was something she desperately wished he would do. He had no idea that he was the reason she had not been able to sleep all night, and therefore was the reason she was in a bad mood because she couldn't sleep and she couldn't think about anything other than what Lisa said and about him and Allie wondered that maybe she was the one in the wrong, the one who should mind her actions so that they would not be unprofessional. But nothing about this was entirely professional to begin with – she got hired after breaking into his shit and he hardly wanted to be as public as he once was, so she was barely even an assistant at that. She was practically a downgrade from Pepper Potts, and it bothered her. "Are you sure you're not sick? Don't tell me you've manage to contract a disease or something."

Allie looked up and her hands were raised, mimicking the shaking of her head as she profusely denied his worry. "No, I'm – I'm fine!"

"You don't seem fine," he insisted, tutting. "You seem... bothered."

A grimace found its way onto Allie's face and she wished that she was a better actor, wishing that she hadn't found herself in this predicament. Talking about her problems was the last thing she wanted when dealing with him. They were like in that respect, she supposed, though she doubted Tony would take kindly to being thought of as being as much of a stubborn mule as she was. "I'm not. I've just… I've been thinking about things. Personal things."

He was fishing for more answers, trying to help her on so that she would stop being so vague and actually tell him the problem, but she barely spoke to Lisa about these things; it wasn't that she didn't trust him, it was that she didn't trust herself and was half afraid of what she had to hide from other people. He was a good man, a good boss, maybe even a friend, but she would never do that to him, never burden him with her problems like that. "And… what kind of things that can be categorised as personal things?"

"Just… stuff."

"Right. So, these… personal stuff… things… are what are bothering you?"

Allie couldn't fathom his sudden interest, why he wanted to know but she wasn't about to snap at him. It was harmless, and the least she could do was give an explanation for her behaviour, it was the most that he deserved if he wanted to know so desperately. "Not bothering, just making me think."

"About?"

"I don't know, maybe like is this inquisition ever going to end?" she murmured, knowing he could hear her.

He smiled but gave a shake of his head. "The magic 8 ball says it's unlikely and to try again later."

"I just..." She began and looking up, she was half tempted to spill it all, to tell him what was really bothering her if it meant so much to him but as soon as she met his gaze she wilted, knew that she couldn't tell him, could never tell him, couldn't even put forth a half-baked lie as a substitute and for a moment, a brief, intangible moment, she thought maybe it was because he cared. The thought was quickly whisked away; he was her boss, he would hardly wanted a disease riddled employee in his place and just wanted to make sure there was no cause for concern that would end up effecting how she worked. That's how it always was. She forced a soft smile on her face, trying to play the part that she knew she be. "Really want to get my work done, Mr. Stark, if that's alright by you."

He appeared as if he wanted to press further, to keep going with his questioning but came up short, stopping himself as he stood from the table, reaching up to run his hand through his hair and she looked away briefly, trying to not looking at his arm and the muscles beneath the sleeve of his shirt. She wasn't a creep, wasn't to ogle him like a piece of meat. "No, yes – of course. Can't be bothering my hardest working employee."

A breath of relief left her as the tension in her shoulders left, slumping into her chair. "Thank you."

He began to walk away before turning to her once more. "And also, your computer just shut down."

Allie turned from him to the black screened monitor and groaned. She had been so out of it she hadn't even realised it had turned off. She turned it back on and sat before the loading screen, not even surprised when the music picked up again only this time it was louder than ever, and she massaged her temples, wishing she had a painkiller to banish it but for now, she would have to withstand the dull agony.

It was like that for hours, blissful distractions pushing away her worries and presenting new ones for her to fuss over; reading from the screen was hurting her eyes but it was a grounding pain, one that made it hard to focus on little else, including the pounding rock music that she couldn't even name, probably from before her time. Allie would switch from computer screen to paper documents, reading over them and feeling relieved she was actually getting her work done; she might even bring some home to save herself from the awkwardness of making conversation with Lisa after their verbal fight from the night before. They would make up, eventually, and it would then appear like it had never happened. But until that point, Allie was ready to use whatever was in her reach to help her ignore it, just like how she dealt with everything else.

She couldn't wait for lunchtime, to steal a few moments of being alone and she looked at the time on her computer, nearly cursing when she realised she still had an hour to go before she could do so. Her hands found their way into her hair and she fisted her fingers in it, wrapping the brown strands around and around and giving them a slight tug, her eyes closing as her elbows rested on the top of the desk; breathing in and breathing out, she could do this, she could do this. The fatigue was finally getting to her, consuming her entirely as she tried to fight the urge to keep her eyes closed, to fall asleep here and now, deciding to count to ten before she would open them again. Allie almost missed being back at her old workplace, missed being yelled at by a customer for accidentally using full fat milk instead of low fat milk, and then having to clean up the sticky table tops and half ass her attempt at moping the floor.

