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Chapter Nineteen.

Allie was sleeping when she felt light break across her closed eyelids, cracking them open to see Lisa standing in the doorway to her bedroom, looking bedraggled and tired as Allie felt herself, her friend slumped over and pale.

"You feeling any better?" Allie croaked, sleep thickening her voice as she shifted on the mattress, eyes half open as they still hung onto the sleep she was disturbed from. Lisa gave a grunt, still looking as shit as the morning when she arrived back after spending the night at Stewart's; when Allie had got the text from Lisa that she would not be returning for the night, she had given her a few suggestive emoji's before Lisa had sent a selfie, makeup ruined on her face and looking less than stellar and it seemed she had eaten something gone off at the work party and had spent the entire night getting sick.

That was a few days ago and Allie had been acting as nurse to Lisa ever since, helping her as she bent over the toilet vomiting up whatever her stomach could hold and it had been a strange first meeting with her friend's boyfriend who seemed worried about Lisa's state of being before he was waved out the door and Lisa all but curled into a ball, crying about how embarrassed she was over having her new boyfriend witness her in such a state.

Lisa slumped against the frame of the door, wrapping her arms around herself shivering slightly but there was some colour returning to her cheeks and her eyes seemed more animated than they had been these past few days; Allie was on the last stretch of her holidays and was glad that Lisa seemed better because she wouldn't have been able to concentrate if her friend was still puking her ring out into their toilet.

"I feel like I got run over by a truck," Lisa groaned, running a hand over her face and Allie didn't even know what time it was, just that it was too early in the morning as the sun had still yet to make an appearance while the moon was further in the sky than it had been when she had tucked Lisa into her own bed that night. "Twice. And then they backed up over me and ran me over again."

An airy laugh left Allie as she shuffled back into her bed to leave a space open, reaching across to pull back the blankets and opening her bed to Lisa, arms held out to her and a comforting pout on her mouth. "Aw, poor baby, do you want some cuddles?"

Lisa's eyes narrowed, staring down at Allie with a distrusting look on her features. "Are you serious right now? Because yes, of course I want cuddles."

Allie grinned, motioning for Lisa to enter and the other girl practically hopped into the bed, closing the door behind her, leaving the two in perpetual darkness as she slipped into the bed beside Allie, teeth chattering and Allie winced at the feeling of how cold Lisa was, making sure to tuck the blankets in behind Lisa as the two settled, a tangled mess of arms and legs.

Soon, Lisa's shivering eased and she stopped her wiggling, body temperature regulating and Allie's eyes began to droop of their own accord, ignoring the tickle of Lisa's hair against her nose and there was a stretch of silence, the only sound she could hear being their own breathing and the steady thrum of her beating heart. Despite the two having their own bedrooms (a luxury in New York especially after The Incident), they used to share a bed more often than not when they first moved in, an action that was so foreign to Allie because of how unused to this type of affection she was but she learned to expect it from Lisa from whom it was normal.

The blankets were tugged up close to her nose and Lisa's freezing touch slipped away and Allie was ready to fall back into sleep when Lisa's whisper broke through the darkness, half afraid to speak at full volume in case someone might hear. "So, you still haven't told me what you did for New Years?"

With how close they were to one another, Allie knew Lisa felt her body stiffen for a brief moment and her brain was running as she tried to think, faltering for a moment for a reason she didn't know. Allie had never told Lisa, didn't have the time to tell her and she hesitated, hesitated to let it slip what she had done for that night; she thought of their last fight and Allie didn't know why she couldn't explain, why she couldn't tell the truth.

Her eyes peeled open and despite the darkness, she could make out Lisa's face, her emerald eyes that were staring right back at Allie. Her stomach was tying itself into knots and Allie couldn't pluck up the courage to tell her, to say what really happened.

She tried to tell herself that she wasn't really lying – omitting parts of the truth wasn't lying, she was just… God, what was she doing? She remembered Lisa's accusatory words from their fight, the look in her eyes that was still clear despite the darkness. Allie gave a shrug, an awkward action from how she lay in bed and was glad her friend wasn't able to see her face because she would instantly know that something was being kept from her. "Oh, nothing major. It was a quiet night. I had some drink and stayed up for the ball drop. Went to bed earlier than you."

The words came so easy, so sure that even Allie believed them, didn't think twice about what really happened and Lisa accepted what she said so easily that Allie felt the nip of guilt digging its teeth into her. Lisa gave a groan and flopped onto her back and Allie could just make the outline of her face, the peak of her nose and how her hand slapped itself onto her forehead. "God, that sounds so much better than my night. I got sick in the bathroom at the work party and Stewart had to hold back my hair the entire time."

A laugh left Allie as she shuffled closer, resting a cheek on Lisa's shoulder. "In sickness and in health, so it goes. It's cute he stayed with you."

It seemed the words did little comfort as Lisa buried her face into her hands and let out another moan of embarrassment, mortified of the memories of that night flooded to the surface, no longer addled by drink or sickness. "He's never leaving me now that he knows the consistency of my vomit."

"Ideal, that's everything you want in a man, isn't it?"

There was a pause from Lisa as her hands fell back down over the covers and with how close Allie was laying next to her friend, she could hear the creaks of the gears turning in her head, rusted from so long of being unused. Lisa was back to whispering again. "Is that what you want?"

