Tamayo had long since found that the world worked off of exchanges. If one wanted knowledge, they had to take the time to study and learn in exchange for that knowledge. If one wanted to advance, they would have to also learn focus and use their energy in exchange for that advancement. If one wanted the power of a demon…
The price for that one was too high.
It had taken her years – centuries – to learn how to quietly (and ever so slowly) break away from Muzan's control. It had taken her almost as long to figure out how to adjust her body so that ever persistent hunger was no longer a problem. It had taken her years to acclimate herself to being constantly around blood without the temptation, even now. It had taken her even more years to get to a point where she had medicines that could help both demons and humans heal…
And yet, she had not made much – if any – progress towards disposing of that man.
She didn't like to think about that often because then she got angry, and when she got angry she started craving blood again, and human flesh and…
Well, she'd been around long enough to learn how to control herself. Thankfully.
Which was definitely a good thing because Yushiro seemed to be somewhere between utterly panicking and screaming angry threats at the wall to their current home – the clinic practice they'd taken so long to build up.
And a demon slayer stood outside of it, happily knocking on their wall and asking to be let in.
A demon slayer… asking them… demons… as if he knew they were there and what they were.
Had they seen Yushiro? Or even her? Had they really been followed so easily? She could still read auras and the fact that he had a large one most certainly made her nervous. She didn't fight these days. She had to save what energy she could for Muzan (yet another compromise – another exchange she'd had to make for this peaceful life).
"What should I do, Tamayo-sama?" Yushiro asked. "I could sneak out and kill him from behind! I could make him see visions! I could—"
"Let him in, Yushiro," she said quietly, finally coming to a decision. If he knew they were there, he could have easily come in already… and somehow, she had little doubt that if he wanted her dead, she would be.
This both worried and intrigued her, so she figured she may as well find out what he wanted.
Part of her wanted to tell Yushiro to take all of her research and escape… but she knew it would be futile. The boy was… dedicated and loyal to a fault. Most of the time, she found it endearing. Every now and then, though, she found it beyond frustrating. Still, it was what it was and she couldn't very well ask more of him right now, so she left him staring after her while she went to prepare some tea.
After a couple of minutes, she sensed he'd stomped outside to let the boy in. She hoped there wouldn't be a conflict.
When the demon slayer walked into the sitting room with Yushiro draped over his shoulder, she wasn't sure if she should be annoyed, angry or amused. She settled for neutral and disapproving for the moment.
"Why is my assistant unconscious?" she asked quietly.
The boy bowed to her, somehow keeping Yushiro on his shoulder, before standing and turning to walk to the couch on the other side of the room, where he very gently laid her assistant down.
"Forgive me, but he did try to attack me."
She sighed. "Did you provoke him?"
He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "I… may have said something about being happy to meet you, but he took it as a threat I suppose. It's a fifty-fifty chance at best whether he'll attack me and when I'm like this, I suppose it was much higher," he said with a shrug and a bright smile.
Tamayo frowned. What did he mean by that?
"Are you a Hashira?" she asked, gesturing for him to come and sit at her table.
"Nope," he replied.
"You seem like you could be," she said.
He brightened up. "You think so? The head of the demon slayer corps was hinting that he wanted me to take a position as a Pillar eventually, but… I don't think it's for me."
"Oh?" she replied as she placed the tea in front of him. He didn't even hesitate or check for poison before he began sipping at it… what a strange boy.
"I would be grateful for the honor, but… it would draw too much attention," he finally concluded.
Tamayo nodded in understanding. "I see. Very well, then what brings you to my clinic?" she finally asked, deciding to get to the point when he said nothing more on the Hashira subject.
He set his cup back down and that smile returned. "Well, you see, I'm from the future."
She blinked at him.
"Excuse me?"
He sighed and waved one of his hands nonchalantly. "I know, I know, it's difficult to believe, but I am." He paused and seemed to think about it. "Well, I've been stuck in what you call a time loop for…" he faded off and frowned looking up and to his right thoughtfully. "Huh… I've lost count, I suppose. Less than a hundred, but more than sixty. I can live for anywhere from a couple of hours to three years each time. Sometimes I don't even live a full day before he finds me."
