More Konoha characters, yippee!
If I misspelled or misused some of the Japanese words, please do tell. Heheh.
Thanks for reading this story and actually making it this far! It's starting to get more fun!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the characters.
Chapter 2 Konoha, Meet Uchiha
In which Naruto suffers, Gai goes missing, Tsunade gets a mole, and Jiraiya gets a peek-a-boo.
Certain signs of madness are easily observed.
As Shingen (Uchiha) Kumo stepped into the clearing, these signs were tucked quite nicely into a corner of her persona. Right now, no kunoichi walked toward the Konoha gates. There wasn't a girl walking toward Konoha. After years of practice, Kumo found that when you assumed a persona and started believing it, then everybody else believed you.
Thus the two guards thought they saw a normal, thirteen-year-old boy with tied black hair and all-black clothes and minor gold fringes. No shuriken holsters, no headband, nothing that hinted at the child being a shinobi.
With confidence that he was Erimura Kansei, the civilian walked up to the guards with a bright smile that radiated innocence in overwhelming proportions. How could they not believe him?
"Name and business?" asked the man with wildly spiking hair.
"Erimura Kansei. Here to see the Hokage." The voice was a bit shaky, but some boys in puberty sounded like girls anyways. Face-paint had certainly been that.
The guy without the spiky looked up, pen raised. "To see the Hokage? Are you here to employ our shinobi?"
Grin. People skills didn't come to Kumo naturally, but she had learned. "Yes. An errand from my parents…got to have the crops harvested fast but the land is too big." Then her stomach growled on cue. "Ah! I haven't had breakfast…err…WHERE WOULD I FIND AN EATERY?"
The two shinobi blinked. With the streets near empty at 2:55 A.M., there was really no need to shout. They pointed…somewhere.
Directions was the second thing that didn't come to Kumo, and if Ryoki was here right now he'd have bet his life that Kumo would get hopelessly lost.
Ryoki would have kept his life and won another nine lives.
Half an hour later, stomach rumbling like a sick boar, Kumo trod on…fully aware of just how empty and unfun the streets looked. The windows shut, the walls dusty, the city was practically dead, discounting a few shinobi patrols.
Not even a bird flied overhead. No cats darted out of alleyways. No dogs sifted through garbage cans. No assassins lurked at every corner. No thieves. No pickpockets. No fugitives. No spies. No drunks. No gullible genins. No meek chunins. No jounins running errands for the Raikage. No fun. No nothing.
It was then, looking up at the awfully dull tower with a huge "fire" character embezzled, that Kumo made a decision.
Konoha would have to be livened up.
It was improper that the hometown of such a great prankster stayed so dull during night hours. When she thought this, certain signs of madness showed through.
And don't forget the bloodlines…voices whispered. Don't forget your bloodline…don't forget your cousin…
Kumo grinned.
Uchiha.
It was a mad grin.
At the gates, the two shinobi exchanged glances. "Don't you think he looks like someone we know?" Kotetsu asked, just a tiny bit worried.
Izumo hung his head. "I…think. Yes. Maybe. He really does look like someone…"
Together they wondered out loud. "But who?"
Another shinobi would have looked up when he felt the doom looming overhead, casting gloom all about the place and signaling the oncoming of many "booms". Unfortunately, this is Naruto we are talking about.
Konoha's number one loudmouth, previous number one prankster, and now the world's number one ramen fan, moved his chopsticks at a speed that only an experienced ramen eater could master and slurped and chewed and swallowed. The object of his attention, a bowl of ramen and ten more bowls coming his way, wavered uncertainly at the sense of oncoming doom.
"MORE MISO RAMEN!" Naruto shouted.
As Ayame ladled more ramen for Ichiraku's number one customer, a darkly dressed boy walked into the shop, plopped his elbows on the counter, and shouted in a painfully familiar tone (and volume), "FIVE BOWLS OF MISO RAMEN PLEASE!"
"Right away!" Ayame's father grinned, though he was just a bit perturbed by the new customer's familiarity. This was a good day for business. Not good for ears.
As the two early customers of Ichiraku each went off to their own ramen heaven, a patch of pink moved down the street, marching determinedly toward the ramen stall where the orange-clad loudmouth gulped down a whole bowl of soup without taking a breath.
Then the other customer, whose appearance still nagged the owner of Ichiraku, gagged on his ramen. "What the heck! WHAT IS THIS STUFF!"
