Chappie 7! This one has lots of long paragraphs in it and fewer dialogues than normal…but that's okay!
And if anyone is wondering why I haven't been put into the mental institution yet, well…go ask the people who tried, HAHAHAHAHAH!
note to people who tend to take things WAY too seriously, I wasn't being serious. Then again, it's kinda hard to tell with crazy people, yeah?
Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns Naruto, I'm just a fanfic writer
Chapter 7 The Long Assignment
A bird from Kumogakure fluttered into the Hokage tower, a message tied around its leg.
Dbytaew xxbeagoi uate dabe adgeao gadddg hqwtwo ubeat itii giithe adghoeti x,se iitaoty toieahgio gtry itwar taheai hazsg phrm ,age . teagoib dbytaew adwe itii teaiagea
Lesgea goeibnea
This is what had been written on the scroll, but what was actually meant, after decoding all the words and putting them into sentence structure that made sense to the common shinobi, was:
I am hidden in Kirigakure borderline, fifty miles southwest of tower. There are three Akatsukis on the lookout: a sharkman (and the translator added in the footnote presumably Hoshigaki Kisame, otherwise can only be the seaside boogeyman), an Uchiha (footnote may be the Uchiha traitor ((upon which Shizune interrupted: "Which one?" (((because technically Itachi was a traitor for massacring his family, Sasuke was a traitor for betraying Konoha, and Kumo was a traitor for working with the long-time archenemy of Konoha – Kumogakure))) )) ), and a third, unidentified, S-class shinobi.
Help is needed. The five tailed bijuu is threatening to break out.
Please, send Kumo.
I NEED HER.
Truly yours
Not the most promising way to end a letter, but it certainly showed a level of intellectual conformity that left the readers in awe. After all, who in the world used "truly yours" anymore? Only the droll-minded and the philosophers with too much time on their hands, some people reflected.
Thus Tsunade put down the letter and looked Kakashi square in the eye. "Be careful, Kakashi." And she knew he knew that she warned him against more than just the enemy, for sometimes people on your own team can be the death of you with a single sneeze.The warning itself was also another custom that should be trashed, but Tsunade found that reassurances usually gave the conversation a more…dramatic feel. One day all the people who were present would look back and wonder, "Did she know she would never see him again?" It was common speculation by the general public, which knew as much about the real works of a ninja as a cat knows about creatures that lives at the bottom of the sea, or hopes that it ever knows.
Konoha had handled more and more super S-class missions recently (which is 3 more in the newest three years than had been in previous decades ((which had 0 super S-class missions when they weren't squabbling with Cloud)) ), that Tsunade considered establishing a special rank, the HLKIA (Highly Likely to be Killed In Action) class mission, for ones that involved organizations (say, the Akatsuki, for instance) with lots of sophisticated, awesome people who also happened to have an endless capacity for villainous deeds, although once converted they make blindly loyal friends to the heroes (which, in Naruto, is seldom the case, like Gaara), and tend to show up (almost always saving the day), when the heroes are getting their asses kicked by the more tasteless villains which Fate and Dramatic License says can never be converted to good (and if you ever ask why that is so, Fate will say it's FATE, and Dramatic License just tells you that it's because these are the truly villainous villains ((but the whole world knows that it's all about TASTE).
And Tsunade knew a rambling train of thoughts when she thought one, but since there really wasn't a god of rambling thoughts up there, she couldn't do anything at all. That is, to say, that there isn't a god of ramblings up there, cause there is. And he's everywhere.
Tsunade pondered. It was high time that she flicked Kumo right back to where the Uchiha had come from, but certain…cultural etiquettes prevented her from simply trashing the third last Uchiha in the whole world. The village elders were also extremely dogged on the subject of keeping the kunoichi here in the village. And, just last week, a letter arrived from the Guild of Licensed Pranksters, Beggars, Muggers, and Eavesdroppers to demand that Tsunade not kill their number one prankster of three years straight (but apparently the guild leader hadn't so much as a hair of diplomacy on him, for the letter exploded in Tsunade's face and left her smelling of garlic juice for the next five days).
And right now, Tsunade calculated, a group of ANBU should be well on their way from a little diplomatic talk with Wahi Toshikoshisoba.