An amused huff left Allie because she could sense the underlying implication that was hidden in Lisa's voice, that were particularly carefully selected and Allie knew what Lisa was trying to get at, what she was trying to pull from the bottom of Allie's chest where her words were buried from the gave she dug with her own bare hands. "I'll let you know when I find out."

A pause stretched to a moment then to a minute of silence and Allie hoped that that would be it because she wasn't entirely in the mood for this, for whatever was going through Lisa's head and what she intended and all Allie wanted was to get back to sleep because then it would be morning and she would be back to work again. She was glad it was dark because then Lisa wouldn't be able to see the excitement that flashed across her face at the realisation that this was the end of her holidays and she would be back to work in the Compound; most people would dread the idea of having their holidays meet their sorry end, but not Allie, never Allie.

Her breathing began to even out, heart calm and she thought she was close to falling asleep before Lisa's voice pulled her away from that bliss.

"Allie, I don't want to fight with you again, but I just… I want to know if you do – "

Allie groaned and rolled over, her back facing Lisa and trying to not seem so guarded, so hostile but she couldn't help it. "Lisa, please not again."

But Lisa refused to let it go, sheets rustling over each other as her friend moved on the mattress and suddenly the room is alight, a golden glow spilling across them both and Allie blinks at the intrusion, staring ahead at the wall as she refused to look back, hoping that if she could just pretend or just ignore it, then perhaps they wouldn't fight about this, not again. However, Lisa's voice remained soft and unsteady and Allie could imagine that she was wringing her hands in nervousness as she spoke. "I'm sorry about last time. I was mean and antagonistic and I didn't go about it the right way. I don't want to tell you what to do with your life or who you can and can't like."

Allie stilled, quite glad she was faced away from Lisa as an expression filled with surprise filled up her face having not expected that to come out of Lisa's mouth of all things; Allie had expected more fighting, more accusations being thrown around but not this, not her friend taking it all back and Allie wondered how long it had been bothering Lisa. Was it a few days? Weeks? Since the moment their fight ended?

Allie shifted her weight on the bed, tucking the blankets tighter around her because she didn't want to remember it, didn't want to think about the fracture in their relationship that they had been ignoring since that day. "It's alright."

"No, it's not alright," Lisa sighed, voice tight and strained as if the memory of it all was too painful to recall. "I was a horrible friend to you and said mean things. I hope you forgive me."

"Of course, Lisa," Allie responded, voice delicate and all too fragile for her liking; it was true, how could Allie not forgive Lisa? They were friends, best friends, and Allie loved her more than she loved herself at times. "Of course I do, it's all behind me now."

It wasn't a lie, not really, but Allie couldn't bear to tell Lisa how it felt like everything in her had shifted since that day, that Lisa had pulled the rug out from underneath her to make her see what she had been avoiding all this time, what she had been trying to pretend didn't exist when it did and how it dogged at her heels for so long until she could no longer ignore it. She had met it, resigned to the truth and Allie wondered if Lisa had never confronted her about it, would she have ever recognised the truth?

It was a part of her now, she couldn't separate her feelings from her no easier than she could her arm from its socket and perhaps it was inevitable, that if Lisa had not confronted her about her feelings for Tony, someone else would have, but never her, never Allie because she had spent so long trying to pretend they didn't exist at all. But they did, they do, and Allie worried that perhaps they always would.

"I just…" Lisa began, voice lulling off into a silence as she tried to find the right thing to say, as if she's been ruminating on it all this time but now that the moment has appeared, it's all fallen short and she's left without words to explain. "I've never seen you ever like someone, guy or girl, and I guess some part of me still sees you as that shy twenty year old who didn't know how to tell me to piss off when I cried to you about my laptop."

Allie flipped over, the light of the lamp stinging her eyes momentarily as she faced it and stared at Lisa in shock. "You knew I wanted to say that?"

"Al, who the Hell wants to be listening to some stranger cry about a broken laptop at work? Of course I knew it was weird, but you helped me anyways," Lisa laughed and it was light but seemed forced, not in tone with the tone of the conversation she was instigating, the humour on her face dripping away as she reached across and placed a hand on Allie's arm, a seriousness that was uncharacteristic seeping in. "You've always helped me and part of me always wants to protect you because you're a good person who doesn't deserve bad things to happen to them."

"Lisa…" Allie began, not sure where to end because she had no idea where this was going but it seemed to be better than their last discussion that they had about this subject. They could only ignore the elephant in the room for so long before it became impossible, and for Allie it was becoming harder to bear, shouldering a secret burden that she normally tried to hide away from or to shove into the back of her mind but it was growing, festering and feasting and she needed to let it out because it was going to consume her whole at this point.

"And I was scared for you because I thought you were going to get hurt. I've been with older guys, I don't want you to go through what I did."

"No, Lisa, it's not like that – he's not like that," Allie jumped, hastily trying to shut down whatever worries Lisa had. Was that what she was worried about all this time? That Allie would get hurt? To Allie, it seemed ridiculous because she knew Tony would never do that, he would never do anything like that at all and Lisa didn't know him like she did. "I… I trust him as much as I trust you. I don't know why, but I do. He would never do anything to hurt me, I know that."

"But… do you like him?" Lisa asked, looking down at her with those soft, emerald eyes and Allie bit her tongue, not wanting to run away with what she really wanted to say because how could she explain the depth of her own emotions without sounding like an idiot?

