Chapter Eight

I've got this.

Leia took a deep breath. She straightened her back, stood tall. She was feeling too much stress. She gave herself an inner-pep talk, reminding herself that this was all a part of her job. She'd been doing this work since she was a teenager. These circumstances were different, perhaps a little heightened and maybe a tad absurd, but she could do it.

I need to be quick. Focused. Stay in control.

Leia noticed Luke staring at her with a raised eyebrow. She returned the quizzical look, not sure what was up with him.

They were standing at the bottom of the Falcon's ramp. They had landed in a relatively secluded docking station on Kochi, outside one of its small coastal towns.

[We're booked and cleared for the night.] Chewbacca returned from the customs house and threw a datachip at Han. [Luke, you can rent a speeder at the main gate to get into town.]

Han stuffed the datachip in his vest pocket. "Anything good in town? This is going to be long damn night stuck out here."

"There's not much beyond the University." Leia picked up her rucksack when she saw Pyrtor walking toward them. "And even that isn't what it used to be. The school was too closely associated with the Jedi. It's surprising the Empire didn't shut it down completely."

"Well, here's hoping there's still something in their archives after the purge. Otherwise, I made this trip for nothing."

Luke had to petition High Command, asking permission to join this trip. He was combing archives and libraries whenever he had the chance, hoping to find a small morsel of information that could lead him to the next discovery. She supported Luke in his quest. It was very much how she approached the mystery of Bail's accounts. She certainly understood the amount of faith it took to keep looking when you hit so many dead ends.

Leia suspected he was also curious about Pyrtor. He had often commented it was weird that he still hadn't met her boyfriend. She tried to convince him that it wasn't that big of a deal without actually revealing any information but it was a losing fight. She decided to let it slide. If he kept his focus on the library then he wouldn't think too much about her and Pyrtor.

Maybe you should join us at the hotel later to give a full report. Something nice and distracting.

She turned to Luke, narrowing her eyes. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I don't know. Did you say something?" Luke laughed when Leia continued to stare at him like he'd lost his mind. "Guess I'm imagining things."

"Enjoy that imagination, Kid, cos there sure ain't any excitement around here." Han leaned against the support strut of the ramp, arms folded over his chest.

Leia rolled her eyes at him, feeling the added frustration at his cocky smile. He took too much pleasure in annoying her.

"Do you know the phrase only boring people get bored, Captain?" She returned his cocky smile. "There might be a lesson in there for you."

"I got no trouble finding fun." He winked. "Just gotta know where to look."

"I'm sure it doesn't take much…" Leia stopped short when she realized Pyrtor had reached Luke. She turned quickly to see them shake hands and smile.

"It's nice to finally meet you." Pyrtor was doing his best public smile and performance. Leia always thought he would have made a good politician. "I've heard so much about you."

"Glad to meet you, too." Luke shook his hand then turned to smile at Leia.

She ignored Han's chuckle behind her. She spoke up before he had a chance to comment that Luke knew next to nothing about Pyrtor.

"Did you want a ride into town, Luke?" She stepped away from the ramp, trying to move them all to the exit. "We could drop you off."

"Well, I'd still have to get back here. You're not coming back until morning, right?"

She kept her breath steady, her mask on. She regretted that they didn't have a non-verbal code for these situations. She could signal for Luke to go up the left-flank and cover her while she made a run at a target but there was no way for her to tell him she wanted to be alone with Pyrtor as little as possible.

C'mon, Luke! I thought you liked rescuing princesses.

Luke gave Leia a quick nod, like he was returning the signal she didn't send, then turned to Pyrtor. "Unless you guys want to come back here for dinner? That way I'd get a ride back with you, too."

"What?" Han stood up and dropped his arms to his sides.

"Excuse me?" Even Pyrtor looked confused.

Leia heard Chewie chuckling in the background.

"I could pick something up in town." Luke didn't look entirely confident with his own suggestion but shrugged it off and smiled again.

[I can take care of it.] Chewie put his hand on Han's shoulder. [We're happy to host.]

"No, we're not." Han shook off the Wookiee's paw.

"That sounds good." Leia tried not to look too pleased. It was a fortuitous turn of events and she planned on taking full advantage. "Thanks for your help, Chewie."

"Leia, I'm not sure if this is a good…"

"Nonsense, Pyrtor. We'll have plenty of time to talk this afternoon." She took another step away and this time Luke followed. "Chewbacca, please comm me if there's anything you need me to pick up."

Luke smiled at her once again then moved to Pyrtor's side, maneuvering him back toward the main gate. "This will give me time to quiz you on Leia stories. There must be something we can use to embarrass her."

Leia only got a step or two away before she felt the hand on her arm.

"When I said you gotta know where to look for fun, didn't mean dinner on my ship with your boyfriend." Han leaned in close. He had firm grip on her elbow.

