Chapter Seventeen
They stumbled into his cabin, lips locked and hands roaming. Working quickly, or as quickly as they could, they removed boots, blasters and his vest, pausing only so he could cup her face in his hands and kiss her. Her hands wrapped around his waist, pulling his shirt from his pants as he backed her toward the bunk.
They hadn't spoken a word since he kissed her in the lounge. Since she said I miss you. There was a frantic energy between them, an intense need to barrel forward for fear they would come to yet another crashing halt. Neither wanted to break the spell. They both desperately craved the other's touch, their heat.
Han gave a brief look around his cabin thinking he should have cleaned up, or changed the sheets on his bunk, but how would he have guessed this was going to happen. He didn't expect to find her on his ship. And even in those first moments after discovering her, he couldn't think beyond how much he missed her voice. The way her diction became more pronounced when she was nervous. All crisp t's and hard d's. Every syllable of every word perfectly formed.
Unfortunately, his moment of distraction meant he lost control of where her hands were exploring and they slipped beneath his shirt and up his back. He grabbed her wrists and pulled them back to her sides. He held her in place as he leaned lower to whisper in her ear.
"Hands off, Princess." He kissed behind her ear then nibbled his way down her neck. "I've got a plan."
She laughed, tilting her head to the side as he worked his way back up her neck. "You know how reassuring I've always found your plans."
He sat her on the bunk and gently lowered her down on to her back. He leaned over her, hovering, his hands still holding her wrists now pressed against the bunk on either side of her head.
"Think I'll start at the top and work my way down."
He came in close, only a breath away from her lips then lowered himself to kiss her collar bone. She chuckled and moved her legs so her knees pressed into his hips.
"Great. Your plan is to be a tease."
Leia had never been much of a giggler. She laughed. She was known to have a solid belly laugh under the right circumstances. She chuckled. Once or twice she guffawed. But giggled? No. Not Leia. Until now. Right now, she had a distinct desire to giggle as she watched him kiss his way down her torso.
He slid his hand under her shirt and slowly up her side. He continued to nip along her neck and collarbone as his thumb circled her nipple through the fabric of her bra. He pressed himself into her hips so she could feel his growing arousal. Her hands moved through this hair, down the back of his neck and under his shirt collar. Once again, he pulled her hand back.
"Not yet."
He sat up slightly and leaned on one elbow to get better access to her shirt buttons. Starting at the top, he undid each button, kissing the newly revealed section of bare flesh.
"Han." She lifted his chin so he faced her. "Is there something going on?"
"Let's hope so." He gave her a wicked grin. "Am I being too subtle?"
He pulled down the top of her bra, not quite to the nipple. He kissed her breast, admiring her, losing himself in that moment as Leia slid a hand back under his shirt.
He sat up quickly and looked down at her, narrowing his eyes. He was ready for a stand-off if that's what she wanted.
Leia propped herself up on her elbows. "Tell me what's going on."
"Can we talk about this later?" He tried out a nonchalant grin but knew she wasn't falling for it. "We spent three years talking."
He kissed her. Her hand rested on his jawline as his tongue slid past her lips. As he pulled away he took hold of her bottom lip with his teeth and she laughed.
"I do admire a man of action." She smiled as he turned his head to kiss her palm. "But I need to know what you're hiding and why."
Han dropped his head and let out an exaggerated sigh. "Fine."
He sat up and knelt on the bunk beside her, pulling his shirt over his head. She looked at him in confusion, wondering what the issue was until he turned. Discoloured scars criss-crossed his back and stretched to his sides.
She gently ran her fingers along the marred, raised tissue, careful not to press too hard.
"Don't worry. Doesn't hurt. Not much, anyway."
He turned back to her, resting his hands on his thighs. It took a moment for her to look back up at him. She was trying to compose herself, not reveal too much. They both knew anything he might construe as pity would not go over very well. He waited for her reaction before making his next move.