Allie took to wringing her bedsheets, staring down at her hands as she tried to form the proper thing to say, to tell Lisa that she was right, she always had been right and that it frightened Allie, frightened her because she had never felt this way and it was uncharted territory, she had never been down this road before and it terrified her. It was just a stupid crush, she could deal with it but some days – God, some days it felt so much more in a way that Allie hated it; she felt like she could deal with it and then she saw Tony, and was every day going to be like New Years where she couldn't focus on anything but him, thinking about his smile, the way his hair curled and the feeling of his hands on her?

She did, of course she liked him, who couldn't? Allie knew she should have seen it coming, she had always been hopeless when it came to things like this; her first (and only) boyfriend had been the first guy in her life to give her any kind of attention and she had fallen for it, not for him, and it had been her weakness all this time. And to have someone like Tony Stark complimenting her and laughing at her lame jokes and being nice to her? Allie was doomed from the start, doomed from the moment she had walked into her apartment and saw Tony Stark sitting there.

Because Tony Stark didn't make her feel any lesser than other guys had, and it hurt her heart that all he had to do was smile a pretty smile and her heart would drop into her stomach because he was so handsome and he knew it but didn't care and Allie was lost within it; she wished he were less kind, less funny and less handsome, less caring and less attentive but then that would be lesser of him.

"I…" Allie began, trying to string her thoughts together so her voice could form an answer but nothing that could properly convey her feelings came forth; perhaps if she liked Tony any less, she would be able to talk about it more. She deflated, settling on something that didn't feel apt but was all she could offer up. "Don't even know."

"You don't?" Lisa asked, raising her brows and Allie's voice scraped out a sigh.

"I don't think I've ever liked someone, so I don't know if maybe I'm just confused and need to sort my own emotions out," she explained, fiddling with her sheets and half afraid to look at Lisa as she spoke in case she lost her nerve but Allie felt so lost, looking to her friend in hopes of being reassured that she was right and she was just confused. But Lisa had that sad look on her face, lips turned up in a comforting smile. "How do you even know if you like someone like that?"

Lisa reached down and brushed away a strand of her hair that cupped her cheek, like how mothers would do, a knowing expression filling her eyes. "If you're asking yourself that and you can't find the answer, then you already know."

Allie pursed her lips, turning away to stare at the ceiling and, fuck, Lisa was right – of course she was, how could she not be? Allie brought her hands to her face, burying herself in them because it was the final answer she needed, sealing her feelings and her fate. "Shit."

Lisa nodded in agreement. "Yeah, shit."

A built up breath left Allie as she stewed in her own thoughts, not exactly sure why she was all too surprised by the confirmation that Lisa had given her. It felt like the point of no return, that the recognition and acceptance of her own feelings made them all too real and Allie twisted in her bedsheets, turning to face Lisa. "I don't want to like him, Leese. Is that a horrible thing to say?"

Her voice dropped to a gentle murmur, gripping her pillow and Lisa shook her head, the strands of her black hair moving. "It's not, I can understand where you're coming from."

"It's just…" Allie gulped and all these things she had wanted to say were now so easily coming out of her after being suppressed to the back of her mind for so long and it felt as good as it did scary by finally putting them out there. "I don't want to because I know it's useless and it's going to end badly for me because he sees me as some kid and I've met two of his friends and it feels like they hate me for some reason."

"Of course they hate you, Al."

A perplexed look graced Allie's face. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, here you are – young and beautiful and you're working with this guy who's already a massive celebrity and they probably think you're some gold digger."

"They what?! Why would they think that?!" Allie spluttered, pulling herself into an upright position, wide eyed and in disbelief; that couldn't be right, how would anyone think that? Her? A gold digger? That had to be a joke because first of all, she wasn't nowhere near as pretty to be one and she could barely charm paint drying on wall, how would she ever manage to achieve doing that?

But Lisa didn't seem "Because apparently some women exist to steal men's money, like me for example. I like a man who can pay off my student debts."

Allie shook her head, incredulous at Lisa's words because it made no sense! How could anyone think of her like that, especially when they had barely even talked to her before? Not to mention their meetings hadn't even lasted more than for a handful of minutes. "But… I've only met them once or twice. That makes no sense."

"I mean, I could be wrong but in my experience that's usually the case," Lisa explained, giving a lift of her shoulders as Allie fell back into the spot beside her, no longer feeling the need for sleep.

Was Lisa right? Was that the reason they didn't like her? Colonel Rhodes had been polite enough but she wasn't entirely a fool to know that being polite to someone didn't mean you liked them and he had been frigid, cold, looking down at her strangely. God, was that really it? Did they really think of her like that?

It made Allie's stomach turn at the thought and her hands fisted the duvet cover in her palms, frowning; if they thought that, did Tony did as well? No, it couldn't be – he wouldn't think of her like that. He was nice and he would tease her, but he would never be cruel to her, would never think of her as being a leech because, first of all, she hadn't even wanted the job in the first place and he had no idea about her feelings!

Did he?

Her stomach flipped at the thought that Tony could have any inkling about what was roaming around in her mind when she looked at him and her hands went to her face, cradling them and letting out a string of curses; she had tried to be so careful, tried to not let it show but it was so hard sometimes because he would make her laugh louder than she intended, smile larger than she wanted and her heart felt like it was going to burst whenever she felt his hand drift over her shoulder, her back, the way he would sneak in a compliment when he was poking fun at her.