She knew the implication was he intended to spend the night having fun with someone else. She felt a sharp pang then mentally shook it off.

"I'm sure we will be fine with only Chewbacca if there is some place else you need to be."

He was assessing her, trying to decide if she was calling his bluff. He let go of her arm and leaned back.

"You're not paying me enough for this shit."

"We're barely paying you at all, Captain. You might need to come up with some new complaints."

He held her gaze, his eyes hard and piercing. "Won't be a problem."

Leia turned, walked away, and didn't look back. Her heart was beating too fast for her liking. She didn't know if it was the almost fight with Han, the prospect of spending hours with Pyrtor or something else entirely. She almost missed those first months when she felt next to nothing. When she hid and masked her grief, pushed everything down until she was numb. These ups and downs, her almost mercurial emotions, were getting to be a bit much.

Luke, bless his soul, kept the conversation going. He seemed to sense her discomfort and did his best to keep Pyrtor in a discussion about whatever popped into his mind. At the moment, it was mostly Jedi lore and history.

She sat quietly in the back of the speeder only half-listening to their conversation. Pyrtor remembered more of the Jedi and the purge then she realized but maybe she shouldn't be surprised. There were so many topics she avoided. Even though she and Pyrtor could bond over the difficulties of public life and family expectations, she never went so far as to trust him with her honest emotions and certainly not with her full association with the Rebellion and Jedi sympathies. He knew she wasn't a supporter of the Empire—anyone who heard her speak in the Senate knew that—but it wasn't until she asked him for help after Alderaan that he knew the truth.

She had to trust him then. She took a chance that he would be loyal to the cause, her, and do what was right. Leia didn't know how much that played a part in her going back to him but knew it factored in somehow. She was shattered, guilt-ridden, almost desperate to make things right in the universe. There was a definite balm in knowing someone trusted you enough to put their own safety at risk.

Now Leia was in what her mother would call a muddle. She and Pyrtor were not together and she had yet to reveal that truth to anyone. She needed to acquire whatever information Pyrtor called her to Kochi for without falling into an awkward situation. She needed to keep up appearances, as far as everyone else was concerned, that nothing had changed.

Leia didn't outright lie to anyone. She didn't tell Luke or Han, or Mon Mothma or General Dodonna, they had broken up but she also never said they were still together. It was a thin line but she could walk it. Leia was very careful with her words and phrasings, evading any direct questions or comments about her relationship.

It had been a fairly simple and civilized break up. Nothing had happened between them beyond the exchange of information for quite some time so there were no surprises. Pyrtor took the news calmly, insisted she would change her mind again, and that was that.

"I should write these down." Luke pulled out his small datapad. He was full of that Luke-style enthusiasm that she hadn't seen in a while and realized she missed. "Maybe they'll have something here. The Empire cleared records of most names—I can't find anything on Obi-wan—but they might have missed a few."

"The few I met did some work with my father. Or at least visited our home a few times." Pyrtor turned a corner, following the speeder's navicomputer directions to the university. "Afterward, it wasn't something I could ask questions about. We all simply pretended it didn't happen."

The world of the Jedi ended at the time of Leia's birth. When she was old enough to understand the need for secrets, her father told her a few things but he was always very careful. He never wanted to put her in undue risk. She knew the Jedi defended the galaxy and that the Emperor had ordered their execution. She knew of the Force but never saw it in action until she met Luke. Even then, it was more Luke describing its power than something she witnessed but she believed him. She still had some faith.

As soon as Luke had the tiniest bit of information, felt the first rumblings of the Force, understood it as a connection to his father, he jumped right in. It was more than youthful enthusiasm. Leia could see his focus. She recognized it as the same fervour that kept her up at night going over files and plans. There was a touch of destiny to it.

She chuckled to herself then double checked that neither man noticed. Leia could almost hear Han mocking her. You think insomnia is your destiny? But that wasn't it. Her destiny, she hoped, was bringing freedom to the galaxy. Building a new government. Restoring beings' rights and liberties. Insomnia and working too hard were simply her means to that end.

They had reached the campus gates but continued talking. Well, Pyrtor talked and Luke took notes. Leia stepped out of the speeder, thinking she'd like to stretch her legs, and they barely turned to see her leave.

She walked a few feet down the sidewalk, stopping to look in store fronts. It was yet another thing that was perfectly normal for most people but almost alien to her. A princess didn't window shop. Anytime she did stroll down a street, putting on the airs of a casual onlooker, she was followed by a gang of reporters. Her family had vacations, days off, that were carefully masked as holo-ops for the royal family. She was never left on her own to roam.

No one recognized her now. No one was paying attention to her and, certainly, no one expected the Last Princess of Alderaan and Rebel leader to be strolling the streets outside the University of Kochi. Beings walked past her without a second look. They had their own plans, their own duties, that had nothing to do with her.