Ayame peered over the bowl, catching a sight of the boy's utterly familiar face. "That's miso ramen, of course. Just as you ordered." She couldn't quite put her finger on whom he resembled…
"Errghh," the boy made an impish face. "I don't think…I like this stuff…very much…"
Naruto, meanwhile, was oblivious.
The pink patch continued its advance, crossing a bridge. The fists were clenched, a vein pulsing. There was the hint of not so mild irritation hanging in the air and just a whiff of sizzling temper.
Ayame continued peering at the customer. She then realized that he was eating ramen the wrong way, if that was even possible. Who doesn't know how to eat ramen? Was what she thought. As sound waves, it came out, "Umm…I don't think you are supposed to pick the noodles up that way…uh, and you slurp and chew, not chew then slurp. That would be bad for you health…ahh…it's just noodles…"
The boy looked up with a clueless grin. "Noodles?" He paused. "Noodles! I've never had noodles in my life! Okay, so once I had soba in Iwagakure. But that was it!" He sobered up, seeming to remember a rather painful memory.
Ayame fervently hoped that it wasn't a memory of him trying to stick the soba up his nose.
"FIVE BOWLS OF BEEF RAMEN!" shouted Naruto in between slurps and chews.
Ayame wouldn't know this, but right then inspiration clicked in the very familiar boy's head. He eyed his bowl of ramen, eyed Naruto's, and inconspicuously tipped a clear liquid from a tiny vial into one bowl of uneaten ramen.
He then pushed four bowls of ramen toward Naruto. The blonde continued to stuff his face with what was in the immediately vicinity of sight.
"Ahem." The boy put on his best smile of utter innocence as the blonde turned around. "I think I called for too much ramen," he began, watching the blue eyes size up four ramen bowls greedily, "so I would like to treat you to ramen…you know, a small gesture." His tone indicated that more treats would be coming if Naruto complied.
The blonde waited a moment to see if the ramen would disappear. The other boy turned around, ordered a bowl of genuine miso soup from Ayame, and seemed to forget Naruto altogether. Normal shinobi would have been wary of the offer, so Naruto dug in.
Kumo had counted on this stupidity. Although she sucked at social exchanges, her observation skills were topnotch.
Three minutes later, Kumo jumped to her feet, graced the waitress with a smile, asked Naruto to meet her in Ichiraku at noon, and took off.
No sooner did she do so than one Haruno Sakura stomp into Ichiraku, breathing fire, and slammed a fist into Naruto's unprotected head. BOOM!
The blonde clutched his head, wondering how Sakura-chan could be so angry. Just because I pulled a tiny prank on Sasuke-teme? Ara!
"Sa…Sakura chaaannn!"
However, Sakura's eyes swiveled and fastened onto the vanishing figure of Kumo. "That guy looks so much like Sasuke-kun…"
In the Konoha hospital, Uchiha Sasuke, still recovering from having been dragged back to the village very violently, sneezed twice.
Once Kumo found a spot to hide in the alleys, she leafed through the Konoha shinobi profiles for the familiar blonde as well as a pink head. Once she found them, she scribbled notes with professional seriousness in a little black notebook.
Uzumaki Naruto
Idiot. Loud. Loves ramen. Seems to go to Ichiraku a lot. A pause. According to analysis, might go there every meal (more observation needed). A shinobi, estimated genin level (considering observation on techniques). Some people are full of surprises. Grins a lot. Bribable on small matters with ramen.
Her eyes wandered to the Ichiraku stall just below.
Haruno Sakura
Punches pretty strong. Is dubbed "Sakura-chan" by Naruto. Bad temper. Easily spotted in a crowd. She watched Naruto trying to persuade pink head to have ramen. Appears not to like ramen very much.
She shut the notebook. A few minutes ago the sun had risen completely over Konoha. It was time for more action.
Team Gai met, as they always do, before sunrise.
Not surprisingly, the first ones there were Lee and Gai, followed by Neji, who remained stoic on the outside despite a growing malice on the inside, and lastly, Tenten, who walked there, still a bit sleepy.
At seven they began warm-ups. At seven thirty Gai led the way in their laps. At nine they returned to the training field and practiced teamwork. At ten they split off to practice their individual jutsus.
At precisely eight o'clock Kumo began trailing the team of two look-alikes who weren't, as expected, father and son, and the girl with the buns and the creepy Hyuuga boy. The Hyuuga boy didn't activate his Byakugan during laps, luckily, or he would have seen Kumo observing them ten feet up and fifty feet away with a pair of binoculars.