And she thought of New Years, how for the briefest of most ridiculous moments she had thought that he would... that he would kiss her, how she had pressed a chaste touch of her lips to his cheek but no more.

God, what had she been thinking? She couldn't even blame the alcohol by that point as she was stone cold sober, but she had still done it and the memory of it all was too much for Allie to bear and her face screwed up as she recalled that night; if Tony had no idea that she liked him, he would have to know by now with her acting like a complete and utter fool and her nerves twisted in her tummy, throat closing up tight. She had kissed him – kissed him, albeit on the cheek but it had happened and she had done it and Allie was fit to throw herself out the window.

"Fuck my life," Allie groaned into her hands, praying that Lisa was wrong but when it came to matters about men, her friend was rarely proven incorrect. "You're probably right."

A hum left Lisa as she studied Allie, watching her glare up from her position on the bed at no one in particular. "And Stark has a girlfriend."

Allie nodded sombrely, staring up at the ceiling and the old glow in the dark stars she had stuck up there that no longer shone. "And he has a girlfriend."

Of course she never forgot about that, how could she?

Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries and probably the most beautiful woman alive and she had been here long before Allie had and would be here long after her too. She was never so prone to self deprecating as she had been these last few months, unable to stop comparing herself to the Pepper Potts because they were in such different leagues, but it was inevitable, unstoppable because how could Allie ever hope to be like her? It ran through her, like scum on water leaving behind the residue of inferiority that seemed hard to scrub off.

It made her feel all that bit more mortified about her feelings, that she was wanting nothing more than to just – just even have Tony see her, to actually see her and see that she was there and she cared and it was all so fucking pathetic that it made her want to tuck it all away into a bag and throw it off the highest cliff possible so that she could pretend it didn't exist.

But it would always be there, hidden but alive and Allie hated herself for it; she always liked to think she was the master of her own emotions, that her will would be stronger but now it seemed to turn tail and run, leaving her helpless to her own thoughts and feelings because Allie, all she wanted was to just – for Tony to just see her and, shit, for it to be easier and not have to deal with emotions because they were overwhelming and she wanted to be over this, past this stage and to let whatever she felt lull off into nothing that she would laugh at months to come.

But it felt like that moment would never come, that in months down the line she would fall deeper and deeper and then have no choice, no chance to crawl out of them. She always thought young love was supposed to be a good thing from the way it was portrayed in books and movies, that crushes were supposed to be exciting moments in a person's life but Allie didn't feel that at all; while one part of her didn't ever want to see Tony's face ever again, the other part seemed to tear in pain at the thought she would never be around him again and it was disgustingly petty and pathetic, but it was true even if it left her perplexed.

The way she was acting, it made Allie think she hadn't spent almost 25 years without him, so why was she feeling as if she wouldn't be able to go another day without seeing him?

Lisa remained silent as Allie continued her worried rampage, her twisted emotions choking her as her face became taut, features tight and lips pursed because the last thing she needed was to start crying over all of this. "Are they still together?"

A sigh built up in the bottom of her chest, air filling and spilling out almost instantly as she wrung her hands above her, imagining no one in particular's neck, feeling as if she wanted nothing more than to dig in her own feelings and sort them out so they could be comprehensible instead of the mess she was left with. Then her arms fell and her voice was tired, wearied and worn at the edges. "I don't know. He doesn't talk about her, like ever. We don't usually sit around gossiping about each other's love life."

"What a boring workplace," Lisa snorted, settling herself back into the mattress, right up against Allie so that their knees were knocking against one another. "I can't imagine working in a place where I don't know that the security guard is sleeping with the head of human resources."

"The most interesting piece of gossip I have is that Iron Man's suits are titanium alloy."

Lisa propped herself up on the mattress, cupping her cheek and looking down at Allie with drawn together brows. "Then why do they call him Iron Man?"

"You know, I asked that same question."

An airy laugh left Lisa as her features screwed up in thought, lips pressed into a straight line and Allie didn't trust whatever was going through her friend's mind because knowing that look, she was half afraid Lisa would suddenly decide that what they would need to do to cure Allie's affliction would be a night of excessive drinking in order to forget it all.

Which, in hindsight, didn't sound all too bad because Allie had made far worse choices in her life.

Then, Lisa sat herself back up, a grin on her face and clapping her hands enthusiastically, arriving at the point of revelation as she brought her legs under her and Allie's eyes narrowed at Lisa.

"What?" Allie asked, distrusting her friend's shift in mood.

"Let's do a hypothetical situation."

"Oh great, a hypothetical situation," Allie snorted, rolling her eyes at her friend's suggestion, prompting for the other woman to frown and reach behind her to grab a pillow before bringing it down on Allie's face, drawing a shout of protest from her.

"Come on, I'm a great actor!" Lisa retorted before bringing the pillow down onto Allie's face once more for good measure, then settling back into her upright position, trying to draw the same enthusiasm from Allie as she grinned. "Let's pretend that if Tony Stark came up to you and professed his undying love for you and that he doesn't want to date Pepper Potts anymore, what would you do?"