When Leia emerged from the underground on missions, made her way through streets and public spaces, she understood that the world went on without her. She was fighting for them but most went about their day-to-day without ever thinking about her or the Rebellion.

Han liked to point out that most didn't have the time or energy to worry about anything beyond their own survival. She argued with him about it, in part because she liked arguing with him, but she also saw some truth in it. Her privilege allowed her the space to think and act beyond her own experience. She sometimes needed to remind herself not to judge or condemn those who couldn't.

Most of the stores were campus or student focused. One sold sweatshirts and jackets stamped with the University logo. Another sold textbooks. There was bookstore with an impressive display of paper journals and pens for those who enjoyed a more antiquated aesthetic. Most of the books were used and beautifully preserved. It was an eclectic collection of novels, oddities and manuals. Leia was immediately drawn in.

It wasn't that long ago when she was surrounded by things. An endless array of things. Some had meaning and sentimental value and she missed those items desperately. But most had simply filled a space and were acquired and kept with very little intention.

Now she owned so little and most were Alliance-issued. Almost all her possessions could fit inside her rucksack. She didn't complain. It was hard to justify having things when Alderaan was gone. When most of the Alderaanians left had next to nothing and little to remind them of home.

One of the things she liked about being on the Falcon was how often she found something new. Han, for some strange reason that she had yet to unravel, didn't care if she explored. He'd wave a dismissive hand and say, Have your way, Princess, and she would root through cupboards and crates to see what could be unearthed.

It was mostly spare parts or tools he forgot he owned but every once in a while something would make him smile or he'd furrow his brow and she'd ask for the story. He usually replied, Add it to your list, and didn't complain when she kept asking questions or looked for more.

Leia stepped closer, placing a hand on the glass window and smiled as something caught her eye. She glanced back at the speeder. Luke was now standing outside, leaning down to talk through the open door. She slipped inside the store and returned before either one knew she was gone.

It was early afternoon when they arrived at the hotel. Pyrtor ordered room service, offered Leia wine that she refused, and they set up at the small table. He gave her hand a quick squeeze as they sat down that she let happen for a moment before pulling back.

"Shall we get to it?" She crossed her legs and kept her hands in her lap. It was her go-to, stay in control position.

He gave a soft laugh and shook his head. He always seemed to find her need to keep business upfront endearing. She ignored his reaction since she wasn't going for endearing.

"Your message said you had information about new contracts."

Pyrtor pulled a datacard from his satchel and handed it to her. "I pulled what information I could. This has transcripts of board meetings and follow-up messages from Dynsara."

"And what was your sister trying to explain?"

"Why she met with Grand Moff Nolram several times over the past month."

Leia turned the datacard over in her hand a few times. "Thyre Industries already has contracts with the Empire. Why is this suspicious?"

Pyrtor shifted slightly in his chair. He was here to help, offering up the information, but was still uncomfortable implicating his sister. Leia knew the two had their differences but he still felt a loyalty to his family. His father, at least.

"There are contracts to supply tech and equipment to the Empire, the same as we have with governments and industry throughout the galaxy." He waited for Leia to respond. When she said nothing, he continued. "There's no record on any of the books about a contract involving Nolram. The board was alerted to activity in one of the development labs that they didn't approve."

"What was her excuse?"

"Preliminary conversations about possible future projects. However, the board was concerned about supply orders that coincided with his visits. It's all on the datacard, including names of engineers who ordered the supplies. Some of whom are not Thyre employees but seem to be using Thyre resources. Dynsara claimed these were all separate issues and she would provide documentation."

"Did she?"

Pyrtor shook his head. "In fact, evidence of the supply orders and visiting engineers has been removed from the ledger or altered. What you'll find on that datacard is no longer available through Thyre Industries."

"How did you get this?" She worried he was playing the part of spy too much, taking too many chances.

"It wasn't as hard as you might think. Father is very happy to include me. The executive database was easy enough to access."

That didn't make Leia feel much better but she decided to move on. "Does your sister suspect you in any way? Does she know you downloaded this information?"

"If Dynsara suspects anything, she hasn't said." He tried to smile. Tried to look casual. "She doesn't pay much attention to my comings and goings."

There were many reasons for Leia to feel guilty about Pyrtor's involvement. He reinserted himself into his family's business for her when he spent years establishing a professional distance. She felt guilty for going back with him after Alderaan. She was too numb those first months and when she did regain her sight, so to speak, she knew being with Pyrtor was a misstep but she felt stuck. She was tangled in the intel exchange and the fact that he would only meet with her.

Now High Command expected her to complete the missions, everyone thought she was with Pyrtor, he thought she would go back to him as soon as the war was over, and she was hiding behind that story from everyone else. So many reasons to feel guilty.

"Grand Moff Nolram." Leia continued to turn the datacard in her hand. "Moddell Sector. Outer Rim. What else is even there?"

