Rimmer wished he was dead as he hung screaming from the window ledge. Then he remembered that he already was dead. This cheered Rimmer up slightly. Before he could bathe in his new found happiness that he was already dead, Rimmer's trousers ruined it all. He found himself falling out of them, and then simply falling.

Falling extremely quickly.

Falling extremely quickly down the side of a building and heading for a very hard piece of ground. His screams seemed to do little good, and just when he had less than twelve feet before he was permanently disfigured, he hit something soft. He looked around the Ace Rimmer ship, 'Wildfire'. It was a small ship, more of tiny caravan in Cornwall Rimmer thought. Just as he started to get his bearings, the computer spoke to him in a stern, female voice. The computer hated this particular Ace.

"Had to save your arse again… God you're pathetic." she said to Rimmer, before switching to autopilot (she never let him drive) and took off into space.

"I could have saved my own arse thank you so very much!"

"Oh really? Okay, so what was your plan?"

"My, err, my plan?" Rimmer stuttered. He didn't have a clue what he would have done if Wildfire didn't come to the rescue.

"Yes. Your plan, please, do tell!" said the computer mockingly.

"Oh smeg off!" said Rimmer irritably, "why are you always doing this? Just leave me alone!"

"I'm doing this because I don't like you. You're a complete tosser Rimmer, aren't you?"

"I'm not exactly going to answer that am I? You better start being a hell of a lot nicer to me, I have to save the world, and I'm not going to be able to do that with you getting me all stressed out!"

"You, save the world? I'd rather be saved by Bill Crosby on dope rather than you Rimmer!"

"I'm Ace! Not Rimmer! You call me Ace!" demanded Rimmer.

"I'll call you 'Ace' when you're worthy of the name! The only name you're worthy of at this very moment is bonehead!"

Rimmer was shocked and appalled. 'Bonehead' was Rimmer's nickname at school. Right now he wanted to make a hot cappuccino and pour it all over the computer. He decided against the idea as he didn't have a clue how to drive Wildfire, and would be completely lost without her.

"Don't talk to me." said Rimmer quietly.

"Fine, I won't!" replied the computer.

"Good."

"Great."

"Spiffing!"

"Shut up."

"Smeg off!"

There was an awkward silence. Followed by an even longer; even more awkward silence.

"I'm sorry" said Rimmer.

"Oh grow a spine Rimmer!"

"Fine, forget it! Just access the duality drive and take me to another smegging dimension-"

"So you can screw up more people's lives?"

"Yes so I can screw up more people's lives!"

The computer activated the duality drive and the ship zoomed through time and space, and into another dimension. Rimmer looked out into space and saw a huge, red ship. It was the Red Dwarf. A smile appeared on his face.