Allie's eyebrows darted up at the prompt, trying not to laugh at her friend for all her seriousness as she hauled her back up against the headboard, not exactly wanting to take part in this ridiculous play; she did in fact have to go into work that morning and didn't exactly fancy having to look at Tony knowing that she had been spending her time a few hours beforehand spilling her heart out to Lisa and how desperately she wished that what she was saying was true. "Uh, maybe ask if another car dropped on his head and left him with a concussion?"

"He had a what dropped on his head?"

Allie brushed it her concern off with a nonchalant wave of her hand; it hadn't even been that serious, despite Allie's initial worries when he called her in and asked for a little help because he was trapped under. "He was fine, he only bled a little bit."

Lisa's worry didn't blow over as she gave a nod of her head, as if still trying to wrap her mind around it; there was no point because Allie didn't completely understand Tony and she spent God knows how many hours of the day in the same room as him. "Right."

A sigh bled out through Allie's nose, trying to ignore the way her throat was closing up and tried to blame how she was feeling on the fact she was exhausted, tired and in deep need of more than her eight hours of sleep but Allie could try and lie to everyone including herself, but it would never warp the truth.

What would she do if that ever happened? It seemed so far fetched and ridiculous that it made forming an answer even more difficult because the fact that such a moment would never come to pass meant that there was no reason for her to try and dwell on it, to make up these scenarios that would only exist in her head. And the truth of it made it all that more harder to bear now that Lisa was posing such a thing to her – because Allie was a fool and had to go and fall for the one man in the entire world who she knew would never, ever be someone who could be hers.

To her, there was no harm in admiration, in the way her heart would pick up when he would smile, the way in how he made her cheeks fill up with warmth but anything beyond that was only going to hurt Allie and her alone; and Allie wanted to be kind to herself, she didn't want to keep hurting herself over things like these, she deserved peace, she deserved happiness and perhaps forgetting these feelings existed at all was the best way to go about it.

"I don't know what I would do, Leese," Allie admitted, trying to ignore how threadbare she sounded, voice croaking but no longer from the sleep that had been chased away from her. "I don't even want to think about that because I don't… I don't want to have expectations or anything and then end up being hurt. I know he loves Pepper and I know that he doesn't – he doesn't have feelings towards me."

"Allie…" Lisa began, trailing off and something like pity began to flood her pretty features and Allie couldn't bear the sight, turning away and trying to brush it off with a forced laugh.

"It's just a stupid crush that'll be gone in a few weeks and we'll be laughing about it by then," Allie insisted, trying to wave it off and force the image in her head of the two of them laughing over Allie's silliness for having a crush on her boss, on Tony Stark of all people, but Lisa didn't seem to share in the idea of that ever coming true.

Instead, she reached down and took Allie's hand in her own, skin no longer frozen to the touch as it had been these past few days and she cradled it in between her own two hands, gently and delicately as if afraid that Allie might unravel at the seams at any moment now. Lisa had that sad, knowing look in her face again, the one where she could see what Allie couldn't, what Allie refused to acknowledge because ignorance was bliss but these days it was getting harder to feign it when her own worst enemy was her heart. "Allie, I want you to be happy, no matter what. You're more than my best friend – you're my sister, you mean the world to me and I want you to always be happy because you deserve happiness."

"I know you do. I just… I wish I didn't feel this way," Allie muttered, grasping Lisa's hands tight and even despite the constricted feeling of her heart trapped behind the confines of her bones, it felt better talking about it, to finally have someone know, to listen and understand and that was all Allie could ever ask for. In the morning, she would forge this all happened and would pretend that her feelings didn't exist because it was better for everyone if she never talked about it ever again. "It's scary, not knowing how to deal with whatever I feel for him. Some days I wake up and I think it's gone and then I see him and it feels too much to bear."

Lisa took her time in letting Allie's words sink in before a wave of air left her, settling back down under the blankets once more. She seemed as defeated as Allie felt, pitying that this was the only outcome Allie knew would happen. "I remember whenever you used to make fun of me crying over a guy, I wish we were back to those days."

"This is my karma for all that teasing."

"You're a better person than me," Lisa stated, still holding tight to Allie's hand, clasped beneath the bedsheets and here Allie felt safe, felt warm and perhaps that fracture in their relationship was something that only existed in her mind. "If I knew a guy I liked was in love with someone else I would be praying a wormhole would open up and swallow them whole."

This time Allie couldn't resist the giggle that left her. "Oh please, you think I'm not capable of being that petty?"

"Oh, so you're saying I'm petty?"

"Just a little."

"Then I'll have to be petty enough for the best of us and hope Pepper Potts breaks a heel and falls down a flight of stairs."

A bubble of laughter left Allie, grinning and she gave Lisa a kick underneath the blankets. "You're so mean."

"And you love it."

"I do," Allie affirmed before she let go of Lisa's hand to pull the blankets over her chin and flipped back over, not even wanting to check the time because part of her wanted to stay in this moment forever. "Now, let me go to sleep because I have to get up early in the morning for work and pretend I'm not helplessly falling for my boss."

Lisa gave a grumble of goodnight before she flicked the lamp off, leaving them drowning once more in darkness save for the glow and thrum of the city leaking in through her window, but it was something she had got used to over the years. She closed her eyes but found sleep could not come to her as quickly and perhaps it wouldn't at all tonight; in a few hours, she would see Tony and she would be back to pretending that her heart didn't stutter at the sight of him, and she wondered if they would pretend that New Years didn't even happen, perhaps it was for the best they never spoke of it again.

