Chapter 22: Hard to Say Important Things: Act 3

Abbie climbed back up the tree and through the window. As she trudged back into her room, she wondered: Where had the time gone? But then the old saying came back into her mind: Time flies when you're having fun. Fun? Was Castle Rock what you would define fun?

She slipped into bed.

Castle Rock was fun, but only if you hung out with the right people. But who were they? No, they weren't those girls who had others hanging all over them, who seemed to be great at everything they did. No, they weren't those boys who were unnaturally good-looking, good at football, and rather dense. No, the right people were the unique people. The people out of the ordinary. The people you can just tell by giving them a few looks over are different. Those people who dance to the beat of different drum. Those were the right people---at least for her.

Emma was one of those right people. Vern was one of those right people. Teddy was one of those right people. Gordie was one of those right people. Chris was one of those right people. Chris. Chris Chambers. Christopher Chambers. No, he wasn't one of those right people. He was the right person. Why did it seem that the supposed wrongdoer was in actuality the righteous, caring leader? Out of every person in the world…..why did it have to be Chris who had this life, this reputation? And how come no one understood? Except for Abbie….she understood him. Because……….

It felt like her heart was about to jump out of her mouth, and her stomach was going to collapse.

Abbie could relate to Chris.

Who else could relate to someone like Chris? Couldn't many other people in the city, in the state, in the country, in the world be put in the same place as Chris? But that was the difference between the rest of those people and Abbie: she loved him. She was one of the only people who had ever reached out to him, and would have said, "Hey. I'm here for you. I'll never let you go. I'll love you. I'll stand by you." She would have said that to him everyday….even if it would be hard to say.

Abbie got out of bed and turned on the lights.

She sat at the desk with some paper, and wrote.


Abbie folded her arms. Here she was, at the Castle Rock Train Station. She never thought this moment would ever come. Gordie, Emma, Teddy, and Vern were all there with her. Her father stood off to the side, looking rather aloof and uncomfortable. The train started chugging into the station. They were only waiting on her mother, but she only had one person on her mind.

"Gordie, where's Chris?" Abbie asked anxiously.

"I….I dunno," Gordie responded quietly.

You could tell by looking at his eyes that Gordie was very distraught about one of his best friends moving back home. Those puppy dog eyes that displayed all of those mixed emotions now only held one: the emotion of loss. The same emotion he had held when Denny died.

Vern came from behind and hugged Abbie. "Oh shucks Abbs, I don't want you to leave!"

"I don't want to leave either Vern," Abbie replied shakily, "But I have to."

"I hate you, you know that right?" Teddy asked stubbornly, his arms folded, his eyes wide and raging behind his thick coke bottle glasses.

Abbie turned to him, at a loss. "Teddy, please-"

"You know, me and you…we did all of this shit for each other, and look where it got us: you're on the road back to good ol' sunny Cali, and I'm left in this hellhole. Thanks a lot," Teddy replied sarcastically.

"You think you could shut that hole in your face for fucking once?" Emma growled at him, slinging an arm over Abbie's shoulder.

Abbie laid her head against Emma. "I'm going to be lost without you, Em."

"I know you are," Emma informed, "And so am I."

"But you have your wonderful boyfriend," Teddy cut in.

"She's going to miss her friend," Gordie told him, "Is that such a bad thing?"

"Emma should be missing you," Teddy quipped, "Since she isn't going to be seeing anymore of you."

Teddy grabbed Emma's arm and pulled her close to him. It was official: Gordie and Teddy were not friends anymore. And of course, Teddy thought that Emma and Vern should follow him.

"What gives you the authority to decide that?" Gordie asked him curiously.

"What gives you the authority to be a loser?" Teddy questioned cruelly.

"Cut it out please!" Abbie begged, sighing helplessly.

"Here comes your mother," Emma informed quietly, and everyone stopped arguing.

There was Abbie's mother all….disheveled? Her hair was a mess, and her eyes were red: almost as if she had been crying. Wait. Abbie looked closer. She was crying. She was talking to her father, her hands waving in different directions, looking like a total mess. Abbie noticed that her father's eyes widened a considerable amount and he actually seemed concerned. And then she noticed a white piece of paper that looked awfully familiar….

"Abbie, Abbie sweetheart!" her mother cried, trotting over towards her and engulfing her in a huge hug, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

Abbie could feel her mother's tears soaking through her shirt.

"You can stay, honey, you can stay!"

It was as if someone had raised her 13 stories into the air. Her heart was in her mouth, and she didn't want to swallow it. Swallow that feeling that circulated through her. She could stay in Castle Rock. She could stay.