Leia took a quick breath that sat up. She crossed her legs in front of her and placed her hands in her lap. "What happened?"
He laughed and shook his head. It was that thing that made so many accuse her of being the Ice Princess. She responded to turmoil with a cool, measured voice. A diplomat weighing all the options and outcomes. But he saw it as Leia giving him the space he needed. She didn't want to push him but she also wanted that information. It was the Leia balancing act and in that moment he recognized her kindness. It's also possible that he was seeing her every move as some version of adorable.
"Does it matter?" He shrugged, not quite making light of it but wanting to brush it off. She didn't break her gaze and he knew he wasn't going to get away with it. "Jabba wanted to make a show of it. Make sure everyone knew he could do it."
She was staring at him, eyes full of concern and a touch of anger that he hoped wasn't directed at him. Han brushed some hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead. "Looks worse than it is."
"I find that hard to believe."
"I figure I probably got off easy." Han moved on the bunk so he was leaning against the wall. He stretched his legs out so they rested on either side of Leia's hips. "He was plenty pissed by the time I arrived."
He played with her hair, running his fingers through the loose bits. She didn't reach out to him but she also didn't pull away so Han decided they were still on the right track.
"I had more credits than the original debt but it wasn't quite enough for him. Probably never would have had enough by that point." He lightly traced his fingers down her arm. "So, I suggested a deal, a compromise, and hoped he'd agree to it."
"And that worked?"
"Eventually."
"How long did it take?"
She managed to keep her voice steady but knew she couldn't hide her concern. He'd see it in her clenched jaw. Her dark eyes. He knew all her tells. That she needed to keep her hands folded in her lap to maintain calm. She watched as he moved his hands to hers, lacing their fingers together.
"A week. Almost. Maybe a bit more."
She rolled her eyes at him.
He was trying not to withhold information. Answer her questions. But it wasn't his natural state and getting more than a couple words out at a time was a struggle.
"He finally agreed to a deal?"
"Chewie showed up with more credits." He gave her his half-smile. "And yeah. Jabba agreed to a deal."
Leia waited for him to continue and when she realized he wasn't going to offer more, she uncrossed her legs and rested them over his thighs.
"Those scars look pretty bad." She put her hands on his biceps like she needed to keep him steady.
"Jabba wasn't big on applying bacta or bandages."
"You've had no treatment?" She tried not to overreact but it was hard to keep the worry and frustration at bay. She appreciated that he could remain calm in chaos, she relied on his ability to not panic in the midst of turmoil, to help her not spin out of control, but this might be pushing it.
"Went to some people we know." Han returned to playing with her hair, stroking her cheek. "Cost less than a med center. Chewie did some work for them as payment."
"I think I heard something about that." He raised an eyebrow at her and she continued with a soft smile. "One of the stories put you at a brothel. Said you were living there."
"More like hiding out." He pulled a piece of hair from her braid, ran it through his fingers, enjoying its silky texture. "They know what they're doing. Basically unofficial medics."
She thought about when she first told Han about her torture on the Death Star. He nodded, didn't ask questions, left it open for her to decide how much she wanted to reveal. If she wanted to talk, he would listen but he wouldn't push her. This time, if he wanted to talk, she'd listen. If he didn't then she'd have to be patient.
Leia watched him as he played with her hair. He pulled out strands, ran them through his fingers then tucked them behind her ear. His expression was soft. Despite their conversation about corporal punishment, scars and near death, he looked relaxed. Content.
She dropped her head into her hands and started to laugh.
"What's so funny?" His look was a mix of intrigued and confused. "Did I miss something?"
She ran her hands over his chest, realizing it was the first time she'd felt his bare chest and admitted how much she liked doing so. Leia laughed again.
"I was thinking that an hour ago I didn't know if I'd ever see you again and if I did see you if you would even want to talk to me. Now we're in your bunk and discussing why you didn't want to take your shirt off."