She almost missed it.

A cough roused her, spine straightening, and hands dropped as her eyes flew open, darting around before they landed on Tony standing a few feet before her, hands in his pockets and his hair wild, as if he had ran his hands through it multiple times.

"Are you alright, Mr. Stark?"

He stood there, hands in his pockets and appearing nonchalant. "I'm thinking about going out for a while."

That surprised her; Allie wracked her brain to think of there being anything happening today that he felt that he needed to attend, especially when as dressed down as he was, but she couldn't think of a single thing. "You are? Where?"

"Anywhere not here," he responded, and he began to pace back and forth, Allie's gaze glued to him and this sudden turn of events.

"Do… you need anything?" she asked but he gave a shake of his head, not bothering to stop his movement.

"No, no. It's fine. I'm a big boy, I can put on my big boy pants and drive myself."

She blinked, nodding to his words even if she didn't understand them entirely; she was used to him speaking out loud, putting his thoughts into existence, yet now it felt different, as if he was tossing his thoughts right out for her to catch and to throw back with her own and she was dumbfounded. She supposed she didn't mind him leaving for a while, giving her some time to think, but she couldn't help but wonder why he had a sudden interest for going for a drive. Not that she would ask, his personal like was his and she wasn't going to keep pestering him to know where he was the entire time. "Right. Well, I'll be here if you need… anything."

He stared at her as if he was trying to let her words sink in before a grin appeared on his face, fingers snapping, and she could imagine a lightbulb going off over the main of curls on top of his head. "Actually, yes. I do need things. We need food, you know? Proper food."

Allie stood, ready to leap from her chair in excitement at the thought that she would leave the room for fresh air to make a call. Then at least she could have a moment alone to herself. "I can have that ordered - "

He gave her words a wave, picking up his pacing once more. "No, I don't trust having my food FedEx'd into me."

"Oh," she said, sitting back down from half standing from her seat, and was hypnotised by his pacing, wondering if he would end up wearing a hole to the centre of the Earth within the hour. Her fingers drummed along the edge of the desk as she tried to come up with a solution that didn't end in him starving because he was too forgetful in remembering people needed food to survive, despite his insistent that anyone can survive without food – just not for very long. "Well, I mean… I can get someone to go out and buy them for you."

"Too risky," he said shaking his head at her offer and her eyebrows furrowed together, puzzled as he crossed his arms over his chest, finger tapping on his chin. He finally stopped his pacing to face her. Sometimes she wondered if she really was stupid, or if that was just a side effect of being in his presence.

"Risky?"

"Someone might poison me," he explained as if it were as reasonable as any explanation, and that she was the weird one for not understanding.

Allie stared at him, blank faced and with a are you serious look etched into her features. Maybe he had spent too long down here and was becoming far too paranoid. She wondered who else outside of herself and Colonel Rhodes that he had talked to; maybe the lack of human interaction was making his brain into a nest for a cuckoo. "I doubt someone will try to poison you by way of banana."

"It'd make for a good engraving on my headstone," he said, as if not even half bothered by the idea. It was amusing, Allie admitted even in her bad mood, the idea of him having survived missiles, aliens and the great beyond only to die from an excess of potassium.

She gave a shake of her head, taking a deep breath as she tried to wrap her brain around his sudden decision to leave the Compound. "Okay, I'm confused, so you want groceries, but you don't?"

He looked at her and Allie could see the gears in his head turning, could even hear the creaks from the rust that was gathering from non-stop moving as his eyes narrowed, something mischievous gleaming in his eyes. Oh, no – she didn't like this at all. "You're not busy, are you?"

"Actually, I am kind of - "

"As your boss and your main source of headaches, I've decided now you're not. Let's go," he said, standing to his feet and expecting Allie to do the same but she couldn't, wouldn't follow suit and he deflated as she remained seating.

Allie looked at him, trying to comprehend what was happening and what he was up to, but she knew she could never figure it out; he was always leagues ahead of her and even if she tried to run she could never understand anything he did not matter how desperately she wanted to. He was supposed to be a recluse, and the few times she had managed to drag him from his dark pit, there was arguing, pleading and compromises and now he was willingly going out for something as mundane as food?