"Oh Gordie, Gordie I can stay!" she screamed, breaking out of her mother's grasp and jumping on him. But then suddenly, it didn't seem all that important. When that someone wasn't there. She let go of him.

"But…..where is he?"

"Oh Abbie…."

Abbie turned around in different directions and tried to look for Chris from where she was. She became frantic.

"Chris, Chris!"

"Abbie!"

Abbie whipped her head around to see Chris running towards her. Once he reached her, he squeezed her so tight she thought she'd be dead in a matter of seconds.

"Don't go, don't go!" he shouted, even though he was right beside her.

"I'm not!" she responded, "My mother is letting me stay!"

After a few seconds of silence, he pulled away from her and held her at arms length, looking into her eyes.

"No way."

"Yes way."

Chris stared at the ground, his expression showing disbelief. He turned swiftly towards Abbie's mother, who came to stand by them.

"W-why?" he asked her, his voice innocent like he was when he was twelve.

"This is why," her mother answered, handing the folded white sheet of paper to Chris.

Chris took it reluctantly and gazed at it warily, as if it was a restraining order to keep him away from Abbie. He turned back towards Abbie and held it out for her.

"Read it to me," Chris ordered softly.

"Read it to all of us," Emma egged on.

Abbie took the paper gently and went to sit on the bench, the whole group standing up and crowding around her. She saw out of the corner of her eye her parents walking away. She focused her concentration back onto the sheet of paper. She opened it slowly, and then, looking around at the encouraging faces of her loved ones, started quietly.

"Dear Chris,

Well, here is my final goodbye. I just….this is so hard to write, so hard to say. But I'm going to do it. You were the one who taught me how…..you and all of my experiences in this small, sleepy, woodsy little town of Castle Rock. When I realized I had feelings for you: you know, those stupid little crushes every teenager has, I was so scared to tell you that I liked you and wanted to go out with you, because I didn't know how you were going to react. But I took a chance (more like you forced it out of me), and what do you know? You tell me that you've liked me for awhile as well. Good came out of me telling you that.

Everything went smoothly with us, even though there were occasional people who would come up to us and say "Why the fuck are you two going out?" and I even got a "You're gonna kill your social life." in the girls' restroom. But I didn't care. And then after a great night, I was raped by your older brother. I wanted to tell everybody, but I knew I couldn't. What would have happened to you if your brother had gone behind bars? I had to protect you. And then I developed……oh hell….I developed bulimia again, like I did when I was in California when all of the kids mocked me because of my weight and appearance. That dreadful place….I don't want to go back. You're the only thing stopping it Chris, and I mean it. That's when you invited me to your house….it was even harder to tell you that I had been raped by Eyeball than saying that I liked you. I didn't know what was going to happen, what you would have done to Eyeball, what you would have said to me. And when you said that you wanted to break up with me: I was scared senseless. It was like all of the life had left me. Then I found out that you wanted to break up with me to protect me---to save me. But you didn't realize Chris: I was safer with you than I was with anyone else. I felt safer with you than with anyone else. And then that other thing I struggled to tell you: I love you. It was so much different from that silly attraction we had in the beginning: this was real love, and I was scared once again: what if you didn't love me, what if you didn't want to have your love at sixteen? But I decided to take another chance. And you did.

And now my love, this is definitely the hardest thing I've ever had to say: goodbye. But I can't really tell you goodbye, because you know, I'm actually always with you. And you know, I'll always be there when you need me. You are always in my heart, and hopefully I'll always be in yours, because that's where you will go to find me when times get rough. So, you really want to know why the most important things are the hardest to say? The most important things are the hardest to say because it's not saying them that is hard. What's hard is to find an understanding ear. Because there will always be this feeling that no one will get you, that not one person could possibly understand what you are feeling at any time, at any moment. But here's the catch: there is.

And you, Christopher Chambers, are that person.

I love you."

By the time Abbie finished, she had tears streaming down her face. She looked up at Chris, who stood right in front of her, his eyes carrying that same emotion when they both felt the connection when they kissed. The emotion that held all emotions. Abbie had it too. She knew that that emotion, that connection: she was going to have it for the rest of her life.

She sprang up from the bench and engulfed Chris in a huge hug, her light brown her splaying around them.

"I'm sorry, I just…it was so hard to write, I just…..I felt, I feel so much-"

"It's alright to feel that way," Chris murmured, his head buried into her hair, "I feel that way too."

"I couldn't help myself…."

Chris raised his head out of Abbie's hair, and Abbie could see the tears swimming in Chris's ocean colored hues.

"I just want you to know," Chris told her softly, "I'll always be your understanding ear."