"I can't believe that there's actually a guild for licensed pranksters, beggars, muggers, and eavesdroppers!" commented Shizune, who hasn't yet noticed that an underfed Tonton was nibbling sharply on her finger. "I mean – licenses? What do they have for all the P&B&M&E's that don't have licenses? 'The Guild of Unlicensed Pranksters, Beggars, Muggers, and Eavesdroppers?' "
Tsunade shrugged, just as an unlicensed eavesdropper hiding in the wall behind her closet sweated, thinking, how the hell did that damn girl know about this!
And, in Kumogakure, all the council people thought, How the hell did he know about this! as the Raikage swaggered smugly into the Kumogakure Ninja Academy basement, where the council members had been throwing a party to celebrate that the Raikage hasn't changed into Black Ryoki since Kumo left.
Yes, the Raikage has begun employing the Guild of Stalkers, Bean Planters, and the Hopelessly Romantic, or the Guild of the StaB PHoR-omantic for short.
"I can't do that! No. No! I CAN'T!" screamed Kumo in horror. But the lobster drew closer. "Don't do this! DON'T!" She edged toward the door, but Neji barred it, Byakugan blazing, and Kurenai and Asuma were both standing guard at all the exits along with the half a dozen jounins that she chucked into the women's bath. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo – glup." And a slick piece of lobster meat slid down her throat like the gooey things going down the drainpipe when a REALLY powerful gush of Mr. Clean-Your-Sink comes to the job.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Kumo blinked, and found herself sitting up in bed. "-!" she heaved. I hate lobsters.
A presence danced in and out of her senses. Then her bedroom door crashed open as a blue blur flashed in. It stopped within inches of her bed, one kunai in each hand, three black dots revolving like lightning in scarlet orbs. The eyes looked positively like target practice, and in that familiar confused moment when there was a huge gap in memory, Kumo thought that apricots would look quite dashing if nailed to the bullseye. "Toothpicks?" she asked.
Sasuke snorted. The kunais vanished. "Keep on saying stupid things, dobe. The Hokage has summoned you to her office." His hair was dripping wet.
"Raining ants?" Kumo asked, not really acknowledging the mental gap. Her eyes were trained to the wet hair, and she wondered how it would taste if she fried it with apricots and ants. Rasen was a master for exotic dishes like that.
I would put you into the shrink if you weren't an Uchiha, said the Sharingan. But Sasuke said, "Get dressed. Everyone is waiting for you."
"All the ants?" Kumo followed dreamily, and looked down to see that she donned a black pajama patterned with red and white Uchiha fans. And, due to the memories that were still lagging a ways behind (by a millennium, in fact, but it was getting there), she stared at Sasuke like someone who had just seen a walking, talking teddy bear pull out a fully loaded machine gun. "Did I somehow go back in time? Did I change history so that I was never kidnapped and the Uchiha massacre never occurred, and so now I'm living in the Uchiha mansion with all the Uchihas?"
Sasuke gave her a blank stare, which could wipe off an entire continent from the face of the world. Granted, the only reason that Sasuke took her to the Uchiha house (which he spent over a week de-trapping after the "4-jounin haunted house" fiasco) was because the janitor tried to screw her head off and nurse stink-foot swore that Kumo was a travesty.
Kumo swiveled her head. "Where's Itachi, then? Shouldn't he be here?" She glanced back in time to see kunais making a magical reappearance, heading her way.
Due to the fact that Rasen had a terrible habit of surprise-attacking Kumo everyday two o'clock in the morning, Kumo automatically let her arms do all the thinking.
As the last smoke puffs spiraled away, a scowling Sasuke stepped into Tsunade's room. (although Sasuke is almost always scowling ((unless he's chasing Itachi, in which case he just glares)), this scowl had a deep-scowl feel to it that sent worms up your spine ((and to those enthusiasts who love to recreate special effects as seen on TV or read in stories, DO NOT ATTEMPT)). )
Tsunade stared impassively as nearly everyone else shot questioning glances at the two Uchihas.
"Dobe's Grand Fireball Jutsu," explained Sasuke, a man of few words, but NEVER just one word. And one look at the two Uchihas wearing almost matching shirts said a lot about Sasuke's mood, for Sasuke didn't like to share clothes with anyone, even and especially if that person had threatened another round of let's-burn-the-house if no cooperation appeared.
