Chappie 5, yay! Inspiration's been running thin lately, so I can't say that this chapter is as good as the rest, but I've done my best!

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Naruto…Naruto…I do not own Naruto


Chapter 5 Kumo on Trial

In which a conclusion is drawn, and something else begins


"NOT YOU!"

The Yamanakas hung their heads in guilt as a flabbergast Shizune hurriedly called in more nurses. This time, the poxes on their volcano red skins were by no means fake.


A group of Aburame shinobis had to be sent to the Yamanaka residence to control the poisonous little honey bees, but by then, three people, including one Morino Ibiki and a Shiranui Genma, had already been stung.
The moon shone brilliantly as Kotetsu and Izumo exchanged shifts with Iruka and Raido. Then a soft clang came from the alley.

"What was that!" All four shinobi whirled to the disturbance, kunais out, until they realized that it was just Ino tied up in a straightjacket, flopping madly in the dumpster.


Twenty miles away from Konoha, a cabbage farmer struck the earth with his plow and found a man buried underneath. When the man was dragged out, two black eyes could be seen beneath a pair of sunglasses.

"People sur' are plantin' weird stuff these days." The farmer scratched his head, shrugged, and left the Konoha shinobi in the mud.


Sakura shivered in the cool wind of night. Her cloth clung tightly around her, made all the more sticky by drying orange juice.
The Konoha hospital janitor rubbed his eyes.

"Why…why…" He couldn't quite find the words for it, for it's not everyday you see an Uchiha Sasuke dressed in nothing but a hospital gown tied up and gagged, and stuffed into a janitor's closet.


Udon woke up.

He looked up, looked down, looked around, and all he saw was cardboard.

Two stories above him, Ayame the ramen girl turned off her night light and went to sleep, blissfully oblivious of the scuffle underneath.


Chouji woke up with a huge headache. His stomach hurt, his arms hurt, and just about every other body part was also on fire.

On the kitchen floor lay a frothing Konohamaru and a knocked out Moegi.

At least I still have my chips. Thought Chouji, reaching for the cupboard where his ten thousand eighty-one bags of chips were kept…and froze as an avalanche of candy wrappers crashed down on him.


"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Team 10 froze in their track and shot each other warning glances that said: Did you hear that? They were close…so close! Konoha gates rose out just ten yards in front of them, but their senses blared at something out of the norm. Where were the gate guards?

"I…hate…traps…" said Kiba with an eye twitching. Aside from the two red stripes that normally stretched down his face, he had a blue and a yellow stripe painted onto his forehead.

"I-it can't be-be-be that ba-d," said Hinata nervously. It had taken them an hour just to cut through the fishing net.

Snap.

Shino had stepped into another trap.

Kiba and Hinata watched in horror…and a little anticipation, as Shino's jacket ripped.

Never daunted by such trickery, Shino's bugs swarmed all over him, and in ten seconds flat he was wearing another jacket, good as new.


"This is…" Ryoki felt a vein pulsing as he carefully examined the package. Apparently Kumo had sent it to him, apparently it was sent with all speed via the fastest messenger bird in Konoha that could take so much weight.

As Ryoki shot out a hand and tentatively opened a flap, a scream like a banshee shattered the windows.

"Urrrgh!" Ryoki ducked under his desk, joined by Tou's fat cat, and the two huddled it out as the banshee scream echoed away into the night. (Throughout Kumogakure and another ten mile radius, people shut their windows and said to one another: It's the ANBU Captain again.)

Like a bitten rabbit, the Raikage peered up, and when nothing nasty burst from the package, he closed his eyes, reached out...and opened the box completely.

An earsplitting explosion shook the Raikage's tower.


"Da..dahhh…dddaaaaaahhhhh?" was Naruto's intelligent response after Reibane's speech.

Leaning on her hands, Tsunade sighed. "So you are saying, that Shingen Kumo is –"

"Shingen Uchiha Kumo," interjected Reibane, impervious to the Godaime's glare.

"– an ambassador from Kumogakure…and 99 of the people who came to the hospital today with strange injuries are the result of her pranks? And she was probably using a pseudonym like 'Watari Chiharu' or 'Erimura Kansei' or 'Manchi Goshikobi'? And because the Raikage knew that this would happen he sent you to make sure that she completes her diplomatic mission?"

Reibane nodded enthusiastically. "She left Kumogakure about two weeks ago, actually, but I estimate that she didn't arrive in Konoha until this morning."

Tsunade sighed. It made sense. For the past week and a half Konoha had been receiving reports of all sorts of odd things happening in the Fire Country's countryside, and the route of trouble did seem to be making a bee line straight for Konoha.

"So then it was this…Shingen-san who kidnapped Gai-sensei?" Tenten asked.

"And I was punched by this…Shingen bastar – I mean girl!" Jiraiya shouted.

"Then she was the one who sent out those invitations…" Kakashi mused.

"I don't get it…" Naruto whined, "what does this have to do with me?" His face turned blue, then yellow, and continued to transform.

"And she's an Uchiha…" mused Neji, "a real Uchiha? Another survivor?"