She glanced over at Pyrtor. He was watching, waiting for her to work through all her questions.

"We've heard word about someone new, perhaps working with your sister. We had a security breach not long ago and they indicted a Thyre connection."

"Must be Nolram."

Leia shook her head. "No. That would be easy enough to trace. It's someone we have yet to identify."

Pyrtor made his way to the room service tray as Leia continued to ponder the datacard and what else might be in the Moddell Sector. It was remote. The Endor System was there. The Monsua Nebula. She couldn't think of any resources to attract either Thyre or the Empire. But perhaps that was the point. Isolation.

"I wish you would reconsider this dinner tonight." He put a plate of fruit and cheese in front of her. "We have so little time to visit as it is."

"This isn't a social call." Leia put the datacard down and sat up straighter. "I'm sure we'll have more than enough time to discuss your information."

The flash of guilt came back. She planned to play nice. They were old friends. He was trying to help.

"It will be a nice night. You and Luke seemed to get along."

Pyrtor sipped from his wine glass. "He's an interesting fellow. I can understand the attraction."

Leia didn't react and didn't ask a follow up question about this attraction.

"I did learn another interesting piece, though." He pushed the glass toward Leia but she shook her head. "It would appear that Luke is under the impression we are still together."

"I haven't said anything to Luke because it's not his business and has nothing to do with our work with the Rebellion."

"But he's a close friend, is he not? Surely you would share that information."

Leia was careful to reveal nothing in her facial expression or physical reaction. She was irritated, edging on angry, but she knew how to keep an outer calm.

"There is no ulterior motive in keeping that information to myself. It's simply not relevant."

Pyrtor smiled. "Are you curious about whether or not I revealed the truth?"

"You are welcome to speak the truth whenever and however you see fit." She tried to read him, determine what he was up to. He seemed to be enjoying the situation. Not so much that he'd trapped her but found his own loophole.

She didn't care if Luke knew. But telling one person meant the word was out then everyone would know and that was something she definitely didn't want.

The point of all of this was to keep her emotions in check. To not let herself tumble too deep into that unknown. But she was feeling unfettered, like nothing was locked down. She was never going to figure out why Nolram and the Moddell Sector were important, the name of the new Imperial agent or the location of her father's accounts if she couldn't control her emotions.

He took another sip of wine and leaned back in his chair. This time his smile was warmer, more genuine. "I'm sure you have your reasons, Leia. You always have the much bigger picture in mind."

There was that wash of guilt again. He was being nice. Sympathetic. Not pushing her to do anything, be anything, beyond the boundaries she set. She didn't know if his feelings for her were genuine or habit but Leia knew her unmooring had nothing to do with him.

She dropped her hands into her lap again, assuming the position. Without using even a single gesture, she let him know he should finish up.

"I did not set him straight. I will leave that for you to decide."

Leia nodded but didn't respond.

"I'm sure you are aware that I do have ulterior motives." He crossed his legs, put a hand on his knee, as he gave her space to speak. "I've been patient before and I can be patient again."

"We've resolved that issue. There's nothing for you to be patient for. Nothing to wait on."

"Time will tell." He smiled once more.

"I might be a bit confused about what you are trying to recapture." She didn't return his smile but knew she looked vaguely amused. His persistence was a curious thing. "Did it feel like a great romance to you?"

"We made a good team. Very evenly matched. Everyone thought so."

It wasn't quite banter but an easy conversation. Leia was reminded that the two of them almost always got along. They disagreed at times but often left it with an agree-to-disagree understanding and moved on. This might also be why Leia remembered so few of their conversations.

"Again, that sounds more like a merger not a relationship."

"That's both naive and cynical." Pyrtor gave a soft chuckle. "I never pegged you for either."

"You do realize I'm an outlaw now and no longer carry the cache of being a princess."

"I suppose that means you best win this war then and set that right."

Leia didn't flinch but she felt his words hit her squarely in the chest. Winning the war wouldn't restore her home and family. There was nothing to set right. He didn't see it that way because his world continued to exist. Pyrtor had the self-confidence of a man who rarely heard no. Any denials were only delays. He worked on the basic belief that, in the end, he always got what he wanted.

"Perhaps we should go over these files." Leia pulled her datapad from her bag. "Is everything here?"

"Everything that I had access to."

"Does that mean there's more?"

"It's possible." He pulled his chair closer so they could look over the information together. "Though I would suspect that if Dynsara is involved, or trying to hide anything, she won't be storing anything through the proper channels."

They worked over the next few hours. He didn't know much more than what was in the files. Even as she asked her questions, made her notes, Leia looked forward to the ride back to base when she could break it all down.

By the time they returned to the Falcon, it was quite clear that Han was in a foul mood. Argumentative. Snappish. Chewie was trying for cheery with the others but looked like he wanted to throttle his partner. More than once Leia heard him growl, [Pull it together, Solo.]