Tamayo just stared at him, her mind spinning as she tried to contemplate that.
"Before who finds you?" she managed to ask.
His smile turned decidedly bitter. "Muzan."
She blinked again, unable to do much else.
"I'm sorry, I think you're going to have to explain that."
"He nodded. "Yeah, you usually ask me to explain."
Tamayo paused before venturing slowly. "That sounds… frustrating."
He shrugged. "Eh, it's fine."
And he proceeded to tell her about his first loop; how he'd come home to find his family dead and his sister a demon; how she hadn't eaten any human flesh (Tamayo had to work to not balk at that – she knew the hunger so well, even now…), how they'd worked together to both acclimatize said little sister to daylight and then proceed to set a trap for Muzan, how that monster managed to turn Tanjiro into a demon at the end and how he'd eventually developed and activated a blood demon art – Ashes of History, apparently – and how he'd woken up on the day before his family was attacked… again, and again and again. He recounted how he'd eventually found what he thought was the best way to keep everyone alive: divert Muzan and become a demon himself, but how in the most recent timelines, he'd tried to infiltrate the upper ranks of the Twelve Kizuki by challenging Waxing Moon Three, and how Muzan must have sensed something about that because he came for Tanjiro in the next couple of resets. How Muzan had forced him into the rank of Waxing Zero because he thought Tanjiro could 'conquer the sun' for him (something he assured her he could do if he tried, but refused to do for Muzan – what a terrifying thought and likely why the madman killed him).
He spoke of how he woke up this latest loop and had panicked and just kind of… broken, according to him. How, despite poor experiences before, he'd told his mother and sister everything and this time, they'd believed him. How they'd worked together to come up with a new plan (he credited his mother more than anyone else), laid a couple of false trails and somehow, beyond all reason, it had worked. How this was the first loop since his initial loop where he had both his family alive and was not also a demon.
Once he got to that point, he paused and took a sip of the long-cold tea while Tamayo just stared at him. She knew it was rude, but couldn't bring herself to look away. Next to her, Yushiro looked just about as flabbergasted as she felt. He'd woken up about half way through the demon slayer's explanation of his first loop and had only kept quiet due to Tamayo's increasingly frustrated threats. (Funny, he hadn't even attempted to attack their guest… just what had happened outside the house earlier?)
After several seconds of silence as she thought over the implications of this boy's claimed journey, she took a deep breath.
"So, why have you sought me out this time?" she asked, making sure to keep her voice steady. "If your sister is not a demon, and you are not a demon, then why do you need me?"
His fists tightened around his cup and he looked hard at the table for several seconds before shifting his gaze to meet her eyes.
"I would like to think that I would seek you out anyway – you are a good and wise person, despite what you think of yourself – but the truth of the matter is that the other day, I fought Waning Moon One."
Tamayo's eyebrows rose. She had to admit, that was impressive if it were true and he'd managed to walk away. His next words impressed her more.
"I killed him… but…" He suddenly looked so, so tired. "There are few demons, even among the upper ranks of the Twelve Kizuki who… I actively dislike. Douma, Gyokko, Muzan himself… I find them in particular difficult to get along with. Enmu though… he just knows how to get under my skin." He shuddered. "I don't understand how people can enjoy – revel in – such cruelty."
He shook his head and Tamayo shot a glare at Yushiro in warning. Let him gather himself, she wanted to say. He still seemed rather shocked, and thankfully didn't open his mouth. So she smiled at him. That seemed to break him out of his reverie and he relaxed, practically melting at her expression.
She really hoped he grew out of that.
"The thing is," Tanjiro went on, drawing both of their attention (Yushiro's with a scowl, of course, but he didn't say anything so Tamayo counted it as a win), "Waning One's power has to do with dreams. In the first timeline, I faced him a little later, on a train. When I fell asleep, I saw my family alive after they'd been killed… and I had to leave them behind to try and stop him." He grit his teeth.
"I knew what to expect this time, and I knew how to get out of the dream state, so to make him think he'd captured me, I allowed myself to be put under."