She supposed part of her was glad that he was actually trying to eat, but she didn't buy his reasoning, not even for the slightest moment. Tony Stark, going out like he slept in a pit of grease with his assistant looking as if she had spent the night in a ditch – she could imagine the headlines now. It was only because of Tony's decision to be a complete opposite of how he was and be so private that she was glad she hadn't seen any tabloid's try and dig in to see who she was. So him asking her to go out with him for grocery shopping of all things? No, there was something else planned. "I'm sorry, go? Go where?"

"Out. I just said I needed to buy things," he replied as if she was too slow on the uptake and she pushed down the need for an eyeroll.

"You did. But you neglected to say how me being there was supposed to help."

"I've never gone grocery shopping by myself. It'll be fun," he tried to goad, but Allie wasn't falling for the bait.

"And you won't have if you bring me with you."

"You'll be my moral support," he grinned but it did little to deter her, even if his smile gave her heart a strangle.

The last thing she needed was to be trapped in a car with him for God knows how long. "I'm busy."

"Only if you believe you are," he retorted and an exasperated sigh was building up in her lungs, a damn ready burst through but she stifled it. It wasn't him she was annoyed it, it was herself, her own behaviour and he didn't deserve to have it taken out on him.

"Mr. Stark..." she trailed off, not having the energy to spar with him or match wits but he didn't back down, of course he didn't. He was Tony Stark, it would take a lot more than an upset, tired assistant for him to stop.

He raised his eyebrow, and she ignored the rumbling of a storm in her chest, and she was nearly over that edge, nearly about to have that breakdown that she was trying to ignore no matter how much she tried to ignore its bloated, shadowed presence blooming in her chest as her breathing stuttered. "Allison..."

"I really, really have a lot for doing and if I ignore it any longer, I think my head is going to explode from another mental breakdown," Allie spilled, the words coming out faster than she had anticipated and she was practically begging for some space, to be allowed to ignore her thoughts rather than have him dangle them in front of her, a fishing hook pulling her out from the sea she was caught in. She couldn't even look at him and she turned back to her monitor, at the blank email she had meant to type up but never did; her voice was annoyingly shaky and felt thick in her throat, squeezing through the stalagmite that formed there. "And the last thing I need is to put it off and I'll probably end up losing more sleep because I honestly feel like I'm either about to keel over at any minute."

When she finished speaking, Allie desperately wished to reel the words back into her mouth, to bury so far down they were barely fragments of thoughts, barely stopping herself from slamming her head on the table at her own stupidity. What was she doing? This wasn't Therapy Time with Tony Stark, this was work, he paid her to work, not to talk about her feelings and that were overwhelming her to the point she could barely breathe through them, drowning in a pool of her own emotions. Allie deflated, burying her face in her hands hoping that if she couldn't see him, maybe he couldn't see her. She felt so mortified, telling him that and was ready to apologise, to let him make her scrub the floor with a toothbrush so that he would forget her confession. But if there was one thing Tony Stark didn't do, was willingly forget any embarrassing moment Allie found herself in.

But he didn't say anything, no smart comment, no teasing to tell her to suck it up and Allie slowly lifted her head, eyes getting used to the brightness of the room yet again as she dragged her gaze up to meet his, dreading the look on his face that might await her there, her insides in bits and tumbling over, but when she met Tony's soft, brown eyes, there was none of what she feared, instead she could see something faint, a gentleness that she had never seen before. Only a few times had she seen Tony so serious, but she had never seen him like this, almost… comforting. He moved closer to her, closing the distance between them to the point he stood right next to her chair, leaning against her desk and the warmth was rolling off of him, covering her entirely. She looked away and his voice was soft. "So, you're not sleeping?"

"No, I'm not. Last night I couldn't sleep and it just like how it used to be, and I hate it."

"'How it used to be'? And how did it used to be?"

How many nights did she spend awake, staring at her ceiling in the dark as she listened to the silence? The silence scared her more than how it used to be at home, at least then when she heard a sound she knew to either pretend to sleep or to lock herself in her closet; but the nights where it was silent scared her worse because she could never stop imagining what might happen, who would burst through the door and snatch her from her bed. Even when she got older and was free from the clutches of her father, it got worse, especially in her teen years; her over active imagination got the better of her and sometimes she could still smell the whiskey, see his outline at the bottom of her bed and she remembered being fourteen and pissing the bed from the fright, the skeleton in her closet coming out to haunt her. It was only in recent years she learned that it wasn't real, none of it was, and he couldn't hurt her anymore. Now, the memories flooding back to her were hitting Allie with an onslaught of waves and she tried to withstand the tide, to ground herself and remember that she was safe, that the Iron Man was here and that no monster from her childhood was going to eat her. "Hard. It was really hard, and I just want to sleep."