True to his nature and his desire to help Leia out whenever he could, Luke kept the dinner conversation going and the topics light. Leia tried to follow his lead but it was hard not to feel uncomfortable.

She couldn't decide if it was better or worse that Pyrtor knew she was keeping their breakup a secret. It felt like one more thing she needed to maneuver around. She was fully aware that coming clean would solve the issue but she wasn't ready. Also, she didn't feel like offering anything to Han who was behaving like a sullen child.

Han participated in the dinner conversation here and there, mostly to translate for Chewie, but he became crankier, more sarcastic as the night went on. It was annoying but also made things a bit easier for her. Leia had decided to play nice with Pyrtor, and Luke certainly didn't deserve her ire, but she felt perfectly justified taking any frustrations out on Han. And every curt comment she threw his way was met with one in return. It was a familiar volley that had an added edge. She felt the weight of keeping her story in check. She had no idea what his problem was and didn't spend much time pondering it.

It was Han who suggested, once the dishes were cleared and the whisky brought out, they play a game of cards.

"I'm afraid I've only played sabacc a few times. I won't be much of an opponent." Pyrtor smiled while holding up his hands in surrender.

[I think Luke lost all his money last night.]

"Not all my credits." Luke was getting better at understanding Chewie as long as the sentences were short and mostly in the present tense. "But enough that we need to keep the stakes low."

"We should play something everyone can play." Pyrtor looked over at Leia and smiled. She did her best not to roll her eyes.

Han continued shuffling. He spoke in a deep grumble, almost spitting out the words. "Leia knows sabacc."

"Luke, get the other decks." Her look told Han to cool it. "We can play the Auntie game."

Han threw the sabacc cards on the table as Luke scrambled off the bench.

"I don't know the Auntie game either." Pyrtor looked to Leia for direction.

She made another attempt at smiling sweetly. "It's Alderaan Bank."

"And you all know how to play?"

Luke slid back on to the bench and handed Leia two decks. "We sometimes have a lot of time during mission flights. Even Han gets tired of playing that much sabacc."

Han picked up cards as Leia dealt them. "I got tired of listening to you whining about losing."

Pyrtor leaned closer to Leia. "And why Auntie game?"

"Because it's what her aunties played."

Leia almost laughed. Luke was running interference between all the diners.

Pyrtor seemed happy enough at first, possibly thinking he had the upper hand. But after a few rounds it became obvious that he was in the midst of four competitive beings ready to argue every point and win at any cost.

Han and Chewie got into several fights—not actual fights but their standard loud bickering—that almost derailed the game. Luke did his usual innocent naïf act then cleared the pot by laying down a full bank. Leia responded by throwing a card at Luke and calling him a manipulative hustler. She and Han were so involved in their mutual taunts, slamming cards down and pointing fingers, that Chewie had to move their drinks off the table so nothing spilled.

"I'm finding it hard to picture your Aunt Tia playing this version." Pyrtor rearranged the cards in his hand, waiting for his turn in the melee. "Maybe Rouge. She always seemed a bit more excitable."

He smiled down on Leia. She suspected that if Pyrtor was the type, he would have winked.

It hit Leia that Pyrtor was playing but not participating. Mentioning her aunts by name was a way to enter the conversation. To make his presence known. She hadn't been completely unobservant. He didn't want whisky so she shared a bottle of ale with him that she mostly drank. She translated what pieces of Shyriiwook she understood. Explained the shorthand they had all developed and he was witnessing for the first time.

"The aunties were on their best behaviour when you were there." Leia smiled. She would make a new, concerted effort to be more attentive. "They were quite cut-throat when on their own."

"I'm sorry I missed that." He picked up a card and started rearranging again. "Though I always enjoyed the time I spent with them. Aunt Tia made a delicious honey cake."

He was trying to be kind. Reminiscing. Telling nice stories about her family. But it felt like something was cinching her heart.

"Remember the last winter solstice at your family's cabin?" He looked around the table but focused his gaze at Luke. "And by cabin I mean a small mansion in the mountains." He turned back to Leia and lightly placed a hand on her arm. "The effort your aunts went to make everything perfect. All the baking they did. It was quite extraordinary."

Leia lost the bluster and enthusiasm she had moments earlier. He called it the last winter solstice because there would never be another. It was all gone. They were all gone. The planet, the sun, the seasons, the horizons. Gone.

She talked about Alderaan—told stories about her family—but only on her terms. She decided when and how much. Every once in a while Han returned from a run with some Alderaanian treasure or treat but he often left it on her desk or bunk rather than put her on the spot. If the subject came up, she was given the space to decide to continue or push it aside. More and more, during her cockpit conversations with Han in particular, she was able to let that conversation flow and didn't even mind if he brought up the subject. But this didn't feel like a safe space for it. She wasn't in control of this environment or what Pyrtor might say.

