Author: Milady Dragon
Disclaimer: not mine, no matter how hard I wish.
Rating: PG-13
Author's notes: to Fanwoman – you're absolutely right…I had sun-poisoning once and passed out in a busy bank. No fun, but no black, either… :)
Chapter Ten
John couldn't get warm.
He was wrapped in two blankets, had a heavy jacket on, and the sun was practically blazing into the Trans Rover's front seat, yet he was still cold. Even the warmth of his daughter, curled up in his lap, dozing, did nothing to negate the chill that seemed to have turned his very bones to ice.
Plus, he felt changed in other ways. His eyes had grown extremely sensitive, so much so that even when wearing his sunglasses the light still hurt. Everything around him was so much clearer, their lines sharply delineated. He could see the individual pores in True's face as she slept; he realized with a sad smile that she wasn't all that careful about washing behind her ears.
Then there was the headache. It stretched across his forehead like a metal band, throbbing in time with his now-sluggish heartbeat. Even though Julia had given him something for the pain, it hadn't seemed to help any. She'd assured him that nothing was wrong; it was just a reaction to the mental and physical stress he'd been subjected to. Danziger didn't want to argue with her, but he knew better. He'd been damaged, in a way that it didn't show up even with all of the doctor's sensitive instruments.
Above everything else, though, was the intense melancholy that John found himself drowning in. Yes, drowning…he was like a swimmer going down for the third and final time. He'd originally attributed it to his cat-girl, since the primary feeling he'd ever received from her had been sadness.
But, ever since their last meeting, she'd withdrawn from him almost completely. She'd been truly remorseful about hurting him, and Danziger had to assume that she didn't want to do it again. The only problem with that was, he really wanted to know what she was trying to tell him. The mechanic had just enough puzzle pieces to know he was missing far more than what was on the proverbial table.
Danziger leaned back, his head resting against the seat and his eyes closed. God, he was so tired, yet he felt completely unable to sleep. Even when they left this place behind, would he ever be able to recover?
Would he leave this place alive?
Somehow John knew one of their group was climbing up onto the Trans Rover; when the door opened his instinct told him it was Devon Adair. "You should be careful, Adair," he cautioned. "Jumping on a moving vehicle isn't the smartest thing to do."
"I thought you were sleeping!" she exclaimed in surprise.
John made room for her on the seat, careful not to wake True. "Not hardly."
Devon took the proffered spot. "How are you feeling?"
He sighed. "Do you want me to lie? Or tell the truth?"
"I think you just gave me my answer," she said dryly. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"
He sighed, laying his head back again. "I suppose I should." He shivered a little.
"Are you still cold?" The concern in her voice made him sadder than ever before. It had never been his intention to worry anyone, yet here he was, doing just that. John had always been self-reliant; he'd had to be, raising a kid all by himself. Now he was having to rely on someone, and that someone was Devon Adair.
It should have galled him, but it just made him even more depressed. "Yeah," he answered.
He felt Devon tug the blanket up around his neck. She then moved closer, putting her arm around him. "Geez, Adair, I didn't know you cared," he quipped, although his heart just wasn't in it.
She snorted. "Don't get used to it. Besides, there's no one else who can keep the vehicles up and running like you can. Do you know how hard it is to find a qualified mechanic this far from the Stations?"
"I hear ya." John wanted nothing more than to lean against her, to take the warmth that was being offered. He was too afraid that she'd mistake the movement as cuddling.
Dammit, he wanted to cuddle…
But, despite wanting nothing more to lose himself in that simple human comfort, John abstained. He wouldn't saddle Adair with a damaged, emotionally crippled man who just wanted the universe to stop picking on him.
God, now I have a persecution complex…
So he contented himself with giving her all the details of his confrontation with his cat-girl. Devon was quiet throughout the entire recital; her only noise was a strangled gasp as he described the terrible wounds he'd seen.
After he was finished, Adair was silent for a while, obviously digesting everything he'd told her. Danziger appreciated her trying to help him with his puzzle, and he didn't believe her excuse that she needed his skills. Okay, she did need his expertise…
When she finally spoke, the question surprised him. "You say she actually touched you?"
"Yeah." He shivered again. "It was like…like being touched by the grave…"
Her arm tightened around him reflexively. "Then she is a ghost?"
"As much as I hate to admit it…yeah, she is. I doubt even Julia could pull someone through with the injuries I saw."
"I…don't believe in ghosts."
He chuckled sadly. "Yeah, neither do I."
"You did use the term first," she reminded him.
"It was meant to be metaphorical, Adair."
She returned his soft laugh. "What about the portrait?"
"It was her father, Adair. I know it."
"Was there any indication what had happened to him?"
"No." He sighed. "But I think…I think he's dead, too."
"How do you know?"
Danziger bristled at her words, but realized just as quickly that she hadn't meant anything by it. "It's just a guess, but I think it's the reason why she's so sad. She's mourning him."
Adair was silent for a moment. "But that doesn't explain her own death, John."
"Yeah, that's a mystery." His neck was getting a little sore, but he was so tired he didn't want to move. "I want to find out, Adair."
"I know I was the one who suggested you confront her, John, but after what just happened –"
Danziger did move then, to turn and look her in the eye. He saw such worry there that he instantly regretted what he was about to say. But it had to be said. "I've said it before…she's in my head. She's not going to leave. In fact, I think it's gone too far. I don't think she can leave. I…might be carrying her around for the rest of my life, Adair." He didn't add that his cat-girl had already changed him, physically and mentally. John could see so much, with his new eyes; the lines around her mouth that he'd never noticed before, how her eyes carried so much worry for the group…and for himself. This trip had been hard on Devon Adair, and he'd been a fool not to notice before.
"Don't say that," she protested. "We'll figure something out."
Danziger appreciated the sentiment as much as had the first time she'd said it. However, he didn't say that he might not want the girl to leave…