"Allison, breathe. Just breathe." He soothed and she hadn't realised how shallow her breaths were, how they didn't fill her lungs completely and there was an ache blooming at the bottom of her chest. She looked at him as he told her once more to breathe, and she listened to his own, matching the gulping of air and holding it for a few seconds before releasing it in a shaky gust. She repeated it once more, holding his gaze as she got the erratic heaving of her chest under control and he gave her a comforting smile, hand twitching and moving as if he meant to give her a pat on the shoulder but didn't. "That wasn't so difficult now, was it?"

She paused before looking at him. "I feel like shit."

"This is nice, talking about feelings, clearing the air," he sighed, gesturing his hand around him between the two and his features were lighter now, the seriousness that had been there moments before dripping away. "It's very cathartic, you know?"

Allie gave a sniffle against her will and all she wanted to do was go back to bed but she couldn't; she was the one who decided not to go to sleep and now she was the one who would have to suffer the actions of her past self. She made her bed, but she could not lie in it, ironically. "I think I'm going to cry."

"Please don't," Tony rushed, taking a step away as Allie sniffled again, pushing down the need to cry over being tired like a toddler. "I don't do well around crying people, especially when it's women and I've made them cry."

A breathy laugh left her, hair moving around her as she shook her head, clearing her throat as she looked up at him. "You're not making me cry. I just didn't sleep last night and I'm mad at myself."

"Thoughts of me keeping you awake?"

He had no idea, and she would have thought he was mocking her, but he didn't even know, didn't even understand that he was right and, oh, how Tony Stark loved being right. There was a sour taste in her mouth, and she swallowed the acid that burned and eroded her words away, hands wringing beneath the desk as it matched the tangled threads in her as a breath bled past her lips, forcing herself to meet his eyes, those big brown eyes that had no idea. "And the many ways I could stab you with a banana."

"If you got more than three, I'll willingly subject myself to being murdered by you."

"Maybe tomorrow."

He gave a laugh before his face softened, head dipping and voice less teasing as he spoke. She wondered how long he had been known that her own mind was eating away at her. Had she been so obvious? Probably. It made her feel embarrassed that she couldn't even hide her emotions from him, always simmering beneath the surface and that he could read her like a book. She had always thought she was good at being a private person, and now? Now she almost feared that he would find out more, that he would pick her apart and discover all the secrets that clung to her skeleton. The thought alone scared her. "So, you back on Earth or is your mind still in the clouds?"

"Unfortunately, I'm still on this flying rock. Why? Don't tell me you're going to drag me to Walmart, are you?"

"Don't worry. I just thought that two people trapped in a close and confined space would make them talk to one another."

Allie stared at him in half shock at his words, could scarcely believe that that was his plan – he wanted her to talk about her feelings and he was going to come up with some convoluted plan for her to do so? She hadn't realised how obvious she had been with how off she was this morning and however terrible the plan was (it was barely a plan at that, being half baked and terrible) something in her softened towards him. Why had he been so desperate to get her to talk about what was bothering her? Allie supposed her bad vibes was throwing him off his work, but at the same time, it strangled a wire around her heart to realise that he had wanted her to talk, to let go of whatever she was bottling up and had corked closed. "You were going to trap me in your car to get me to talk about my feelings?"

Tony gave a whistle, pulling a face at her words. "Well, when you put it like that, it sounds bad."

She could think of worse people to be trapped in a car with and she shook her head, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips, the first real one she had all day and it felt unusual, foreign to her as it fought against her bad mood and exhaustion as it stretched across her mouth. "Not all that bad."

He cast her a thoughtful look as if he might continue to disagree with her sentiment that an older man locking a younger woman in his car was not at all creepy. "Right, well. While we're here, let's get down to the other side of work."

She looked at him, thinking he couldn't possibly serious. Had he not heard her when she had told him about the pile of work she had because he seemed to prefer ignoring his problems than facing them head on? Where have I seen that before, echoed in her mind and she brushed it away. "Now?"

"Now."

"But I - " she began but he hushed her, a hand reaching out to stop her in her tracks and she half feared he might press his hand to her mouth to silence her entirely. The dreaded thought was not met with the same emotional reaction as her stomach did a tumble at the thought.

"No if's and certainly no but's, or anything in between," he stated, retracting his hand and there was a light in his eyes now, the splotches of purple bruises beneath his eyes not weighing him down as much. He clapped his hands together, bringing her attention from her thoughts about him so that she would focus on him entirely. "The sooner we start, the sooner we finish."

She glared at him playfully. "Liar."