She swallowed to keep her voice even. She didn't blink for fear that tears would fall. "I remember everything."

"Hey, Tech Boy!" Han's angry voice called from across the table. "Finish your turn so we can move this along."

He looked away from Pyrtor, back to his cards, but it was a hard stare.

"Of course." Pyrtor discarded. "My apologies."

Luke tried to get the conversation back on track. He asked Pyrtor about his foundation, his other charity work. He asked questions about galas, and donors, and spending all that time chatting up people. Leia was having trouble recovering and kept her eyes mostly focused on her cards.

"It can be draining but it's rewarding work. Leia and I met at one of my fundraisers." Pyrtor put a hand on her arm again. An intimate gesture.

She wondered if he meant to stake a claim, to prove their connection. Was that why he insisted on mentioning Alderaan and her family? He wanted to remind her and everyone at the table that he was there first. He knew her as a princess and daughter, when she had a home and family.

"You did take a bit of convincing." Pyrtor turned from Leia to Luke. "As you might guess, Leia has always been very devoted to her work. Her aunts often said she lucky I was so patient but it was worth it."

Leia didn't need to look up from her cards to know everyone at the table had turned to her.

"Very much like her mother in that regard. Queen Breha could be very single-minded." Pyrtor arranged the cards in his hand. Straightened up the piles of cards on the table. He had stepped into the spotlight and liked the attention. "Bail and I often laughed about it. But, of course, we were there to support the women in our lives."

Leia wasn't sure how to respond. He had a supportive tone but it felt like an attack. She didn't know how to defend herself in that moment so she stood up for her parents. That seemed easiest.

"Both my parents devoted their lives to their work. It always came first."

"Of course." He smiled with a hint of sympathy. Like he needed to reassure her that everyone believed her. "Bail was a true leader and a great man. I'm glad I had the opportunity to get to know him."

"That's what Leia says." Luke could sense her distress but wasn't sure how to handle it. "I wish I had the chance to know him."

"I feel quite lucky that I could call him a friend."

That wasn't true! Leia knew her father didn't consider Pyrtor a friend. Both her parents taught her to be selective and careful and they considered very few beings friends.

"I only wish I would have had more time to spend on Alderaan. We spent time with Bail, and occasionally Queen Breha, on Coruscant but it would have been nice to see more of Alderaan." He put his hand on the table near Leia, perhaps hoping she would take hold. "We did get to the beach a few times, though. Truly extraordinary, wouldn't you say, Leia? The waters were a perfect blue. White sands. It's heartbreaking to think they are gone. There's nowhere else that quite compares."

Leia needed to take a deep breath but the band around her chest was too tight. She couldn't turn her head away from Pyrtor as he spoke. She was afraid to move, not sure how her body would react. She needed to let this pain and confusion out but felt trapped by Pyrtor's comments, this hole she had dug for herself.

Han threw his cards on the table. "I'm done with this. Either play the game or don't. This is a waste of time."

He was furious. He seemed to have all the rage that she couldn't muster in that moment. She felt her chest expand, the cinch loosening. He could see her. He knew her. She could depend on him. They were building something together. Something new. Unchartered. It didn't feel tenuous. It felt honest. Real. And that's when her panic set in.

"I'm going to assume that means you have a losing hand, Captain?" She meant to throw a fun taunt but her voice sounded angry. Almost mean.

His eyes shot to hers and for a second she thought he might be hurt. Then the real fight was on.

All of the turmoil that bottled up inside her burst out. She started out hating the topic of conversation, the situation she put herself in, but ended up hating Han. Hated his attention, his caring, his arrogance. She hated that she wanted and needed him to see her. If there's one thing Alderaan taught her, she needed to stand alone. Rely on no one but herself. Everyone and everything can disappear. The Rebellion needed soldiers and supporters and Leia only needed the Rebellion.

She leaned back in the bench with arms crossed over her chest. He leaned over the table, angling toward her. He pointed a finger to emphasize every point. They were shouting, faces red with fury and frustration. His eyes were hard and dark, narrowed in on only her.

They didn't stick with one topic. He was a sore loser. She couldn't do anything unless she was in charge. He couldn't stick with anything long enough to finish, including a card game. She had no idea what he was capable of doing and definitely what he could finish. He had his head stuck so far up in his broken-down ship, he had no idea what was happening anywhere around him. The Alliance had its hand stuck so far up her ass that she didn't even notice they were controlling her every move.

[Enough!] Chewbacca pushed Han's chair back from the table, breaking the pilot's glare at the princess.

Han stood up so quickly his chair almost tumbled behind him. "Fine. I don't need this shit." He stormed toward the ramp. "Enjoy your time on my broken-ass ship, drinking my booze."