People nodded, knowing that where Kumo was involved, only long-winded explanations would be offered (if you demanded for more), and afterwards people generally found their heads aching pretty bad. So Team Seven's copy-nin glanced back to his Icha Icha Violence, and Gai rubbed his throat, suddenly reminded of a very unpleasant experience in Ichiraku's closet. The last mentioned person in the room, who held Tonton in her hands, obliged to fill in the conversation gap, "Kumo-san, weren't you sent here for a diplomatic mission?"
"I was?" said a surprised Kumo.
"Oyamaru-san and I have already worked that out, Shizune," Tsunade supplied, whose gaze could topple mountains.
Then, Kumo asked the inevitable question. "Why was I in the Uchiha mansion?"
Playing the role of a shocked senior, Shizune gasped, "You don't remember!"
"Eerrr…sorta…" Kumo muttered, "something to do with Sabaku-san?"
An exchange of calculating glances passed between all the jounins. Shizune took up the lead. "You slugged a bucket of Iwagakure home-made, overnight-delivered acid at him when he was getting ready to leave. So he…attacked you…and you summoned some sort of urrr…thing…that kind of attacked both of you. But you know how Gaara-san's sand protected him, but you were…well, you were just standing there, inches away from the thing…"
As is the ways of jumping memories, Kumo suddenly remembered. "Black Ryoki #3?" she asked. B.R. #3 was the product of an unsuccessful attempt to clone the Raikage. It, he, or she (but Kumo was pretty sure that it was a 'he') had a violent temper and NEVER listened to orders. "Did he knock me out?" Kumo asked.
"What? Gaara-san? No! It was – "
"Ohh…so it was him…" Kumo muttered thoughtfully. One of the things that mad scientists were renowned for was death at the hands of their own creations, a type of death that had recently been the topic of a featured article in Death Monthly, a prominent, best-selling underground magazine in Kumogakure by a mysterious guy named Watari Chiharu. The other thing that distinguished mad scientists from normal scientists was the messy hairdo, for which Kumo could be counted out, if you also discounted that every comb endeavoring to organize her hair came away with lots of bits broken off.
"And…" Kumo asked thoughtfully, "where is he now?" (At this point, Sakura entered the room quietly, then clamped a hand over her mouth as she saw two Sasuke-kuns.)
Shizune visibly shook. "Oyamaru-san took him away."
"There were a lot of screams and blood," added Kakashi.
Then Tsunade, who felt that the conversation was heading in a direction that she really didn't have time for (because every woman has got to leave some time for beauty sleep), interjected. "Kumo, the Raikage has a new mission for you – "
"Which is why I skipped breakfast – "
" – it appears that the Akatsuki has infiltrated Kirigakure to – "
" – wore this retarded outfit, – "
" – take the bijuu, which, the good news is, has been successfully rescued out of Kirigakure by – "
" – and ran here in the rain and slipped in a puddle – "
" – Yodoniku Rasen."
" – just to come – " Kumo blinked. "RASEN!"
And that was that. Without wasting further time, the Godaime snapped all six shinobi in the room to attention. "Hatake Kakashi, Maito Gai, Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Shingen Kumo," she fixed them with a glare that threatened to topple more than mountains, "this is the first Cloud-Leaf joint mission in history, do you understand? You are to depart today precisely at noon." She handed Kakashi the mission folder. "And Hatake Kakashi will be the captain. Understand that this is a HLKIA class mission! (to which Sasuke blinked) I have assigned each member of this team for your capabilities to deal with the Mangekyou Sharingan."
"Itachi is involved?"
Tsunade added extra weight to her nail on Sasuke.
"But I can't use the Sharingan!" whined Kumo. "And Rasen – "
At this point Tsunade's face transformed into the ugly macho-ness of a normally refined woman about to play her trump card: the Killer.
"Sasuke. This is a trial on your loyalty to Konoha. Kumo. Live with it. If you haven't activated the Sharingan then you better learn. You will NOT ask anymore questions about this. Kakashi will explain everything to you. And Sakura," she spared her student a smile, "you are assigned as the top medic in Konoha, next to Shizune and me."
Sakura nodded, but unlike the girls of Kumogakure, Kumo noticed, the pink head wasn't swelling visibly with pride.
"What about Naruto?" questioned Sakura.
Tsunade's face darkened. "I can't let him come. It's not that I personally don't want to, but the village council has decided this." And her expression indicated that there would be no more discussion about this, much to the puzzlement of Kumo, the only one in the room who didn't know about the Kyuubi.