"To be clear, I was more interested in the sex than the discussion."
"I wasn't not interested in the sex." She squeezed her knees against his side.
Han grinned, a wide, cock-eyed, spilt his face in two, kind of grin.
This time she pushed his hair behind his ears. There was a time in their friendship when she did that more and she missed that physical connection. It was something they used to share as friends.
No, not as friends. It was always something more with Han. It was more than friends, even then. It wasn't like being affectionate with Luke. That was kind, warm, a return to the family she lost. There was a need, a desire, to be close to Han. Touch him. She tried to convince herself, him, anyone in the vicinity, that there was no difference, even though she never ran her fingers through Luke's hair or felt tempted to trace his jawline as he slept.
"But maybe we need to cover a few things first." She bit the inside of her cheek. She wanted to kiss him again but wondered if it was better to talk first. Before they got too carried away.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and nodded.
With her hands still on his chest, she bent forward and kissed him. It was slow, gentle kiss. She pulled back and smiled.
"I'm not made of stone."
He took her hand again. He didn't wrap his fingers around hers but let their palms rest against each other, feeling her warmth, and how perfectly they locked into each other's grasp.
"What was the deal you made with Jabba?"
He didn't quite sigh but looked uncomfortably resigned. "Ran goods through the corporate sector."
"I thought the corporate sector was too, how did you put it, hot? Too many beings after you."
"Betting that made the deal that much sweeter for Jabba."
Han walked into Jabba's Palace knowing his only way out was a deal. Jabba didn't need credits. He needed to prove he was in charge and that could do what he wanted with anyone who entered his sphere. Holding Han in his power, demanding impossible tasks against terrible odds, was right up his alley.
Last ditch plans and fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants escapades were standard fair for Han and he did his best to convince himself that this situation was no different. He couldn't run anymore so he had to risk it all and hope he could work it all in his favour. Trouble was, after Hoth and Leia and that entire mess, he wasn't so sure he could rely on the Solo Luck anymore.
"What type of goods did you run?"
"Better if you don't have that information."
They were both taking this one step and one question at a time, tentatively asking and answering each question. But they were touching each other. Sitting close on the bunk, legs circling hips. His arms still wrapped around her waist. He was shirtless, her shirt unbuttoned. They were intimate, trusting each other in new ways. Not quite daring each other but also not backing down.
"Why did he agree to it?" She hooked her hands onto his waistband. "I thought revenge was more his style."
Han shrugged. "Not sure exactly."
He moved his hands up her sides so his thumbs rested just below her breasts. Her skin was cool and smooth. He felt her ribcage expand and contract with each breath. He realized he had quickly synched his breathing with hers.
"The only reason Jabba didn't kill me straight off is cos he wanted me to suffer. The only reason I got off as easy as I did—and it wasn't that easy—was the guards liked me well enough and didn't push it as far as Jabba wanted." He lifted Leia up so he could move his legs beneath her, setting her back down on his lap. "He's a sadistic bastard but also a businessman. He could make a lot of money if I did the runs. And he knew it would be hard to get the best to work for him if he didn't keep his deals. If there was no way to renegotiate. He'd be stuck with only people desperate enough to work for him."
Taking advantage of her new spot, Leia leaned in for another slow, languid kiss. Leia found it hard not to smile as they moved against each other, lips pressed against lips, tongues gently brushing. There was a warmth in her chest that spread throughout her body.
"I still have a few more questions."
He let his head fall back, knocking against the bulkhead. "Have at it, Princess."
"How and when did you end up with the Alliance again?"
"We're fast enough that Jabba didn't always notice a few detours."
He kissed one collarbone, then the other, and smiled when he saw her bemused stare. She was waiting for more.
"Couple of months in we hooked up with the base on Lah'mu cos we knew where it was and offered our services. Jabba wasn't paying as close attention by then." He experimented by trailing his tongue just behind her ear to test her reaction. It was a good reaction. "After a bit, we had a routine. Knew where to drop-in. Kept an eye out for goods we knew bases needed."