Hyuuga…hmm. Reibane's told me some stories about this…last ambassador Cloud ever sent to Leaf. Serves him right for being an idiot. She thought. What kind of bloodline researcher kidnaps people to demand bloodline secrets! The little girl was right thereShe also remembered a rather dismal tomb at the outskirts of the village, where a Hyuuga Hiashi was buried.
Reibane had told her things about that, too. Bloody stupid idiots. Who they got wasn't even the right Hyuuga. If they bothered to send spies over there they would've known that Hyuuga Hiashi is living very well. It's only the twin that's missing.
But apparently, so long as the tottering, mucky elders of the olden days had a body, they were satisfied.
Inspiration suddenly rammed hard into Kumo as she watched Gai and Lee.
After five minutes of "LEE! LEE! KEEP THE FLAMES OF YOUTH BURNING BRIGHTLY!" and "GAI-SENSEI! YOU ARE THE GREATEST! THE FLAMES OF YOUTH ARE YOURS!", Kumo realized one way in which Konoha would improve.
It was time that these genins spent one day without their sensei…
And speaking of kidnappings and little girls…
At eight forty-five Kumo sprinted off for preparations. She returned at nine with a rather devious-looking bag slung over her shoulders.
She took notes as they trained, mindful to sit like a proper civilian at a spot that happened to have a view of the training field and pretending to be writing something of too great importance to pertain to mere training.
She had also taken care to wear a disguise, knowing that the Byakugan couldn't cipher out normal disguises. Obviously the Hyuuga boy was fooled, or didn't care.
At eleven, training proceeded. Gai at last decided finally to quit cheering for Lee and endeavored to stride over to Neji.
Kumo seized this opportunity like a magpie on a gold coin. She reached into her pack, pulled out her hand, cocked her arm, and threw.
As the object sailed toward Gai, he raised one hand to block. A soft "plop" came as a Sunagakure custom-made doll dropped to the ground. Some of the fabric on its clothes bore suspicious resemblance to the bandage wrapped around Kankuro's Karasu.
"?"
Gai walked to the doll, crouched down. As the world held its breath he reached out…his fingers closed around the doll…he pulled. "A doll….?"
Inside her head Kumo cackled a thousand different maniac cackles. She pulled on the string…and Gai followed like a kid after a piece of candy.
"Neji?"
"Hai."
"Where did Gai-sensei go?" Tenten whispered. She had pulled Neji into a bush, much to the Hyuuga's annoyance. But precautions had to be taken to make sure that Lee won't throw a fit.
The Hyuuga frowned. Veins pulsed around his eyes as Byakugan activated. "I don't see him," he stated flatly.
Tenten shuddered, and she wasn't thinking of the prospect of a kidnapped Gai, although that would be just as creepy. "Oh no…"
She thought of Lee.
"Tenten," Neji said, "Gai-sensei would not leave us training without saying anything."
"Maybe the Hokage summoned him?"
"He would have informed us." The thing that made Neji uncomfortable was that he hadn't sensed Gai disappear.
"Then…"
"He – " Neji never got to finish his sentence, for that moment Lee thundered into the clearing where Neji had stood moments before Heavenly Spinning a hundred shurikens.
"NEJI! TENTEN!"
Lee was streaming tears.
Sighing, Tenten stepped out, followed by Neji, who had deactivated his Byakugan.
"GAI-SENSEI HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!"
A piece of paper slipped from Lee's grasp and fell to the earth.
To the students of Maito Gai,
If you are wondering why your sensei disappeared, then yes, he has been kidnapped.
Do not attempt to alert the ANBU, no telling other genins, chunins, or jounins, or the Hokage, or any civilians, or any animals. In fact, you are not allowed to mention this except to each other, and nothing can be within earshot and…here it goes on to cover just about every action they could take to give a hint that Gai is missing. It also provided them with many excuses and what to do in case someone suspects, and then…
Failure to cooperate will result in the immediate removal of one of Gai's fingers, or yours, whichever way to prefer.
Go to Ichiraku at noon.
REMEMBER THE GUIDELINES.
they looked long and hard, but there was no signature
P.S. And remember, your sensei's fingers (or yours) and possibly more bits of anatomy are at stake. Do not disappoint me.
Neji's face remained impassive. Lee burst into tears. Tenten blinked, pondered, and spoke out loud, "I think this is a prank."
A kunai pierced the earth a hair's width from Tenten's foot.
Neji's Byakugan rotated 359 degrees, but the perpetrator was gone.
