Lister didn't understand. He looked down the corridors and took a glance into a random room- nothing. No one was around. There was no one on board the Red Dwarf except him. No crew. No skutters. No killer glove puppets- nothing. He started to cry. He was sick of it, why couldn't anything go right?

"Kryten? …Cat? … Krissie?" no one replied, "And where the smeg has Rimmer gotten to?" he said out loud, for reasons which he couldn't explain. Perhaps he was simply mad? Yes, he thought, 'I'm simply mad' that's what he thought.

He looked back at the mirror. Kryten had created a mirror universe as the current Red Dwarf that they were on was, well, blowing up quite frankly. They created a mirror universe because they needed an antidote to stop the Dwarf, well, blowing up. Of course in a mirror universe, a virus became an antidote. Or so that was the logic behind it. Lister thought Kryten and Krissie, who seemed to be the only ones who understood perfectly what was going on, were smegging mad. Then he thought about his own state of mind at this very moment. He decided not to dwell on it anymore. He began to sob like he'd never sobbed before.

After hours of sobbing and clenching his fists together (not to mention a little bit of rocking forwards and backwards) Lister looked at the perfectly normal mirror, and got the shock of his life. Kryten and The Cat emerged from the mirror and fell to the floor. Cat was obviously in shock. A hell of a lot of shock, by the look of his wide eyes and open mouth, his nose seemed to be stuck in a shocked position, too.

"Kryten, what the smeg?" screamed Lister hysterically.

"Oh thank god we've found your sir! Please, permission to kiss your feet!"

"Kryten that's really not-" before Lister could finish his sentence, the robot began kissing (and licking) Lister's feet. "I s'pose I did need them polished a little bit. So, Kryten, are you gonna tell me what happened or not? I thought that the mirror universe was meant to help us find an antidote for the Dwarf?"

"It seems that the mirror worked differently for all of us! It transported us all to a different parallel universe, instead of the same! Me, Mr. Cat, Miss. Kochanski, Mr. Rimmer and you, all ended up in different realities. I found Mr. Cat on a Red Dwarf that consisted only of men- and they seemed to have taken a shine to Mr. Cat.

"A shine?" Cat finally broke his silence, "Buddy, they wanted to hump me into next Thursday!"

"Indeed sir." said Kryten awkwardly.

"Where's Rimmer and Kriss?" asked Lister. He could tell by the look on Kryten's pointy face, that it wasn't good news.

"We couldn't find our Kochanski and Rimmer in any of the realities we searched for. We must have looked at a hundred before we found you!"

"Smeg! How do you know that I'm your Lister?" said Lister, "I mean, how do you really know it's me?"

"The curry stain in the shape of Abraham Lincoln on your shirt sir. You made that stain before we walked through the mirror!" chirpily replied Kryten.

"Ah well, fair enough. So now what do we do? Keep on looking for Kriss and Smeg head?"

"I don't think it'll do any good sir. We could search through millions and still not find them. What's this reality like?"

"Empty. In this reality, there's no one on board Red Dwarf. It's like a graveyard."

"Interesting…"

"Yeah? How did you work that one out?"

"Well, what would a ship be doing, floating around like a headless chicken in space, without any crew on board? It just doesn't make sense, that's all."

"Oh smeg!" Lister knew which reality he was in. "Kryten. This is the reality in which we found the Dwarf, but the nanobots didn't resurrect the original crew! Smeg!"

"That seems plausible… but there's still a flaw."

"What flaw?"

"Where are we? If we're here, then so should our other selves- from this reality."

"Maybe they went through the mirror the same time we went through the mirror? It is all connected and parallel after all, right?"

"Guys." Cat spoke wearily, "My head's hurting, please just shut up and fetch me some chicken Marengo!"


"Sir, are you okay?" Kryten entered the sleeping quarters that Lister and The Cat were occupying. This was the place which Lister had shared with Rimmer for years. He hated Rimmer. Rimmer hated him. It was a match made in heaven. Lister looked down from his top bunk, and instead of seeing Rimmer listening to a revision tape, saw Cat looking in awe at himself in a handheld mirror.

"Haven't you had enough of mirrors yet, Cat?" asked Lister.

"Enough of mirrors? That's an awful thing to say… I can't believe you even suggested such an awful, terrible thing! How would I know if I still look sexy without a mirror? Hold on… how do I know if I do now?" he quickly looked at the mirror and smiled, "Oh thank god, I'm still sexy!"

"Sir?"

"Sorry Kryten… what were you saying?"

"I was just asking if you were okay."

"As good as I can be Kryten. I mean, we're back at square one aren't we? Sure, we've found the Dwarf, but I've lost Krissie all over again, and even Rimmer… again."

"I could bring one of them back as a hologram sir?" suggested Kryten.

"No, what's the point? It wouldn't be the same Rimmer or the same Krissie… the data banks are of their memories before the radiation leak. None of them will have any of the recent memories that we have…"

"Just a thought, sir." sighed Kryten, "I found some of the skutters in the cargo bay… does that cheer you up?"

"Slightly…"

"I also have another little surprise for you…" Kryten switched on the video screen on the wall, and up popped Holly's head.

"Sup' Davey boy?" asked Holly.

"Holl! How come you're not female? That's how you should be in this reality."

"Kryten updated my CPU, and my face changed to default mode. Still, you have to laugh, don'tcha?

"Okay, so what's the last thing you remember? Then I might be able to make some actual sense of what the smeg's going on!"

"Those nano-thingies took over the ship. The ring leader started fiddling with my controls. It was horrible. They wanted to plot a course for the Bahamas, when I said that the Bahamas was back on Earth, and since we're three million years away from Earth, they'll probably never get a chance to sip a cocktail on those golden sands, they got grouchy and switched me off. I managed to call them all little twats before they did though… I'm proud of that, possibly my finest moment. I saw a dark figure lurking in the corner on the control room just before I was switched off though… I dunno what that was all about, probably a glitch- I am getting on you know!"

"A dark figure? Holl, what did-"

"I'm so sorry Holly!" Kryten interrupted. "I had a word with them; they'll behave and never run amuck ever again!" Kryten began going into guilt mode. He went into overdrive. "Oh heavens! Guilt mode activated!" he began beating his head against the wall.

"Kryten man, control your guilt and shut up a minute!" advised Lister.

"Oh I'm trying sir! As god as my witness I am trying to be a worse person!"

Holly began rolling his eyes.

"I dunno what the figure looked like exactly Dave. It definitely wouldn't get on the front cover of Vogue magazine though that's for sure." Lister sat up on his bunk.

"Let's go exploring than, shall we?"