"But you didn't make any formal arrangements."
"Needed to keep it casual in case word got back to the Hutt." He tried the other ear and was just as pleased with the result. "Also, needed to work off that debt and pick up paying jobs."
"Hoping to find a farm boy and Jedi Knight offering a big pay day?"
"Gotta be a princess to rescue and big reward out there somewhere."
He'd been desperate when he took that job. At the time, there was a part of him that suspected it was too good to be true with that much money to fly passengers to Alderaan, even with the no questions asked caveat. He should've known there would be more to it, like the wrath of the entire Empire raining down on them. He also suspected, at various times over the past four years, that it was the best decision he ever made.
"Did you make a drop off on Octorel?"
Han didn't say anything but ran a finger down her front, lingering over her bare midriff and stopping at her waistband.
"Because I had been wondering how weapons and supplies got to a remote area that had been cut off by an imperial blockade for more than a year. Then intel on troop movements in the system reached High Command just in time to help with the Virtute campaign."
"Guess somebody was in the right place at the right time." He undid the clasp on her pants, opening them enough that he could run his fingers between her hip bones. "Maybe they had a fast ship to help out."
"Maybe a ship that did the Kessel in fourteen."
"Hey, twelve, smartass."
She gave a small laugh and arched her hips forward to give him better access. He looked lost in thought as he watched his hand move back and forth across her body.
"I am curious about the corporate sector."
"It's an interesting place." He glanced up at her, gave a half-smile then returned his gaze to her hips. He slid his finger past the waistband of her underwear. "You should visit sometime."
"Yes, it sounds like quite the vacation hot spot." She rested a hand on the side of his neck, her fingers lacing through his hair. They found a rhythm in their slow, steady movements. "I thought it was a bit odd that there was suddenly intel coming out of there."
She tilted her head back as he kissed her neck, his hands moving to her sides again.
"Did you set this up before you left?"
He pulled back to look at her, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes, I know. You have your moments." She smiled at him.
"Rieekan and I talked about it. Thought maybe there was a way to work with some of my old connections." Despite the fact that he spent years with the Rebellion, and that he was still involved, he felt odd admitting any commitment beyond what she already knew. "Didn't get a chance to try it out until Jabba sent me back there."
"And it worked out with old connections?"
He nodded. "And a few new."
She knew enough of his corporate sector stories to know there was an old girlfriend there. She couldn't ask for those details and didn't know how to even hint around the topic for more information so moved on.
"You're debt and Jabba free now?"
"Two months clear."
They both paused knowing what that meant. Two months when he was a free agent. Two months when he didn't come find her or leave a message.
"Guess it's luck that we ended up at the same base at the same time."
"Nah. I wasn't supposed to be here." He wrapped his arms around her waist again. "Dropped off goods on Enalme and was heading back to Dantooine to pick up work. Tess needed a ride here and convinced me it was worth my time."
"Did she mention me? Did she know I was scheduled to be here?"
Han shrugged. "Said she wanted to catch up but maybe she had ulterior motives."
Leia shifted on his lap. "I met her husband. Torson." Her voice was quiet. Tentative. "They seem happy."
He laughed. "You think I slept with Tess?"
"Well, I know that…" she trailed off, not sure how to finish that sentence.
"You know that I have loose morals as far as married women are concerned?"
"No, I…" Leia sat up straight, pulled herself together. She didn't want to appear unsteady. "What happens between consenting adults is none of my business." Her confidence faded again. "And you were gone a long time. A lot of things can happen. A lot of things can change."
"Nothing happened between me and Tess. Just some friendly conversation. And she may have swindled me out of a bottle of whisky in sabacc."
She almost smiled but bit her bottom lip to maintain her—barely passing as—neutral expression.