But even if they did, Allie would think about it constantly and consistently, secretly and silently all the while pretending. She was good at pretending to forget things, good at pretending that some things never happened because it was for the best.

"Allie?" Lisa called out.

Allie wondered if she should not respond, to act as if she had fallen asleep but her voice slipped out before she could catch onto it. "Yeah?"

There was a moment where Lisa didn't answer straight away, as if she wasn't sure if she should have spoken at all. Then – "I wish you didn't have to be hurt over this."

Allie's breath caught in her throat, seizing up as her eyes peeled open and she angled her head to stare out the window, lost in the sounds of traffic and life of New York. "Yeah, I do too."


Getting back into the routine of being up before twelve in the afternoon wasn't as hard as Allie thought it would be. Lisa still had a few more days to go before she was back at work, so Allie was as quiet as she could as she got ready before whispering a goodbye to her sleeping friend, leaving her in her bed before she quickly rushed out the door.

It was like muscle memory; out the door, walk briskly to stop the onset of cold lingering from December settling in, saying hello to Francis followed by one black coffee and a tea in takeaway cups then making her journey to the Compound. There was snow turned brown filling the sidewalks and roads and people were already taking down the Christmas decorations. Allie had half debated decorating the Compound itself, even to put up some tinsel if she could, but found no success, and for a brief moment she thought she would buy some for the following year until she reminded herself there would be no following year.

Suddenly, the summer seemed a lot more close, a lot more daunting now that she had only a few more months to go. But she pushed the memory away, the memory of her promise to the back of her mind; a year she gave herself, a deadline she wasn't really sure about anymore or why she had set it in place.

But Allie was trying not to break promises, least of all to herself.

The elevator's maw opened and Allie tried to push the memories of the last time she was here from the back of her eyes, the onslaught making her feel a number of things – trepidation, embarrassment most of all. She had spent enough of her remaining holiday thinking about New Years, thinking about the drink and about him, the way she was slightly drunk and she had pressed a kiss to his cheek.

So much for forgetting, Allie grumbled inwardly, forcing herself out of the elevator and she could hear Tony moving about, metal screeching and crunching. She always wondered what it was he was constantly at, why he always seemed to be working on one thing or another, the thoughts came naturally with her feelings, a constant flow working through her. Though, she knew even if he did tell her, she probably wouldn't be able to understand.

A degree in English didn't extend to mechanics.

He must have heard her enter, the click from the heel of her boots louder than she anticipated and the tinkering stopped, Allie's heart suddenly too big for her chest and she had to tell herself to act normal, that she was the one in control and that she would always need to be if she was going to be working in such a confined space with him for the next few months.

But it all seemed to wash away when he emerged, looking less magazine cover ready and when he smiled, Allie's fingers gripped the plastic cup so hard, she worried that the lid would pop right off alongside it, scalding her skin alongside it. "I'm getting quite used to you showing up on time for work."

An airy laugh left her as she forced herself to be nonchalant, walking to where her little corner of this place was, taking her time to place the drinks down, taking off her coat and bag, trying to be at ease all the while being too aware of everything, of him. "Well don't because this whole 'new year, new me' thing isn't going to last."

"And here I thought you might actually try to dedicate yourself to your job," he said and Allie rolled her eyes, but found herself not as tongue tied as she had felt on New Years. Maybe it was the fact she didn't feel self conscious, or maybe it was the fact that he obviously didn't sense anything off about her, meaning he hadn't picked up the slight hints, the indications there was something lying beneath the surface.

"What, you mean actually do my job correctly? The one you pay me for?" she snorted, taking his drink in hand and almost shyly walking to him, handing out for him to grasp and she hoped he wouldn't notice the slight tremble, hoped that she wouldn't drop the cup. Last thing she needed was to be driving him to the hospital with third degree burns from hot coffee. "Don't be ridiculous, Mr. Stark."

He took the cup in hand, fingers ghosting over hers and Allie stopped herself from tearing her hand away at the touch, at how his hands were warm and rough. "You got me there, nothing I can do about it."

"Exactly, it's not like you're my boss or anything."

He raised an eyebrow, taking a sip of the coffee and nodded his approval at the taste. "Or that I sign your pay cheques."

"See? Glad we're on the same page then," she grinned, stepping away but her eyes roamed over him; he was dressed casually, as he normally was and he seemed put together on the surface but there were underlying signs, as it if it was all shallow the appearance he was putting on from the way his hair a mess and eyes half lidded as he continued to hug his free drink. There was a shadow clinging to the space beneath his eyes and his shoulders were dropped. Exhaustion, thick and unadulterated seem etched into every line of his face and Allie felt herself frown.

Having spent so much time with him, there were things about Tony she had picked up that she wondered if he was even aware about and she knew that there was something eating away at him, as if he was spending the last few nights since New Years sleepless, unable to find peace because something was troubling him. Allie wondered what could have possibly happened during such a short space of time, what it was that could have made him like this. Because he had been fine when she had gone home late into the night after ringing in the New Years, and now it seemed like something in him had changed. Concern flittered in time with the beat of her heart and it felt just as natural. "Did you sleep at all last night?"

Tony tilted his head and Allie felt flustered, the question leaving her unprompted and she always wondered if she was ever crossing a line, that perhaps the state of his being was not something she should worry about as an employee. "Is that your way of trying to tell me I look like shit?"