"That was reckless of you," Tamayo said softly.
Tanjiro sighed. "Yeah, I know. I thought it would be the only way to really draw him out. Maybe I was too arrogant, or maybe I'm still punishing myself," his voice grew quieter and quieter as he looked at the palm of his hand for several seconds, eventually fading into silence.
Then he shook his head and the smile was back.
This child…
"Anyway, the thing is, in my dream everyone treated me normal… but I had claws, not…" He held up his hand to show them his very plain, human fingernails.
"Also, he marked me as a demon slayer and sent someone into my dreams to try and kill me. It was a little girl and—" he cut off abruptly.
Oh.
It didn't take a genius to put the information and his pained reaction together. This… would not end well.
Before she could say anything, though, Tanjiro went on. "She got out of the dream and into… well, I'm not entirely sure what it was, but it felt like my soul, I suppose. The thing was, it felt… off."
Tamayo frowned and tipped her head to one side. "'Off' how?"
Tanjiro scratched his head distractedly, looking frustrated. "I… don't know. I can't describe it. But it just felt… strange.
"In any case, there was a ball of light there. It looked kind of like a sun and she was about to stab it, so I tackled her and… she called me a demon." He closed his eyes and clenched his hand again. "She said my eyes read 'Waxing Zero'."
"That was your dream, right?" Yushiro asked, a little disdainful. "So you miss being a demon?"
"NO!" Tanjiro yelled fervently. Then he realized how rude he'd been because he backed down. "Sorry for yelling, but no. I don't miss being a demon. That's why I was confused. Why I'm still confused.
"I didn't take it well and, even though I didn't mean to, I was hurting the invading girl. There were these… little beings. They were me, but not?" His brow furrowed as his frustration towards not having the words to actually describe what he wanted grew. "They told me that…" he paused, took another steadying breath and met Tamayo's gaze firmly (and yet, almost desperately), "They told me that he'd marked my soul… Do you know what they meant? I mean, I'm not a demon!" he held up his very normal human hand again. "And in this timeline, I really shouldn't be!"
Ah, so he truly had come for answers. She wasn't sure she had any, but she could make some guesses… guesses she was sure he wouldn't like. But he earnestly sought knowledge, and so she would give it to him.
"I don't know what spell or power Muzan uses to mark his Kizuki, but I would suppose it goes deeper than the surface – than just the eyes. You were not marked once, but twice in two different lifetimes. And perhaps that has left a mark on what else is already there."
Tanjiro blinked at her, looking troubled. "Already there?" he asked.
Tamayo sighed. "You are here because of your own demon blood art, correct?"
Slowly, carefully, he nodded.
"Then you are here because of a demonic power – something you initiated. That will resonate in your soul. I wouldn't have suspected it moving across time, but it isn't terribly surprising either. Demonic energy can be… unpredictable. When Muzan marked you, I suspect he strengthened that resonance."
As predicted, the demon slayer did not seem to like her answer. He rose to his feet and began to pace.
"On the boat… I got angry. I… I'd been able to talk Miki down, give her something to look forward to, get her away from his influence, but he… he killed her… just because he could…. Because he knew… He just knew it would hurt me!" He didn't seem to realize his voice had risen until he found himself yelling. And something about him changed.
She wasn't sure if she could really define what became so different except that the aura he gave off suddenly felt more demonic than human. And it wasn't a small amount of power he was giving off either. If he'd been remotely like this in the previous timelines, she could see why he'd made it into the upper ranks of Muzan's Kizuki.
Tamayo and Yushiro exchanged wary glances (Yushiro's far more panicked than Tamayo's), but then… the strange feeling the demon slayer gave off just stopped. Tanjiro seemed to start, then blink, and then he whirled around and bowed to them.
"Please forgive my rudeness."
"You should beg for forgiveness!" Yushiro practically hissed.
"H-hai! I'm sorry!"
"Lower!"
"Hai!"
Tamayo, for once, didn't step in as she could only stare at Tanjiro for several seconds. The strange aura from before had completely vanished – without a trace. After a few seconds, though, she smiled and waved him off. "Your actions are perfectly understandable, Tanjiro-kun."