"Is there anything else you'd like to ask?" He gave her a gentle nudge.
"It's honestly none of my business if you were with anyone." This time she did give a small smile. "Maybe it's better if I don't know."
His thumb traced the line of her jaw then moved over her lips. He could tell her there was nothing to worry about, that there was no one else. Only her. But the words didn't come. He remembered her in the office on Home One telling him he was deluded in thinking there was anything more between them. He thought about sitting in the lounge on their way to the rendezvous and realizing she did everything in her power to keep him at a distance.
"Why didn't you leave a message for me at any of the bases? Or for Luke."
He clenched his jaw and looked away, trying to keep his cool. "I don't know. Things were..." He looked up, avoiding her gaze, trying to find the right word. "Messy."
"But you must have known I might find out you were doing runs."
"Knew it was a possibility."
"Are things less messy now? Since you're done with the Hutts and there's no more death mark."
Han took a deep breath and this time he held her gaze. "I don't know."
Leia felt her heartrate rise. Her spine tingled. Some base survival instinct was telling her it was time to run. She recognized Han having the same response. She could see his shoulders straighten as he readjusted. This was their tipping point that they'd come to time and time again. When one of them threw the shields up. Deflected and distracted.
Yet she also realized they were both holding on. Her hands grasped his waistband holding him in place. His hands tight on her hips. If one of them bolted, the other was ready to stop them.
"You don't know?" She set her jaw, breathed in deeply through her nose.
"Yeah, Leia. I don't know. Outright rejection can do that to a guy."
His eyes were dark, his lips pressed tightly together. He looked like he was trying to lock words inside.
"Hang on!" She matched his stance, and his anger. "You're the one who walked away."
"It was self-preservation."
"You made the choice to leave." How could she have forgotten how impossible he could be? Stubborn. Asinine. "It didn't have to end that way."
"How do you figure?" He still hadn't moved his hands from her hips.
"I was willing to try!"
"Try what? Not lying?" He was shouting. Everything got away from him and now he was shouting even though she was only inches away.
"It's good to know somethings never change." She forced herself to speak calmly in response. Put on the airs of being the responsible, reserved one. "You are as reductive as always."
"Call it like I see it, Sweetheart."
They paused. Watched each other as their chests rose and fell with quick breaths. They were circling each other. Deciding if one would give in. Deciding if one should go in for the kill.
Leia made the call to try something else.
"I realize I could have handled things differently." She spoke quickly, getting the words out before she lost her nerve. "I should have handled things differently. But I didn't."
"Great. Glad we solved that one." Han was following suit, trying for the illusion of calm.
"My point is, I can't fix what I've already done." She swallowed. Licked her lips. Gave herself another few seconds. She'd worked through these feelings when meditating but this was her first time saying them out loud and they were now sounding strange and unfamiliar. "The only thing I can do is move forward and try not to make the same mistakes again."
He didn't respond but his eyes softened. She could see the warm hazel starting to re-emerge.
"I'm sorry." She gently tugged on his waistband, trying for a reaction. "I wish I had an easy explanation but I don't. Everything will sound like a cheap excuse. I was scared. Confused. Didn't know how to care about anything beyond the rebellion. Felt guilt about feeling anything at all."
He looked down, watching his own hands as his thumbs drew circles on either side of her stomach.
"I think I was so scared that admitting my feelings would mean losing you. And then I lost you anyway."
She cupped his jaw with her hand, brushing his cheek with her thumb. His face had a light stubble that felt rough and enticing.
"I was stuck in this loop, believing if so many others didn't have the chance to enjoy life, be happy, then neither should I. Not only Alderaan. Everyone living under the Empire. I didn't lose my life, like my parents did or the Rebels who stole the Death Star plans, but I should give up my life. Take nothing for myself."
Han took her hand from his cheek and kissed her palm and wrist.
"But, strangely, my personal martyrdom didn't defeat the Empire."