The door to Godaime's office opened, and in stepped a bruised, dirty, scowling Team 10. Following not so far behind was Shikamaru, who stepped aside as Kotetsu and Izumo walked in carrying a distraught, screeching, disheveled Ino, who fell onto the floor and gapped as Sakura walked in covered with dried orange juice, who then let out a shriek when she saw Sasuke walk in wearing the janitor's uniform.

Reibane looked from one to the other. "Ahhh…I see Kumo-chan has been very busy today."


"Wow…" muttered Kumogakure council member one as the Raikage turned off the TV and ejected the video tape.

"Wow…" agreed the other members.

"That Kumo is one good prankster if I've ever seen one," remarked member two.

Member two received looks.

"She's never played a prank on you?" asked several others suspiciously.

"No!" member two chuckled, feeling the world thump at his shoulders, "of course not! Has she played a prank on any of you?"

"No." "Nope!" "Never!" "No!"

Ryoki thought to himself, brushing through the fat cat's fur. It's not so funny when she plays on a prank on you…but it's alright so long as it's on the Konoha shinobis. That Kumo, she actually taped all of that!

"You know," suggested one member, "I bet we could make a TV show out of this. Our people love it when they see other people suffer."

Slowly, the members glanced from one to the other. Well, Kumogakure council could always use more funds.

It was a VERY GOOD idea.


Kumo hummed as she sucked on the lollipop. Who knew that being the Uchiha Sasuke was so fun? That woman practically threw the candy at her, screeching something like: "Oh! IT'S SO WONDERFUL THAT YOU FINALLY GRACE MY SHOP WITH YOUR PRESENCE, SASUKE-SAMA!" Reibane had said, that in the circumstance where you find yourself being mistaken for somebody you aren't, who happens to be very popular with the locals, you should swindle everything you can and make a run for it.

Then Kumo sensed something in the air that wasn't quite right, that threatened to spoil her mood. She lifted her eyes to the Hokage tower and saw the fog of mysteries swirling round and round.

She cursed.

Speaking of Reibane…


Ten minutes later, Kumo found herself in the Godaime's office, surrounded by rage-faced Konoha shinobis and two sannin, with the fog of enigmas whirling in a corner of the office, Reibane smiling at her.

He did say, once, that the consequences of your actions always catch up to you… Kumo mused, and found the present situation very amusing, for she had forgotten completely why everyone glared at her so.

"Kumo…" Reibane began. "I do believe that you have…taken this diplomatic mission the wrong way. After all, you are not here to kill off the Konoha shinobi. Did Ryoki-kun not give you a list of things you shouldn't do before you left?"

Kumo grinned, but she had no idea where he was going with this. "Ahn? What list?"

"So…" Reibane plowed on, "Godaime-sama and I have conferred…and agreed that for every prank you pulled and every yen you swindled, you are to serve Konoha for ten days."

"Hai!" replied Kumo. She couldn't see what was so wrong with this.

And then…

"But you have to answer to the individuals on your own, of course," explained Reibane, "including all those people in the countryside. I'm sure the farmer didn't appreciate it when you made his rabbits fly, or when the chickens laid over a thousand eggs and the eggs hatched with two chickens each, or when the cows trampled over the local magistrate's home, or when the nice lady in the woods woke up one morning and found her home on a giant beanstalk."

Kumo complied. She still couldn't see what was so bad about it.

That is, until Reibane took his leave…and the Konoha shinobis closed in.

"Oh…" muttered Kumo. She really should have taken extra precautions and used a bunshin…but she didn't have any chakra left, and right now, the Konoha shinobis could care less if she was the third last Uchiha in the world.

Reibane's advice was always good advice.

The consequences of your actions always catch up to you.


A week later…

The walls of the Hyuuga mansion was impenetrable by Konoha's street noises, but people on the other side of the wall could well hear odd sounds coming from the mansion. In the meantime, Hyuuga Hiashi closed his eyes and tried to ignore the sounds from the kitchen, but when a mountain of pots crashed down, his Byakugan blazed.

Similarly, Neji felt a vein pulsing as he took his cup of tea from a Hinata who looked paler than usual. Two seconds later, the Hyuuga prodigy shrieked as a fountain of molten tea burst from his lips. "KUMO!" Outbursts like this was very rare, almost unthinkable, for Neji, but since three days ago he abandoned his cool exteriors and settled for flame throwers.

"Yes?" The newest maid of the Hyuuga residence peeked around the corner and gave Neji a lopsided grin, which she undoubtedly copied from the copy-nin Kakashi.

Hiashi calmly sipped his tea – and spit it out. Not only was it hot, it tasted of pig and age-old blood.

Two pairs of Byakugan centered on one Shingen (Uchiha) Kumo as Hiashi (with more experience in hanging onto the stoic look) fired her.

"And don't come back," warned the head of Hyuuga household, knowing very well that these words were like dust in a windy desert.

Kumo bowed, and walked out of the Hyuuga household.

Ten minutes later, Hyuuga Hiashi would realize that Kumo also took five thousand yen and several very valuable vases with her.