She turned to her assistant. "Yushiro, leave him alone."
"Hai, Tamayo-sama!"
She would not sigh again. She would not.
Instead, she turned back to their guest. "You were saying something about the boat?"
He blinked, then nodded. "Right. Well… when he killed her – a little girl – just to get to me… I tried to stop him, I did… but I was too arrogant before. Other passengers were in danger too and I thought I could make it – could save all of them, but…" he faded off, shuddered again, and then continued to pace. "I just remember holding her there and… and then I activated a blood art."
Tamayo's eyes widened and beside her, Yushiro squawked in alarm.
"My family's demon arts seem to revolve around fire. Nezuko's and mine are very similar in any case. One of my most basic forms is my Palm Fire. It may sound… underwhelming, but it's actually a surprisingly versatile power. I can throw the fire, cause it to spread or die down, control what it burns… and while the fire encompassed the entire boat in seconds, none of the passengers were burned. I only wanted to make sure that he couldn't try to kill anyone else, so I just burned the demon from the boat he'd merged with – and only the demon. I even left the wood alone despite it all sinking..."
The demoness raised one eyebrow a little skeptically.
"You didn't want to hurt him for hurting you?" she asked slowly, but she'd thought this boy had been more self-aware than that.
Tanjiro stopped pacing, but didn't turn to face her.
"I pity demons. All demons. Even Muzan. I…" he took another breath and finally turned to look at her. "The first couple of times I was turned into a demon… I don't remember more than emotions and flashes of memory. For entire loops. Later, I remembered my life as a demon, but… it was like I was another person. I don't know how Nezuko did it." He sighed. "She's… so strong."
From the sound of it, he didn't have anyone to rely on or bring him back like his sister had that first time. However, the willpower of any demon to not eat humans for any reason is commendable and she couldn't help but agree to an extent. This Nezuko did sound insanely strong willed.
"Hmm. So you didn't hate him at all?"
Tanjiro remained silent for several seconds (which was answer enough to Tamayo), but eventually he slumped a little.
"I'd be lying if I didn't say there wasn't something like that there. I mean, he just…" Tanjiro sighed. "I didn't used to ever feel like this. Then Muzan killed my family… and even after that I could find it in me to pity the demons I came across – even before I became a demon myself the first time. Even now, I don't want to hate demons. I want to help them. How can I not, when I know what it's like? But… it seems the longer I go on, the harder it gets. It's harder to not get angry – to not hate everything. There is so much darkness in the world, and Muzan may be a large part of it, but he is only a part of it.
"As a demon it's easier to hate… Is this the demon influence over me? Will I never be rid of it?"
And for all of the years he must have lived already – and she had no doubt he'd likely be approaching a hundred if not more – and he was only coming to this crisis now?
Tamayo sighed and then smiled sadly at him.
"I don't think it is, Tanjiro-san," she said softly.
It took him a moment to register her words, but when he did, he looked over at her in puzzlement… not anger… this really was a pure soul.
"It is alright to be angry at those who consistently hurt you. I'd tell you it's alright to hate them even, but you don't seem like you want to."
The boy looked down, his eyes unfocused as if he couldn't see anything. "It just feels… so final. Hate… it seems to hurt me as much as it hurts whatever or whoever else I hate. I don't like what it does to me." He sighed. "I like being happy. I like helping other people be happy. I want to be at peace."
"That doesn't mean you don't get angry or hate," she said cautiously. She'd seen that attitude in children before, but this seemed different.
"Oh, I know that," he assured her. "I'm angry at Muzan. I hate Muzan… more than you may realize." His fists clenched again and for a moment she saw a darkness in his eyes that spoke of deep pain and hurt. Pain he hadn't had time to heal from yet…
Somehow that scared her more than anything else this boy had said that entire night.
What did he do to you? She wondered, rather horrified herself. She'd never met someone so… resilient when it came to negative influences in his life. It was subtle, but kind of awe-inspiring with context. And she suspected he didn't even know all of the context himself.