Leia gave her head a quick shake, chuckled. It didn't sound real when she said it yet it had been her life for so many years.
"Turns out." She let out a loud breath and laughed again. "The entire fate of the galaxy might not revolve around me as much as I thought I did."
He returned her chuckle, softly shaking his head in reply. He had a different opinion on that matter. He was quite certain Leia was at the center of everything that mattered.
"So, maybe." She paused to ensure she had his full attention. "Maybe it would actually help me if I had a few more things to live for."
Han was almost afraid to move. He could easily send this moment off course. Reveal too much. Say the wrong thing. Push things too far. There were too many options and he'd already made enough wrong turns along the way. He didn't want to mess this one up. Things felt close but they'd felt close before and there were only so many times they could let this slip through their fingers.
"I was hurting myself, too." She gave him a small smile. "If that helps in any way."
"Not really." He gave her hand a quick squeeze.
Leia put her hand back on his jaw and leaned her forehead against his. His hand grasped the back of her neck, his fingers weaving into her braids. Their kiss was hungry but not desperate. They were slowly securing themselves, attempting to find their footing.
He returned his hands to her waist.
"My turn to ask some questions."
This time she gave a single nod.
"What's going on with Pyrtor? Still meeting up with him?"
She shook her head. "No. All ties were cut."
"Good."
"He denied any involvement and any knowledge of information being gathered but his sister certainly played some part in it."
"You believe him?"
"I know it sounds like I'm making excuses but I don't think it was a deliberate betrayal." Leia started to play with her hair. It was a nervous reaction, something to do with her hands. "However, there were some truly misguided actions and I'm responsible for many of them. Both things I did and things I allowed to happen."
He resumed his exploration of her torso, pushing her open shirt back. Running his fingers up and down her exposed skin as he listened to her.
"I don't regret contacting him in the first place. His information did help. But I should have handled it differently. I shouldn't have been his contact no matter what he wanted. I let myself get wrapped up in it, believing I was the only one who could solve the problem."
Leia took in a quick breath as his hand glided over the front of her underwear then back up her navel.
"The more I felt for…" Her voice was low, edging on a whisper. She pushed her hips forward as his hand moved down again. "I hid behind that arrangement just like I hid behind the relationship. He demanded very little of me. I barely had to commit any time. Never said I love you. As long as I was the person he expected to be with, the hostess to his host, he was satisfied. It's not uncommon in that social strata and it provided a handy cover for all my other activities."
This time his hand moved between her breasts then grazed over her nipple as he moved back down and she let out a small gasp. He smiled what could only be described as a satisfied, excited grin.
"And you got what you needed?" He felt her nipple harden under his thumb. "Intel-wise."
Leia let out a long breath, trying to slow her heartrate and answer his question with a semi-clear head.
"Madine passed the information we gathered on Sieggaro and that Pyrtor confirmed to Bothan agents in the region. An engineering lab was set up in the warehouse. We identified a few other men going in and out of the building. Weapons engineers and at least two who worked on the original Death Star."
"The original?" He stopped what he was doing to stare at her. "Fuck."
"We're still waiting on a full report from the Bothans but they feel fairly confident that a new Death Star is being built. So, the Alliance is trying to mobilize. We're asking bases and allies to send what they can. High Command is ordering a rendezvous in a few weeks."
"Bases around here don't have much to send." He was still holding her breast, his thumb on her nipple, but focused more on her and this news. "And they'll be leaving the area undefended. They have to worry about a lot more than the Empire in these parts."
The Hutts weren't the only game in town. There were crime syndicates and war lords and wannabe bosses vying for power in almost all the Outer Rim systems. It was hard to keep track of them all.
"My mission isn't to gather troops but to prepare for the aftermath."
"High Command feeling lucky these days?" He cocked an eyebrow.
"Hopeful." She didn't resist as his arm went around her waist and he pulled her closer.
