The Long and Winding Road: Ch. 10
By: The Confused One
A/N: I promise things pick up in the next chapter. Enjoy the little short chapter here. And please, please review. Thanks.
Deakins was about to ask if Bobby was OK, when the Detective spoke, "Tell everyone what's going on. We have to find them. I don't care what it takes. We need a manhunt. I. I have to go talk to her."
Deakins understood. But he worried about Bobby running around the city looking for Alex. He asked, "How are you going to find her."
Still looking in the direction Alex had left, he assured his Captain, "I know where she is. There's only one place she would go right now."
Carver and Deakins just watched as Bobby walked down the hallway. Carver looked over at Deakins. He questioned, "You want to tell me what's going on around here?"
Deakins nodded. With a sigh, he implored, "Come with me. I really just want to tell this story once more."
Carver nodded. Trevor and Harrison exited the interrogation room. Trevor explained, "We finally got the lawyer calmed down. They're talking now. What happened?"
Deakins explained, "They were watching the interrogation. I think it was too much for her."
Harrison shook his head. He snorted. He wasn't going to say it out loud, but he really thought it had been a bad idea to have them in the next room. He skirted the issue, "Well, I think we pretty much blew any hope of getting anything out of them."
Deakins sighed again. He agreed, "Yeah. You're right. Go back to your desks. I need to talk to everyone."
Trevor knew what was coming. He could feel it. He asked, "You're going to tell everyone the story, aren't you?"
Deakins nodded. He started towards the bullpen, where the rest of his men were. That's when Harrison spoke up, "Where are Goren and Eames now?"
As they walked, Carver answered, "They left. She took off. He's gone off after her."
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Alex stood in front of the headstone. Bending down, she traced the name with her hand, 'Ryan Goren'. A tear fell down her cheek. She could smell the green grass and the freshly moved earth. She could see the other grave that had just been dug. The mourners would be there soon. Looking back at the headstone, she whispered, "I'm so sorry, baby."
She heard his footsteps quietly behind her. Alex closed her eyes. She knew who it was. Angrily, she hissed, "Go away Goren."
Bobby stayed behind her. He wasn't walking away, and he wasn't letting her push him away. He simply replied, "No. We need each other right now."
Alex sighed. She desperately wanted him to go. She just wanted to be alone right then. She needed to think, and she was embarrassed. She had acted like a fool, and she knew it. She also realized she wasn't getting rid of him that easily. She relented a little, "I'm sorry about before Bobby. I just. I'm scared, and I need a little space right now. I want to be alone. Please. Please go."
Bobby breathed a little relief. At least she was speaking to him. He tried to lighten things up a little, "I had to take a cab down here. I just got here. I'm not going anywhere that quickly."
It was obvious that his attempt at humor hadn't registered with her. She stood up and turned around and finally faced him. Tired and drained she simply asked, "What do you want from me Bobby?"
Bobby had come to make her angry again. He wanted her to fight. He wanted her to get it out, to yell if she needed to. He was also hoping she'd finally cry. He could tell she needed to, but she was afraid to. Bobby hadn't cried either. He had been too busy trying to be strong for her. Besides, he was Bobby Goren. He never cried. He internalized. He pleaded with her, "It's not what I want. It's what Hayley needs. She needs you right now. She needs both of us. She needs us to be cops right now, not her parents. She needs us to focus on finding her. But you're not there right now. Look around. It's just us here. Yell, scream, cry, whatever it takes, but we have a file full of names and addresses of known associates of Domingus and Lopez. I need you to be able to go through that file, and we both know you can't like this."
Alex blinked back the tears. She weakly confessed, "I can't. I'm so afraid. If I start, I'm not sure I can stop."
Bobby nodded. He understood the feeling, but Alex had always been there to catch him. She had always been the one to help him stop. He hoped he could be that for her too. He finally spoke softly and soothingly, "That's what I'm here for."
It caught Alex off guard. She wasn't sure why, but it did. She was at least glad he had refrained from telling her how it was impossible to cry forever or something as stupid. She quipped, "You know. I hate this side of you."
Bobby smiled slightly. He never meant to do it, but sometimes he found himself even psychologically dissecting Alex. She always hated it when he did that. Which is why he avoided it, but this called for desperate measures. He simply begged, "I'm Sorry. Just. Please work with me."
Alex nodded. She understood. With a sigh, she explained, "I. I do have faith in you Bobby. I believe we'll find her. I know that. I'm just scared. I can't lose her. It'll be too much."
Bobby forced his arm to cooperate. He reached out and touched her face. He assured her, "I promise I'll find her. I have to. It's my fault."
Alex pulled away. Anger flashed across her face. She insisted, "This is not your fault. At least, it's not more your fault than mine. We set ourselves up for this. Don't you dare go blaming yourself for this."
Realizing he hit a soft spot, Bobby pushed a little harder, "It was me and my stupid brilliant idea to go after these guys. If I had walked away and let vice and narcotics handle it none of this would have happened."
Alex shook her head. She yelled back, "You were trying to feel useful. You were trying to avenge our son's death. I took Hayley to my sister's. I got them all kidnapped. It was my decision to lie to everyone. I honestly thought we'd be able to keep this up for forever. Yeah. I'm real brilliant. I let them use this to kill my son and kidnap my daughter. This is my fault Goren. It's not yours."
Bobby was taken aback by how much anger and regret she had. He hadn't realized how much she blamed herself. He had to get her to get it all out. He yelled and pushed a little harder, "I went along with it. I let it continue. I put us in this position. Not you. My fears. My fears got in the way of what we should have had."
Alex shook her head vigorously. The tears started. She realized what he had just done, and it was too late. She would have been angry if she hadn't been crying. Touching his cheek, she choked out, "No, Bobby. What we've had. It's been good. It's been perfect, till this nightmare started."
Bobby nodded. He whispered, "It's not your fault either. You didn't cause this. I love you, and I love our children. We did what we thought was best."
Alex continued to cry. For the first time, she really looked at the bruise she had left on his face. She sighed as the tears subsided. She apologized again, "I'm sorry. I can't believe I hit you."
Bobby wasn't surprised. All the anger and pain was eating at her. He tried to reassure, "I can take it. I've had worse, and you were in a very bad place."
Alex winced. She was afraid he was talking about his mother or father. The last thing she ever wanted was for him to compare her to his parents. She had borderline contempt for them. They had put Bobby through hell as a child. She looked away. She replied, "I have no excuse. Please don't try to make it alright."
Bobby could only sigh. This wasn't what he had hoped to accomplish. He redirected her attention, "We should go Alex. We have a file to go over."
Alex nodded. In spite of herself, she was grateful that Bobby had come. She needed him. She needed the talk they had just had. Maybe they could get through this now. The two walked wordlessly to the SUV.