Allie scoffed, glad that he was unknowingly easing her worries, her constant, inward fretting about lines and boundaries that she shouldn't leap over. "You're the one that said it."

"I'm only translating what you're implying."

"Mr. Stark, I would never," Allie denied, aghast and he snorted, walking over to a bench and leaning against it, placing the drink down beside him and Allie averted her eyes briefly when he crossed his arms over his chest; last thing she needed was to be caught ogling.

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure you would never accost me about my habits."

Allie hummed, taking her seat at her desk and glad to have her hands fiddling with something as she turned her computer on, to be able to have a reason to turn her eyes away from him because sometimes it felt that they were incapable of doing anything but sticking to Tony whenever he was in a room with her. "I can't have the person who gives me my wages dying on me."

Tony unwound a hand to press it against his chest in a sarcastic manner. "It's means so much to me that you care about me."

He meant it as a joke, but Allie felt her face soften, looking to him and perhaps it was the way he said it, or the words themselves, but it plucked at something in her, dragging everything to the surface so she felt unable to stop her voice as it spoke. "Of course I do, Mr. Stark."

She hoped he didn't notice the way her face felt unbearably warm then, how she turned away to face her monitor even though it was off, throat closing up. Tony gave a sound that might have been a sigh and she could see him pinch the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut. "Well, if you must know, I've been having a hard time sleeping. Went back home and I don't think I'm used to sleeping on soft mattresses anymore."

He said it with a tension around his words, almost indicating that her worries were not unfounded; something inside of Tony was chewing him up and leaving him unable to rest in case it would swallow him whole, but what that was, Allie didn't know and she didn't want to pry too deep in case she tore open a wound she had no idea was there. The memory of the previous night, of her and Lisa's late night whispered talk came to mind, about love and life and Tony Stark.

Maybe he had his own talk with someone but, unlike her, the subject of his conversation was someone else, a different person, someone who seemed to be absent for too long.

It made her throat close up, not wanting the thought to blossom anymore. She had this fight with herself time and time again and it was getting exhausting because she had known long before her own feelings came into existence that his head was turned elsewhere.

"Where do you normally sleep?" she asked, mostly out of genuine curiosity and partly to change the direction of her train of thought. He seemed to never leave this place, so she wondered if he had a room down here. She knew that his old home had been completely obliterated after the whole ordeal with the Mandarin a few years back, so he must have a place somewhere else in the city but obviously kept it all under wraps.

But he was just always here – perhaps he slept on the ground, for all she knew.

Tony gave a shrug, looking a bit sheepish at having the question posed to him. "Wherever I can."

Allie shook her head in disbelief, turning her chair from the computer and sighing. "Mr. Stark, that's not healthy."

He looked at her from the corner of his vision and there was something like a smile tugging at the edges of his mouth, something shining in his eyes. He had a faux, sombre expression on his face as if he had been caught red handed and was being scolded at that moment. "Yes, dear, I know. Mustn't make my dearest assistant worry about me."

"If nagging's the way to get through to you, so be it." It would suit the two of them for her to keep at it – for one, it would ease her concerns over him while making sure there was no reason to worry for him if she made sure he was at least functioning as a human being. It had not been in Allie's job description when she had first accepted the offer, but neither had the burgeoning feelings she kept close to her heart.

It felt like Allie's natural state of being – to worry about everyone else but her. Him, Lisa – if anything happened to them, if she couldn't at least know either were alright, then it would claw at her, tearing her apart until there was nothing left to salvage.

Tony, unaware, clicked his tongue and pushed himself off the edge of the bench. "You already do enough of that anyway."

"Is it working?"

"I'll let you know."

"Then I best keep at it," she decided, watching him pick up the coffee beside him again. "Did you have breakfast?"

He paused, the drink halfway to his mouth. "You think I would forget the most important meal of the day?"

"Yes."

His eyes narrowed at her. "You didn't even do me the courtesy of hesitating on that, did you?"

"Nope."

Tony sighed and threw his hands up in surrender, finally relenting to her nagging. "Fine, no, I didn't. It's not my fault."

Allie's brows raised, leaning back into her chair. "Then who's is it?"

"Someone's, but definitely not mine," he griped and Allie turned her eyes to the ceiling in hopes of searching for some patience; how was it he even managed to survive down here? Granted, time didn't seem to exist in this little corner of the world, and Allie was oft a victim to forgetfulness to basic human functions, especially when she was in college, but Tony seemed more afflicted with it than she ever had. He had a one track mind, focus spread elsewhere, to everything but him, as if incapable of ever thinking or caring about himself.

Until whatever it was that was bothering him, eating him alive to the point he forgot to care about his existence, Allie would be there, whether he knew or wanted it or not.

"You need to eat," she chastised. "I'll not go down as a suspect for when you die as starvation."

He gave a laugh, the sound old and rusty, as if he had not done it in some time and was unused to it. And it made Allie glow over the fact that she had managed to pull it from the depths of his chest. "I'm going to leave a note in my back pocket saying you're the one who murdered me when I die."

"What if I die before you?"

"Then you better not come back and haunt me."

"If you don't eat something, I'm going to do just that."

"Fine, you win," Tony relented, the idea of Allie haunting him for eternity not entirely a pleasant ordeal he would want to deal with. "Where should we eat?"

Allie paused, brows furrowing together in confusion. "I'm sorry, 'we'?"