"Whatever is brewing, we won't likely have the chance again. So, should we be successful, we need allies to respond quickly. It will likely be chaos and we don't want to lose control if we finally have a genuine shot at it."
He gave her an appraising gaze as his hands moved below her waistband. She smiled as she felt him stiff against her. He nibbled on her ear again and she laughed at his almost groan.
"Hang on." She pushed him back by his shoulders and did a quick scan for the chrono. "I have to go. I'm probably already late for my meeting."
"Are you kidding me?" He let out a very audible groan this time.
She pushed herself off his lap and smiled. "I guess you shouldn't have wasted so much time talking."
Leia was quickly standing beside the bunk and refastening shirt. Han reluctantly pulled himself up and found his own shirt.
"What now?"
She looked at him, slightly confused. "I spend hours in a bunker and hope we can connect with Mon as planned."
"Then what?" He handed her one of her boots that landed on the opposite side of the cabin. "Is that it? Back to the Rebellion and forget the rest?"
"I never left the Rebellion."
He couldn't tell if she was kidding. He couldn't tell if they were suddenly back at the beginning.
"Are you coming back here after your meetings?"
"Do you want me too?"
"I just asked, didn't I?
"No. You asked me if that's what I was doing. You didn't ask me to come back or even say that you wanted me to come back."
"Wasn't that implied?"
She grabbed her bag and slung it across her chest. She took hold of the strap with both hands.
"What do you want to do?" She stood tall. Held his gaze. "What do you want to happen?"
He placed his hands on his hips and looked down at her. Her standing tall still wasn't very tall. "Maybe this time we don't run. We do it different."
"What does different look like to you?" Her gaze was soft, hopeful.
He shrugged. "No idea."
Leia rested her hand on his chest and tugged lightly on his shirt's fabric. She took a deep breath and offered a small but genuine smile.
"Okay. I'll try to get back tonight. No guarantee when I'll be free and I won't be able to send updates. Maybe we can talk about things. Or whatever."
Suddenly shy, she looked at the deck plating and gave herself a moment to compose herself. "We'll see if there's anything to figure out."
Han rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, his hair, then over his face. "Ah, fuck it."
He took her in both his hands and lifted her face toward him.
"I tried really hard to forget you. I figured the longer I was away, the more shit I had to do, I'd think about you less. Figured fighting for my life with Jabba and to finish up the contract would be enough to get you out of my system. I tried but didn't work out that way. Kinda got worse. Probably should have avoided the rebels but guess you got in my head in a lot of ways. And I don't know, maybe it made me feel closer to you without actually having to see you. I heard enough to know you were alive, still going non-stop. Heard Luke went missing."
He dropped his forehead to rest on hers.
"Hated that I almost died and I'd never see you again but I didn't want to find you, see you, and know there was still no place for me. Don't want to be without you but I thought it'd be worse if I was around you and you didn't want me. Thought it'd feel better if I could avoid it and then there'd always be a chance it could be true."
She closed her eyes so she could concentrate on his voice. Held his hips so she could sense his every movement.
"Every time I landed on a base I was nervous you'd be there and every time you weren't I was disappointed. I don't know how to do any of this or be the person you need. Don't know how to not mess this up."
He kissed her forehead. "But right now, I think, maybe, knowing there's a tomorrow is enough."
She pressed her body against his and lifted her face so their lips met.
"I think we can manage a tomorrow." With a hand on his cheek, she kissed him again. "It's a good place to start."
They returned to their fervent, hungry kisses. Their hands didn't roam but held each other firmly in place. When they came up for air, she stepped back and started for the door as he smiled his most wicked smile.
"One thing you should know about me." He took a step toward her so he could speak in a low rumble in her ear. "I am very demanding."
She laughed and took another step back.
"I wouldn't expect anything less."
Leia left the cabin and Han watched her leave, feeling like his Solo Luck might actually being working again.