Leia, Luke and Pyrtor sat for a few more minutes, trying to pretend that things didn't escalate so quickly and that it was very awkward for everyone. In the post-fight calm, she was embarrassed. Chewie and Luke had witnessed these fights before but this one felt particularly vicious. For Pyrtor, though, this was entirely new.

They said their goodnights and she and Pyrtor made their way back to the hotel. In her daze, she almost forgot she was supposed to leave. He put a hand on her elbow, steering her out of the ship and into the speeder, happily keeping up his end of her fabrication.

They barely spoke until they were back in the room and the door closed behind them.

"I don't understand how you can stand to work with him." Pyrtor hung his jacket on the back of a chair. "If he's not enlisted, couldn't you simply request a different pilot and transport?"

"He's a good pilot." Leia watched Pyrtor gather a few things and step into the fresher, leaving the door open. He was comfortable, at ease, and once again unaware of the tension she was feeling.

"There are a lot of good pilots, Leia. I am going to bet that Luke is better than good."

"He doesn't have a ship. I can't ride in his X-Wing with him." Leia moved around the room, straightening things that didn't need straightening.

"I can see how much he agitates you." His voice carried around the half-open fresher door. "I've watched you in many arguments, you and your father disagreed on many things, but you never got so excited. Never raised your voice so sharply. And I certainly never heard anyone speak to you in that tone! That was appalling."

As Pyrtor left the fresher, he kissed Leia on the temple before walking to the couch and started assembling his makeshift bed. "I'm worried that he's only making a stressful situation more stressful for you. I don't like seeing you so upset."

Leia didn't point out that Pyrtor's powers of perception were conveniently absent when his comments upset her. Or that sometimes the fight in question wasn't the actual fight. But she didn't have the energy for it. Maybe she didn't care enough to exert the effort.

"Han is a friend." She took her bag to the fresher. "I realize tonight didn't end on a good note but I've come to rely on him. We rely on each other."

"I don't mean to sound critical. I understand things are difficult during wartime and you can't always choose who wants to help." She heard him moving about the room. "I'm sure you don't even recognize all the sacrifices you make. You're so devoted to your work and the cause. I think you might have blinders on."

Leia looked at herself in the mirror as she pulled down her braids. She put on her sleep shorts and an old t-shirt she found on the Falcon. Han claimed he didn't know where it came from but the size and style told her a woman left it behind.

"Again, I'm not being critical. Merely providing an outside and objective perspective. The Wookiee seems like a good being, though. You're lucky to have him on your side. It's unfortunate that he and Solo come as a pair."

Leia began rebraiding her then pulled it into a soft bun at the back of her head.

"In truth, this should have all been glaringly obvious when we met that woman on Deandra."

"Tess? Why are you thinking about her? Tess was great." Leia thought about adding I want her to be my new best friend but didn't think Pyrtor would see the humour in her comment.

"She was friendly, I'll give her that, but I'm not sure someone needs to be so out there, available, all the time. Though I imagine that helps when drumming up business."

Leia returned to the main room and found Pyrtor lying in the couch exactly as she imagined him, exactly how he always waited for her to come to bed. His right arm bent at the elbow, hand tucked behind his head. His left hand resting on his stomach.

He grabbed her wrist as she passed and pressed his lips gently to the back of her hand.

"Good night, Pyrtor." She took her hand back and continued on.

"Good night, Leia."

Not long after, Leia knew he was sound asleep. The light from her datapad wasn't bright enough to see him on the couch but she could hear him breathing. It was slow and even. Leia realized she had never heard him snore. He never had a restless sleep.

She had nightmares the first few nights they spent together after Alderaan. Pyrtor shook her awake, almost yelling her name. He wasn't exactly horrified but he looked troubled. A natural reaction to being woken up by a thrashing, screaming woman. He sat up in the bed, keeping his distance, and tried to look sympathetic. Or maybe he was sympathetic. It was hard to tell. Leia couldn't really see past her own embarrassment and guilt about disturbing him.

Her answer was to sleep very little when they were together. Make sure she had an easy escape route from the bed or room, as necessary. Try not to fall into too deep a sleep. If it meant she was exhausted, there was always the option of sleeping on the Falcon during the return flight.

She had a few nightmares during missions but they never felt as traumatizing. Leia assumed the difference was intimacy. She and Pyrtor had been in a bed together and that had to be a shock, worrisome, overwhelming. On the Falcon, someone came to find her when she screamed. Han or Luke, even Chewie, usually woke her up with a gentle nudge. They brought her tea or water or offered some other distraction. It had to be worse if it happened right beside you.

She had been reluctant to start a relationship with him. She was new to Coruscant and the Senate. She was becoming increasingly involved in the growing Rebellion. There wasn't much time for anything else. But they came from the same world. Knew many of the same people. They went to the same functions. It seemed like a natural step. At least, that's what people liked to tell her.