Then Tsunade added. "And Kumo, please stay for a moment." This indicated that everyone else should leave, without questions.
When the door closed, Tsunade focused her undivided attention on Kumo. "This is a very important mission, Kumo." She slid a piece of brown, crinkly paper toward the Kumogakure ANBU Captain. "And this is a document found by BIAS on the rules of the PBME." Kumo gulped as though a cat had been stuffed down her throat. "It says here…if any member of the guild sabotages any A-S class missions, their license shall be taken away. And so…I must ask that you watch your behaviors on this mission."
"Yes," squeaked Kumo, a lot like a mouth who found that the one dangling the piece of cheese on a string looked awfully like a big furry feline that loved mice, and loved them dead.
In the Thunder Country, Reibane lifted the teacup from his lap and sighed. "I see. I lose."
"Of course you lose," Black Ryoki hissed murderously. As if Reibane hadn't just beat up his ass in front of a huge crowd composed by Konoha spectators, genins and academy students especially. (This puzzles some people, but a majority of children have more capacity for violence than even adults. This is due to, largely, the innocence factor, where everything's okay and fun so long as you aren't the one experiencing it.)
"Any chance for a rematch?" Reibane stole a hopeful glance at the shougi board.
"Not one, fucking chance."
At this point, Thunder Country's princess screeched (presumably at the improper use of language), and ran into her room.
Black Ryoki #3 glared at the door. "That is one damn cute hime."
"Don't tell me you are a pedophile," Reibane groaned. "She's only fourteen! And she's going to be married to Lord Onawa of Iwagakure next month!" It's amazing how Black Ryoki #3 made even Reibane lose his enigmatic mystique.
"And that's one year older than her," mumbled B.R. #3 darkly. After spending two years floating in green liquid in a pod that's in a rather dark lab with wires running through the ceilings and metallic doors (with small, square, glass windows), people tended to not remember the name that matched the face they always saw. (It's amazing how specimen suspended in liquid always faced front, and the mad scientists always loved to gawk up at it lovingly. It's even more amazing that just about every mad scientist owned a lab exactly like this. ((And if anyone bothered to look through the 'Kumogakure Underground Magazine Catalogue', he would find that there is indeed a Mad Scientist Monthly (((And if one dug even further into the records, he would find that every month a new edition of MSM is shipped to the Sound, paid by one Orochimaru))) )) )
At precisely noon, Sasuke, Sakura, and Gai arrived at the Konoha gates. True to the record, Kakashi decided to smoke-screen in five hours later, which is just one second after Kumo dropped in (with a broom stick, which she swatted Gai with and magically infused it with his vest). Sasuke and Sakura wondered just how the heck Kumo managed to estimate Kakashi's time so accurately.
Only after Kumo detached the broom from Gai (and in throwing it away nearly hit Sasuke by accident), and Kakashi gave her a long lecture on how she shouldn't waste her chakra during HLKIA class missions, did the team finally leave.
Kotetsu and Izumo exchanged glances as the five-man…three-man, two-girl team vanished into the forest.
"Don't you think that Konoha has been rather…lively recently?" asked Izumo, ever clueless about Kumo's promise to herself the day she gazed at a dead-aired Konoha night-life.
"Maybe…" said Kotetsu, half asleep himself. When you've been watching three shinobis doing absolutely nothing for five hours, you tend to get hypnotized by Sleep.
The five-ninja team traveled quickly. Since they had begun at nightfall, Kakashi opted to wait until midnight and camp out by the Konoha borders, where the other four, including Gai, who just wanted to hear things again, huddled around the copy-nin.
"A mission into Kirigakure to rescue the five tailed bijuu," said Kakashi, summing it up nicely in one sentence, and let the folder do all the talking. Technically, he wasn't supposed to pass it around for the other team members to see, but since it was getting rather late and he needed to catch up on reading time, what technically shouldn't happen didn't matter when it's the reality that's happening.
As Sakura read the coded letter, her eyebrows furrowed. "I've never seen a message coded like this before."
