DISCLAIMER:Don't Own it. No Money Made... Just for fun and enjoyment.

A/N: We're getting there people, I swear. I just couldn't make this easy for them, because there's no fun in that. ;) Tonight we get a little glimpse into the mind of the Bugman :D

REVIEWS: Thanks to all who have reviewed. Your reviews have really meant a lot to me. No chance for a bad mood to last very long when I can look at those words and get all those warm fuzzies :D

Chapter 31

Grissom enjoyed his little drive to work every night. It provided him with his last bit of peace before entering the chaos of the crime lab and the madness of the world that created crime scenes for him to investigate. It gave him some time to reflect on things. Most of the time he thought about the night before, and what had happened that still needed his attention. He would replay certain scenes from the activities of the night before, to see what he remembered. These were his mental exercises; his way of determining his fitness to perform. It was a worry that had always been with him.

Grissom had an amazing attention span, but the problem was that it came at the expense of everything else around him. There were more times than he cared to recall where he would even forget to do things like eat.

During his life, there had been three women to look after him when he had gone over the edge enough to forget life's basic necessities. The first was his mother, and she had faithfully looked after him throughout his childhood, sometimes even to her own detriment, just to be certain he was eating and safe. In fact, she would still take on that task if she were closer, or in better health.

The second had been the wife of his best friend in San Francisco; Dr. Elizabeth MacInnerney. Elizabeth was constantly sending her husband off to work with two lunches, because she was just certain he had forgotten to bring anything for himself. She insisted he have dinner with their family every Sunday, just so she could be sure that he was eating at least one good meal a week. Elizabeth and her husband Mac had been his mentors, as well as his very good friends. They became his family, and they gave him a very precious gift, without even knowing it. In the trust of their only child, Gil Grissom found his heart, and she had kept it safe for him all those years.

The last woman to care for him had been an unlikely choice; Catherine Willows. Catherine became his best friend shortly after his arrival in Las Vegas, and she took that job seriously. She had given him "what for" on more occasions than Gil cared to remember, but in every instance, whether he wanted it or not, she had been right in doing so. Catherine may not have had the grace or the subtlety of the first two women in his life, but she gave him just what he needed, at just the right time; a swift kick in the ass.

Even though each of these women held a special place in his heart, there was still something missing in his life; someone missing.

There was one fact that Gilbert Grissom never had the nerve to own up to completely; he was lonely. And the real truth of the matter, he realized, as he continued his drive to work, was that it was only by his own choosing he lived that way. He had been given many opportunities to end his loneliness, but he squandered each and every one.

There was none that hit him as hard as his decision to avoid a relationship with another CSI on his team. It had pained him to walk away from her, but his attraction to her frightened him more than anything he had ever experienced in his life. He simply was not brave enough to risk his whole world on the chance she might be interested in him, beyond a passing fancy.

He had witnessed what taking that kind of risk did to other men, and he feared the same results for himself. After all, she was a smart, caring, witty, indescribably beautiful young woman, who had her whole life ahead of her, so what could he possibly have to offer her? My heart. That thought sent a shiver through his soul and he was forced to deal with the fact that, while he railed against this trait in all other aspects of his life, he was indeed a coward of the vilest nature.

His last thought as he pulled into the parking lot of headquarters was that he had a lot of work left to do. And it had nothing to do with work.