"Yes, 'we', are you French now?" he asked with a huff and Allie's face was unable to even force a smile at the lame joke despite how pleased he seemed with it.

"You know, someone must have once told you that you were funny. They lied," she said. Though, it didn't seem to wipe the look of his face, too proud over his own joke even if it didn't make his poor excuse of an audience laugh. "And honestly, you think I could possibly afford where you eat?"

"I sign your cheques, I think I know that you possibly could," he responded and Allie's lips pressed together; they had eaten together, of course they had, but a recent turn of her mind and heart was warping the prospect into something else and in her head, she could hear Lisa joking that you two are going on a date, a thought she immediately pushed out of her mind because first, it was entirely untrue and second, eating a meal with anyone didn't automatically make it a date.

Why would she even think that? It felt ridiculous to think so, the feeling seeping into every part of her as she felt her cheeks turn red again under his eyes; critical thought, it seemed, was not a part of the whole 'having feelings for your boss' package. "I already packed lunch."

It was a lame excuse because lunch was already hours away and she didn't even have breakfast as well and Tony groaned at the rejection. "I don't want to eat alone, don't you know the elderly can die of loneliness?"

A noise that might have been a laugh left her as she rolled his eyes at him. "You're not elderly, Mr. Stark."

"But I might die of loneliness," he whined, and Allie suppressed a smile but was unable to let herself not be swayed by him. It had never entered her mind that perhaps, loneliness was an even greater affliction than forgetfulness and that there was no greater meaning behind his suggestion other than the fact that maybe, just maybe, Tony did want to spend time with her.

She had spent so long drawing imaginary lines, forcing them into roles that she forgot they were at a point they could even call themselves friends regardless of her feelings for him and friends spent time with each other all the time. People were not created to be alone, and Allie had forgotten that Tony was just like that as well – maybe she was the only option he had on hand at the moment, but she was still an option, that had to account for something, right?

She shook her head and ended the charade of pretence. "Fine, just order some cheap Chinese food. It's too early for anything heavy."

Tony grinned and Allie didn't know why she didn't just say yes in the first place to begin with. "Of course, dear. Don't want anything to upset your poor stomach again."

Allie groaned with mortification, burying her head in her head to hide how her face was a burst of bright pink at the memory of how she had spent the entire day bent over with stomach cramps after she had ordered a sketchy portion of tikka masala and Tony had to pry her with chamomile tea, all but trying to her on to vomit the food up despite her refusal. She had barely enough time to get to the toilet before she was retching, Tony pulling a face but helping her to hold back her hair as he remarked that he had permanently been put off of Indian food. "It was one time!"

He laughed at her defence, clearly not ready to let go of it because one time was enough to bring the memory back time and time again to tease her.

But Allie didn't mind, not one bit. She would commit even greater acts of embarrassment if it meant he would keep smiling like that at her, at only her.


hello, hello! Before I get into me A/N, I would like to answer a few of your reviews!


Guest: thank you so much! it means so much that you love my story! xx

thenerdnextdoor: hgoruehgoe THANK U! believe u me, sometimes these two make me gush and smile like a goof with how cute they can be! sometimes i forget that im the one who is writing and im like "WHY CANT U JUST KISS ALREADY!"

Guest: aahhhhh thank u so much! u dont know how much it means to me to hear that u enjoy my fic!

lostariel0716: thank u so much xx

Guest: thank u! i wrote my a/n bc i was a lil emotional myself and was feeling in the mood for being a bit of a sap, but every word of it is true!

Ellixwolf: oh my goodness thank you so much! i honestly dont know how to fathom how much reading your review made me tear up! the support and love ive received means the world and i know it's been a long journey but i hope this journey does have an end point and that we can all travel it together! seriously, thank you so much for the feedback and continuous stream of kind words and love you have given me, i honestly am at a loss for words with how much it means to me. i sincerely hope that you continue to enjoy this story, wherever it may lead us! xxx

Guest: omg im the same! i hate celebrating my birthday and ive spent my last four birthdays crying with no one to hang out with so i cant imagine what it's like when everyone is too busy with christmas and new years :')

Krakengirl: fjeiajfa thank u! BELIEVE ME I WANTED THEM TO KISS AND EVEN AS A JOKE I WROTE THEM KISSING BUT WAS LIKE "NO I NEED MORE MUTUAL PINING"! so we will be suffering for a little while longer with these two not knowing the other likes them, rip :') thank you so much for all the love and support!

PrincessMagic: thank u! im so glad you enjoyed!


what's this? another update in the space of a month? it's more likely than u think!

i really don't like this chapter, i've tried writing it like four different times but it's a filler to a precursor event in the next coming chapters that i didn't want to jump into straight away, so hence [gestures vaguely]

also, i thought i would let you guys know i have the ending to this story written. like, as in i have a NINE part epilogue comprised of three acts for how this story will end and it's 24k words long. What i have written is the official ending to this story, now it's just a point to actually GET there.

Personally, I think it's kind of a bittersweet ending and what i've written is something i am very pleased with as a way to end tony and allie's story. i know i will never officially abandon this story but if anything should arise that would make me incapable to continue the rest of the journey, i would at least like to give you, my lovely readers, and these two the closure that is deserved. But hopefully that won't ever occur and we can see these two grow, to live life and love!

Thanks for reading!