Kumo gave her a look. "That's because you've never been to Kumogakure Underground. It's one of the hottest blackmarket in the world, you know…all sorts of people…and stuff. There's the Guild of Codes, for example, in which everything is coded and even its name is commonly known as Pixie Hatchets. There's also the Guild of Licensed Pranksters, Beggars, Muggers, and Eavesdroppers, which I belong to" she grinned cheekily at the surrounding faces of awe "and then there's the sister guild, the Guild of Blackmailers, Insomniacs, Alcoholics, and Stalkers, more commonly known as BIAS, which really doesn't accept anyone unless he's truly a hardcore B/I/A/S. There's also the Society of Friendly Mad Scientists and the Society for Misbegotten Lab Experiments, where I sent Black Ryoki #1 and #2. Then there's schools for all sorts of stuff, in fact – "
Kakashi held up a hand. "Remember, shinobis from different countries don't tell that much about an occult…place right under your village."
To this Kumo blinked. "Yeah…but technically it's not really a part of Kumogakure. It's run by m – I mean Midori Futon, who is not a part of Kumogakure ANBU in anyway." In fact, Midori Futon was a registered genin in the Kumogakure shinobi book, but nobody really knows what she looks like or who she really is – except Kumo, of course, who officially heads the Agency of Pretenders, where nobody really knows who anybody is except Kumo.
So the Konoha ninjas debated for a moment on what technically shouldn't happen and what really occurs, and gave a thumbs-up for Kumo to go on (for which Gai accompanied with a blinding smile).
The next morning, before the rooster was even out, Konoha-Kumogakure shinobis took to the road. It could be said that all effort had been put into traveling as fast as they can, but everyone, that is, everyone except Gai, pondered something fairly serious and brain-cell consuming.
Itachi. Thought Sasuke. My brother. This is a test of my loyalty for Konoha. But could he stay himself? He had been on the road to revenge ever since that night. He lived in the Past. Could he really change? Turn around and head toward the future?
I'm not like them. He looked toward Kumo, who gazed at every little passing insect with the interest of an Aburame. And I'm not like her, either. My life can never be like theirs. I can not…Itachi. Aniki… And in the end, what did it all mean? Life was just life, but hatred is so strong that even Naruto and Sakura can not stop his downward spiral. Will I betray Konoha again? To abandon the village, and go after Itachi? To go back to Orochimaru?
He didn't know.
The whirl of emotions cut him off from the world.
Sakura gazed toward Sasuke. Sasuke-kun.
She knew what thoughts ran through his mind. It was guessed easily.
I will save you, Sasuke-kun.
In some other part of the forest, Kumo thought in her head, I will get you, Itachi. And this was thought with the single-mindedness of a person who had nothing better to do than face a challenge that might as well involve lots of blood (and occasionally vomiting by the particularly sensitive).
"Rasen…" she murmured. Yodoniku Rasen. Out of all the Kumorokunikunin, Kumo was most fond of the homely man, the closest image of a proper 'brother' out of all the others. He had been the only one who never swore, the only one who was ALWAYS there for her until he left them at Shingen Kaisho's death.
"Rasen…" she repeated.
Yodoniku Rasen had sent for help. No, he had specifically requested that Kumo help her. And Ryoki, presumably, had given the message one look and sent it straight to Konoha, where the Hokage decided that any business involving tailed demons might as well have a slice of Konoha participation in it.
And Rasen…it would be the first time in six years that they met.
But instead of thinking: How much has he changed? Kumo thought, I wonder if he still makes those yummy Misty Egg Rolls with skewered eel and de-salted seaweed…
One god of angst said to another, "I told you she wouldn't stay depressed that long."
"Well," replied another god of angst sourly, "I don't believe that there are people who just can't stay sad for more than a minute!" Over the table, an exchange of godly currency took place, which made some of these gods very true to their names and others the exact opposite.
Yes. The gods of angst were placing bets.
TBC
Again, I invented a lot of things about Kumogakure in here…hope nobody actually takes these information seriously. (kinda redundant, yeah?)
Some things in this chapter might be a bit confusing, so just ask if you don't understand something, alright?
Gaara shall return later…but that's a MUCH later. For the meantime, Itachi is preparing to grace the big screen, and Kisame is looking for the plotlines…errgggg…yeah.
Another note on the timeline of this fanfic: the Akatsuki attack on Gaara hasn't yet happened, so Sasori is still alive, and Deidara's arm is attached as of this moment.
Next Chapter: Arrival at Kirigakure. A battle of Uchihas!
Raofee