A hand when to his heart, feigning innocence as he looked at her like a kicked puppy and it was enough to make Allison wilt against her will on the inside. Here she was, practically cooing over a man nearly twice her age. "Me? Lie? Never, in my entire life. I'm a good, altar boy."

She gave a roll of her eyes. "I can tell."

"I practically ooze righteousness."

A weak bark of laughter left Allie, shaking her head with wisps of her hair dancing around her and catching on the curve of her jaw, the shell of her ear. Some of that weight that was pulling her down was lifted somewhat; he always managed to make her laugh, even when she felt like she couldn't, even if it was a pathetic wheeze but the action left her feeling lighter, less burdened. Even when he was the cause for her troubles, he still made them slightly easier to deal with. "That's not what I'd call it."

"And what would you call it?" he teased, sidling up to her and her breath caught in her throat, trying to reach her lungs but unable to as her voice rushed from her, gone in an instant as she tried to think of a reply, to shoot back something smart, something witty like she always did but she couldn't; she felt dumbfounded now, floundering for words, for even her thoughts as her tongue weighed down in her mouth, unable to lift and speak as he stared at her, eyes curved from his grin and the laugh lines along his cheeks showing. It was barely a second's pause before she caught up to herself, realising she needed to speak, to say something and that she couldn't just stare at him, however much she wanted to.

How desperately she wanted to.

"Uh… nothing. No, I'm - " Allie all but stuttered, caught in the headlights of Tony's stare and there was a trip in her heart as she tried not to become undone once more before him. Her fingers dug into the palm of her hand, her closely clipped fingernails gnawing into her palm. "Where were we?"

He gave her a brief look, eyes narrowed and like picks, attempt to break apart her facade. Allie tried not to meet his gaze, placing one leg atop of the other in a bid to stop It from shaking and catching his eye; flexing and unflexing her fingers, a breath entered Allie's lungs, pooling and easing the ache, as Tony almost gave a half shrug to himself, deciding that prying wouldn't do anyone any good, especially him. Holding the air in her chest, Allie tried to hold back her thoughts, a barricade in her mind forming around them but they were squeezing through the gaps, cracks forming as Tony turned away and pushed his chair into the desk beside Allie, the distance between them far too small but a world apart.

Unable to bring herself under control, her eyes creaked as they moved, pushing against Allie's will to glue themselves to the side of Tony's face, unblinking and wide as that breath in Allie's lungs grew old and painful, reminding her she needed to breathe, but she couldn't – she was surrounded by the smell of his cologne and it was a sea around her, head caught beneath the surface. She never knew how much of Tony Stark's face that she could sketch out perfectly in her mind's eyes, his warm eyes, the gentle crinkles etched atop of his cheekbones that grew bolder whenever he smiled. He had such thick lashes for a man, it could have made Allie envious if they did not fascinate her so much.

Allie could hear a voice chiming in her head, one that sounded an awful lot like Lisa's, and it echoed throughout her brain, the blockade she fought to form breaking down with each passing second she stared at Tony. Ignorance was bliss and Allie wished for it as her hands grew sweaty, a strange tightness in her throat that almost hurt as she tried to swallow and rid herself of such a dry mouth. Knots were in her stomach, and she could feel the soft wings of butterflies' brush against them, fluttering in and out as she tried to tell herself it's not the same. The words felt like ash in her mouth, words crumbling to nothing before she could even say them.

And Allie didn't even want to think about his lips, the very same lips that were moving and -

Allie didn't even realise he has talking to her and the sound of fingers snapping brought her back into reality, eyes watering from how long she had refused to blink as Tony stared at her, half amused at how zoned out she had been – had he known that he was the cause for that? The thought that he had undoubtedly caught her staring made a fire burst in her cheeks, scarlet and staining the canvas.

"If you're alright and back on Earth with me, might I continue?" he teased, and Allie didn't have the mind or the willpower to give a snarky reply.

Oh, Allie thought, dread filling her mind as her heart leapt with glee.

Fuck.

I'm in trouble.


Hello, hello! Just before I get into my A/N I'd like to answer a few of your reviews!


I just want to say thank you all so much for all the reviews and kinds words you have left. I know this fic hasn't been updated in a while, the world has been a mess and I hope that this chapter brings some happiness to even one person. I do read them all, every single one of your reviews and they've really made my days so much better and brighter. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. I cannot fathom into words how much your support means to me in times like these. I wish I could respond to them all, but I would be here all day pouring out my heart and endless gratitude to you, my readers, who are the reason I continue to write at all.


I currently have 3 essays for uni due within 6 days and instead, I wrote this. And honestly? I'm quite happy. I wrote it in the span of five hours. I hope that, despite the long wait, it's good!

Thanks for reading!