He pursued her and she was flattered. They started off slow, keeping things casual but after a few months they had settled into a comfortable pattern. Pyrtor was also fairly quick to say I love you and Leia never said it back.

She knew she wasn't a good girlfriend in the traditional, socially accepted, sense. She rarely made time for him. They saw each other when her schedule allowed. They slept over at each other's apartments. But spending an evening together, having a whole day to themselves, was rare.

Even when they were with her family, she took the necessary time to work, talk to father, plan royal duties with the mother. She would slip into his room at night—and, yes, she was pissed off that Han called that one—but never the other way around. The unspoken rule was she went to him. Until their present arrangement, of course. Now he called and she was expected to follow.

She never let her hair down in front him. Her excuse was always that they didn't have much time together, even on Coruscant, and keeping her braids made things easier. It never felt quite right to make that final move that felt almost more intimate than sex.

Leia's assistant on Coruscant, Evina, had few inhibitions when it came to describing her love life. Leia never provided her own details but she compared notes. Evina looked for adventure with multiple partners and no entanglements. Stories of wild nights, sex in bathrooms, and soul-shattering orgasms. Leia didn't know if it was all true but it was entertaining. Leia laughed, asked questions, let herself get lost in a world she thought she could never occupy.

She enjoyed her time with Pyrtor. They both did. She was more forceful in bed than his previous partners—he told her as much—and always ensured her needs were met. She was certainly more confident than she was with her first boyfriend. Leia considered herself sex-positive even though she understood that her sex life with Pyrtor wasn't pushing any boundaries, including her own.

She told herself that satisfied was good. People craved satisfied. She was with a nice, generally kind, albeit somewhat distant, well-suited man. She was the envy of many. But there was more than a small part of Leia that always suspected—knew—that she could have more.

It was one of the reasons she broke up with him the first time. She knew the relationship was uneven—she didn't love him—and she was more devoted to her work. There wasn't enough to pull her to Pyrtor and keep her there. But he was persistent and available and she let it happen again. When her father sent her on her mission to Tatooine and she understood she might be away for a while, she broke it off again. In the end, that was helpful for Pyrtor as it looked like all ties were severed before she went underground.

The first time she and Pyrtor met up again, Leia was nervous to see him. She didn't know how she would respond to someone from her past seeing her in that shattered state. She went there intending to keep her distance. She hoped that the tragedy of Alderaan and his affection for her would encourage him to help.

But he was excited to see her, glad that she was alive. It was the first time that Leia was willing to admit that she was also glad. She was alive. She could still fight against the Empire. She could still make a difference.

For those first months, the sex was sporadic. They only saw each other a few times and didn't have sex on every visit. She could admit to herself that it was a chance to remove herself from constant worry, even if only for a few moments. She stopped when she realized she wasn't connecting with Pyrtor but using him for distraction.

She wasn't the same person from before the destruction of Alderaan and not the person who met with him that first time, still in shock, and seeking his help. Leia felt herself changing, feeling less the princess and senator and more visceral, in her body, in the field. She was still a negotiator, she thrived on that, but also a strategist, a fighter, a leader.

She understood the adrenaline of being in negotiations, seeing those tides turn, hopefully in her favor. She knew the rush of being in a firefight. Escaping in a speeder, racing through the street. Sitting behind Han as the Falcon out-maneuvered TIEs and cruisers.

She knew there must also be an adrenaline rush with sex, certainly more than she had experienced.

Leia thought about Han and Tess. She thought about his arm slung over her shoulder, his hand on her hip. Leia closed her eyes and saw his reaction as Tess placed a hand on his chest. He smoldered. He wanted her. There was hunger and desire like Leia had never truly experienced.

She imagined Han looking at her that way. She thought she saw it sometimes. That same night on Deandra as he looked across the table at her. When she won the paddle ball game and he seemed entranced by her victory. She felt a flash—her desire for him, his desire for her—and she thought even that amount might consume her.

There had been a few of those looks over the past year and a half. Even earlier in that evening when they fought after the card game on the Falcon. He was furious, his face colouring with rage, but she saw something else. Want. Hunger.

Maybe she was imagining it because she wanted it. Wanted him to look at her that way. Wanted his hands on her hips, pulling her in close. Wanted to place a hand on his chest, a simple gesture, and have him react with that same enticing and palpable energy.

Ever since that night in the cantina on Deandra, Leia imagined Han kissing her. Taking her. Making love. It seemed so easy and obvious in a different way than with Pyrtor. It felt vital and alive. It had been months since that night and her fantasies were growing, expanding. She woke up some nights flush and excited.

Leia slipped a hand past the waistband of her shorts. She imagined it was Han's hand, then his tongue, moving over then inside her. She ignored the steady breathing coming from the couch and thought about the quick, erratic breaths of the Corellian pilot. She let her soft moans in the dark mix with the imagined heat of Han's body and let herself be carried away.