Uchiha Sasuke walked down the streets, very annoyed.

He stopped at Ichiraku. "One bowl of miso ramen."

Nothing happened. So he looked up from his brooding and gave the waitress a most convincing glare, which had become an hourly routine ever since the whole village found out that a Shingen Kumo had been prancing the streets as pretty-boy Erimura Kansei who in turn decided to try out the looks of Uchiha Sasuke.

"Oh, sorry," Ayame apologized quickly and gave Sasuke an extra helping of miso ramen, "I was just…you know…checking to make sure…"

Every shop had learned their lessons. Shingen Kumo was a particularly good swindler even by swindler standards.

And she's an Uchiha. Sasuke thought bitterly. Although she couldn't use the Sharingan, there was no mistaking those characteristic Uchiha looks. Deep, deep down, he was also somewhat happy that there was another Uchiha besides him but…She's a disgrace to the Uchiha name! He wondered what Itachi would do if he found out.

One more escaped than you thought, Itachi.

Although she was by large a supreme jutsu expert and the ANBU Captain of Cloud since age eleven, her main trade included all the shady things that no Uchiha would ever do. Naruto, on the other hand, had exploded like a time-bomb when he realized that she really was an Uchiha. But people these days had the amazing ability to ignore your bloodline and skip onto the part of your resume where it says that you were a prankster, and so almost everyone in Konoha who had been a part of the "Kumo fiasco" quietly accepted that she was an Uchiha and violently paid her back for her pranks.

But once Kumo regained her chakra, she was more…elusive.

First she rebuilt the Yamanaka house, but all the doors were glued shut and the stairs caved in when too much weight walked on them. Later, the Yamanakas followed a low buzzing sound to find that Kumo had built in a beehive just below Yamanaka Inoichi's bed. No wonder why the bees never quite left their house.

Next Kumo landed a job as Team Gai's temporary replacement teacher…and Team Gai was never quite the same afterwards, for one…

"Sasuke-san!"

Sasuke turned around, dreading at what he might see…and thumped his head as curly-haired Lee flashed him a huge, shiny grin. Even people two blocks away were temporarily blinded.

Sasuke wasn't so sure on the details of what Kumo had done to Team Gai, but after the first lesson Tenten was sent to the hospital and officially labeled as mentally traumatized while Lee pranced around the streets doing absolutely nothing, and Neji mysteriously failed to show up for training everyday.

Kumo had also volunteered to help at the hospital, but word has it that Tsunade-sama punched her to kingdom come the moment she spoke her request.

Four days ago, the more amiable jounins attempted to make friends with Kumo, but Kumo's idea of bonding was to fill everyone full of alcohol and throw them into the women's bath house.

Even later, Kumo wormed her way into a spot at the Konoha Interrogation Squad, and Morino Ibiki would've absolutely loved to keep her if she didn't accidentally mistake a couple of interrogation squad members for prisoners.

Three days ago, Kumo landed a job as a Hyuuga maid, or rumor has it that she blackmailed Hanabi into hiring her. Hanabi, who had absolutely no idea just who Kumo was, hired her on the spot.

And…two days ago, a group of women at the bath house saw a white-haired, red jacket man peeking. Two minutes later, a scream came, the peeping tom vanished…and all the women saw was a Sasuke-ish boy walking out of the bath house.

And…one day and a half ago, Ebisu closet pervert walked into Konoha gates with a pair of crutches.

This is insane. Thought Sasuke.

He felt a chill slithering down his spine.

He turned. He looked. He spotted Sabaku no Gaara march down the street, gourd strapped to the back, and a puppet-less Kankuro in toll.


Far, far away from Konoha, in deep woods where people dreaded to tread, two shadows leapt into a clearing and waited. Finally, a third shadow arrived, landing without so much as a sound, and smirked.

"Well, Itachi, what are you going to do about that little Cloud nin?"

Kisame might as well have glared at the third arrival, but Itachi cut in. "It does not interfere with our plan. Our job is to collect the youma."

"Sure, sure." The man rubbed his hands underneath a black and red cloak. "But just so you know, she appears to be quite the kunoichi."

Itachi stared at the Akatsuki in the shadow stoically, but something in those eyes hinted that he was not about to let the matter of the second Uchiha survivor drop, either.

"Let's go!" Kisame said impatiently, and three Akatsuki took off toward Kirigakure.

TBC


Author's note:

For clarification purposes, I shall say this: it took so long for Team 10 to reach Konoha because Kumo stopped to lay down a loooot of traps for them.

And if you are wondering just what exactly happened to Ebisu…well…I'm not telling, mwahahah!

This story will gradually progress to a more serious plot, and I might do pairings…

And no, Kumo can't use the Sharingan, and unless I change my mind she probably never will. The reason for that will be revealed in later chapters.

Lastly, will Kankuro get his puppet back? Kumo has grown awfully attached to it, and one Sabaku no Gaara might not be enough to convince her to return the puppet.

Next chapter: Gaara confronts Kumo, and a cry for help from the Village of Hidden Mist as Akatsuki attacks!