"I met someone once," she said slowly, thinking of a similar hair color and facial markings, "well, twice, and the second time we met we had a long conversation. During it, he described his friend to me – that friend sounded a lot like you are, Tanjiro-san. The friend said he tried to separate the act from the actor. Hate the act, not the person.
"I admit, I didn't understand… and I'm not entirely sure I completely agree even now, but I can see where he is coming from. If you don't want to hate the person, then don't. Try to understand where the person came from, their background, their reasoning… even if you don't agree. However," she paused and smiled kindly at the boy in front of her who seemed to hang off every single word. "You can hate the act they made, the choices they made, the circumstances that put them there. It sounds like that's what you do for demons now anyway. Perhaps just be a little more conscious about it so you don't feel guilty about those few who have no reason to hurt but still do – those few who know their actions and how they affect others and still choose to act deplorably because they want that reaction."
She remembered the man offering her relief from her illness only to turn her into a monster and let her rampage and destroy the home she had loved so much.
And he'd enjoyed it.
He'd wanted to break her.
Simply because he could.
"Tamayo-sama?" Yushiro's voice brought her out of her memory and she glanced over at him, then over at Tanjiro who looked to be thinking very hard.
"I'm fine, Yushiro," she said softly. "Thank you."
He merely nodded, then ventured quietly, "You don't… often talk that much."
She chuckled a little at that. "It isn't often needed."
He frowned, and then turned a jealous glare on Tanjiro (who still hadn't noticed). Tamayo let herself sigh this time.
Then, suddenly, Tanjiro looked up, beaming. "Thank you, Tamayo-san! I knew coming here was a good decision!"
She blinked, then smiled warmly back. He looked far more at ease than he had just minutes ago.
Yushiro slapped his hand on the table (almost breaking it). Tamayo felt a headache begin to build behind her eyes.
"That's Tamayo-sama to you!"
Tanjiro blinked at him, then turned that innocent, purely inquisitive look on her (that was weapon's grade innocence if he was doing that on purpose…). "Is that what you would like me to call you Tamayo-san?"
She shot a glare at Yushiro. "'Tamayo-san' is fine," she said, emphasizing the last word while looking pointedly at her assistant.
"But Tamayo-sama—"
"Yushiro!" she cut in crossly.
He immediately snapped to attention, back straight. "Yes, Tamayo-sama!"
Withholding another sigh, she turned back to Tanjiro, who seemed to be watching them with amusement. Oh, that meant his 'innocent' question hadn't been quite so innocent… this child was more devious than he let on.
"Tanjiro-san," she ventured, voicing her potential question slowly. "Would you mind if I could study your blood? I'd like to know what actually is going on, and… you mentioned a cure for demons? I'd… like to try and attempt that this time as well."
The boy just grinned wider. "Sure. If you want I can stick around for a couple of days. Rest, help out—"
"We don't need your help!" Yushiro practically yelled.
"Yushiro! You will stop that immediately!"
"Yes, Tamayo-sama!"
Their visitor was watching Yushiro wryly, but didn't seem offended. Thank goodness.
Tamayo cleared her throat. "We can definitely set up a room for a couple of days."
"Thank you so much for your hospitality!" Tanjiro said, bowing low.
"Yushiro, please go prepare a room."
"Oh, if it could be the one next to you that would be fine," Tanjiro said after him, smile big… and innocent.
Oh, he was definitely more devious than he let on.
Either that or the most pure thing Japan has ever seen.
Or… somehow… potentially both?
Oh, she would pay dearly to see this boy confront Muzan. (And do everything she could to support him of course.)
xXx
AN: I haven't seen many fics written from Tamayo's pov, and so I had to try it. I do like how it came out.
Between moving and a family trip to another state, these next few weeks will be difficult. I'm still going to try and post a chapter once a week as I have most of them written out (if not entirely beta read yet), but no promises. In any case, thank you for reading!
Next time: We get some answers and even MORE questions and the view-point of one of the remaining Waning Moons!
Thanks to TimeLordTim for his help on this! Quathis too.
Discord: discord. gg/EVUrHMd4za (no spaces)