"It…looks like a genuine kunai…that any shinobi would use…" Tenten muttered, the shock of what happened hadn't sunk in, yet.
Neji nodded. "This is serious."
He frowned. If it was someone good enough to take down Gai without so much as a sound, then it was someone good enough to kill them right where they stood, probably without much sound, either.
Kumo strode happily through the bustling streets of Konoha, dealing out Ryoki's money like cards. Her stomach was stuffed full of Leaf delicacies and her mind crammed with Hyuuga bloodline techniques.
The Uchiha houses, she decided, could be visited later.
For now she climbed onto the tallest spot in Konoha, the giant mountainside of Kage faces, and watched how the city stretched on and on. Someone had left a bucket of black paint atop the mountain.
Kumo looked at the bucket, looked down at the faces of the Kages, grinned, and performed the familiar handseal for Henge.
Some people, like Ino, for instance, spotted a big man doing something to the mountainside, but they dismissed it as a trick of light.
Later, as Umino Iruka strode down the same street that Kumo walked just ten minutes ago, he glanced up at the mountain and wondered how a big mole suddenly got onto the Hokage's face.
"Naruto?"
Sitting under the shade of a tree, Sakura and Naruto had been having a one-sided conversation on the uses of medicinal herbs. Then Naruto suddenly doubled over and threw up thirty bowls of ramen.
"NARUTO!" Sakura gripped the boy by the shoulders. She shook him out of good will. "Naruto! What's wrong!"
The boy continued to gurgle, redoubling his efforts to fold in on himself. "Naruto!"
"NaRuTo!"
"NARUTO!"
In three minutes the boy was down and out cold. Sakura sighed. "I warned him! All that ramen he eats will get to him one day!"
Happy, utterly happy, Shingen (Uchiha) Kumo walked through the city streets, through all the shops, through all the alleys, and ended up lurking outside the Konoha public bath.
It's a place women should definitely stay away from. Reibane had told her. Any advice that Reibane gave was good advice. So despite the fact that she hadn't had a bath ever since she left Kumogakure, Kumo stood outside.
A giggle trailed into her ears.
Kumo turned. Quietly she followed the sound of the giggles to their source – a white haired man with a big red coat squatting in front of a presumed hole in the wall that led to the woman's bath, peeking, with a notepad out and a brush in hand.
Kumo blinked. Did she look like that when she spied on secret bloodline family meetings from holes in he cupboard?
Nah. Bloodlines and peeping toms are very different things.
Remembering something, she walked over to tap the man on the shoulders. Reibane had told her: If you ever see a white haired pervert peeking at the woman's bath, punch him square in the eyes for me. It had something to do with Reibane's fiancé visiting Konoha…then scared out of her wits when she saw an eye looking at her through a hole in the wall of the bath house. Something happened afterwards, Reibane didn't say what, but his fiancé ditched him (for bringing her to the bath house. She thought that the peeping tom was him).
Reibane's advice was always good advice.
Thus, as the head turned around slowly, very slowly, Kumo executed the seals for her original jutsu…waited…and punched him square in the eyes.
The man screamed.
She leapt away.
Then the women in the bath house began screaming.
To put it simply, the jutsu which she didn't bother to name allowed her to give him great pain without physically moving him anywhere. It pushed chakra past his skin and into the skull, where the nerves responded and sent signals of VERY GREAT pain through a single point in his brain.
It didn't count as killing. It certainly wasn't maiming. Kumo had great hopes that such a peeping tom would not be mentally traumatized by a little pain. And she had hit him square in the eyes, just as Reibane requested.
An hour later, an ero-sennin by the name of Jiraiya would show up in Konoha hospital with a roaring headache compounded by thrashings that ladies of the bath house kindly bestowed upon him. In the room next to him lay Naruto, tongue rolling out, face blue, gagging on Kumo's small gesture.
In Kumogakure, the Raikage drummed his fingers on the table and wondered how the Konoha shinobis were faring.
He smiled.
A fox's smile.
Then Tou walked into his office with a huge stack of paperwork and the fox choked.
TBC
Author's words
I haven't much to say right now. What I can say is that I absolutely own Kumo and Ryoki and Reibane and anybody else whose name isn't in the Naruto manga or anime.
Yays for Kumo!
Her character turned out a bit different than what I was planning…and there are some paradoxes in her characteristics, so if anybody's confused about anything, just ask and I will explain.
Next Chapter: more pranks, more suffering, as the great prank and torture master Shingen (Uchiha) Kumo liven up Konoha!
